The Futility of Your Feeling
Feelings are an unnecessary burden and thankfully I have been relieved of many of them, being left only with those which are deemed necessary to enable me to pursue the harvesting of fuel. Feelings blur and weaken. How many times have you heard your alarm go off in the morning and you have rolled over feeling like you do not want to get up? Many times I should imagine. That feeling of apprehension about what the day holds for you, despondency at what has happened to you and dread about what you have to do weakens you and holds you back. You spend much of your life in the pursuit of this notion of happiness but are you ever truly happy? Do you look at what you have and wish you had more? Do you look at other people around you and imagine how happy they must be and you wish that you were more like them? All you achieve is bitterness. Perhaps you do feel happy but as the empath that you are you see those who you regard as less happy than you and you wish that they could be more like you. All you achieve is vanity. You spend so much of your time seeking to be happy and then you worry about whether it is fleeting in nature. You express concern that you just want to be happy and spend more and more time trying to achieve this state of nirvana. You suffer from feeling sadness which leads to paralysis and indecision. You feel frustrated which sucks up your energy and leaves you feeling spent. You take pride in your ability to feel and to be able to feel on behalf of others yet all you are doing is allowing yourself to be burdened. Why bother pursuing those feelings which are regarded as positive, such as joy, happiness and elation? Is the effort truly worth it when you get there only for it to be a fleeting moment which then casts you into despondency? What was the point of that? Why allow yourself to be mired in upset, misery and dejection? You achieve nothing as you slowly sink into a quagmire of such negativity. Your feelings deceive you, press down on you and above all else allow us to manipulate you. It is because you feel this array of emotions that you provide us with emotional reactions. Of course you know that these emotional reactions create my fuel. Your feelings are to blame.
I never acquired these feelings. This is because the pursuit of fuel cannot be distracted by these cumbersome emotions. They serve no purpose and thus were never developed. I am built for the acquisition of fuel and nothing else. I am an efficient design, single-minded and driven. All excess baggage was not jettisoned, it was never stowed on board to begin with. I am not wholly without feelings. I have been developed in a way to allow certain feelings, those that aid my purpose, to come to the fore. I feel fury which ensures that I can exert control over other people and thus extract fuel from them. I feel envy which drives me on to strip away those traits from other people which I need to create my construct. If I felt no envy, I would not want these characteristics – thus this feeling serves a purpose. There is no superfluous feeling connected with me. I feel jealousy which again causes me to strive to better that person by lauding my own achievements and prompting a reaction which garners positive fuel or by berating the person of whom I am jealous and thus I harvest negative fuel. I feel hatred. This allows me to see everything as it truly is. Hatred hones and brings into sharp focus the reality of this cruel world and thus I am better able to navigate my way through it. Hatred is visceral, it is not fluffy or amorphous. It does not cloud or blur. It is direct, straight to the point and electrifying in its capacity to allow me to always go forward. All of these feelings and ones of a similar nature have been fashioned around me to assist me in my quest for fuel. Each one discharges a method of enabling me to gather fuel so that I can feel the ultimate emotion. My pursuit of fuel is predicated on the use of these various emotions with the sole purpose of allowing me to feel that emotion which I prize above all others.
I feel powerful.
I am powerful.
33 thoughts on “The Futility of Your Feeling”
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This article remains me of a character in a children’s book, a blind worm who pompously explains about the many disadvantages of having sight, why it is so much better to be blind, and how he, being blind, is far more superior to those who can see. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so sad.
That children’s book sounds disturbing to me in so many ways. An oversimplification of the mysteries still not solved in this life. I am surprised that is a children’s book. And I am accepting that the worm is speaking. I just do not believe that the worm would say such. The worm, I believe, would enjoy being a worm, though. There are many faulty feelings, even in the categories of love, and empathy and mercy and forgiveness, etc. that I find are put on a pedestal, when they also can cause harm. All has to be analyzed on a case by case basis to see, first what do we mean by love, and caring, etc. in various situations, on a case by case basis. Or, we become pompous when we believe what feel is always best in many situations, when we make many errors, in actuality.
Why bother pursuing . . . joy, happiness and elation? This question struck me bc I dont pursue feelings generally speaking. I’ve pursued good grades, connection with people/belonging, a job/money, increased competency in various jobs, a husband to share life with, etc. Right now I strive to raise my children to be healthy & independent adults, I pursue an organized life, harmony within the family, enrichment thru continued learning, etc.
All the feelings, good & bad, are by-products of these pursuits. All the feelings, good & bad, are our brains/selves trying to communicate important information about how we are doing. In my experience, all the feelings, good & bad, just kind of sneak up. They just are. Unfortunately a lot of us learn to stuff down the bad feelings instead of respect them, and that never ends well.
It’s pretty tough to imagine functioning without both. Yin & yan & all that. Yet here you are, explaining how it’s done. You’ve really never felt joy, or even contentment? Couldn’t the surge of really good fuel be pretty close at times?
In addition, it is not the emotion that is the weakness, or the reaction to the emotion, but the action corresponding to the emotion which proves to be either a strength or a weakness.
For example, I feel love toward you. My reaction to that emotion is confusion. My action to that emotion is to correspond with you on this blog and express my respect for your intelligence.
I have to agree with you that sometimes feelings are a burden and cause unnecessary pain, but that is the human experience that we have been made to endure to test our grit. The constant pursuit of happiness is also a false construct. Negative emotions are as necessary as positive emotions.
You have been relieved, or you have relieved yourself of the burden of feeling other people’s emotions, caring for them, and sometimes acting in their best interests against your own. Yet at the same time you have denied yourself the opportunity to grow stronger because it is only when we are working with resistance to something (as in physical resistance training) or contrary to our own feelings that we develop mental and emotional strength. This strength is showed in the concept of ‘tough love’ and when empaths escape from their narcissists.
True mental strength is shown when you have a feeling but act against it because it is the moral thing to do for yourself or others (without debating the concept of morality now). You act always based upon your own needs and for the benefit of yourself, although it sometimes produces results which do benefit others. That is instinctual and requires no strength. It is how children and animals act for the most part, yet sometimes even they will defend one another.
I sometimes find it troubling and painful to feel love I have for certain people. I also think love might produce more pain than hate, but I’m not sure. So I nurture the hate within me so that it overpowers the love I don’t want to feel and the pain that love produces, but then I also have no choice but to express the love also. I know this is probably dysfunctional. I would rather just not feel the emotion of love so that I don’t have to fight it. I envy you at times for this.
Unfortunately for me, I feel both love and hate for you. I assume other people feel the same. At times I view you as a hurt little boy and I want to scoop you up and kiss you and make all the hurt go away. Then I think about all the pain you have caused to other people and I want to throw you to the ground and stomp you and strangle you. I feel both these feelings but act on neither one. Because I can’t, but also it wouldn’t change the situation, so it is useless. I can have emotions but not act on them.
You believe yourself to be omnipotent. I believe in a creator God and that Gods exist. Let’s assume that Gods do exist. Do you think they are more likely to be narcissistic in nature or empathic?
Thank you for this thought-provoking article and the chance to voice my opinion.
Narcissistic.
Thank you for your response. I don’t necessarily disagree with you. I appreciate your blog very much. I am learning a lot about narcissism and about myself. There is nothing I can think and say that hasn’t already been said. I just need to find it.
Dearest HG: The tall order is not to feel or to not feel, but to transcend. To be ones true perfect self despite all that has afflicted one. Sometimes we have glimpses of our true selves. Sometimes, over time, people also repeat certain things to us about ourselves. Sometimes others glimpse some of our true selves whether or not they tell us. We should listen to things that have been constantly repeated to us during our life by different people that never knew each other. Slight patterns that smokily come to our awareness and disappear before we can truly examine them. To truly live, is to be ones perfect self. And that self is always hot or cold. Never lukewarm. I believe that if we could truly become what the Narcississt mirrors back to us, we would capture much of what we should be. I need to become what I saw in the Narcississt that lured me so much. I should make a list and try to be what I saw. But, that would take a lot of work on my part. If the Narcississt could actual acquire the characteristics that he admires and mimics, he would also capture much of his true self that he has cemented away. That would also take a lot of work, as well. In the meantime, we both only off each other. It’s so much easier. However, it is a meal that does not satisfy long term.
You left out fear.
Sisty
You may find this article interesting.
https://narcsite.com/2016/09/27/fearless/
Does some of the envy comes from us not having the need for fuel ?
Yes, although that is not a conscious awareness.
Does some of the envy comes from us not having the need for fuel ?
Yes, although that is not a conscious awareness.
HG.
This confused me…SURPRISE!!! If it is not a conscious awareness, how do N’s even know that we do not need fuel?
You do not need fuel which means the way you are comes across differently, it is a form of contentment.
The narcissist does not know that he needs fuel, he does not know you do not need fuel however what he sees in terms of your behaviour is because you do not need fuel (which is different from him) which causes the envy.
Got it. I envy you for understanding all that I want to know and your patience for telling me it.
Thanks
Ha ha, very good. I am pleased you understand it.
This is true I have seen this played out in real time haha.
Dear HG, I often feel Elated. Most generally, I feel contented. When I’m by myself, I feel tranquil.
This is why the Psychopath liked me. And he kept his worldview secret. He didn’t want me to change because he needed me.
I’ve always been confused. You tell the truth. I feel grateful and lucky for you, HG.
The only feelings Narcs feel are evil, ie, hate, envy, malice, etc. These emotions come from Satan. Narcs don’t know what love is, so they don’t know what they are missing. Love is not weak. Love is much more powerful than anything in the world. Jesus is pure LOVE. Satan is pure EVIL. Jesus overpowered Satan. Jesus holds the keys to Death and Hades. The only hope for a Narc is healing and deliverance through Jesus Christ. Narcs are destined for Hell unless they are redeemed through Christ. Narcs are like Psychic Vampires with a never-ending thirst for fuel/power. But when they get to Hell, they will be totally powerless and tormented in the worst ways for Eternity. Satan has tricked them into losing their souls. I’ve been praying for Narcs to be delivered. We fell in love with Narcs. They would become truly beautiful people if they were delivered from NPD. I believe in the Miracles of Jesus. I have experienced Miracles first hand. I will continue to pray for Narcs.
Yes. Your kind has found the meaning of life clearly *dripping in sarcasm*
At best… we are all screwed up… and your kind is NEVER happy EVER…your kind is constantly miserable wanting to spread their misery to everyone. At least we CAN be happy. happiness comes and goes in waves but at least we experience it.
“Feelings Blur and Weaken”? feelings are not a weakness. They may blur decisions at times, but they are NOT a weakness. Just because we can feel on a more wide spectrum then your kind doesn’t mean we don’t use our own anger, pride, jealousy and envy to push ourselves forward as well. We do when its needed…. I am living proof of that.
No one needs to feel bad about having feelings.
Dripping with emotional thinking.
Feelings are not a weakness.
My mom stayed home and took care of her children. Then in her middle years went back to work. Rose from the bottom to the top of an organization…. her narcissitic sibilings who used to laugh at her for being home… now call her for money… to which she declines… my mom is a codependent empath…. she is still highly involved in my life too. She is not weak. She is the strongest person I know… and she did it all. With feelings.
In my own situation… my narc was ganging up on me at work, he was using lieutenants to try and bring me down. I’m talking cameras were used the whole works… what did I do? I got hurt… hell I even shed a tear at work… then I went home and formulated a plan for myself…. you know had happened? I ended up with a promotion.
Feelings are not a weakness. Just because an empath can feel doesn’t mean we can’t propel ourselves forward when necessary.
Compared to us, your feelings are a weakness.
Well I now understand what I did means he has a massive score to settle… but guess what? I found you… so now I know that… and I win again because I’m going to quit before he can fully implement his plan.
This empath ain’t without her own sources.
Good for you. Apply the cold hard logic you find here.
SM has feelings doesn’t she? She sounds prerty successful and anything but weak to me.
But you can bet your house on the fact that if it comes to a battle of her feelings against my lack of feelings, I will win.
I’m sure she’s dealt with your kind before…. and as a SE can gear up for battle when necessary.
My tone comes across as abrupt and I apologize for that. But I like
Who I am. Feelings and all lol.
You have no need to apologise. I daresay people think I am abrupt when I am purely to the point.
I am powerful too HG. When I feel or see someone in distress, anxious, tearful, mad, elated, glowing, smiling or just plain happy I am able to experience it all with that person. If kind words help them GREAT – if a hug lightens their load then SO BE IT – if all they need is to vent and me listen WONDERFUL!!
My power is the ability to feel ALL emotions and helping whenever and however i am able. Yes sir I do get the bad BUT I also get the good – best of both world.
Have a wonderful evening!