Why Does The Narcissist Return To The Ex?

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  1. K,
    I just now saw the “Toy Story” clip you put on your reply post to me…I adore all the Toy Story movies~How sweet~thank you!💋 I need a box of Kleenex whenever I watch those…like the “When She Loved Me” song, in Toy Story 2, ouch my heart.😭

    1. Caroline-is-fine
      That was such a sad song and it made me cry, too. Several of Sarah McLachlan songs are real tearjerkers.

      Emperor Zurg, Stinky Pete and the three toy aliens are such great characters. TS3: Big Baby and Lotso. Toy Story 4 was great. Gabby Gabby and the ventriloquist’s dummies were freaky! That has a sad ending, too!

      1. K,
        I know, it *was* sad! Yes, he got pretty, cool-chick Bo Peep 🐑…but what about his friends?😥 Yep, the dummies were super creepy.🥶 They must have scared a lot of kiddos.

          1. Caroline-is-fine
            Ha ha ha…they are on it like ugly on a warthog. Pixar has already hinted at a TS5!

          2. K,
            I ❤ you, Pixar! They left it wide open for so many plot twists & turns…

            -Will Woody & Bo Peep live happily ever after…or will Bo turn out to be a Dirty Empath & cheat on him with GI Joe?😡
            -Will “The Trash” build & build…into a Narc Trash Monster, taking over all clean spots left in the world?
            -Will Jess lasso Buzz’s heart & blast off to their own romantic adventure?


          3. Caroline-is-fine
            I think Woody and Bo will live happily ever after. It would be nice to see Jesse and Buzz get together and I would love to see Zurg make another appearance, as well.

          4. K,
            I agree…Bo will not TOY with his emotions. Heh. 😏Woody+Bo=True Toy Love Forever❣ Rowdy Jess would be good for stoic Buzz.💞

            HG’s now thinking: “Shush it with the pretend play, Caroline. What are you, 12?”

            No, I will NOT shush it, HG. I have a child-like imagination & am *still* mature. So 😛

            💦Challenge Fuel💦

            Let my Silent Treatment begin.🤫

        1. HG,
          After listening to your audio (thank you), I had a few questions about the narcissist I was in a FR with, in relation to how he speaks of his exes…just out of sheer curiosity, as I’ve never understood this aspect.

          1) The narcissist never smeared his ex-girlfriend to me, in the entire time we were together…he was the one who broke up with her, and he explained to me why he did. She was, by all accounts from those who knew her, pretty, nice and bright. In addition, by all accounts from others, he also has never smeared me, not in all the mini-breakups we had — or when I broke up with him for good. In fact, others often told me how positively he still spoke of me afterward. I realize it’s always possible he smeared her or me to someone, sometime…but, largely-speaking, he did not. My question: *What would be the narcissistic purpose in him being neutral or positive about ex-girlfriends — in terms of not smearing?*
          2) When he hoovered me (years after I left him), saying he was filing for divorce from his then-wife, he DID say his wife was “crazy” & provided all these examples to me. I could feel him trying to convince me of this. My question: *Why specifically smear her — but not ex-girlfriends — is that unusual?*

          1. 1. Facade. Triangulation – you have something to live up to, the one after you has something to live up too.
            2. She was painted black at that time, doubtless owing to the challenge to his control posed by the ongoing divorce.

          2. Thank you HG~easy to understand & makes plenty sense…appreciate it.

      1. K,
        I don’t see a “Play” button anywhere, but thank you anyway, hon! 🥰

        (I sometimes walk a fine line with my feistiness, so it’s entirely possible my button was taken away😎…but it’s much more likely due to my new Tablet issues).

        1. Caroline-is-fine
          After I read your comment, I thought: Hmmm….what device is she using? Maybe there is no play button available and that would explain your conundrum. I use Apple products and have access to the play/pause button.

          If you have another device, try that out for better luck.

          1. K,
            I finally met with success! Yes, I can push a green arrow.😂 It’s right by an ad, so it was a little unclear. I get so much pop-up stuff that it’s driving me bananas.

            But wow, I’m humbled by the impressive group that arrived when I signaled a need for tech help.😘 Maybe I should ask for help more often…

            Like this weekend, one of my friends is moving all her stuff out of a two-story house…into *another* two-story house that’s an hour away.

            Anyone up for a big moving adventure this Saturday/Sunday/however-long-this-godforsaken-mission-lasts..Anyone?…Hello, guys? You still here?…

            Where’d everyone go? 😟

          2. Caroline-is-fine
            Excellent, problem solved. The tech help is fantastic on narcsite. An hour away! Er…this weekend I am really busy doing stuff. Have fun with move out day, I gotta go. See ya later.

        2. Caroline is fine
          At first glance the play button could appear as part of the ad below the article.

          Wait a cotton pickin minute!………are you trying to gaslight us?

          1. How odd, it is separate and distinct from the advertisement when I look at it from the front end.

          2. HG
            Well as you repeatedly state and this confirms……your view is different.

          3. NA,
            😂 You’d think – but I just sucketh with technology…with this Tablet upgrade, I find myself muttering often: “Why are you doing that??”

            It never answers…yet keeps causing me problems…very suspiciously narc-like.🤨

        3. Carolyn. It is just a prompt. > There are no words to suggest an audio is there. Just an enter prompt underneath the title, > , and then 00:00:00. It is very easy to miss.

          1. PSE,
            Oh! I thought that was an arrow (link) for an ad. It’s kind of you to say it’s “easy to miss.”💛 Thank you!

        4. CIF….
          (I sometimes walk a fine line with my feistiness, so it’s entirely possible my button was taken away😎…but it’s much more likely due to my new Tablet issues).

          Or “working” too late!!!! LOL

          1. Kim,
            I’m not *entirely* sure what you mean…but I am sure enough not to ask!🤔😱🤪

        5. P.S.
          Just to be clear, I wasn’t being cheeky. Once there was a glitch on narcsite with something similar and HG fixed the problem after multiple comments alerting him to the matter.

          1. K,
            I’m not sure if the “cheeky” reply was to me…but I didn’t think you were being anything but helpful.🙂

          2. Caroline-is-fine
            Ha ha ha…the “cheeky” reply was for you and I am happy that you understood where I was coming from. Thank you!

          3. K,
            Can I please ask a librarian favor of you? Somewhere on this blog, HG mentioned that as an adult, he has always had a policy of not dating anyone he does not consider to be of maturity of age, and I remember that comment, because it really struck me…I believe he said it was age 22 or 23. Would you be able to find me a link to his comment? If it is too much, I understand. There is no rush whatsoever.

          4. Caroline is fine

            I’m not positive but it may have been a comment on one of the Ice Cold with Alex articles.

          5. Thanks NarcAngel
            I was Googling Ice Cold With Alex and found a great book: Ice Cold in Alex by Christopher Landon. That’s going in my reading queue.

          6. K
            Thanks K, I’ll look at that book. I thought it was Ice Cold where it was discussed but then it came to me that it might have been Who’s The Daddy. Alternatively, the person who wants to know (I forget who requested the info) could just ask HG if the comment remains elusive.

          7. My pleasure NarcAngel
            The book got great reviews; it’s out of print so I ordered a used copy from Amazon. I remember reading the comment but, sometimes, I filter out superfluous information.

          8. Caroline-is-fine
            Your comment has been uploaded on Google. I had no luck finding the original. Do you remember who asked HG about his dating policy?

          9. Hi, K!
            I don’t think anyone asked him that question of him directly, but I’m not sure…the reason I wanted a link is not actually for me…it was an evidence-based reason, that backs up something HG claims. Thanks for what you did to help. I’ll search for it on my own now, and will only use it if I see a need to anyway, which was what I always intended.
            P.S. Moving day is only half of the way…but it has not been bad, thus far.😎

          10. My pleasure Caroline-is-fine!
            I will keep looking; if you find it, let me know.

            Ha ha ha…Moving Day reminded me of Toy Story. Don’t feel obligated to watch, if you do, fast forward to 20 seconds. It’s the hour drive that sucks, good luck!

          11. K,
            Thanks, hon…will do. I just went back to add your name on this, so HG wouldn’t think I was calling him “hon.” 😂

          12. K~Maybe so…but he’d think something was really wrong with me!🤒

          13. CIF,

            re: “HG mentioned that as an adult, he has always had a policy of not dating anyone he does not consider to be of maturity of age, and I remember that comment, because it really struck me…I believe he said it was age 22 or 23”

            It’s in his book Sex and the Narcissist. The chapter on virgins on page 82.

        6. Caroline is fine, the play button is neon or light green. It took me a second look to see it as well. 😊

          1. Thanks much, MP😊~I did find it, and I know it works…but then I went to swim laps and showered & grabbed a snack & yada-yada-yada…and now I’m finally settled, to listen to it. If I didn’t listen to it after all this, it would be a disgrace.😌

    1. Carolyn: I did not notice the play button as well just now until I started reading the replies , and I read that K said she pressed play and heard HG`s voice. I looked up again, on my laptop, and then I saw that a recording is there. That area where one presses the enter prompt for the recording is small and directly above a HUGE turquoise colored WordPress Ad with a female smiling, on my computer. That small area to hit the enter prompt, blends in and does not stand out at all on my computer. I am sure some others will miss that enter prompt as well. I wish such posts as this one would also say something like, press the enter prompt to hear the audio. Otherwise, this type of post looks like a question or a statement or a meme, or as if an article was not attached. There are no words to alert the reader that an audio is attached. HG, please do not shoot me, the messenger. Thank you.

      1. No shooting. As mentioned to NA, it is separate when I look at it. I will make some space and see if that moves Smiley WordPress Woman away.

        1. Dearest HG: Also, if you can just write something like: `Press play to listen to the audio.` HG, you used to write something like that in the past, when you placed an audio on this site. It is more than just the Advertisement. Many people, like me, need instructions. We need to be `Controlled.` To be told what to do. To be told to: Press Enter to hear the audio.

          1. K. I did not know what a meme was until HG started to ad memes. I remember replying to HG that he left out the story, last year, and he replied back that it was a meme. I never heard of Spotify or Lisbyn, etc. either, until HG. I did not have a cell phone until last year when the Narcissist find out and in total disbelief and shock, told me to get one, and I did and it is good to have. So, I do not mind being the test case to admit what I find unclear or difficult in this tech realm with all of HG`s advancements. I am so glad we also have E.B. and FYC and K. and Whitney and Abe etc. and others that know about technology But, I think I am the weakest link regarding technology on this site. However, Sometimes I feel like the character that says: The Emperor Has No Clothes, as well. Because I can see what is not there as opposed to those that see so much, from habit, if you know what I mean. For example, I can and will say: I can not hear that well, or, that is difficult to see, or something is showing up differently altogether in my browser, etc. because I am not seeing or hearing something out of expectation or experience, and I do not doubt what I am experiencing, even if what I am experiencing is not supposed to be happening technology wise, like being stuck in a download and play loop, over and over, for a half and hour. if I am explaining this correctly. I call like like I find it. Good or bad. This layman viewpoint can at times be an advantage as well. I am The Layman, I think, in all this.

          2. PrincessSuperEmpath
            Your comment reminded me of the word Luddite. We have some great techies on narcsite and they are very helpful with their instructions on navigating devices or The Net, thankfully.

            How you perceive things may be linked with the personality trait of openness, because you allow more information through than the average Joe. You are both honest and brave enough to speak up about what you see or don’t see and that’s an uncommon trait. Where others are afraid of the consequences of honesty you are decidedly not and that is a rare virtue.

            You call it like you see it. You’re a truth seeker.

        2. HG,
          I’m not sure about the “Smiley WP Woman,” but I pressed the green arrow – that I never had, because I thought it was an ad link – and cheerio, it’s you, Sir London!🤴

          Now to listen…carefully…

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