Disbelief (And How To Tackle It)


Narcissists have a different world view to you. Failing to understand this results in the behaviour which seems entirely appropriate from our perspective, being confusing, bewildering and utterly unbelievable from your perspective.

This results in the use of flawed logic, bad decisions and continued ensnarement with the narcissist.

To understand how the behaviour is unbelievable and importantly what you can do about it, use the link below.

Get this handy guide

23 thoughts on “Disbelief (And How To Tackle It)

  1. Veronique Jones says:

    All true I think the most unbelievable from his the people that see what they’re doing knowing that it’s wrong and still back then they Always have excuses and don’t take my feelings into account either so the narcissist wins no matter what I do I currently have two narcissist in my life different types of relationships , walking away actually seems like a waste of time because I keep attracting them and some of been really bad tell me how to stop attracting them , There must be women who you have an instant no for What turns you off HG ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ones that do not fulfil the Prime Aims to the required degree.

  2. susisorglos66 says:

    You are so right !! It’s unbelievable !! And I will never ever understand this behaviour! Cause it is senseless to me ! I felt like in the middle of a bad fantasy/ horror movie ! But I’m out now , with YOUR help ❗❗🙏 Greetings from Germany! With a tremendous Thanks

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Susan

  3. WiserNow says:

    All of these 15 points are true and helpful. Keeping them in mind keeps the empathic person immune from emotional thinking.

    In my case, it has been difficult to truly understand the way narcissists are and to completely overcome the disbelief. I have over-analysed and ruminated on their behaviours a lot, and by doing so, I’ve been able to reach ‘understanding’. So point 3 in HG’s list above has been necessary for me in order to reach points 1 and 2.

    I have fought with my own thoughts. When in the company of a narcissist, one part of me is focused on the narcissist and is motivated to keep trying to reach some strand of empathy or conscience I believe must be in their mind somewhere. Meanwhile, another part of me fights that focus and inner motivation. It makes it even more difficult that narcissists are VERY manipulative and seem to know exactly how to tap into and play on those instinctive motivations.

    Some commenters here sometimes describe contact with a narcissist as an ‘infection’ and I know what they mean. Narcs infect your thoughts by tapping into your beliefs and motivations.

    In order to resist this infection, you need to recognise those urges within yourself. When you can clearly see your own instinctive motivations, you can more readily shift your focus somewhere else.

  4. cogra002 says:

    Ya definitely a powerful article

  5. ceyceyc says:

    perfect timing. i need this so much. .i swam all day, enjoyed the beach – i took a photo of my bronze legs,of course not as good as yours haha- but I almost drowned at the emotional sea. your words like life preserver.
    sometimes i get angry with myself for being here. it feels like i couldn’t give him up. i have millions of questions, but i want to escape from everything about him.
    then i realize that the emotional thinking is very welcoming, seductive. i run away from it and take refuge in here.
    thank you HG.

  6. Veronica Quintela says:

    Very, very useful material , specially for someone like me who is going through my second discard at the hands the very same narc who hoovered me 6 months ago after 5 years ( yes! 5 years!!!!) Of having vanished. I thought I was completely free from him. But with these narcs you never know. Be aware all the time, fellow empaths! Luckily this time I’m getting through the process more easily thanks to the fact I have found this site. Thanks HG for asssisting me in the distance. Greetings from Argentina!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome and hello Argentina.

  7. Dearest HG: This is definitely one of your Top 10 articles that show new discoverers of the Narcissistic dynamic that you really do understand how we feel as victims. Well, speaking for myself, this notion of the unbelievable reached me considerably when I first found my way to you. Unbelievable.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  8. Cyn says:

    This is one of the most powerful reminders you have provided- very good piece of logic. This one gets printed

    1. cogra002 says:

      Kind of caused me to relive finding out one piece at a time as things unraveled and I was “WTF”

      1. Cyn says:

        Yes. I remember after a discard, I had some pieces fall into place, I had some repressed memories that had shocked me pop up and fall into place and woke me from that grief stricken half asleep place, I started howling and crying as I began to realize what I didn’t want to, the shock takes your breath away over and over, and so does coming out of it. When the disbelief wears off the screaming ensues, the anger, hopefully some numb moments, that’s when you run.

        1. cogra002 says:

          Yes! The repressed memories. There would be some new strange things, then something he said a month earlier would flood back. Plus they tell on themselves, but u might not understand the “tell” at the moment. Then in combination with new bs, your mouth drops open. And u get a new picture . Your mind spins.
          It’s all the unknowns, the questions.
          I think I might make it my business to get info, and put this to rest one way or other.

          1. Cyn says:

            Leave it alone. It all comes out in the wash. When it does you get emotional flooding and ptsd stuff. It takes a long time to heal. Don’t hunt.

          2. Cyn says:

            If you happen to be in Northern California I may be able to help! lol

          3. WiserNow says:

            Cyn and cogra002,

            You explain the experiences very well. I went through the same things with my family of origin.

            At that time, my everyday ‘cognitive’ thoughts were convinced that we were truly a close and loving family. The questions, repressed memories, repressed anger and frustration would surface every now and then and they’d be very painful. They’d make my mind spin too, and I’d fight to overcome and ‘rise above’ those awful feelings by rationalising the memories and working even harder (i.e. being more empathic and stoic) to repress them. It was an ongoing cycle. I was wearing myself out while the narcs kept being narcs.

          4. Cyn says:

            So true. This happened for years, not only with the most recent narc, whom, although I hate to say it, through the years also somehow managed to do amazing things stabilize my life before ripping the rug out in personal ways. Then recently repressed memories of prior relationships and even deeply suppressed family abuses finally surfaced. The warrior I became through all these years couldn’t lift the sword anymore.

          5. Cyn says:

            I realize also that I have seen some of that bubble up for my narcs adult kids. He had told me he painted a loving family portrait for them of family but his sons and a couple daughters are fairly estranged, one daughter in particular, the scapegoat I adore who consistently raises her fist to him challenges that. They are coming out of the fantasy too.

          6. cogra002 says:

            I dont Cyn. Maybe if I find out a better pic if the truth, it will.be the final kick I need

  9. Joanne says:

    Excellent summary.

  10. cogra002 says:

    Everything you said. Dead on. Disbelief on top of disbelief.

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