Poll : Which Piece of EverPresence Have You Retained?

Ever Presence. The device by which we sow seeds of remembrance through your relationship with us. This commences from the outset of your entanglement as we ensure, through instinct and calculation that we stitch into the fabric of your mind multiple reminders of us and the relationship between you and us.

In Exorcism I describe the impact of Ever Presence and how it enables us to maintain the emotional infection within you and that as part of your purging, you must remove Ever Presence. Of course, your emotional thinking, manifesting through nostalgia and reflection tries to cause you to hold on to those little reminders of what once was so wonderful. Whether it is that shirt we left in the wardrobe when we disengaged from you, a book that we would read from to you on a regular basis, a particular bottle of fragrance left in the bathroom or one of many gifts which we festooned upon you, you may well have been unable to remove this manifestation of Ever Presence.

In the poll are some of the most common items which our victims have failed to get rid of . Which ones are applicable to you and perhaps you would expand in the comment section on why you have been unable to purge this particular item or items.

You can choose as many as are applicable before pressing ‘Vote’.

Thank you for participating.

Which piece of Ever Presence have you retained?

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79 thoughts on “Poll : Which Piece of EverPresence Have You Retained?

  1. Joanne says:

    I have all of our texts starting from just after our last date (aka, when he performed his volte face). I don’t have any from the golden period, as there were so many, and I was deleted them all thinking since I was getting dozens a day, the flow of beautiful words would just continue 🙁 In all honesty, I wish I had not deleted them (yes, I know this is ET).

    These texts all live in my old phone as I’ve since purchased a new one. They are painful to read, as they are so different from the messages that he was sending just days before. It was as if these messages came from some other person. I have not looked at them in many months but I can’t bring myself to delete them.

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Joanne, it’s a shame you only keep the painful messages, but at least it’s a reminder of the reality behind the mask. I’m glad to see you around, sometimes I miss people and I’m not sure whether they took a break or everybody is hanging in a different thread unbeknownst to me.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        The messages should be deleted unless they have a clear evidential value with regard to current or prospective legal proceedings.

        1. Joanne says:

          I know, HG. I will get there soon. FWIW, I don’t look at them, the phone is tucked far away in a drawer I don’t use.

      2. Joanne says:

        You’re so right. Those messages are from the real him. But still, the golden messages were so nice. Paragraphs of “feelings” expressed in such great detail. Flowery compliments and all of that. I know it was fake – but he was such a great writer, it made it all the more effective. It’s for the best this way.

        And I am with you on missing people! When I don’t see some of you guys I wonder (hope) all is okay, wonder if you’ve moved on, etc. I took a little break over vacation, but found my way here again now that I’m back to reality and the thoughts creep in 🙂

  2. Anm says:

    Children. Even though they aren’t narcissist, they are still half their narc parent, and their quirks remind me of their narc fathers all the time.

  3. Sweetest Perfection says:

    I keep the “porn collection.” And pictures that I collected of him in which he looks less than flattered and his receding hairline is absolutely gigantic. The former I keep for evidence in case I need it. The latter just for fun. But tbh I don’t look at any of the two anymore.

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      So I checked “something else.” Hehe.

      1. WokeAF says:

        I kept his nudes In case he ever thinks he’s going to release mine. My face isn’t in mine but his is ha ha

        1. Claire says:

          Count me in the porn collection club SP and WokeAF:)! I just read your comments and I realised that I have a nude video of my ex Victim boyfriend ( the other Narcs post divorce) on my old phone . The sweet memorabilia was created in honour of me btw and the intention of the gift was to cheer me up before a hectic day at the office , no joke ! In other words, unsolicited “ present” during the golden period with him. A note to myself – purge the gift tomorrow morning .

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Claire, how thoughtful of him! Isn’t it a beautiful gesture after a long day at work? Said no one ever.

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Good for you! “The pics he got from me didn’t have any face on, your honor! They were clearly manipulated.” That’s my line. I learned from HG.

  4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I have nothing of the weasel’s! It’s not like mid rangers give you much anyway ..cheapskates …. haha
    Just out of curiosity Mr Tudor……
    What do narcissists keep from their victims ?
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The End.

      1. WokeAF says:

        Niiiiiiiiiiice one HG

      2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,

        Touché 👏

        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  5. Kezia says:

    The poll made me realize that I actually kept more pieces of Ever Presence than I would have thought. But they are almost all packed away and far more than the objects it is immaterial things that remind me of him. My biggest problem is that he infected the things I liked most BEFORE I met him. For example I had started studying the Hebrew language and was planning a trip to Israel. Then one day I met him, he speaks fluently Hebrew and knows Israel like the back of his hand, having lived there for several years. He can’t have faked that. This is just one example, there are many others which I have long before had a passion for or an interest in and so did he (telling me of them without knowing that I like the same), often even topping me with his knowledge and abilities. Before I met him this was “mine” but now it is “his”. Maybe I would feel better if I did not pursue the interests in question but on the other hand I don’t want to give up on these things and let him steal them away from me. But how can I “win them back” for me?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This is a detailed matter Kezia and I would advocate that you organise a consultation.

  6. Claire says:

    I am guilty of keeping some wedding photos, the wedding ring, his email address , phone number, a golden bracelet , other gifts. And he took me to a road trip in UK after the divorce despite that we lived already in different continents ( paying for my tickets, accomodation, the rental car, meals) as he wanted another chance and didn’t accept me to pay my share. Guilty but at my defence – back then I didn’t think of him as a Narcs , just as a difficult person who is lonely and needs love and care . And I didn’t discover HG Tudor’s marvellous blog to realise what I was dealing with . In other words, I lived blindfolded and I was diving in the sea of illusions and false hopes.

    What I cannot get rid of – the certificate of divorce . I must keep the paper if I ever going to tie the knot again. The latter might not happened:) but this piece of paper is a symbol of my regained freedom.

  7. BonnieLou says:

    Damn that personalised Manchester United shirt I bought him! He must be collecting football shirts from different countries ..the f***king fickle Fake!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Damn him for wearing a Manchester United shirt. Burn him, burn him I say!!

      1. BonnieLou says:

        I don’t think he even ever supported Man Utd. He just used them as a guess at the most popular English team to seduce me! I wasn’t going to change who I supported just to please him! YNWA!!!😂😂😂😂😂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well he made a very poor guess since you are a bin dipper!

          1. BonnieLou says:

            Omg! Only just seen this…Bin dipper!😂😂😂😂Luckily I live in rural Kent then isn’t it😉

  8. J says:

    The exorcism was very helpful. I even smashed one item lol. The only thing left to purge is the fear of him reappearing.😱

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello J, utilise Zero Impact through the Assistance Package and that fear will vanish

  9. cb says:

    Have you heard ‘Nightswimming’ by R E M?

    The smartests narcs didn t have to do much at all. They knew before I told them, that I cry heaps for cute music. Just play a love song/sad song on the piano.

    It doesn t even need to be a certain one. They could feel it. I just have to listen to cute or sad music, any song, and I quickly remember the pain.

    /your local music contagion

  10. Femmedmnational says:

    Just the criminal evidence to be used against them later if an offense to do any potential harm is ever attempted.

  11. ceycey says:

    i have purged all of them. if it was possible i would also throw out the part of my heart that filled with him

  12. WokeAF says:

    For my lower mid ranger – nothing except a wooden plaque he gave me and I don’t know where it is right now but I WAS using it as a fire poker

    For my MMR I have a whole bunch of the above mentioned stuff.
    I haven’t purged him at all I don’t know if I ever will but if I do I will probably still hold onto the sex toys. Those things are expensive and damn good

  13. mollyb5 says:

    I received hand made furniture by my design and his hard work and skill he made me a cherry desk , and I picked out the types of marled wood and grain I felt looked nice . He helped me in the hospital , he made me a pen , ( nobody else ) I know . He made me an armoire , he made me a dresser both of my design . We worked side by side together. At that time he loved the artist in me . He help make our children . I see pictures that I keep on my desk . He gave me a home . He took it away when I left but , I have it now . He bought me rings , he bought me purses , he bought me shoes . He can seem very loving and knows I will always want . That is what I get ..things . I have to beg now unless I look good , to his liking, I am considered a problem. Nobody else sees me this way anymore … he is very fortunate and HE will NEVER see or feel how very fortunate he is ……there is always something better in porn or someone else that makes more money ..or someone else that looks better than me . It’s ok . As long as my children are ok …this is what other women will never see or understand . It’s old fashioned looking from the outside . It’s ok .

  14. Bibi says:

    I purged all gifts. I didn’t really get any gifts from the Mid Ranger other than burned CDs and I didn’t expect to get any, as we were not romantically involved. I inevitably broke all those CDs and refuse to ever listen to any of the music he shared.

    I sent him some poetry books, some Rilke and an extra journal I had lying around since he said he liked to journal. Had he given me good books I would not have purged them as they are good resources. For a long time Italian cinema always reminded me of him b/c that was his fave genre but I have since watched so many of those films on my own that I don’t think of him when I see them now. Basically, I made them my own.

    1. Bibi says:

      On the other thread I read someone’s Chloe comment with regards to the student/teacher arguing that she was a narcissist and it made me once again paranoid about myself. Oy.

      Just to clarify–I never expected any ‘gifts’ from the Mid Ranger, but we had a habit of sharing books. I bought him a couple of poetry books when we was going cold/apathetic, and in my attempt to ‘revive’ his emotion, I thought this would help.

      He was behaving as a lump and not seeking anything out, so I thought my giving these couple of books to him would basically get the horse the drink the water.

      I admit this was me giving with the hope of a return. So it wasn’t entirely selfless in that regard.

  15. Jess says:

    I got rid of all photos (paper and electronic) that had exN in them and all post-it notes with written endearments, as well as most gifts. I only kept one piece of jewelry and a watch, neither of which I wear, and some practical gadgets which I received, though I don’t even think of exN when I use them. I haven’t purged tel and email as I need them in order to block them. I’m sure if I rummagd through ‘stuff’ in boxes, I would come across some memories or mementos, but I deliberately do not. I think a full purge is most conducive to moving forward.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed, hence the book Exorcism

      1. Lorelei says:

        I’m disgusted by the endless odds and ends of wedding paraphernalia. I have it all tucked away for my girls but it’s nauseating. It occasionally re-surfaces like a buoyant dead animal in the sea. Maybe I should be a wedding planner after surviving the wedding of the century and the marriage from a nightmare.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Why would your girls want your wedding stuff?

          1. Lorelei says:

            Because their dad is all they know and they are too young to understand narcissism or that Santa never existed. They love looking at the dress photos etc. (I tossed it in a dump—took up a lot of room.)
            It was a beautiful affair. Maybe they can dream a little and then form their own opinions. It’s still their mom and dad. I still have an IG photo in my dress with my dad. (Mr. Narcissist himself)
            It’s not everpresence for me per se as it’s all I knew to be “real” in regard to my father. Dispelling all in regard to my father seems a bit odd for instance so I know they shouldn’t be expected to.

          2. WokeAF says:

            If I may speak from my own experience
            It’s ok to honour the memory of who they thought dad was / is. When they’re older they will come for support and info if they want to see it.
            Also myself, I find it’s ok to honour the fact that I experienced love , if even it was a projection. It was still MY experience at the time. I find it’s both the current awareness and the memory can co exist.
            Again, only my experience.

          3. Lorelei says:

            His behavior speaks volumes (over time) so I’m just staying quiet. We are also learning dysfunctional communication styles so guess who may come to mind? I’ll stay quiet again..

        2. MB says:

          Lorelei, Why would your daughters want that? Rid your life of it. “Buoyant dead animal” 😂

          1. Lorelei says:

            See above dear MB—I replied to NA. They like to think of Cinderella and Prince Whoever. It’s not my illusion to take.

          2. MB says:

            Lorelei, I understand. Sort of. In a way, I wish I’d never believed in fairy tales. It will make them vulnerable. They will learn about narcissism as they go in age appropriate ways. Hopefully!

        3. WokeAF says:

          Love the buoyant dead animal resurfacing lmfao

          Yesterday I got a Facebook memory – a pic of me and LMR 4 years ago at the bar shitfaced and oh so in love

          Like frig off FB , made me surprise-barf in my mouth a little

        4. Bibi says:


          Just curious. I don’t recall you mentioning, but did you have any signs he was a narc before marrying him? Also, did the mask slip so to speak more so once you were married and then it only got worse over time? I am just curious as far as the duration before the devaluation sets in.

          1. Lorelei says:

            Hi Bibi—I did absolutely. It’s complicated. I’ve never been with or have been attracted to anyone but a narcissist and my father was of the same fiber as was his mother and my mom’s father. (Without question)
            I was conditioned from the get go—the sky is blue right? I’m conditioned to accept shades of purple as being normal. So, despite the obvious to maybe others it was normal for me to deny, rationalize and accept less than ideal. I’ve spent my entire life accommodating poor behavior because I apply how I think to how “they” (must) think and the end product is always me getting trampled. So, I left one marriage that resulted in a huge and sudden devaluation which was enough for me to leave. (Different story but another flavor of narcissist) I then met “the perfect” man. He was extremely attractive, excellent physical condition, an engineer, a nice home, nice portfolio, a good job, seemingly nice family, no kids, never married, “humble and shy,” attentive to my oldest child, agreed with my value system of not moving in and keeping his own home during the courtship, liked what I liked, was complimentary, the list goes on. He appealed to my narcissistic trait of checking off the boxes. Everyone loved him! Everyone. He could drop jaws sauntering into a room. Of course I was smitten. So, after a short golden period I was hooked. He settled quickly into silent treatments as his main “go to.” Total lack of warmth but this is what I grew up in. It felt awry but it wasn’t abnormal. He started to demonstrate a total shift in behaviors to people. He wouldn’t speak to certain people to the point of making everyone uncomfortable. The “warmth” toward my daughter faded into coolness. (Oh—it’s just hard for him because he has no children..) My denial, poor boundaries, lack of appropriate examples in life, hopeful resolve—all wrote the story. He didn’t really write the story Bibi—I am my own author. These relationships do not exist without a synchronization. If it was not him it would be another. Interesting how the money was never really there, (he squandered every dime gambling in high risk stocks—seven figures by now) the nice family really isn’t that stellar, the pretty face is only skin deep, etc. So, sorry to ramble but yes—there were signs and I’d be all over them now. He has never asked for weird sex, hit me (except for when I slapped the piss out of him over a big financial loss) or committed a crime. The red flags are so specific to the sub-types HG teaches—that is why the work of all others in this genre is sub-par. There is some good work out there, but HG illuminates every facet of this disorder. I’m so magnetic to narcissists and vice versa that I would not have success with another’s work. I conjure up successful images of good outcomes for others working with another “expert” as maybe the occasional ensnared normal who doesn’t have the same magnetism. Or, someone who lucks out and meets another poor boundaried empath, etc. I’m becoming very aware of my interpersonal relationships to even the extent of when I’m taking risks with certain people and I’m logically accepting risks or not based on my healthier needs. I will never be ensnared again. I’m sure of this. There is zero chance with HG’s expertise that it will occur and this guarantee is not possible with anyone else’s work.

          2. Bibi says:

            Thank you for sharing, Lorelei. I am going to reread your remark later and reflect more in depth but for now, what you said about being conditioned to it resonated with me. In college, I had narcy bfs and I remember even having the thought about how it is normal for them to begin to intellectually belittle over time.

            I also was curious because my mom married my Lesser dad and she said she saw many red flags before they wed, only she turned the other cheek, did not want to see it, etc. Seems to be a common occurrence.

        5. Mommypino says:

          Lorelei, Kudos to you for giving your kids that option to throw those wedding pictures and mementos away or to keep them. It is very selfless and thoughtful of you to give them that control and option instead of making that choice for them. I still keep my parent’s old pictures when I was born and baptized (they were never married so no wedding pics) even though I understand everything about their relationship because it is part of my life. They can easily throw your wedding pictures away if that’s what they decide to someday but at least they got to make that decision. ❤️

  16. Carrie says:

    Yes, I do have several of the items but they are packed away …. The day (May 15, 2018) I told him to GOSO I have never spoken to him or seen him again. He tried contacting me several times via text but I never responded. The last time he tried contacting me was on HIS birthday in Jan 2019 – since then he has stopped contacting me. Yes, i still think of him everyday but will never go back. Do I love him? NO …. but i still carry lots of anger and cannot believe that I did not see what was really going on for such a long time. Yes, there were many red flags at the beginning of the relationship but I always found a way to excuse his behavior because of “circumstances” that were happening at the time. Today, when I think of him … my thoughts wonder to … “It was all a lie!” WHY? WHY? WHY? Even though I immersed myself in education about narcissism – it still is so baffling to me how another person is really not capable of love .. how they are so disloyal, have no empathy and really and truly believe that they are the ones being wronged! If they have no idea that they are doing this then how do they come up with and justify in their minds – the seduction, devaluation …. choosing all these sources for FUEL and believe that triangulation, manipulation, etc. is something that they believe does not exist … if you confront them, they truly believe WE are crazy and cant see in themselves how they operate .. they really really believe that they are a good person. My narc was – MMRN … Its all so insane!

  17. jessrnny says:

    I have pictures and video of the MR and I. I have erased all of our pictures and texts several times but I have the latest ones. It’s hard to let go of them. Annoying…

  18. Shelf Fuel says:

    I still keep in touch with him so his email, phone #, address and pictures are still a given. So the main answer for me is his music. Everything that he has composed and shared with me I still have.


  19. empath007 says:

    I have two things still.

    A picture (which is too cool to throw out and he’s not the context of it really, he basically was just trying to steal my thunder lol)

    Also a text message sent to me (a screen shot) after a night we spent together. The context which I won’t share.

    Luckily I don’t find myself looking at any of it anymore. It’s been months since I have. And I think the last time I looked I did not have any real emotion attached to it anymore.

  20. WiserNow says:

    The first thing that came to mind when thinking about this poll was that I have retained the brain wiring and memories caused from being raised by a narc mum and codependent dad. How’s that for everpresence?! I think I’ll file that under ‘Something Else’.

    Seriously though, I find that is the form of everpresence that’s most difficult for me to shake off.

  21. WiserNow says:

    This is for MB…

    MB, the dot after the G is still missing… 😉

    1. lisk says:

      It drives me crazy, too. I try to convince myself that he’s holding it in his hand.

      1. WiserNow says:

        He’s a narcissist, what can we do?? Nothing. Not one single damn thing.

        …except understand that his self-defence mechanism makes him do it… So, it’s a matter of accepting that there will be no dot after the G… 😉😁

    2. MB says:

      WN, the dot will only appear when and if it suits HG! My money is on an entirely new graphic at some point.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        HG is demonstrating that they like to leave things open ended. No closure for you! (ala Soup nazi).

        1. MB says:

          NA, yep, I heard that in Soup Nazi’s voice! The more I want the dot, the less inclined HG is to give it to me. I know his narcky games! If I never see the dot, it will be too soon 😂

      2. WiserNow says:

        Yes, the dot will only surface when HG deems it appropriate. Or, if he *does* decide to add it in, it will be part of some sort of grand hoover 😏

        He’ll probably change the format of the whole website before he adds in that one dot… 😐

        Hang on a minute… 💡 … he already has!!! hahaha😂

        1. cb says:

          Relief fuel 😉 😀

  22. MB says:

    I never received a single gift. What does that mean HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      In order to control you, it was not necessary to provide you with gifts OR gift-giving was not part of his Manipulation Portfolio so you got an alternative manipulation which was the equivalent of gift-giving – for instance a saucy telephone call.

      1. MB says:

        Saucy phone calls. Yes. The gift that keeps on giving. Not ever presence one can purge!

        1. foolme1time says:

          I never received any expensive gifts from my last narcissist either, but what I did receive from him was something that meant more to me then any gift from Tiffany’s. He read to me, he knew how much I loved his voice and the calm it would always bring to me. So he sent an audio, actually two audios, ( he was out of town) both would be considered poems by most people but to me it was as if he was reading a story from a book. I cried my eyes out listening to those stories, it was the kindest and most beautiful gift anyone has ever given me, and to this day I still cherish them. I will never get rid of them, they were for me and they were read to me. Everything else he said and did might have been lies and fake, but those two stories were not, they are mine.

      2. Lorelei says:

        I have my eye on a really cute Tiffany necklace. It’s still not worth the bother!! I’ll buy it myself!

      3. Shelf Fuel says:

        MB, I never received a tangible gift either. It was always a ticket to his show, him treating to dinner or him sharing music with me. Or him recording sound files of his voice and sending it to me. He knew how much I loved his voice.

        He often begrudged my tangible gifts to the point of trivializing them by continually pointing out all I had bought for him and comparing to the fact that he had yet to buy me a thing. I always reminded him that I did not “give to get” but yeah the tables were SO uneven. He KNEW that all I wanted was HIM. Whether it be hearing his voice or having his attention or feeling his body enter-twined with mine. THAT was what I wanted most.

        And that is what he gave me (well when I was off his goddamned shelf anyway)…

        1. MB says:

          Shelf Fuel, not the best idea to give gifts to a married man anyway. The few that I sent went to parents’ house. You’re still in touch?!? Girl! You got it bad!

          1. Shelf Fuel says:

            Our time has been very intermittent. But yeah, I still have an overwhelming attachment to him. And unfortunately there’s no one else to comfort me right now. 😕

          2. MB says:

            I’m sorry Shelf Fuel. I know it’s hard. Be strong.

      4. WokeAF says:

        HG the whole control thing finally clicked the other week. Thanks

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

    2. WokeAF says:

      MB no gifts from my LMR for like ..4 years? I dunno . First gift was during the bronze period when he hoovered me after I left him for 8 months. He was actually uncomfortable doing it because he said now he’s going to be expected to give gifts and every occasion

      NICE GUY

      1. MB says:

        WokeAF, I just wish they could be nice guys for real. There just aren’t enough pennies 😩

        1. WokeAF says:

          MB – I don’t! I can see now they were manipulators from the beginning and all this made me really smart about stuff and things. There are nice guys out there ! A lot of them are just really freaking boring Lololol

          1. MB says:

            WokeAF, that’s right! You get fun and exciting guys that turn out to be assholes or nice guys that turn out to be boring. Why can’t there be fun and exciting, good guys?!?

    3. Anm says:

      MB, gift giving is a funny game for narcissist. I have recieved many gifts from narcissist, but it was always under a weird circumstance.
      My daughters father is an Upper Lesser. Though, gift giving may be odd for lessers, he has the financial means to do so. It may seem sentimental at the time, but he often takes his new girlfriends to the same stores and buys the same gifts for them. Like you would an expensive hooker.

      My son’s father, who is a Mid Midranger, you buy gifts. He bought me a couple expensive jewelry gifts around the holidays, and I was expected to wear the jewelry 24/7 whether I wanted to or not. Barf!
      He also bought me a Glock for my birthday one year, but when we broke up, he said he was afraid I would use it on him, so he confiscated it. So they often try to take back gifts they give people. Lol

      I also dated what I believed to be an Upper Midranger. He future faked with gifts. Example: he moved me in after about only a month of dating. He talked nonstop about getting married, then he would do things like plan very extravagant dinners or take me on a get away. He would give me a gift, and I would thing it would be an engagement ring. It would always be a very very tacky gift he knew I would hate. He would say, “what’s wrong? You don’t like it? Oh I see, you thought it would be a ring. You know, that’s something that needs serious discussion, and I would want to make sure I got you the ring you wanted and deserved. I’ll take this gift back, and let’s go get a ring.”
      He did that for a year. Finally I got my ring, and it was so disappointing for the hype. Two months later, I was like ,”I’m moving out.” He was like, “in your sleep, I took the ring back, there is no way you are taking that with you.” I was like, “whatever it takes, cheap bastard.”

      1. MB says:

        ANM, I enjoyed this post. You’ve really been through it with these guys! I didn’t realize you’d been ensnared multiple times. The Glock takes the cake! Yeah, he was scared 😂

    4. Sweetest Perfection says:

      MB, I only once received a bottle of wine and that was because I bought him something for his birthday which happens to be right before mine. Oh no how inconsiderate and ungrateful I am! I forgot the porn videos! There you go: gifts.

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