Parasite

PARASITE

You fed off me and I am sick of it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my magnetism, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am magnanimous I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to annoy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my charm, my attractiveness, my easy manner with people and how they are drawn to me and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted some of that. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my impeccable reputation, my scintillating presence and my esteemed connections. I do not blame you for wanting to be associated with me, who would not? Who would not want such a slice of the action as me? The opportunity to move in circles that you had never experienced before. The chance to be somebody. The time to clamber upwards from the tedious life you led and the doldrums in which you festered. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to be a part of that world. You certainly did become part of that world as well. You enjoyed my extraordinary largesse as you accepted my gifts, my invitations and my cold hard cash. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed your friends and family to become part of my entourage, they certainly had no qualms about getting on the gravy train did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were always only ever my friends. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my irritation became annoyance? That my annoyance became fury? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I had to stop this. I had to find someone who would give rather than take and that meant I had to be rid of you. That is why I chose someone else to escape your leeching and draining behaviour. That is why I cast you aside. You are a parasite.

 

You fed off me and I am sick with it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my goodness, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am the kind and caring person that I pride myself on being, I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to destroy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my compassion, my attractiveness, my empathic manner with people and how they respond to such kindness and love and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted all of that for yourself. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my gushing compassion, my reflective presence as my emotional nature. I do not blame you for wanting to be with me, who would not when they are a creature like you? Who would not want such to erode me slice by slice? The opportunity to move yet again in circles that you had experienced before. The chance to be make yourself feel like somebody for once. The time to clamber upwards from the empty life you lead and the chasm which threatens to engulf you. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to make me part of you by swallowing me up. You certainly did make me become part of you as I struggle to remember most days who I am and what I was before I met you. You enjoyed my extraordinary love as you accepted my attentiveness, my invitation into my heart and my warm, loving nature. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas to who I was and you saw no reason to ever respect my identity. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised and even when you began to abuse me, I never wavered from that. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed my friends and family to become part of your facade, they certainly had no qualms about forgetting me following your smear campaigns did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places in side my soul once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were my friends until you banished them. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my confusion became despair? That my despair became desperation? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I need to find a way to stop this, but I can’t seem to. You won’t stop.  I have to find someone who will give rather than take and that means I need to be rid of you. I know this has to happen but I feel I cannot escape you, you have drained and leeched from me to such an extent that I am barely able to think and function. That is why I need to cast you aside but how can I when you will not let me go and you will not stop causing me to love you. You are a parasite.

Who is the parasite. You, me or both of us?

The parasite is the one who benefits at the expense of the other.

Who is the parasite?

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15 Comments

  1. The parasite is both I believe but then again I could be wrong. This is all new to me.
    Excellent writing .
    You should direct a movie one day about your life that would he fascinating

  2. My Dear HG. This is helpful for understanding why the Midrangers didn’t want me.

    I collected 3 Midrangers from your Narc Detectors: LMR, MMR, and UMR.
    All grandiose yet admitted in passing they suffered from depression, at times in their lives.

    Is depression common to Narcs, is it fuel drought?

    I’m naturally happy. Maybe why the depressed ones liked me.
    The Midrangers made me estatically happy 😟😭

  3. As I mentioned on Twitter, I feel certain that this post was intentionally put here for me. He thinks I’m a parasite. I’m obsessed, ya know? I wanna go No Contact, but haven’t been able to manage it, yet. I tell myself every day that this is gonna be “the day”; but then, it turns out to be, “tomorrow will be the day, for sure”.

    I know, “think logically, not emotionally”.. but, I cannot seem to control it. But seriously, one of these days, I will not have to even give “no contact” a thought because it will be done. Days, months, years, and then ‘forever’ will go by… and I will have been No Contact and never thought about him, it, or them, ever again.

    This hate/love roller coaster ride will be over, and even when the name might pop up in certain circles, I will not be triggered because I will be healthy, know my value, and be fulfilled from within. But, I know I must still always be on guard due to the parasitic dance between Empaths and Narcissists.

    I will always remember him in kindness, thoughtfulness, and his helpfulness to others, including myself. It’s just that my obsession makes this all too entirely unhealthy for me. It is my fault, really.

    I will remember the many sweet people on here who accepted me, and Narc Angel as being most kind to me of all, and immensely wise. Hopefully the memory of the handful of crazies from here that pretended to “befriend” me will quickly fade.

    I am sure this isn’t “Good Bye”, but for my own emotional health, I hope this will be the case, but in all probability, this is just one of many thousands of them. I don’t mean to sound hopelessly pathetic. It’s just the way I feel, right now.

    The girl in this post even looks like me, except that the mouth is all wrong.

  4. Piano Boy often talked about his “empathy”. He truly believed he was an empathic person. It was an excuse that he gave me for not “abandoning” me. I can hear him saying similar things like this to me of but what he has said in the past. 😔

    1. SF, I like how you are speaking of him in the past tense. I hope you are making progress. Hang in there.

  5. I like this pic so much more than the old one for this article. The other one reminded me of the movie ‘The Fly’ for some reason.

    1. MB—the other one was some creature wrapped in a white covering or something I think? It was aesthetically lacking..

      1. Lorelei, it was some kind of digestive juice goo or something. Ectoplasm? It was a good pic for the article but kinda scary!

    1. This post is a written example of gaslighting – it’s not how it “feels,” rather, it’s what a narcissist might say to someone they are discarding, in order to place all of the blame on them and make them feel like the crazy ones.

      This is chilling, very well-written, and right on point.

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