Sadistic Streak

You could be forgiven for thinking that all of our kind are sadists. From your perspective, much of our behaviour, if not all, makes no sense and therefore it could be argued that to behave in the manner that we do must mean that we are all sadists. That is an understandable proposition. After all, if one day a person is kind to you and then the next is nasty to you when you have given them no reason to behave like that, then surely such behaviour is sadistic is it not? The behaviour has no grounding in any logic, the nastiness is manifesting just for the hell of it, is it not? Are we then not deriving pleasure from your hurt and discomfort and therefore that must makes us sadists?

A true or pure sadist is one who derives pleasure from the sadistic act. This often manifests in a sexual arena in that the act of sadism is acted out in a sexual engagement or the sadist becomes sexually aroused from the sadistic act (which may not be sexual in nature). Accordingly, a sadist may derive sexual pleasure from flagellating a bound and gagged individual. Similarly, a sadist may become sexually aroused from murdering the pet kitten of someone else.

Those of you have familiarity with my works will understand that fromm the narcissistic perspective, what we do is not done solely for pleasure (indeed we do not experience pleasure or joy) but rather it is done for the purposes of gaining fuel. It is our need for fuel which is the driver behind all of our behaviours because the emotional response of another provides us with the validation that we desperately require to fill up the void which exists inside of us.

The acquisition of fuel occurs in many, many arenas. It might be gaining a smile from an appreciative stranger as get in a lift with them, from the tears of our partner who is crying after we have held them by the throat and described how much we hate them or from them ecstatic groans of our lover as we provide them with orgasmic relief. In each instance, fuel is what flows, fuel is the aim and fuel is what is required.

All of our kind receives fuel from the emotional response of others. We do not feel joy from inflicting pain on you because we do not feel joy. Your pained expression provides fuel. It could be tears, it could be a smile, it could be laughter. As long as there is an emotional response then we gain fuel.

When you are hurt from our manipulations this is a by product of our need to gain fuel. It is a collateral consequence. Our lack of empathy means that we do not care that you are hurt. However, it goes further than this. The reduced cognitive function of the Lesser (and to some degree the lower echelons of the Mid-Ranger) means that not only do they not care that you are being hurt, they do not know you are being hurt. They see an emotional reaction and that provides fuel (although of course they do not know the mechanics of that operation). They cannot recognise the pain. I appreciate this will be rather hard for some people to grasp – how can he not know I am hurt when I am telling him so and he sees my face twisted in pain and the tears spilling down my face? The fact is, those members of our brethren neither care nor know. Thus when you are manipulated it is done purely for the fuel, it is not done primarily to hurt you. This is cold comfort nevertheless as the outcome remains the same. You are hurt.

Where we have a sadistic streak (and this is more prevalent with the upper echelons of the Mid-Range and the Greater Narcissist) we know we are hurting you and we do not care. The knowledge of your hurt adds further fuel. Accordingly, your emotional response which we witness provides us with the fuel (in the same way as a Lesser or lower echelon Mid-Ranger would) but the knowledge you are being hurt and we are causing this, provides  us with extra potent fuel.

A sadist behaves in the way that he or she does purely for the sake of pleasure. We do not do it. If we have a sadistic streak then we deploy it in our machinations for two purposes:-

  1. The provision of extra-potent fuel as described above; and
  2. For the purposes of punishment and revenge.

Our aim, through this sadism, is not solely pleasure but rather the reinforcement of our superiority. Not all of our kind wish to punish, hence, they have no sadistic streak. The Mid-Ranger who has lost his primary source will feel fury for this transgression but he is far more likely to direct his energies to applying an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back and reinstate the golden period. He has no urge to punish you. Even if that IGH fails, he will then focus on recruiting a new primary source and he will leave you alone. There may be benign follow-up hoovers when he devalues the new primary source, but there is still no desire to punish you He may be looking to ‘win you back’ or just gain positive fuel. If this fails, he may not apply a malign hoover, but instead will leave you be before returning at a later juncture with another benign hoover (if conditions are right).

If you have been discarded by a Lesser but you keep trying to find out why he has discarded you, he will apply malign hoovers. This is not done as an act of revenge, but is rather done to make you stay away so he can focus on his new primary source and so you will not spoil this golden period by telling lies (the truth) about him to the new primary source. He wants you deleted and the malign hoovers are a response to your interference.

If you find yourself in a situation where you know that your particular narcissist has a new primary source, you are doing nothing to enter the spheres of influence but your narcissist will not leave you alone and is applying malign hoovers against you, this is evidence of the sadistic streak. It manifests as a malicious obsession which causes you to enter the sixth sphere of influence (see the relevant section in What is Making Him Come Back? ) and then the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.

The relevant narcissist may not actually receive any Proximate Fuel from you as you are treated to these malign hoovers because he cannot see your reactions, so you may wonder, why would he do this? The reasons are as follows:-

  1. The sadistic streak means that he is willing to sacrifice the fuel he is gaining from the new primary source to carry out this sadistic, malign campaign against you. Usually, the narcissist will want to gorge on this positive fuel from the new primary source and keep his attention on this person, but where there is a sadistic streak, he is willing to use some of this fuel to power the malicious campaign against you as the discarded or escaped former primary source.
  2. The sadistic behaviour allows for the provision of Thought Fuel as the sadistic narcissist contemplates your terrified reactions and it is his perception of how you feel (even though he cannot see it and thus it is not Proximate Fuel) . Ordinarily, a non-sadistic narcissist would not bother to apply the energy to gain this weaker Thought Fuel but a sadistic narcissist will do so.
  3. Our superiority is maintained by doling out punishment and revenge. A non-sadistic narcissist would seek that reinforcement with a new primary source (because it is easier to gain that positive fuel from them and to focus on them solely). The demands of the sadistic narcissist are such that he requires this ratification and validation from both current primary source (positive fuel) and discarded former primary source (negative Thought Fuel and the power felt from the application of revenge).

Accordingly, when you are entangled with a narcissist, so that the Formal relationship is continuing and you are being devalued, and he exhibits sadistic behaviours towards you, this is for the purposes of gaining extra potent fuel. If the sadism occurs post escape or discard, this is done to punish you. If Proximate Fuel arises, so much the better but if it does not, this is not a massive concern to the sadistic narcissist because we are willing to sacrifice the fuel gained from another source in order to power our desire to achieve revenge over you.

Since you look at matters from your perspective and not ours, you may find it difficult to truly distinguish when sadistic behaviour is being used against you during the Formal Relationship. It is, however, at its most recognisable when you have escaped us or have been discarded. If you know we have a new primary source but there is a campaign of hurtful behaviour being used against you – slashing the tyres on your car, putting bricks through your windows, posting unsavoury comments about you online, handing outflyers accusing you of child abuse and such like – this is the sadism being manifested. This is not a smear because the smearing happens prior to your discard (so we have got in first) or if you have escaped, the smear will happen before we get another primary source. The key determining factor in knowing that you are facing a sadistic narcissist is that we have a new primary source and instead of relishing solely in the golden period with them, we are lashing out at you again and again.

56 thoughts on “Sadistic Streak

  1. alexissmith2016 says:

    From my own observations. The one’s with the sadistic streaks, tend to be either more fun and engaging (therefore more addictive) or the total loners. HG, would that be a fair observation as a general rule of thumb?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        Thank you

      2. Alexissmith2016 says:

        Dammit! It is the fun ones I like the most!

  2. strongerwendyme says:

    HG, in previous comments you said that you were sadistic. Will that ever change?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My sadism will always remain. The occasion of its manifestation may vary.

      1. strongerwendyme says:

        Thank goodness something can be counted upon. I can continue to believe in Tudor claus 😉

  3. Caroline R says:

    There are studies done with primary school children who exhibit antisocial behaviour.
    When they’re shown a series of photos of faces depicting a range of human emotions, the children are unable to accurately name what some of those feelings are.

    The faces showing pain, sadness or fear were the most wrongly named.

    In a recent documentary about psychopathy, these studies were referenced, and the responses of children laughing at the photo of another child in distress was chilling.

    This emotional recognition is a skill that needs to be taught to children in the Autism spectrum. They miss much because they don’t give eye contact, or look at a person’s face for emotional clues. They don’t read body language easily, but can be taught to.
    Thomas the Tank Engine has proven useful for teaching emotional recognition from faces.

    1. WokeAF says:

      Yes the connection to autism , very upsetting
      I have an autistic son who in early. Years was unable to identify what other people are feeling .
      Luckily— (-and this may have been from all the intervention I got for him over the years )—army age 15 ( almost 16 ) he is one of the most empathic people I know and is able to recognize not only what peoples faces are displaying but what they are feeling , or may feeling even without an expression on their face .

      Because I could recognize my son was not developing normally before he was even two years old he got autism intervention from the age of three

      Also When HG says that love is a taught construct , ( I think ?) -I can very much relate to that due to my experience with my son .

      1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

        Woke: LOVE: Romantic Love?: Is that a definition that came from Rome? I remember Courtly Love, from the Middle Ages? And then certain heavily promoted fairy tales in Western Culture? That word Love is defined so differently by so many people and countries and centuries and decades. `What more in the name of love,` as the song asks.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have heard of Courtney Love.

          1. WokeAF says:

            Hg I love Courtney Love

            😆 😉

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Your mother must be proud.

          3. That’s a `Hole` `nother story, in itself, my love.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Very good!

          5. strongerwendyme says:


        2. Dearest HG: Coincidentally: `I want to know what love is, is playing on the radio right now.`

          “I Want To Know What Love Is”

          I gotta take a little time
          A little time to think things over
          I better read between the lines
          In case I need it when I’m older

          Now this mountain I must climb
          Feels like a world upon my shoulders
          Through the clouds I see love shine
          It keeps me warm as life grows colder

          In my life there’s been heartache and pain
          I don’t know if I can face it again
          Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
          To change this lonely life

          I wanna know what love is
          I want you to show me
          I wanna feel what love is
          I know you can show me

          I’m gonna take a little time
          A little time to look around me
          I’ve got nowhere left to hide
          It looks like love has finally found me

          In my life there’s been heartache and pain
          I don’t know if I can face it again
          I can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
          To change this lonely life

          I wanna know what love is
          I want you to show me
          I wanna feel what love is
          I know you can show me

          I wanna know what love is
          I want you to show me
          And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
          And I know, I know you can show me

          Let’s talk about love
          I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside
          I want you to show me, and I’m feeling so much love
          I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide
          I know you can show me, yeah

          I wanna know what love is, let’s talk about love
          I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
          I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
          And I know and I know, I know you can show me
          Show me love is real, yeah
          I wanna know what love is… ~~Foreigner

          1. WokeAF says:

            I’m sorry, the comments were not released out of order
            However my clever nudge comment was in referral to your comment to me about the definition of love

            (If it had been in Referral to your printing of the song lyrics then that means I would’ve read your comment typed my response submitted it and had HG moderate – all in 12 seconds)

            Sorry for the misunderstanding 👍🏻

        3. WokeAF says:

          SE : clever nudge received *

          1. Woke: Please. That song was actually playing. I laughed while I listened as I typed about it. Plus, I am fully aware that he is way out of my league. I wouldn’t even be a proper snack. Nudge returned*.

          2. WokeAF says:

            Lol comments are released out of order check time stamps everybody timestamps

            I had thought you were pointing out the semantics of the word love in order to nudge me to drop the whole debate on what should means and if it’s a projection LMAO

            The last thing I need is everyone thinking I’m some sort of nitwit who likes to pick apart every single word just as a display of arrogance

            And I thought that’s what you were saying ha ha Ha Ironically it’s a good thing .

          3. WokeAF says:

            HG LMFAO no my mother is dead . And I’m sure my love for courtney love was definitely not something she was proud of since I had the same style as her when I was 20

            In fact that was the first concert I ever went to front row centre I was squished by the mosh pit but I made off with a goth babydoll off the stage
            Not a total loss

          4. Woke! Hahaha! Now, I wish I could take my post back about the `out of my league` response and that `nudge.` Sheeeesh! Please do not light the blue touch paper in here. I am so embarrassed, girl. You made me show my hand!! LOL. Oh well, anyway, HG knows that I know that he knows that I know. Sheeesh!

          5. WokeAF says:

            PSE; don’t be embarrassed HG knows we’re all in love with him to varying degrees

            Don’t worry about the blue touch paper! I’m not even about the blue touch paper and I don’t even know what the fuck happened with all that Lol

            Now please continue writing song lyrics to HG on behalf of the rest of us

          6. WokeAF says:

            and may I just add;


            (teeheehee …oops!)

        4. Sweetest Perfection says:

          The word romance comes from old French “romanz” or story, which gave way to “romance” and yes, it is related to chivalry, though not to love per se. Originally it was just a story, about knight and tasks but there was always love involved, between Courtney, Nirvana, and Lady Gaga (the latter was a bad type of romance) in a far, far away land of teen spirit and such (sorry, HG’s ever-presence contaminated my discussion). Etymology is fun. Especially false etymology.

          1. Dearest HG: Regarding the word Romance: romanz romans. pop. L. From Latin: Romanticus It is from the old Roman tongue according to the Oxford Universal Dictionary of Historical Principles. From `the vernacular language of France, as opposed to Latin.` But `Romance is Derived from or representing the old Roman tongue; descended from Latin. Also composed in, using, etc., a vernacular tongue of Latin origin. Late ME. ` “A tale in verse, embodying the life and adventures of some hero of chivalry, and belonging…“~~Oxford Universal Dictionary of Historical Principles. Page 1750.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Quel habilité de trouver l’information dans Google! Vraiment génial, très intelligente. Dupuis que Je l’avait dit, bien sûr. Arrête ça!

          3. cont. Romance is from the old Roman tongue: descending from Latin. So the French used the word Romance in the vernacular, or slang or in a common way versus the classical way from the classical usage from the Latin: [“Vernacular | Definition of Vernacular by Merriam-Webster
            Definition of vernacular. (Entry 1 of 2) 1a : using a language or dialect native to a region or country rather than a literary, cultured, or foreign language. b : of, relating to, or being a nonstandard language or dialect of a place, region, or country. c : of, relating to, or being the normal spoken form of a …“]

      2. Caroline R says:

        I’m so pleased to read about your precious son’s personal success.
        It makes me happy.

        My eldest nephew is 21 and I have felt very much for his interpersonal and developmental struggles. His frustration brought tears to his eyes at times, especially prior to age 8 when he couldn’t articulate his feelings.

        I’m pleased that your son got into Early Intervention. It’s essential, but the waiting list is generally so long.

        I feel so deeply proud of my nephew now when I see him, listen to him, watch him interact with others, and catch glimpses of him looking stylish and handsome (and comparatively confident) at work in the large electrical department store where he’s being mentored. It’s my local store.

        He’s my N-sister’s son so I caused outrage after it was reported to her that I’d been in to see him. Two years ago I took him in a card and some weight lifting gloves for his birthday, as he loves going to the gym.
        It’s great for defusing his daily load of stress.

        I miss him and his brother and sister since going no contact with the N-sister lifeform.
        It’s been a deep grief.

        I don’t want him to be punished, as I know well how spiteful she is.
        He acted reserved with me as a result of our last time of seeing each other, he was torn, so I don’t speak to him now.
        I don’t go to that store.
        He knows that I love him though, even though I’m not in his life, and that’s all that’s important for now.

        I’m delighted to hear about your son’s progress and personal growth; his kindness, depth of feeling and ability to engage with another person, to connect with another person, and especially with you as his mother is so precious.

        We are hardwired for connection, belonging, and love, and the disconnection and loneliness of Autism is painful.

        1. WokeAF says:

          Oh my god that gives me a sick feeling thinking of an autistic child being raised by a narc . 😭 Just be there for him as much as you can? And when he turns 18 & can get away from her if he wants to be there to check him for trauma abuse counselling etc ?

          1. Caroline R says:

            I’m doing all that I can at the moment with my nephew. I’m hoping for time with him in the future. He has my phone number, so he can contact me secretly when he’s comfortable.
            For now I have to be patient.
            Thank you for your support.

        2. WokeAF says:

          Wait, he’s 21 and still in her care? 😩

          1. WokeAF says:

            I will put him on the list of special needs and autistic kids out there that are being hurt that I send out good vibes for on the weekly

    2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

      SO SCARY Carolyn: “In a recent documentary about psychopathy, these studies were referenced, and the responses of children laughing at the photo of another child in distress was chilling.“

    3. Carolyn, with the Narcissist, I had the following dilemma with him only, similarly like you posted: [ `They miss much because they don’t give eye contact, or look at a person’s face for emotional clues. They don’t read body language easily,` ] I loved watching the Narcissist and looking him in the eye, but only at a certain distance. Plus,he is odd in certain ways (now I know it was the narcissism that made him so odd). I loved being around him, however, it was too intense up close, and I tried to hide that from him. I was so uncool. I think he was puzzled at times that I was like 2 different people around him. So playful and teasing and smiling at a distance, and a rock up close. I remember that I took the subway with him after a seminar 3 times from Queens to Manhattan. I sat next to him each time and I could barely breathe the entire ride. I shut my eyes and told him that I was tired and if he would not mind that I leaned my head back. I really wanted to hide how strange I felt. Also, he was looking on his phone and I was afraid I would see something that I did not want to see. He was so calm and in his own world on his phone, and he did not sense how odd I felt inside. Maybe the autistic children feel the world with such intensity everywhere at all distances and with everyone? I remember we had a birthday party for the Narcissist one year, and I refused to drink any alcohol with him there. And certain people would not let it go. Especially his 4 lieutenants, and they kept saying, PSE! why aren’t you drinking? Have a drink, and don’t you drink? etc. He even noticed. It was ridiculous how they made a big deal over nothing, and embarrassed me like that. I gave no answer. I was always under a microscope with his 4 lieutenants. What was I supposed to say? The truth? That, I do not dare trust myself at all to drink one drop with this Gorgeous Sulk standing next to me so much at this party??? Unbelievable.

      1. Caroline R says:

        I love to have these glimpses into your world, and be made privy to your internal monologue, and your observations and responses. They’re familiar to me, and probably others here too.
        I suspect that you and I are wired similarly.

        I feel your guarded vulnerability in these situations, and I’m familiar with that in myself. The things that you write resonate with me, and it’s enjoyable reading.

        I also appreciate your kind and intelligent words of support and encouragement to other commenters. You’re a treasure.

        Word Press isn’t working for me in terms of giving me notification of replies or likes. It did for about four days, then stopped. I don’t know how to fix it. I miss so much here.

        BTW, your thoughts put forward on another thread about the ease of N-targeting in the workplace were interesting. I hadn’t considered it before, but it’s true. It allows them to be very lazy, and string you along.
        I decided that I wouldn’t get involved again with a man at work, but when you spend so much time at work, it’s difficult to do otherwise.

        1. WokeAF says:

          Caroline/ this has happened to me in the past as well with WordPress. What worked, was; I went into my subscriptions page and unsubbed from a bunch of old threads I was still following
          seemed to clean/speed things up a bit

          1. Caroline R says:

            Thank you, I’ll try it.

  4. WiserNow says:

    Prior to becoming aware of NPD, I often found it very difficult to understand how an innocent comment or benign action could result in the narcissist becoming furiously angry or envious, making them either lash out in some way or concoct some kind of cold fury to ‘punish’ you. Yet, these same people would do the most callous and manipulative things to others with no remorse or hesitation.

    The contradictory and hypocritical behaviour was very confusing. Now it makes sense.

    The other day, I saw a news story showing how skin surgeons can now treat severe burns with ‘spray on skin’. The doctors used the patient’s own skin cells to create a fluid that they sprayed on the wound and it made the patient’s wound heal faster by regenerating new skin.

    One day in the future, I hope someone can invent ‘spray-on’ mirror neurons for narcissists.

  5. Veronica says:

    Yes my narcissists have all enjoyed knowing that they have hurt me I consider them to be somewhat sadistic

  6. strongerwendyme says:

    HG, you’ve commented previously that you are sadistic. Can that ever change?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, it is too entertaining.

      1. strongerwendyme says:

        Oops, looks like my question posted twice. I got a bonus answer. 🙂

      2. Caroline R says:

        Therein lies the problem:
        the rewards of that behaviour are outweighed by the rewards of not doing that behaviour.

        We are driven by reward.

        This is a major point expounded by Lundy Bancroft based on his extensive work with abusive men.
        This is the point that we on the receiving end of the abuse must focus on: not the N’s feelings, but their interpersonally destructive attitudes, and their sense of entitlement primarily, that drives their behaviour.

        In view of this state of affairs, our hope of the N changing is unfounded.
        Hope intrinsically is a good thing, hope invested in a N changing isn’t.

        I’ve been reflecting on my family dynamic, where my brother and I were held to a vastly higher standard than my younger sister. She had N-Mother consistently laughing in response to her drama, laugh at her obvious lies, laugh when she’d collapse on the floor and say “I can’t! I have a broken leg!” to get out of doing any chores. When she failed to do her homework and other school projects, N-Mother would do her projects for her. N-sister would win awards for them, having done maybe 30% of the work.
        She was never held accountable for anything that she did. Even to this day. It’s made to be someone else’s fault.
        No wonder her NPD developed, and getting everyone to feel sorry for her became her ‘shtick’ for panhandling, so to speak.
        Her husband fits the profile that you have so thoroughly detailed of the ‘Carrier Empath’ (codependant). The victim-N’s natural selection.

        In talking things through with the counsellor, it dawned on me that there was never any attempt made by my N-Mother to change my sister’s appearance.
        My sister wasn’t attacked as I was. Wasn’t molested as I was. Didn’t have her hair cut, her hair dyed, her ears pierced, her appearance and behaviour controlled as mine was. She was left alone in that regard.

        My mother saw me as the competition. There’s no evidence that she viewed my sister in that way.
        I suppose that puts my sister in position as the golden child who could do no wrong. Always painted white.

        My brother was the uncontrollable scapegoat, constantly clashing with her.
        He failed his first year University course because he spent most of his time trying to get away from N-Mother and her relentless antagonism. Her screaming rages became daily events directed at my brother. The stress was overwhelming. He was always painted black.

        I became the trophy child “achieve, but don’t you dare outshine me! Be attractive, but not more than me!” was the subtext of my relationship with my mother.

        Two weeks ago, I told the counsellor about my mother suddenly deciding to dye my hair purple, because my natural blonde was “trashy”, and denoted promiscuity in my mother’s mind.
        I was an innocent 15 year old child.
        I’ve never mentioned it to anyone before, in real life.
        The counsellor’s facial expression in response was so validating to me. “What did your dad say about it?” ” Nothing”. “What did he do about it?” “Nothing”. “And you weren’t allowed to have an opinion about it?” “No, absolutely not. She’d attack me for any difference of opinion”. “Did she do that to your sister?” “No” (Cue: look of revulsion and dismay on the counsellor’s face).
        “And you had to go to school like that and be exposed to ridicule?” “Yes”
        “It sounds like you were in a cult”.
        “It does!”.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          However, what other commentators frequently miss is that the perception of reward is altered for us owing to our differing world view.

          1. Caroline R says:

            I appreciate your insights.

            I wonder if you are wired to have a different threshold for dopamine release, and a higher level of dopamine release which creates that excitement and infatuation that you experience as part of ‘reward’.

            Is your adrenaline level the same as ours in a similar situation? During seduction perhaps? But does that differ depending on the school of N? A Greater has less riding on the ensnarement of any given person preyed upon compared with a Lesser who will have a smaller fuel matrix.

            The Empath’s adrenaline levels increase with devaluation, as a stress response. The N’s possibly spike intermittently, and then rise with the cultivation of the new contenders for the position of IPPS behind the scenes.

            There may be a different level of neurotransmitter release between male and female N when on the hunt, as higher adrenaline release happens naturally in men as part of sexual attraction.

            It’s difficult to accurately compare you with, as an example, my handsome and intelligent brother who sits up your end of the Narcissistic spectrum, but has some empathy.
            He’s appropriately steely and unemotional at work as a project manager, but is a good team leader, and can encourage his staff; he’s an entertaining raconteur at social events, and has great comedic timing. There’s little that he can’t do well.
            My point is that it would be interesting to hook you both up to MRI and EEG, and compare brain activity, blood flow and stimulation of those brain areas, and how long the effects last, when fuel/pleasure rewards are given.

            Blood testing at intervals for rise and fall of levels would be useful.

            A self-report questionnaire from you both would also be interesting to understand how certain things are rated in terms of fuel/pleasure, although the limitations present themselves to me already in that he’s been married for about 15 years, so his emotional response to his ‘IPPS’ will be different to your new IPPS, and would probably be so even if he was only with his as long as you’ve been with SM (and if he didn’t have children).

            He doesn’t thrive on schadenfreude either, so this is a big difference in reward activation. He’s always been monogamous, and values trust.

            There are too many variables for meaningful comparison. I can’t think of how to eliminate them.

            Today in therapy, my counsellor put it to me that my sister was conditioned to bully me by N-Mother. I hadn’t considered that before.
            Was this similar for you, where you had your bullying behaviour condoned by MatriNarc, and so you became better at it with practice? You didn’t bully Lennox or Rachel though, from what I’ve read of your work.

            My sister was allowed to get away with it towards me, and colluded with N-Mother’s bullying of me. They tag-team trianguated me.
            Dad did nothing and so colluded by default.
            He passively sanctions it now.

            I told her how nothing was ever resolved, nothing ever changed, and I did everything that I could to make it work with my sister. Everything!

            The counsellor said that N-Mother used my sister as a means to keep the fuel flowing, to create drama and keep me in that victimized position. It was all set up for their benefit, and despite this they would probably believe that they ‘loved’ me.
            This is my paraphrase.

            The counsellor told me that I have a right to get angry about it.

            She also said that when I went no contact with the N-sister lifeform, she became infuriated because in her mind I was too valuable to lose: I was her scapegoat, (as my brother was for N-Mother) and so she stalked me, threatened me, tried to break into my house, rang my GP to “insist that I force you to speak to her”, and more. To keep me under her control.

            The counsellor supports my no contact, as do you HG, and it is so refreshing having another intelligent adult in real life validate my feelings, and have my best interests at heart.

            Your support of those that you consult with must have a powerful effect on them.

            HG, I appreciate your insight and support.
            You’re a treasure!

            (And I want to put electrodes on your brain)

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome but nobody messes with this beautiful brain!

        2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

          Carolyn: Ironically the MGTOW guys and Red Pill guys, etc. have a numerical checklist of teachings for men about what women to avoid when they are looking for a respectable relationship with a female, and one of their criteria is to avoid women that dye their hair colors not found on people, such as green, blue, purple, etc. Unbelievable. I just do not understand what she was thinking with the purple hair. I find blonde hair can look quite sophisticated depending on how the particular female styles her hair. Were you the only blonde in your immediate family? I can not make sense of this, at all. Plus it is how a woman carries herself that is the ultimate determination. Not hair color, etc. per se. I am sure you were confused about it all. I hope you love your hair now.

      3. Lorelei says:

        I made someone wiggle all week and to be honest—it was entertaining because she tried to screw me on a financial transaction and I
        purposefully devised an impossible means of her getting out of it. I think I understand the concept of thought fuel even better now because it was satisfying, although this was a pretty unusual event for me to be crafty and unkind.

  7. Susan Day says:

    The sadistic streak is so happening right now, this article was very helpful. Thank you!

  8. WokeAF says:

    Additionally the sadistic streak can manifest without it being physically abusive, yes?

    1. Getting There says:

      WokeAF, I hope you don’t mind that I came here. My phone locks up on the other article and it drives me crazy as I am not always the most patient of person.
      Please stay. You didn’t start anything. I think certain subjects touch certain aspects of people even people who have the greatest compassion for others. I am glad you are here and learn from reading from you, even if I don’t usually comment to you.

      1. WokeAF says:

        I darn tootin DID start some thing. Don’t worry I’m not gonna freak out and leave the blog I just wanted everyone to know I’m aware of my behaviour and that I’m trying to cool it

        1. Getting There says:

          Big hugs to you! Have a great night sleep!

  9. WokeAF says:

    The sadistic streak can appear in lessers and mid rangers, correct?

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article


Next article