Trapped : The Car


We need to control everything around us. This must be done so we can gain fuel. This must be done because our natural paranoia causes us to need to exert our will on those around us, before they can do so to us and undoubtedly with catastrophic consequences. Only by exerting control can we be sure and satisfied that the order of things will be as we require it to be. We hate to be subject to the control of others. That reminds us of matters which are best left alone.

This need and desire for control causes us to adjust our manipulations so that we can engineer situations where we can achieve total control. Total control arises when we have you trapped.

This concept of trapping you works on several levels. The widest level is within the confines of the Narcissistic Relationship. This is why we regard your entanglement with us as being permanent. We chose you and now you belong to us. You have no say in this of course, why would you when you are not of our calibre? The idea of trapping you continues in terms of the Formal Relationship. This is why we move swiftly to proclaim you as our boyfriend, fiancee, partner, wife and so forth. The application of this labelling is more than just a convenient way of referring to you. We trap you during seduction with the illusion that we create. We trap you during devaluation through the application of our machinations to ensure that you remain stuck and confused. We place traps all around you so they snap close and hold you tight. We get you pregnant, we isolate you from your friends, we make you give up your job so you become financially dependent on us (although we will naturally complain about you leeching off us later on), we stop you seeing your family, we smear people to you and you to them so you are cut adrift from your support networks. On and on it goes the placing and laying of these traps at varying levels so you remain trapped.

This trapping continues within the various stages of the narcissistic cycle. Most often this manifests when we are devaluing you. In keeping with the need to have total control, we want to engineer situations where you are under our control, unable to escape us and thus we can exact our machinations against you and extract what we want from you. To do this, we create Situational Traps and there are many of them which I shall detail to you over the course of various articles, but we shall begin with a Situational Trap which is a favourite of ours; the car.

We will naturally be at the wheel after all the car is ours (whether it might be in your name is irrelevant) and so we have to be the one driving. We choose where we are going, the speed at which we go, the controls of the car are under our charge. You are sat besides us, seatbelt on, buckled in to your seat as the world flashes by. You cannot escape us. You cannot jump from the car. You might unclip your seatbelt and climb into the back of the vehicle, if you are nimble enough, although we will stop you from trying to do that. You are in the hotseat, right next to us and we know it.

You may we well cuffed to a chair in some dingy basement, with a single bright light shining in your face for the interrogation and treatment will be of a similar nature. The journey may have begun pleasantly enough but if this is a trip which is taking place during the devaluation period, all it takes is for your to blunder in to criticising us and then our fury ignites and the nastiness commences. With you trapped we know that we have you all to ourselves. There is nowhere for you to go. With a Mid-Ranger or a Greater, you will be lured into the vehicle purely for the purposes of us being to rely on the Situational Trap. The behaviour which has offended us may have taken place earlier, in some instances days earlier and with plotting mind firing away, we avail ourselves of the opportunity to coerce you to go on a journey with us. It will undoubtedly be under some false pretence; a picnic, a drive to the coast, a trip to the shopping mall. Once you are in, the seat belt is on and the central locking clicks, then you are our prisoner. The smile we wore fades in an instant and the fury which we have kept under control is now allowed to the surface. This enables us to draw fuel form your reactions, your pleading, your questioning, your puzzled expression, the fright in your eyes and such like. We may well have placed your bag in the boot which contains your ‘phone so you cannot call anybody. If you try to reach for your ‘phone, it will be snatched from you and thrown to one side, quite possibly from the moving vehicle as we ensure that you are isolated and trapped.

You cannot go anywhere. There is nobody to ask for help. You cannot move out of this confined space. Thus we have placed you in this Situation Trap which is allowing us to exert complete and utter control over you, enabling us to do as we please, for howsoever long we choose and accordingly, such total control is very much an outcome that we aim for.

When we have you to ourselves in this manner, so begins the unpleasant treatment which is all designed to ensure you remain subjected to our power and for you to give us fuel. There are many different ways we exert this when we have you trapped in the passenger seat besides us and these are some of those ways:-

  1. Driving at an excessive speed and/or recklessly;
  2. Slamming the breaks on causing you to jolt forward, then accelerating, then braking hard again, catapulting you back and forth;
  3. Braking hard when you are about to take a drink so it spills;
  4. Turning up the music extremely loud;
  5. Cross-examining you relentlessly about something you have done or not done;
  6. Administering a silent treatment;
  7. Telling you at the outset of the journey that we are going somewhere and then driving in a different direction or past the destination and refusing to explain where we are going;
  8. Assaulting you physically as we drive;
  9. Driving at night in an unlit area and switching the lights on and off;
  10. Swerving violently over the road, overtaking at dangerous places;
  11. Repeatedly insulting you;
  12. Shouting at you;
  13. Poking you as we question you.
  14. Driving into the middle of nowhere in silence, save for a baleful glare that we keep giving you;
  15. Threatening to drive us both off a cliff and heading towards such an area;
  16. Threatening to throw you from the car whilst it is moving;
  17. Circular conversations;
  18. Lengthy monologues about ourselves which have you bored to tears.

The effect of this behaviour will vary in intensity. Sometimes it is purely to frustrate you because we have not gone to the place that was promised. On other occasions it is to allow us to talk at you and question you so you are made to feel bored or uncomfortable. Then again, the nastiness and intimidation is increased whereby the intention is to terrify you and have you scared witless.

Having behaved in this manner and left you terrified, shaking and scared, we may well purposefully drive into an area where the traffic is slower and there are other cars around to test you to see if you try to escape us or attract attention from somebody else. We will be waiting for you to test our control and if you do, there will be further repercussions.

Repeated applications of this behaviour will eventually condition you to the point that you dread being told that

“We are going for a drive.”

Since you have come to know only too well that it is far more than just going for a drive. It is placing you in a cell right next to us, a cell from which you are unable to move or escape and thus we can apply our twisted machinations against you all in the name of fuel and further control.

You are trapped and it is to drive you insane.

8 thoughts on “Trapped : The Car

  1. I’d forgotten some of those, very similar from what I now realise was a narcissistic father (taken me years to put that one together!!)
    *Letting the fuel get low and keep on mentioning it but nevertheless driving past petrol station after petrol station which as children made myself and my sibling hugely anxious. The fuel he must have got from our worried cries.
    *If we made too much noise or a noise he didnt like or said something out of turn then he would throw his foot on the accelerator and then jam the brakes on
    *He and my mum would ‘play a dance’ whereby we went to the car and he wouldn’t appear, then she would go looking for him and he would appear whilst she was gone. This would go on for an hour at least before we eventually left. WTF was that about???
    *He would start to criticise us progressively through the journey – if i answered back then the throttle/brake scenario would start.
    I hated car journeys with my dad and as soon as I could drive I would make my own way to family events, my mum of course not accompanying me but would put herself through the car torture as she wouldn’t risk a different form of rage for not going with him.

    Then came the narcissist of my life – and he just loved the control. He would turn the music on to what he wanted, on off, this, that and if you had the luck to listen to what you wanted then it would be turned off in an instant if you said or did something that was ‘incorrect’. And I also had the ‘go slow’ so we missed a train for a family day out so it could be blamed on me for delaying our departure (because i was doing everything with no help yet was supposed to appear ‘model like’ at the car on time).
    So obvious from an educated eye but such insidious wounding and crushing at the time.

  2. WokeAF says:

    Oh and still to this day makes fun of me for my “
    “poor driving skills“
    Mind you I’ve never even gotten so much as a parking ticket
    Where as he has lost his license due to unpaid tickets
    And been in various accidents


  3. WokeAF says:

    Wed be getting ready to go out . For unknown reason (at the time) I would have myself and both children ready with their coats and shoes and everything on and he still would not be ready
    The kids will start taking off their coats if we sat around the house so I would take them into the car and put them in their car seats and wait in the car with them thinking he would just be a few minutes
    He would come out and going to a flying furious rage at me . And do it the whole trip.
    Never understood it. Until this week .

    Drive dangerously and when I would ask him to please be careful he rage at me for that.

    Didn’t give a SHIT that I was begging him not to do this in front of the children .

    Fun times.

  4. Susan says:

    I once flinched while my ex was overtaking a tractor on a country road. That small reaction was enough to trigger a rage which resulted in him speeding, driving too close to vehicles and then driving on the wrong side of the road on a blind corner while shouting, “You make me want to hurt myself.” I asked him to let me out of the car when we finally stopped at a set of traffic lights and he replied, “Shut you f***ing mouth and stay where you are.” He dropped me off at a train station and it took me three hours to get home. While walking up my street towards my house he called and asked where I was, and if I needed a lift, because he had cooked dinner (as if nothing had happened).

  5. Tammy says:

    Long ago when our first child was a baby and he had left us I started the process of collecting child support. He was so pissed at me when he found out and we were arguing in the car. I kept telling him to take me home and he wouldn’t. I was so sick of the yelling that I picked up a pile of papers in his truck and threw them out the window. Turns out his paycheck was in the pile. That taught him that when I said take me home, I’m tired of you yelling at me he believed it. I’m not sure how I managed this at 17 years old but I always had a feisty streak. Still amazes me I ended up with 3 narcissists from the ages of 16 to 50. It shows how good they are with manipulations. I finally figured it out. Better late than never. Ha!

  6. Susan Day says:

    Wow, the reality of being in that car is intense….at least I get it now. Great blog and thank you!

  7. Kathleen says:

    *Putting on cruise control in conditions with too much traffic-then not braking-but running up on cars and change lanes at last minute.
    *Letting fuel level get low(warning light on) and not stopping for fuel in a not populous area /night/Sunday. ( Because the fuel was in the car right HG ? LOL)
    * Coming up to stops fast where people are in crosswalk and getting too close for courtesy or safety.
    * parking over lines/angled blocking /crooked in space
    * driving too slow for normal traffic/only when it’s known I needed to be at airport and was tight on /worried about time
    * starting an argument/bringing up an old blaming when starting in to driving out for a weekend away i remember considering turning around but we’d gone 100 miles already and I was ? Perplexed as usual.
    * criticizing my driving (too slow in residential neighborhoods) i think I’d rather not run over some kid or somebody’s cat or dog in a 25 mile per hour zone – my choice to be extra safe especially tight streets with cars parked- ugh.
    * never windows down (narc hair would get messed up?)

    1. Tammy says:

      If you don’t dare jump out of a moving vehicle, you are stuck in the car with a crazy person. This is probably one of the best places a narcissist can trap you.

      Kathleen, love your kitty in the avatar. So adorable.

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