Sex : How The Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Ensnarement

H.G Tudor - Sex And The Narcissist e-book cover

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107 thoughts on “Sex : How The Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Ensnarement

  1. Tamara says:

    Okay, so I thought… “what the heck”, and I clicked the button to buy this book for my Kindle, and it said, “You have already purchased this book”! So, I must have bought it in my sleep! It won’t let me buy this updated version because it says I’ve already bought it. But, I bought the one with the picture of the woman in the red, not this updated version… Oh, maybe it updated itself in my Kindle Reader, already!

  2. Lorelei says:

    Yes Alexis—I’ve been thinking about this all day. It went on for so long I feel like Rip Van Winkle waking up. I’m absolutely in awe that I was living that way.

  3. Desiree. You have at least 2 HG approves, and now one Word Of The a for our calendar. It’s a start….

    1. Desiree. So sorry for the typos. I have to slow down: I meant to say: [ Desiree, You have at least 2 HG approves, and now one: Word Of The Day for your calendar.] It’s a start…

      1. Dearest HG: I once had an odd job, to go into a sort of monitor vein in a certain Company’s computer and read over and correct all of the Salespeople’s` posts to their clients each day, and I had carte blanche to proof, correct, enhance, delete words and smooth things out, as I pleased. The salespeople loved how I changed what they wrote when I needed to without removing their distinct tone and meaning. They all loved me. That position was made just for me, for 2 years, and after I left, no one could do it, because one had to intuit what the sales people meant to say a lot of time, with each client, and the sales people wrote in a hurry. Because they had to.

      2. T’mara says:

        Something tells me I am already doing it, right now… shoot. 🤭

    2. T’mara says:

      I believe, as of now, I have ZERO. Let me go count… yes, zero. And, I have been here, off & on, since 2014. So, two of them is like hitting the lottery. Desiree has got it going on… woohoo! I have toned it way down; I used to be on HG’s Naughty List. I would get tomatoes thrown at me, from time to time, from the other commenters. Ha haha. I am trying to be good, now; in fact, now I am just a wallflower.

    3. T’mara says:

      Sometimes I wish I could just say ‘one baaaad thing’….

  4. Chihuahuamum says:

    Im still checking my email for HG’s promised spank audio write up….ill never give up hope 😋🤣

  5. alexissmith2016 says:

    Just checking. This is the same as the original sex book? not part 2? I don’t want to be missing out here…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The revamped original. A follow-up is in progress.

      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        Ah thank you. I don’t want to be missing out on this

  6. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

    Abe Or anyone. HG changed his avatar. What is he sitting in? Any specifics? If it was discussed already, I missed it. Thanks.

    1. MB says:

      PSE, I see the same one he’s had for a while now. In the cockpit. Or as they say now, the flight deck!

    2. Desirée says:

      PSE, he left us guessing, of course. However, we all agreed that he is most likely sitting in the cockpit of an airplane. I am personally still curious as to whether he can fly a glider, as well. That’s hot.

      1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

        Desiree. We need more men on this site, at times, so they can earn their keep. What I guess about, is child’s play for many people. Whatever he is sitting in is quite obvious to certain people. I just happen to not be one of them, and thereby be kept in the dark for some reason.

        1. foolme1time says:

          PSE,
          I didn’t agree to anything. I don’t think it is a cock pit. So do not feel as though you are in the dark.

  7. Tamara says:

    oooooooh….. it is the reason as to why I did not become a nun.

  8. Cindy says:

    Oh the glorious sex. The best sex I’ve ever had. I was sharing my bed with the most handsome, well built, sensuously skilled man I’ve ever met. He took his time, he was tender and loving. He brought out the raw, animalistic lust in me that I never knew I possessed. All of my insecurities and hesitation flew out the window. This. This is what everyone is making such a fuss about. Now I know. I never wanted to leave our bed. This was the fantasy I had always searched for but didn’t find in other men. I could do this every day for the rest of my life. He said he loved me for the first time in our bed. I knew he felt the same desire and passion for me as I had for him. He told me so. I never wanted this to end. He was always eager for me. He was patient and mellow. He was just the right amount of rough and forceful. We were made for each other. I could get addicted to this. I could never get enough.

    Fast forward about 4 years (took him a while to plow through my money, credit, kind nature):
    I stare at his back in bed.
    He blames his medication and promises me tomorrow.
    In the morning, he informs me that he had a raging hard on in the middle of the night, but he didn’t want to wake me up because I’m always grouchy when I wake up.
    The next morning he describes in great detail the wet dream he had about a pretty co-worker.
    The day after that, he made it a point to tell me he had to masturbate while I was at work. He just couldn’t wait and had to take care of himself. Now he’s too tired.
    Two months go by and he is tired of me blaming him for our sexless life. He doesn’t feel my love for him anymore.
    One year later he tells me I’m a cold person, and berates me for an hour for not wanting to have sex with him.

    In the thick, narc induced fog I lived in, it still had not occurred to me that this was devaluation, manipulation, and pure narc cruelty. With my narc, sex was his weapon of choice. It was a very effective way for him to take away my confidence and self-esteem. He hit me where it does the most damage, especially to a woman.
    I’m no longer with him but I still think he’s the sexiest man I’ve met so far. If I wasn’t NC, I would totally do him. The narc wins again.

    1. Caroline R says:

      Cindy
      You’ve captured the delicious desire, the cruelty, and the pain of loss and abandonment so well in this little narrative.
      It resonated with me.
      I could cry.

      1. MB says:

        Me too Caroline. She said that beautifully. I needed to hear that hard truth today to shake me out of la la land.

    2. MB says:

      Cindy, I could’ve written your entire first paragraph. That is exactly how I felt too. I needed to hear your story today. I realize how fortunate I was not to become IPPS, although I begged God to make it happen. For whatever reason, I was spared. It left me wondering what if. Now I know. You are a strong woman. Stronger that I. PS, I never did him IRL, but I totally would if I ever got the chance. (ET, I know. It’s a bitch) The narc wins again.

  9. Claire says:

    HG Tudor, this is a masterpiece! I had my “ aha” and “ that’s why”exclamations while reading the book. From my humble observations the narcs I had been with never closed their eyes whilst kissing passionately ( if I can describe their kisses as passionate) – both of them , ex husband and ex boyfriend. How I spotted that – in very rare occasions I had to open one of my eyes as either a lash either a tiny particle of make up came inside and caused irritation – I wear contacts so my eyes are a bit more sensitive . Contrary to the normal guys I have been with. But the book gave me also so many hints – for future relationships. I mean like early red flags on intimate level. I am addicted to your marvellous writing style ! Yours sincerely

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. I do trust that you have left a suitable review on Amazon.

      1. Claire says:

        Certainly I did, pending approval as I read the book today, my user name is simply Kindle customer but you would recognise my review.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am obliged.

  10. Lorelei says:

    Are you on the cover HG?!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, I am the one on the right.

      1. Lorelei says:

        Sure—speaking in a sultry mellifluous tone..

        1. foolme1time says:

          Lorelei is that are new word for the day? 😉

          1. Lorelei says:

            It sure is. It’s the word of the day for the basic vagabonds I live with.

          2. foolme1time says:

            Yes Lorelei HGs voice is very smooth indeed.
            🎼🎤 Hey Hg, you’re so fine you’re so fine you blow mind, hey HG hey HG. So come on and give it to me anyway you can any way you wanna do it, I’ll treat you like a man. Oh please, baby, please, don’t leave me in a jam, HG.
            Hey HG what a pity you don’t understand that you take me by the heart when you take me by the hand.
            Oh HG, you’re so pretty, can’t you understand that it’s guys like you HG,
            Oh, what you do HG, do HG, Don’t break my heart HG! 🎼 Encore in an hour. Hee, hee. 🙃

          3. Lorelei says:

            Haha—I am still hoping he’s really just a nice psychologist and we are part of an experiment and this is not real. It all feels not real at all because it’s so absurd.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Well, guess what, hope has let you down. Again.

          5. Lorelei says:

            Not on my patio price! I played that well hoping he was indeed a narcissist. It was so obvious. Hair flip it is.

          6. foolme1time says:

            I just did the same thing to the guy at the garage! Hahaha. I’m so happy HG has empowered us!! You Da Man HG!

          7. Lorelei says:

            The funny thing is that I didn’t notice my own behavior before. I do now, although I may as well use it before I’m too ugly and wrinkled up.

          8. foolme1time says:

            Oh I definitely knew my behavior alright, but now I know how to use it to my advantage and walk away after doing so. 😉

          9. Lorelei says:

            I hope HG isn’t really reading this crap between us—he’s going to change our “empath” scores.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            I read everything. Unfortunately (at times).

          11. Lorelei says:

            I would never ever talk this way in my life. Ever.

          12. foolme1time says:

            What?! Are you blaming this behavior on me Lorelei?

          13. Lorelei says:

            Yes ma’am!

          14. foolme1time says:

            Oh I don’t think so little miss!

          15. foolme1time says:

            HG what would you do without us? Lol

          16. HG Tudor says:

            I think you mean what would you do without me?

          17. foolme1time says:

            Oh HG I don’t even want to imagine my life without you in it! 👼

          18. foolme1time says:

            Lorelei,
            I’ll have to get back to you, my car won’t start! Lol.

          19. Lorelei says:

            I drive like a NYC cab driver. Everyone complains.

          20. foolme1time says:

            This guys super easy, he likes my tits!

          21. Lorelei says:

            Omg I read that and died. I’m getting augmentation next year, not to impress anyone at all but after breastfeeding all the starving children it’s an unbearable visual experience.

          22. foolme1time says:

            More information then I needed to know Lorelei. 🤣

          23. NarcAngel says:

            Lorelei
            Unbearable for who? Guys with an angry rooster between their thighs? Like balls aren’t an unbearable visual experience (especially when literally “faced” with them). Another case of worrying about what we present but making excuses for them. Like a guy would get his balls done for us. Pffttt.

          24. Lorelei says:

            Oh it is bad NA. It is not going to work for me. It’s a deformity of sorts. I won’t make it my new avatar for sure.

          25. foolme1time says:

            Omg! I mean tats. ☺️

          26. NarcAngel says:

            FM1T
            Hahaha. I thought you were carrying on with the confidence from the grocery store and moving on to angling for free rides. Too funny.

          27. MB says:

            Men do seem to like tits quite a bit. It’s not a bad angle FM1T!

          28. foolme1time says:

            Yes they do MB but these guys were more into the tattoos on my legs. Lol, They didn’t even charge me for labor! Hahaha

          29. foolme1time says:

            NA,
            My confidence didn’t grow quite that much yet. It was my phone being the comedian that time. Lol

          30. Lorelei says:

            I went to the grocery today too! My zucchini I bought two days ago grew fungus and I can’t eat it so I had to buy more. 🤷🏼‍♀️

          31. HG Tudor says:

            Fascinating

          32. Lorelei says:

            I just ate some naked zucchini. Someone stole my dressing out of the fridge and I’m disappointed. I was excited and now I feel let down.

          33. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you for sharing this earth-shattering revelation with me. The person who stole your dressing lacked emotional empathy.

          34. Lorelei says:

            I’m pretty upset. It’s like the icing on the cake and I found a packet of 15 calorie fat free Italian dressing and it was terrible. Unbelievable. Someone actually stole my vegetables last week. The entire container.

          35. HG Tudor says:

            Vegetable theft is a most heinous act.

          36. foolme1time says:

            Oh please stop! I do believe the government could use you as a torture device! 🤣🤣🤣🤣😘💞

          37. Lorelei says:

            They already do!

          38. foolme1time says:

            💞

          39. foolme1time says:

            Lorelei you know what HG writes about that mistress of hope!

          40. Twilight says:

            FM1T

            Ha ha I sung that as I read it.
            I need to lay off the espresso today…..

          41. foolme1time says:

            I have no idea what came over me? I heard it on the radio today and that’s all it took. Lol

          42. alexissmith2016 says:

            @Lorelei, I did think exactly the same thing when I first joined a few years ago. I wondered whether he was an incredibly knowedlable psyc of some description.

            He could still be a psych, that’s entirely possible, though I doubt it. But he’s definitely an N, of that I’m certain.

          43. foolme1time says:

            Alexis,
            My imagination went in another direction. I thought he was the writer simply writing for someone close to him ( family member ) who was a narcissist.

          44. alexissmith2016 says:

            I have wondered if he is one of a twin…

          45. foolme1time says:

            Alexis could you imagine two HGs? I don’t think the world is ready for that yet!

          46. HG Tudor says:

            There can be only one.

          47. foolme1time says:

            We could clone you HG?

          48. HG Tudor says:

            Can’t be done.

          49. foolme1time says:

            Actually I think one of you is plenty my friend!

          50. Twilight says:

            Thank god for that.

          51. alexissmith2016 says:

            Hahah lets hope he’s is/ isn’t (I can’t decide) planning on cloning himself as part of his grand master plan!

          52. alexissmith2016 says:

            Just seen HG’s comment after I sent that. Apparently it can’t be done.

          53. Lorelei says:

            Hi Alexis—I’m still in a state of denial on some days. The entire concept makes so much sense that it seems unreal if that makes sense. I just can’t believe this is a real thing, it really happened, I’m really experiencing this and that there are legitimately people walking around functioning with a different life currency. I’m astounded at times.

          54. alexissmith2016 says:

            Lorelei, I completely understand how you feel. It all felt incredibly surreal for a very long time. I have accepted it as fact now and I live my life but just in a slightly different way than before.

            Occasionally I feel frustrated that others don’t see the world from the same perspective that we all do. But on the whole, life feels pretty normal again, its just different. You can’t ‘unknow what you know’. But like you, I still feel astounded at times. You will become more used to it, I promise. This site is my normal now. If I find someone I know has been affected, I will guide them here, some stay, some aren’t interested. But for those who haven’t been affected, I just don’t make any mention of it at all.

          55. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            foolme1time: Word of the Day: Mellifluous. Done! This word has been used by at least 3 readers today on various posts. I have been putting together a legend in my mind for HG to get him out of trouble with one or any of his girlfriends someday, depending on what could possibly be believable and non-alarming and proved if necessary. It is not easy. It is a work in progress. And, I know, of course, he does not need that from me, but it is interesting for me think about.

          56. foolme1time says:

            Good luck PSE. HG is one of those people that can fall into a pile of sh.. and come out smelling like a rose. 🌹

          57. HG Tudor says:

            HG never falls in the first place.

          58. foolme1time says:

            Oh but if you should slip Oh Great one, there would be 110 empaths standing by to catch you.

          59. HG Tudor says:

            You missed ‘million’.

          60. foolme1time says:

            Please forgive me oh Greatest one! 🙃

          61. Lorelei says:

            Let’s hope he quits trying to get in trouble.

          62. Desirée says:

            Lorelei, PSE and FM1T
            Re: word of the day: mellifluous

            Friendly reminder that I was the first to use the word “mellifluous” 10 days ago with regard to HGs voice:

            https://narcsite.com/2019/07/15/can-you-have-a-successful-intimate-relationship-with-a-narcissist-2/#comments

            Does that mean I deserve credit for that? Absolutely it does.
            xoxo

          63. foolme1time says:

            Absolutely Desirée you can have the credit for that one. I’ll change mine, HG has a very dulcet voice that embraces your very soul.
            Different word, same meaning. 🙃

          64. Lorelei says:

            Synonyms make me weak at the knees! That’s why I like that guy in NYC!

          65. foolme1time says:

            No men for you until at least May of 2020!

          66. Lorelei says:

            Yes but.. My friend today.. Quick story, she does finance and has a client. Told me she wanted to hook us up, she told me his income. She then said but he has a hearing aid. I’m like, “he can have a seeing eye dog for that kind of cash!”

          67. foolme1time says:

            No! No!No! May 2020 That’s final!

          68. Lorelei says:

            Oh and May 2020 correlates with the Kentucky Derby. Can I have a one night stand there? I only want to go for the outfit/coordinating fascinator!

          69. foolme1time says:

            We will discuss it.

      2. foolme1time says:

        HG are you sure you are the one on the right?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Or the one on the left. Or maybe both. After all, I become whatever I need to be.

          1. foolme1time says:

            Switching roles?! How hot HG. 😉

          2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            Dearest HG: Really?~ I Think not. If someone wants to tie you up, you will talk them out of it.

      3. Claire says:

        Nice biceps btw – an unbiased opinion. Please do not get me wrong – I always appreciate the good self care regardless the gender.

        1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

          Claire: Sure. One of the Narcissists Lieutenants is a trained nurse, and she often checked his body fat, reaching under his shirt and all that in the name of science and health she would say. He had a good body of course, but he rarely highlighted it. Then she would invite me over to touch him and see for myself. They would both stare at me and wait for me to come over and touch him during her investigations. I never did. Unbelievable.

          1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            Claire: I just had a revelation. That Lieutenant that was a trained nurse was the Narcissist`s Highest Ranking NIPSS at work until I came along. I just realized it in hindsight. Oh my goodness. I really was in a web. Many people did not like her because she is the stereotyped somatic female. However, when I came along she banded with the other 3 lieutenants. An enemy of my enemy is my friend sort of thing. However, because she is so somatic, the bond was weak, and really none of his 4 lieutenants really liked each over, I noticed over time. I am so glad I am gone. No wonder they want me back. Too bad. However, the somatic female Lieutenant and I had sort of a neighborhood truce because she lives 3 block from me. We used to hang out a bit, but we slowly stopped. I have not seen her since I removed myself from the workplace. She hoovered me only once. I am so glad, now that the fog is mostly clear, I have largely removed myself completely from all of them, in the name of health and science.

      4. Tamara says:

        You have nearly turned me…

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