Out of the Box Interview

KTN Main

Christine from Out Of The Box interviewed me earlier this week.

You can listen to the interview here

 

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96 Comments

  1. Finally had a chance to listen to this one. Great work! Super crisp and concise on how to recognize the red flags and unhealthy behaviors. You also really emphasize the point here that it is not our fault, that they change the rules to suit themselves and the reason they have withdrawn or changed is because their attention is being given to someone else. Period!

    The “Christmas text” also hit home with me. The opening the narc sees and uses to issue some false apology hoover, sucking us back in, all as a result of giving in to ET. And then we’re back at square one. “If you want to lose weight you have to avoid the donuts.” Yes! Well done, HG.

  2. H.G. I have listened to this interview a few times.
    Gave me goose bumps. I have a quick question if you dont mind answering. Does your kind have any empathy for the children? I find that my children adore their father more than me because they adore him. Is it the fuel that he likes?

    1. There is no emotional empathy for anybody or anything and that includes children.

      It is the fuel he wants and needs.

      1. H.G. thank you for answering me greatly appreciated.
        If there is no empathy then why do they adore him so much. He always does things for them.in terms of whatever they want.
        He also takes them to the doctor give them money drive them everywhere I dont understand .

        1. Because he will have cognitive empathy and fakes concern, interest etc in them, they are part of his facade management also. He only does what he does for them because it benefits him, not out of emotional empathy, a sense of responsibility or sheer altruism.

        2. Ah P.R. My heart feels sad for you on every level. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have children with and N.

          I’m so pleased you found this site x

  3. Brilliant job HG! Excellent passion and cadence in your communication. Your pace was perfect. You shared so much precise information, listeners are no doubt going to visit here for more detail. No one understands this phenomena like you do, nor is able to articulate the detail in such a clear and relatable way. I think this interview was the best so far in the series. I hope Christine continues to give you ample leeway to explain topics freely as she did in this interview. I love the speed and clarity of your thought process. Really well done!

  4. I listened to it just now and so many points resonated so hard that I cried. I am still crying. I sometimes feel healed and impenetrable, but this was a strong reminder that I will always be at least a little vulnerable and need to be mindful of that. Thank you, HG

  5. I enjoyed this, I liked that Christine let your flow.. erm flow. She has a great voice too.

    What I like about you HG, you keep it simple, you don’t over complicate, the authority and expertise makes the listener listen.. really listen.

    There are times you get excited and passionate about your explanations and reasons why narcs act as they do. I like those animated moments.

    I have a feeling of pride too, your dedication is formidable. You are setting the world on fire Sir, much respect.

  6. LOL, I’m not sure this was really an “interview.” It was basically HG’s show with Christine pretending/attempting to prompt. (Is this really surprising to any of us here?)

    Not that I am complaining at all.

    In this session, HG”s especially lively delivery creates a sense of real urgent. He got through to me quite sharply in a way that reading his material cannot.

    1. Lisk
      I agree. Christine showed what a skilled interviewer she is, and that she was in sync with HG, being supportive, and allowing him to shine.
      She knew what her (and his) audience wanted, and she gave it to us.

    2. lisk: I like this Cristine. But, I like everyone that treats HG with respect and appreciates his Work. She is very smart and enjoys engaging with Quality, I can tell. I do not blame her. I would probably drool with admiration, if I were in her place. Especially the first time, and especially if I were not forewarned that he was an exceptional Guest.

  7. Dearest FoolMe1Time,
    I completely understand my sweet……I’ve truly been there
    My challenge was to finally break free and rid myself of the past
    Hell yeah, it bloody wears you down and I thought I was broken …..but I finally realised my worth and no one will ever wear me down ever again
    The past is past
    Get up … start a new… and stuff em
    It’s your time now, you can do this
    You do not need a man and a man does not make who you are
    Just be you …. you are good enough just being you
    Know your worth my precious and make changes
    Yes you can …. no such thing as cannot
    If I can do it at my age, so can you
    Please believe in youself
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. Thank you Bubbles! You hit the nail on the head my dear. If I could find and believe in my own self worth I know I would be able to beat this thing! Leaving go of the past is something I would gladly do, however Bubbles I am not quite there yet. My past is full of ghosts that continuously haunt me, I never know when they will show up? But each day I am learning and realizing so many new things about myself and my past. Someday Bubbles I will get there, I may not have full belief in myself at this time, but I definitely have total belief in the man that is going to get me through all of this! He may very well pull all of his hair out though, before it’s all said and done. 🙃 Thank you Bubbles, you truly are an inspiration to me and many others on here. 😘😘🥰

      1. Dearest FoolMe1Time,
        You’re too kind FoolMe….. thank you so much precious
        Sorry if I get a bit overzealous at times
        Each journey is so extremely personal and individual
        It pains me to see all you beautiful souls suffering and struggling because of these abusive life sucking soul destroying individuals
        The thing is …… we are so much better than we think we are
        Did you know there are actually thousands of fairy lights at the end of the tunnel …and glitter ✨
        Hope to see you there beautiful 😊
        and celebrate
        🍾🥂
        Hugs from me to you
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Thank you Bubbles! You are probably the sweetest soul that has ever been on here. Your kindness to everyone is always beautiful to read. As much as I would like to believe in fairy lights and glitter, that is just something that I cannot do. Just finding a little internal peace at the end of the tunnel would be good enough for me Dear Bubbles.
          Your the best. 😘😘💞

          1. Dearest FoolMe,
            Your beautiful words have melted my heart ❤️
            My humblest of thanks precious one
            Theres a saying….
            “Yesterday was the past
            Tomorrow is the future
            Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present

            Please never ever give up FoolMe ….I didn’t
            My ghosts n demons come n go …. but I tell em to rack off, enough is enough …. they can’t hurt me anymore, I won’t let them
            You are a good kind thoughtful person with a warm loving heart … please believe in yourself ….you’re very special
            ✨❤️✨
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  8. Quote of the Day. Regarding HG Tudor: [ “You assess the subject like a Cubist artist, from all possible angles to create a synthetic, holistic, all-encompassing approach that tackles the different types of narcissists, the Empaths, the medical community, the lack of accuracy of other “experts” and the role of society. I am impressed. Not surprised though, I didn’t expect any less.“ ] ~~Sweetest Perfection

    1. PSE
      I like that description of SweetP’s too.
      It describes the gift of being able to teach.
      It is a great ability to be able to deliver the same information from a number of different perspectives, to reframe, and to use a different analogy so that the listener grasps the concept.
      It requires mental flexibility and agility, and a broad and deep understanding of the subject.
      I value that gift in others when I see it.

      1. Caroline: Bingo: `It requires mental flexibility and agility, and a broad and deep understanding of the subject.
        I value that gift in others when I see it.` Caroline, so do I. It is definitely a gift.

  9. HG
    I just listened to this interview.

    Thank you!
    It was superb!
    Flawless!
    The time flew, and I found myself wanting more.

    Such a rich and tasty slice of the subject was delivered by you to the listener!

    You perfectly described the Empath Default Setting that is Emotional Thinking.
    You perfectly described what Empath Emotional Thinking sounds like in our heads and coming out of our mouths, and how it sets us up for further harm.

    Some of your points brought tears to my eyes as I listened to you.

    There was respect and appreciation, and an harmonious flow between you and Christine which made for an enjoyable listening experience. She gave you time to speak, and was supportive and engaged in the discussion.
    It’s destined for many repeats on the playlist.

    I felt proud of you.

        1. Caroline: [ `Such a rich and tasty slice of the subject was delivered by you to the listener!`] Caroline, indeed. Every interview I ever heard with HG, the Interviewers acknowledge even with their actions, that he answers the questions that they do not even know to ask. HG Tuodr is a perfect guest for them. The Interviewer also sits back and learns and enjoy their own interview, for a change. How about that.

          1. PSE
            I agree, it would be a pleasure for the interviewers to come to work on the day that they have HG as guest. I’m glad that you enjoyed it too.
            Hopefully we won’t have to wait too long for the next installment of auditory and intellectual pleasure from HG.

          2. I’m told the next interview will be available in a week and I’m in talks re a further five at present.

          3. HG
            You’ve made me happy with this news!
            It seems that you’ve been busy brokering lots of deals. Well done!

          4. That’s wonderful for you HG and also all of the people out there that desperately need the knowledge that you so selfishly give them.
            I know I missed it by a few days HG and with you being so busy you probably haven’t noticed that it has been 4 years since your first blog post. Wow! Looking back and seeing how far you have come in those four years is simply amazing! Congratulations to you sir, and here is to many more years of continued success. 🥂🍾. I am so very proud of you! Thank you HG for standing next to me and never giving up on me when I have my own self doubt, I wouldn’t be here today if it were not for you. I love HG. Thank you. 💞

  10. HG, I recently came across a past comment/s you made to someone struggling to find her way out of narc abuse. I must be honest, I was quite moved by your response to her. Psst: You do have a heart. I promise not to tell too many people.😄

  11. Great interview! Nobody explains how narcissists think and behave like you do.
    I appreciate every piece of information you share with us to help us build our defences.
    You are the only one who give us the weapons to protect ourselves against narcissists, HG.

  12. Will listen very soon! I enjoyed the other interviews you did with her.

    And just a side note, this song once again appeared in my YT feed, which I declare the Empath Supernova Anthem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xmckWVPRaI

    (But as a disturbing note, upon playing there was an ad for Depends underwear! Yes, adult diapers! WTF, HG? This song came out in 1984. We are not that old!!!! Help!)

  13. Dear Mr Tudor,
    You covered a lot of ground
    Most impressive indeed
    Thank you
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Dear Mr Tudor,
        My pleasure
        I’m so pleased she gave you most of the reign
        Most hosts hog the show
        It was all in your favour
        (Couple of audio issues, but all ok )
        Well done
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Madam Bubbles: I have not idea how HG manages to never lose control of his message to the Interviewer. It is an amazing ability he has. I have seen some very intelligent and also strong people turned into piffle by many Interviewers. Not, HG Tudor. Amen.

          1. Dear Princess,
            Too true, thats why he’s a professional and a greater
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Bubbles! Yes! I believe that is where the Greater, the Ultra part really shows up in a way I can see when he is engaging with others, other than us. And they love it!!

          3. Dear Princess,
            Most definitely
            Articulating with conviction, confidence, authority and knowing your subject is a rare quality and one to be admired
            (Forget politicians … no one believes a word they say …haha)
            Mr Tudor is truly gifted
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  14. HG
    Just listened and commented. Thank you for taking the time. It is always a pleasure to hear you speak and I love the examples you use.

  15. God dammmit HG!
    I hit the tipping point!

    Here’s my mistakes:
    1. Personal Anniversary Date Came Up. Needs Proxy.
    2. Thought of HG Tudor.
    3. Looked at HG’s Instagram.
    4. Commented on HG’s Instagram.
    5. HG responded. I think “oh I got acknowledged, he misses me”. Crazy in itself. I think we go back so far…
    6. “I’ll read his blog. New info.”
    7. “Aha, a new Interview, I might as well listen.”
    8. “Oh and an old interview I didn’t hear, I might as well listen to that too.”
    9. Comments on blog about interview. (Right this second).
    10. Suckered back in to being avid follower.

    This is why you said in the interview, stop the emotional thinking. You even make the statement about not engaging in a blog. I laughed out loud because this is how you earn your side hustle. Yet you know that people of an empathetic nature cannot help but engage. Even if you as The Wizard of Narc say, “you shouldn’t be engaging or entertaining the narcissist on a blog”, empaths still do it and you will never have a shortage of followers.

    I’m confused about the following being a narcissistic trait or an empathic one. Maybe both parties experience this on both sides.

    I think this may be a self esteem issue and why a narcissist/empath goes back to engage. I was feeling too calm and needed some chaos. I chose to delve in because I wanted to feel that chaos, not emotion mind you. I recognize what I am doing but dont want to stop myself. I want the attention or answer to this unsettling feeling. I want some type of reaction from the narcissist or the community. I use attention/self punishment because of my percieved role in something I had no control over. I speak of self punishment not by cutting, etc as is seen in borderline behavior. I speak of it from a person who has had narcissistic tendencies or the other way from an empathic nature. Both are getting something from keeping the thing going. Filling an insecurity.

    I think the narcissist wants to pursue this engagement with others from the past to see if they can still have that control. If they can manipulate the person, then they exert the authority and control and feel safe. You prove to yourself that you are still good. You are not weak and insecure. You can still maintain that level of game and are still worthy. If you are empathic though you want control over the feelings of another. Not to manipulate. Simply to be loved. Both instances the people want love and acceptance. They just get it in two different percieved ways.

    I have had some time to think about my role in this perception. I think it has something to do with why as a child I took my parents black and white thinking and was rewarded from one if i was sociopathic in nature and from the other if I achieved financially or academically or physically. Also a strong religious belief and learning of right and wrong. This taught me to empathize cognitively. So a scale of narcissism with sociopathic thinking ability and cognitive empathy. Or real empathy, I do feel bad or sad for others but I’m not sure if I really feel it or are just trained in knowing the right response.

    If I understand narcissism correctly, it seems that a narcissist is made from abuse + golden child caregivers mentality. I know you are not here to address what makes a narcissist. You are more interested in teaching the masses how to deal with them. I do write this here though because you have written about your past and touched on this before. I guess I would see your opinion as a chance to give me and others a what not to do to your children so they dont become a narcissist. That fits in with the weaponization side of the blog and your writings. Could you please let me know your thoughts?

  16. Thanks 🙏 I love that you help so many people HG
    It is hard to believe that you are a narcissist because you choose to help us heal by giving us the knowledge of the mind of a narcissist 😍😍

  17. Why do I feel so immensely proud while listening to this? Just can’t get enough.
    I love the multiple perspective you adopt. You are the only one that describes the narcissists in so much detail from the narc’s personality spectrum and range of behaviors to later switch to other different angles, the IMPACT they create on the victims, the recognition of an unhealthy pattern, feeling like less of a person when you are with them, if the pattern is not within the social standard, if they engage in problematic behavior. You assess the subject like a Cubist artist, from all possible angles to create a synthetic, holistic, all-encompassing approach that tackles the different types of narcissists, the Empaths, the medical community, the lack of accuracy of other “experts” and the role of society. I am impressed. Not surprised though, I didn’t expect any less.

        1. SP, I understand. I feel that too. It’s difficult to define when we’ve never met the man, but still care for his well-being and his success. Gratitude inspires this feeling in me too.

    1. SweetP,
      What podcast were you recently interviewed for, if you don’t mind me asking?
      You mentioned it a month ago on another thread.
      Can we listen to it? Is my next question.

      1. Caroline R, thanks for your interest. It is an interview in a podcast series related to my work, there are other experts that were interviewed too but each of us speak from our specific expertise in the subject. Similar to when HG participated in the Summit on Narcissistic Abuse, only that my field is completely unrelated to his. Unfortunately, my real name and my picture are revealed in that interviewed so I cannot share it here for obvious reasons, sorry! Plus, I don’t have such a captivating voice as HG’s (actually I hate listening to it myself).

        1. Thank you for replying. It’s unfortunate that it identifies you, because it would be interesting to hear. Congratulations on being given the honour though, and the acknowledgment of your expertise.
          This weekend I watched the latest Vanity Fair four-part series, which was very well done.
          Michael Palin is cast as William Thackeray, the author.
          I was considering Becky Sharpe’s N-traits as I watched, and whether she was a N, or just Narcissistic.
          Her son goes no contact with her to escape her toxic behaviour, and lack of love.
          I think she is on the Narcissistic edge of the spectrum. She’s a great character.

          I also watched ‘Colette’ with Keira Knightley. Have you seen it?
          It’s about French writer Colette. The costumes are beautiful, and the palette chosen is mostly black and white, so it’s very striking.
          Colette grew up in the countryside, and married a man who was exploitative and serially unfaithful to her. I was watching him through my Narc-vision goggles. He looks like the typical “cad” of the Belle Epoque. The “player” in modern parlance.
          A Narcissist.

          She met a woman who was married to a rich old man and began a brief affair (Elinor Thomlinson from Poldark). She then met the love of her life, a Jewish divorcee, who chose to dress in an androgynous style and was stigmatized for it.
          It was sensitively done, and touched on so many themes, such as aspects of femininity, the struggle to become our authentic selves, and the struggle to find our voice.
          Colette was a talented writer, and left her husband, (as did the fictional Becky Sharpe), to have greater autonomy over her life. She finally won copyright rights over her original work, that her husband had tried, and nearly succeeded, to swindle her out of.

          It’s given me food for thought, and I remembered our discussion on another thread, and wondered if you’d seen it, and what you thought.

          1. CR, I have seen Colette. I loved everything in that film, from the focus on the life of the French author to the idea of feminist empowerment, the bisexuality and the cross dressing in it, the historical period and the outfits (I am in love with the 1920’s-30’s) and the poetic justice in the end which you just spoiled for whoever hasn’t seen it yet! Haha, spoiler alert! Her husband was a complete asshole. I hate stories where the man takes credit for the woman’s genius ideas! Similar to The Wife, have you seen that one? I watched it on a plane to Europe and I couldn’t contain my indignation, I think the people around me must have thought I had Tourette’s syndrome, cursing to myself.

  18. It never fails that no matter how many times I have read or listened to you and the information you provide for us, I always learn something new. Thank you HG.

    1. Dear FoolMe1Time,
      I wholeheartedly agree with you
      Ive learnt from Mr Tudor’s talk, I’m most definitely challenge fuel and accepting addictions I never realised or thought I had
      Denial, is a very strong an instantaneous trait, accepting it….. is even harder
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Bubbles,
        I have finally accepted the addiction, working through all of the triggers and the ghosts from the past are what I’m finding to be the most painful and difficult. At times it feels as if it is never ending. Wanting to give up and just return to a time that I knew nothing about what was happening looks very appealing to me. I feel they were chosen to win this fight and know matter what I do, that will never change. It wears you down and makes me very tired. Good luck dear Bubbles, you can do this. 😘🥰

        1. Dear FM1T, The whim of wanting to give up and return to a time when you knew nothing about what is happening is a desire for temporary respite in denial. But like the psychological drug that it is, denial always exacts a price and leaves you feeling worse. Rest if needed, but push past this. You are stronger than you imagine and so very near the next level. Often when this is the case, the old inner voice seeks to draw you back to the familiar (pain). You know better. You truly know. So for yourself, you kids and your grandkids, press forward. In so doing, you have already won. Here are some hugs of encouragement for you.💞

          1. FYC,
            You have always been good and kind to me and I appreciate that that very much. ( I still feel you should have been a Dr. of psychology) You use logic, psychology, and your very sincere,unselfish intentions to get through to a person where others have failed. But you have to understand that sometimes those voices inside of your head are so loud that they can drive a person insane. My children and their children will be just fine, I have always made sure of that. Thank you FYC for all you do on here and for the kindness you show to everyone.

          2. Dear FM1T, Listening to the voice in your head or rejecting the voice is a choice. Choose you. You know better. Actively choose. You are wiser that you give yourself credit for. You know the truth logically, it is our emotions that create the undertow and drag us down. Recognize the ripples of the rip current (of emotions) and choose to swim around it. When you do this again and again, you are creating a new neural pathway and the old habit will give way. I promise. Reject that down pull. Stay the course. You are quite sane.

        2. FM1T,

          You don’t need to win against them. It’s the battle with yourself that you need to win. The battle of letting go.
          You are much further along the path once you have accepted your faults, and you know it.
          You’re still here, in this world and life, and this is proof enough of the strength you posses.

          Good luck, FM1T, here’s a hug for you!
          And smile 🙂

          1. Abe,
            Where have you been? I know it’s the battle within that is the toughest, I’ve accepted my faults, that’s part of the problem . I accept or blame more of it on me then on them at times.
            I believe sometimes Abe I just get so tired of fighting and I just want a little bit of peace, the more I learn about myself and why I did some of those things the more my mind continues to run and not shut down. Each level I move through instead of getting easier gets harder and sorting through it all means reliving it which actually hurts more now then when the events actually took place. People like you and FYC are kind and helpful and see things differently then most do, and as I said before I am so happy that you are here with us. I believe right now I need a break from it all and time to process some of it, that is all. Thank you for your words of wisdom and kindness, as always you have touched my heart and that alone will keep me in the fight. Thank you for the hug and smile they both came at the right time. Take care my friend. 🥰

          2. I’ve been fully off-grid for a couple of days, up in the mountains, tent in my backpack, hiking for hours and miles on end. Pretty cold though, especially at night. 🙂
            Yes, I think it’s good sometimes to take a break from all this, including the blog.
            You should maybe try it…

          3. Abe,
            I’m actually going to attempt to unplug next week for a trip that I’m taking, that in itself should be interesting.

            I’m glad you had the opportunity to get away and enjoy the beauty and serenity of nature. If I can make it through this trip unplugged, in the fall I am planning a camping trip with very much hiking included. 😘

          4. FM1T
            Using the words ‘attempt’ and ‘if’ make it sound like you are subliminally giving yourself an out already. Just curious, other than for emergency reasons (and hopefully you have none of those), what do you see as the cause for needing/wanting the technology while away?

          5. I seen what you did there NA.
            I don’t need and shouldn’t want technology while I’m away. Thank you NA! 😘🥰

          6. FM1T

            It will get easier my friend. Every decision made was with the knowledge of then. The world needs more people like you.

            The memory of the pain can feel just as real as when living that moment.

            You hold such an inner strength and beauty.

Vent Your Spleen!

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