6 Speciality Hoovers (And How To Unplug Them)

6 SPECIALITY HOOVERS

The hoover. An instrument of cleaning and the instrument by which we endeavour to suck you back into our false reality so we can exert our hold over you once again. Hoovers come at various stages of your dance with us and also come in a variety of forms and guises so that you may not even realise that a hoover is taking place. Hoovers come in two categories which are linked to when they take place and the method adopted to hoover. Some methods can apply to different times in the interaction with our kind, others apply to just one time, often post discard or post escape. There are scores of different methods used in hoovers but here are six which may or may not be familiar to you along with how you can endeavour to pull the plug on them and avoid being sucked in. It is worth pointing out of course that if your narcissist cannot find you and contact you, the hoover can never get started, but that state of affairs is not always possible.
The Proxy Hoover
This does not come from the narcissist but from one of his supporters in his coterie or his Lieutenants. It usually comes from a Lieutenant who can be relied on to execute the hoover in precisely the way that we have directed. The Proxy Hoover will often include a different type of hoover e.g. The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy. With the proxy, the call alerting you to the emergency concerning the narcissist will come from the Lieutenant. Like any proxy hoover, there are several reasons for adopting this approach: –
You may not realise the person is a lieutenant and therefore you are more likely to respond to what they say than if it came from our kind, especially if you have instigated no contact;
The conflict between you and us is ameliorated as a consequence of the involvement of this third party, meaning you are more likely to believe what you are being told;
The proxy may stand more chance of persuading you to act;
You may regard what we say and do with suspicion but not this third party
You may not want to look bad in the eyes of the third party by failing to respond.
The key to dealing with this hoover is actually recognise what it is. It is not a third party asking for your help, it is a third party coercing you into contact with us again. You should be especially aware of any of your friends or family asking you to see us or do something for us, or if they comment about how good you and I were together, that we really do miss you and so on. We will infiltrate your supporters to gain added credibility and slip under your radar in this manner. Be aware that any third party who asks you to engage with us is a proxy who is executing the hoover on our behalf. No matter how purportedly significant the event is, the emotional pull involved or the persuasion applied reject it and do so in a firm and business-like manner. Do not show indecision, do not appear upset or concerned or even annoyed or irritated by the approach – even if you do not engage this reaction will be reported to us and will achieve two things for us. One, fuel. Secondly, we know we still have an effect on you and we will keep hoovering. If you are concerned the nature of the proxy hoover may be genuine suggest the Lieutenant finds someone else to help.
The Reverse Hoover
This is quite a cunning method of hoovering. We let it be known through various channels that we do not want anything to do with you, that you should never darken our doorstep again and that we are through with you. This message will be broadcast over all channels – through friends, family, social media and so on. It is not said by us directly to you, that would defeat the purpose. We ensure this message reaches you and the aim is to have you disbelieve that we would say such a thing about you and to appeal to your desire to prove us wrong. Just in the way that a parent causes problems by denying a teenager any opportunity to hang out after 9pm, so they go and do it anyway, by telling you there is something that you cannot do, you then want to do it. Of course we have to gauge the right recipient of this hoover as some people will be content to hear us say those words. It is usually done with those we have discarded without telling that person they have been discarded and they cannot quite believe that it is at an end. This proclamation will cause them concern but they are still not ready to accept that it is the case that the relationship has ended (and they are right because it never ends) and therefore they come looking for an explanation and confirmation that what they have heard is not true. By not telling you direct we can tell you that the rumours you have heard are false and welcome you back with open arms as you are successfully hoovered. Again, recognise this for what it is and avoid acting on what you have been told. It is a ruse to play on your trait of needing to know. If you hear such things being said tell yourself that the comments are true, it is over and we do not want anything to do with you and stay away.
The Letterbox Hoover

This hoover utilises the strong link we know that exists for some time post discard or post escape between seeing a trigger and the golden memories (and/or dark memories) that flow from the trigger. For example, we always slow danced to a particular piece of music with you which made you feel loved and wonderful. If you hear that piece of music the memory is awakened and we flood your memory and your senses. This is ever presence. To avoid this happening you need to take all steps not to play this piece of music again, indulge yourself with new pieces of music and if you hear it inadvertently to switch it off or move away from its source. With this hoover we want to scale your defences and use ever presence to get back in to your head, cause you to think of us and react (and although we do not see it we will get fuel because we know how you will respond) and make you vulnerable to wanting to contact us or a further hoover approach from us. One method of doing this is to send you a birthday or Christmas card with a beautiful, thoughtful handwritten message, often alluding to what we did together on a wonderful birthday or Christmas together during our golden period. This arrives with other cards and therefore is less noticeable. We will most likely print the address or have someone else write it for us so our handwriting does not alert you on the envelope. Once you open it, you read the message and see it is from us and bam! We are in your head and heart once again. It is a pleasant gesture, no malice and you will remember all the good things, think about us, want to contact us and thank us and wonder if this represents a fresh beginning of good relations or the chance to get back together and do things right this time. It is a hoover pure and simple.
To tackle this covert hoovering method, have someone vet all cards and parcels which are sent to you around Christmas, birthday and other appropriate festivals and events. Once checked this person can weed out anything from us and then reseal the envelopes for you so you still have the pleasant act of opening the envelopes and cards for yourself, that have been sent from anybody but us.
The Psychic Connection
This is effective if we know that you are a spiritual person who believes in psychic events, astrology, ghosts, telepathy and the emotional connections between people that are stronger than normal. These beliefs and similar are often applicable to empathic people who of course form our victims of choice. We will use a supposed psychic connection or event to appeal to this nature of yours in order to signify that something special has happened which means we need to be together. We have to have the means of contacting you, often by sending you a message or leaving a voicemail. It is done in a dramatic fashion as we have suddenly uncovered a mystical or portentous occurrence which is of deep-seated significance which tells us that we are meant to be together, we should see each other straight away to discuss its implications or that it has caused us to see the light with it being conveyed in such a manner. Examples will include
Claiming to have dreamt about you in a strange and significant way;
We have seen a clairvoyant who spoke about you and I;
We saw your image when you were not there as if you needed to tell us something;
A picture of you fell off the wall or fell over on our desk without explanation and we knew this meant you wanted to get in touch;
We have had a vision of something terrible happening to you and we have to warn you to save you;
Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte;
Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.
From the possible to the ridiculous we will exploit your belief in such things in order to establish contact again. Recognise any messages that allude to the above or similar things as what they are; a hoover and do not respond to them in any fashion no matter how curious or compelling it may feel.
The Silent Hoover
This comes in the form of a telephone call but there is no message left or nobody speaks when you answer. It is a blank text message or empty e-mail. It is an invitation to use a particular app on your phone. The purpose of this is to get you to respond to find out why it was sent or done. Once you do so we will either escalate the nature of the hoover by turning on the charm or trying to draw sympathy etc. through the application of a further hoover. We may not respond when you telephone but we know that we have been able to make you respond and we will do a few further Silent Hoovers to increase your curiosity and confirm that you are vulnerable now to our overture by way of a further hoover.  If you fail to respond or do so and dismiss us we save face by saying it was sent by mistake a “butt call” or we hit the wrong key etc. If you respond favourably then we have a green light to apply further pressure to seduce you again. Once again recognise this for what it is and no matter how curious as to why it has been sent do not respond. It is a hoover which will rope you in and have you subjected to further additional hoovers of a different nature.
The Prove Yourself Hoover
Similar to The Reverse Hoover, this hoover relies on your need to say your piece, stand up for yourself and have the last word. It relies on ensuring that a smear campaign has been effected against you and something particularly ridiculous or savage has been said about you. We will ensure that word reaches you through messages from third parties, third parties telling you to your face or postings on social media so you are gripped by the need to respond, set the record straight and tell us what has really happened in order to get us to accept this and issue an apology and correction. We know the type of victim that this really strikes home with, those who always need the truth to be told, who need to be held in correct regard by other people and those who must set us straight. We know you will be sat bristling, incredulous at what is being said about you and you cannot help yourself but want to get the true version out there and ram our words back down our throat. This hoover relies on this and the fuel that flows as you come charging at us ready to make us eat our words. This is precisely that we want to happen.
Again, recognise it is happening and do not respond. If you need to ensure people know the truth, then tell them in an even-handed and level manner and refer to evidence wherever possible rather than oral testimony and hearsay. Do not try and approach us, do not try and persuade us. We are not interested in that. We are interested in your fuel and getting to interact with you again.
To learn more about the narcissistic hoover read Black Hole – Available on Amazon
US  https://www.amazon.com/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
CAN  https://www.amazon.ca/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
AUS  https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B01D7OPOFQ6 SPECIALITY HOOVERS.jpg

Advertisements

16 Comments

  1. HG. I am curious about the final hoover type ie provocation as i’m not sure but I think I may havw encountered this a few weeks ago when I was out with friends. The narc ex came and sat 6ft behind me in a bar. despite his new source being there also. I obviously ignored him, as did my friends and he skulked away eventually. I just wondered if this was an attempt to provoke me into breaking my 6 months NC and if so should I be wary of him circling closer. I have no intention of breaking NC but was curious as to the lengths he would go to to provoke me. many thanks.

    1. 1. It was a passive hoover. He felt no instinctive need for an active one because he is most likely still in the golden period with the IPPS.
      2. This was a Relationship Bulletin and a passive attempt to provoke you (a hoover is an attempt to provoke).
      3. The lengths he will go to depend on fuel levels, the fuel matrix, ease of hoovering, the available Hoover Carriers, the school of narcissist and the extent of your no contact regime.

  2. Again more great info! I will say that the Psychic Hoover is a real thing. It is a variation of what HG wrote in that no direct contact needs to be made. We truly feel their energy and feel when they are focused on us. (The key is for us to use our protective psychic tools and ground that energy right off.) Thank goodness most Narcissists don’t really understand their potential power. They could keep us up half the night by ‘poking at us with their energy’. LOL.

  3. My mother sent me a voucher for what used to be my favourite restaurat when I was a teenager, out of the blue, about three weeks ago. Since she didn’t use a couvert, I knew she had dropped by my house and snooped around before dropping it in my letterbox, I put it out on the street with a big sign saying “Unwanted item for free.” and send a picture of it per E-Mail to my mom saying “Everything you send will be given away for free.” Resulted in about five messages in the middle of the night, all got directed to my spam folder. She wrote the typical sulking mid-ranger statements in the headlines. I only read the last one at 9 am the following morning which read “I understand you want no contact with me and will leave you alone now.” This should give me about three months of relative peace.

    1. Desiree,
      From your picture, I would guess you are 25-30 years younger than me.

      I spent all of my 30’s and 40’s loving my mom and hoping my mom would love me. She died two years ago and I still feel confused, uncertain if she really loved me. There is not a day that goes by that I feel like I have done so much wrong and have disappointed her. I regret never knowing these answers and not having any further opportunity to “fix” whatever need repair.

      If you don’t mind me asking: Are you afraid of the regrets you may suffer in the long term? Do you have any doubt about you decision to no longer invest in the relationship with her?

      Thanks for listening.

      1. E&L, thank you so much for sharing your experience on this. I can understand wanting to fix or help your mother and maybe regretting not having done more, that was what my life was all about until a few years ago.

        I spent my childhood and teenage years desperate for my mothers love and I cannot count how many times I reached out to her, only to get caught in another trap and feel the air freeze around me. There was nothing she could give me, I was just another puppet to her. She would grip me instead of hugging me, one arm around my ribcage, the other around my neck. She never told me she loved me but said she was “proud of my achievements” like I was a racehorse that won her a prize.

        I used to feel a sense of failure for not being able to make a difference and have a real mother-daughter relationship. Yet, she has never been a mother to me, so I don’t owe being a daughter to her. I feel no guilt now, but there might be grief when she dies. However, I will not mourn the death of my mother, I will mourn never having had one to begin with. I understand what she is and it is not my duty to try and fix her any further, it cannot be done and it is not my fault.

        There is purpose for me that goes beyond being an endless well to a bottomless pit. I will not be held back by what once was. As for wanting answers? I found a man who gave them to me. His name is H.G. Tudor.

          1. Thank you E&L, I wish the same for you. I don’t know if my response is of much use, I have developed a stubborn approach to this and once I understood that she is a narcissist, I stopped feeling guilty altogether. You sound like an incredibly sweet, loving and giving person. Your mother was blessed to have you as her loving daughter, even though she might not have realized it and could not give you what you needed. I hope that in time, the doubts will let go of you as well and I want you to know that everything you did for her was more than enough. All the best, Desirée

        1. Desiree,
          I was just talking with my husband about the phenomenon of the very public, exalted milestones on display on the daily, everywhere on social media, the television, the news, etc.. It is as if “her’s” is the first baby ever born, or “their’s” is the purest of loves, or this wedding was the most lavish and unique occasion. Anywho , what really struck me about our observations (not that this occurance is that new) was that neither one of us was ever looking for that level of approval, admiration, or celebration from others. But, it pinged the comment you made regarding your mother being proud of your achievements. For me as an adult, the problem became that I had stopped looking for my entire family’s approval; but, I certainly was not looking for their incessant disapproval, either. I wish I had been as wise as you and let it go when I was younger. Kudos to you!

          1. E&L, that “public milestone syndrome” you describe is certainly very narcisstic in nature, interesting you pointed that out! Thank you for saying that, but even I wish I would have “blown the lid” on my mothers awful behaviour earlier and gone to live with my father when I was 14. Hindsight truly is 20/20, but what matters is that we’re here now. And the fact you shared the same opinion regarding this with your husband also sounds like you and him are a great match for each other. I hope one day I will have the same luck with my future husband.

  4. The (minor) car accident hoover. When you’re the only person he can count on to be there

Vent Your Spleen!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.