Fearless

I am fearless. I am a pioneer who marches into new lands where I stake my claim because it is my right. I am blessed with my formidable powers that enable me to strike down my enemies, vanquish my foes and take that which rightfully belongs to me. Driven by my raging fury I will consign those that stand against me to oblivion. No wall can keep me out, no fortress will prevent my ever onwards march. It takes a special person to have no fear. Few are imbued with this for only a few can stand astride the world and survey it knowing it belongs to them. To be free of doubt, devoid of concern and unburdened by conscience enables me to move forward without fear. This is entirely necessary. Fear paralyses. Fear inhibits and stunts. Achievements cannot be secured when one lives with fear. New horizons cannot be reached with fear lurking on your shoulder. Fear will set you back and keep you back. I cannot be restrained. I must not be harnessed or withheld for I must always strike out. It is by lacking this fear which infects so many of you, that I am able to bring my greatness to bear on those around me. To live without fear is true freedom. As Evey declared in V for Vendetta

“I wish I wasn’t afraid, all of the time.”

Fear prevents potential being reached. Fear dissuades and controls. Fear is the enemy of progress, it is the opponent of invention and it is the foe that will quash your dreams as if they never existed. I am blessed with the capacity for knowing that what I will do will succeed and thus I am freed from fear. My plans in the workplace will be met with acclaim and admiration so that I am not held back in formulating and presenting them. When I enter the room, heads turn in acknowledgement of my ability. Not for me the skulking walk of the frightened who must keep to the shadows for fear of failure. When I approach somebody I know they will like me, want me and admire me. This enables me to succeed in all my interactions with people, from the barmaid to the chairman of the board. All of this is because I am free from fear.

You know fear all too well. You tell me of the stifling effect it has on you. The tremble it injects into your voice. The clamminess of your hands as you reach out to shake someone’s hand. The churning stomach and the light-headedness. The dread that washes over you as the alarm goes off and another day lies ahead of you seeking to challenge you and grind you down. You live surrounded by fear because you allow it to control you. You allow yourself to be governed by your feelings. You have not mastered them. You have not cast aside those that you do not need and instead you choose to be a slave to those feelings so that amidst them fear comes and takes you with its cold hand about your neck and pulls you downwards into a quagmire of uncertainty, worry and fear. You fear how you will be regarded when you attend a drinks party with new people. You worry about how your dress or shirt will look. You worry about money, family, health,friends, the environment, taxes and your sports team. You have allowed fear to permeate every level of your life and in turn it has weakened you and held you back. Look to me. Do I show fear or concern as I go about my works? No I do not. How many times have you looked upon my kind and remarked how we always succeed, how nothing bothers us and how we always triumph no matter what happens? That is what comes with being fearless. That is what being a leader, a pioneer and a titan is all about. I am without fear and thus I make the world mine.

This lack of fear is what draws people to me. They are mesmerised at the nobility that I possess. They look on in awe at how I tackle every obstacle with that unerring fortitude,driven on by my unswerving belief in that what I do is right. I am not bound by convention. I am not hampered by rules, regulations or procedures. Those are devices for the frightened. Artifical creations put in place to give those who are less than me, less than us, something to hold onto. You cling to these laws whilst I strike them down. Like a crusading knight I ride into battle and fear no defeat for victory will always be mine.

I fear nothing.

It is nothing that I fear. But I will not admit that.

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36 thoughts on “Fearless”

  1. I still like this piece, what do you call these, articles? I believe in this in being fearless. I also read that narcissists don’t get stressed out like we do, and I like that too. I think it’s healthy to take on some of the narc traits, only do it better, without any evil underlyings.

  2. No of course i dont 100% know, thats why im here. But so far it doesnt look too good with respect to talk therapy and personality disorders.

  3. The only think I can even liken this to is from the age of 12-16years when I went completely ‘off the rails’.

    I developed such an attitude and complete contempt for the world that I was scared of nothing (well almost, everyone is scared of wasps right ?)

    I understand the need for fear, but it truly must be amazing to not feel this.

    1. Alexis…I remember watching movies such as the Swarm and Killer Bees. Those were most disturbing bc that sht can really happen. Eew.

      1. Ooh 1j1 they sound scary !! I think that’s part of the attraction with Ns when we meet them because they are so confident and reassuring that any fears we have they comfort and make us feel safe.
        Little did we know once they’re prying eyes set on us we are less safe than we’ve ever been !!

      2. Alexis. They were disturbing. I was a kid when they came out. The most disturbing scene was of this guy being chased into quicksand (if I remember correctly). My dad calmed me a bit by telling me those kind of bees weren’t in the United States…yet. Still, I kept my eye on their progression bc who wants to be killed by bees? When they made it to the US, I told him, “They’re here” lol.

        I never felt completely safe with either N. Endless phone calls and having them want to spend all our time together almost made me break up with both in very short order. N2 backed off. It wasn’t for me. It was for him. If that happened today (plus email and text) they’d have no chance. Thank you HG.

  4. Good morning G. I wish I had confidence just like You. I never had it and never will. But I’m glad that from all the crap the fear has gone. Me and fear merged somehow. I don’t feel it. Carpe Diem has got a new meaning for me.

  5. Most don’t want to change this Anteah, because it’s not easy.
    HG has brought light to a subject that has been kept in the dark for so long, answers to questions many have asked over and over that most can understand with out all the psycobable.
    He is unquine, assumption is always the first mistake. If He choses to change his perspective, I do believe he will succeed, it’s in his nature to win at all costs.
    I mean no disrespect Aeteah, this is my opinion and belief.

  6. Anteah are you so sure he can’t internalize this? Have you walked his path?
    I don’t disagree there is a neurological root, yet I believe environment plays an important part to.
    Nothing is impossible, it’s a desire of the changing of one’s paradigm.

  7. He has no ability to internalize it though, Rhonda, and thats the oddest part of it all. Ns and Ss are often full of talents and seemingly redeeming qualities, but they use them to prove to themselves something that we will never understand. No concept of self indeed must feel pretty scary. I stand by the idea that there is a heavy neurological root to it all.

  8. HG, well at least you can admit to fearing something. Bravo!
    As you likely know but do not write is that Fear is instinctual, we evolved to feel this emotion to protect us from danger ( lions, tigers, abusers, etc)…. It has its place. Justified fear can and does save lives. It is the fear of being hit one more time, the fear of being lost in a toxic tangle, the fear of forgetting what is real and what is the created mirage that narcicists are so skilled at creating….this drives some survivors to leave and truly live.

    It’s unjustified fear that keeps people from their true potential. It is the fear of loosing a false love, the fear of rejection, the fear of the delusional relationship is just a dream….this unjustified fear is not productive and keeps people from achieving a fulfilling life.

      1. Thanks Jaded1. Indeed, all our emotions are both a gift and a pain. All emotions have a purpose, to communicate quickly to ourselves and others that something it up (good, bad or neither). Some just get over expressed (or under expressed) to the point that can cause suffering or numbing (i.e. depression from sadness, anxiety from fear, anger issues from true healthy anger, etc). or dissociation from emotions. We do this to ourselves to survive and it is indeed an effective coping mechanism until…..its not. Know what I mean 🙂

      1. Thank you DC79….Justified and not-justified emotions (although all are valid, as they are personal internal experiences) is also a DBT topic (LOL).* ***I had to throw it in****

    1. I see what you are saying, Indy. Dissociation is a perfect word. Emotions are difficult. I don’t feel happy or joy or tbe good ones very often with respect to myself. The closest thing is a heartfelt laugh that makes the neighbor dog bark. I am happy for others when they have good fortune, but don’t feel happiness inside. I don’t feel envy when good things happen to others…maybe a bit jealous bc normal, but I don’t plan mischief to derail the good that another gets. Likewise, I don’t feel happy at another person’s misery. When N2 lost his house, i felt sick for him.

      I’m not trying to sound contrary, but I don’t think sadness has to do with depression. I call it “the Crush”. I can only describe what I feel as a crushing pain that begins in my mind and travels to my chest and then stomps it like “Bambi Meets Godzilla”, lol. Happy, sad or any emotion has no chance when this is present. True fear is one emotion I let in the door. I know the difference between it and anxiety. It is the survival emotion.

      1. Hi Jaded1,
        Your laugh made me laugh 🙂 I actually have a loud Julia Roberts laugh that probably would wake the neighbors.

        I really appreciate you feedback as you are completely correct. Sadness (healthy sadness) and depression (unhealthy excessive sadness to the point of physical and mental destruction and chemical imbalance) are totally different. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since age 22yrs and I refer to it at times as the “demon”. Now, I also see it as my “teacher” as it has taught me a lot of lessons about myself, my strength, and the nature of some emotions. I have gotten to the point in my life (after years of therapy and medication for the depression–it nearly took me out) that it is a gift as well. I understand delicious sadness, creative sadness, self-indulgent sadness, and crushing/physically painful sadness (it is like death for me). The pain is intense, the kind of intensity that makes you beg for an end, plan for an end and pray you do not have to take the solution you find. I have danced with suicidal ideation for a very long time, and this dance partner has made me who I am. I feel like to have survived the tango.

        I like your comparison of Bambi being crushed by Godzilla. Kinda like the death by crushing/stones piled on the chest that they did to witches in Boston back in the 1600’s. Horrible stuff. I hope you find relief from the crusher or are in relief. Depression can numb out a lot in life (all motivating emotions, including anger), like walking through a Seattle street in October (gray, gray, and more gray). Trauma and dissociation due to trauma can lead to this too.

        Anyway, like others that talk about their experiences have made them stronger, my teacher (depression) has certainly done so. Noonday Demon is a great book about it. Also, The Places that Scare You by Pema Chodron. Hell, all Pema Chodron’s books are fabulous (Female Buddhist nun perspective on pain, suffering and depression).

    2. Thank you Indy. It sucks that you understand and I’m glad you are surviving to dance. This time of the year is usually calming with Halloween being must see. Pretty pathetic that is the dangling carrot…oh well. I will take the books into consideration. Thank you Indy.

      PS. I bet your laugh is contagious…in a good way.

      1. It is not pathetic. It is one day at a time sometimes. And, coincidentally, just last week someone I work with told me Halloween was her carrot too. So, you are not alone.

        An important thing to do is to add in “pleasurable activities” daily or at minimum several times a week. They do not have to be big events or costly. Think of all the things you like and enjoy and schedule them in your life. Overtime, this slowly brings up the mood a little and builds resiliency. I add in little things like coffee in the sun with my cat on Sunday mornings, tea with a friend (or drinks after work with a friend if you drink), pedi/mani if you do the girly thing, going to the park, making a fabulous meal for yourself that you love (or treat yourself to dinner out), call a good friend and invite over to watch horrible B movies (I like that one, we act like Mystery Science Theatre 3000 characters)….make sure to make a commitment to your wellbeing and it slowly helps get out of the gray. I know Michigan, particularly in the winter is really cold and gray. I had SADD when in New England. Now that I am in the south, it has improved with more sun.

        Anyway, just some ideas that have worked for me. Take what you like and throw out what doesn’t work 🙂

        Best,
        Indy

      2. Thank you again Indy. Yes, the lack of sun in both Michigan and Illinois doesn’t help much…Seasonal Affective Disorder? Interesting about the one who also uses Halloween as the carrot. 🙂 Taking short times to do something is a good strategy. It’s actually doing it vs what the mind says tnat is the challenge. A lightbulb went on in my head regarding what takes up space in one’s mind…*shakes out a tiny bit of dense*…shh HG..lolish.

        Best to you too Indy.

      3. For me too, Jaded1. Doing is always harder. There is a skill (yes, the dreaded DBT reference again, laughs at self,)that helps with this. It is the hardest one for me to practice. It is called Opposit Action. You mindfully recognize what your internal urge is in the moment (for me in depressive state, it is to hibernate) and consciously choose opposite and follow through. I get help from a friend sometimes. However, sometimes I hybernate. I just make sure not to d it much anymore and use it as a reward (to escape people when too stressed to deal).

        Hugs virtually.

  9. HG you are more then you know. Just in your writings alone show, you have touched so many with this alone, and in a positive way. A pioneer that I do believe, and one of a kind. Only change of you see fit, yet it’s in the unknown you find so much more.

  10. My number one fear is public speaking . I would never be able to stand in front of thousands and give a speech . I’m very uncomfortable when all eyes are on me . I do not like attention . I also do not like he heights . I prefer to be close to the ground and I love my little bubble I live in especially after leaving my comfort zone and popping my own bubble and changing my life to be with my ex . I will never do that again . It almost killed me literally . I need my bubble to survive .

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