Here Comes The Rain Again
I love the rain. I have a lodge in the countryside and like to sit on its veranda and gaze across the lake as the rain lashes down. I hear it drumming on the roof, a steady, reliable rhythm. I can see the large droplets cascading down into the lake, striking the foliage that grows on the edge of the water, the splashes and rivulets visible from my vantage point. After a time I am always compelled to leave my seat and walk the short distance from my lodge to the lakeside. I have brought most of my girlfriends here. It is tranquil and beautiful. The lake is about a two miles long and half a mile wide and is rather deep. Excellent for fishing. One can walk all the way around the lake and I have done so with my girlfriends as we strolled through the woodland, isolated from the rest of the world.
I like to stand on the edge of the water and stretch my arms out wide and tilt my head upwards and feel the heavy drops of rain pelt against my face causing me to blink as they land on my eyes. The cold water trickles down my cheeks and over my chin as the steady patter continues, eventually soaking into my clothing. I often lose track of how long I stand there, feeling the water striking me and then running off me. I never feel cold and I don’t notice the wet, not really. I feel clean though, the cleanest I’ve been as the edifying pluvial downpour continues. Each drop that hits me seems to take with it the dirt and disease, casting it down onto the ground beneath me. The impurities are washed away, the droplets scouring the contamination from my skin. The water strikes me and the spray that rises dashes the filth away, the mire rinsed from me. It feels to me as if God has sent his purity to scrub away the muck, grime and pollution that clings me to me for far too long. I am soon soaked as the water dilutes the sin and flushes away the stains.
There is innocence in the rain. For however so long it is that I embrace the downpour, I am divested of my cynicism and just for a while everything I have ever done, everything I have ever said no longer matters. I have been stripped of it all. I would stand like this with Karen. She would adopt the same pose. I would hear her gentle laugh as she opened her mouth to let the rain get inside of her and she held my hand, both of us arms outstretched as if we were being crucified. Even now as I close my eyes against the deluge I hear that soft laugh but I know she is not besides me anymore. She knew what the rain did and does for me. She understood.
49 thoughts on “Here Comes The Rain Again”
And speaking of Here Comes The Rain
We have learnt from you HG to spot that energetic gaze/stare on photos.
I understand now that Annie Lennox is a narc. Can’t unsee. Plus her bio reveals taking someone’s husband etc etc. Such is the world that underprivileged (women, blacks etc) who want fame often need to be very very very tough.
And with the same reasoning I am going out on a limb now, suggesting that None of the Depeche Mode guys is a narc.
(And actually none of the Beatles either, my guess)
If you belong to the privileged group, in this case young white British men, the competition isn’t that tough. Talented nonnarcs/empaths could statistically get in to the pop band scene without being too manipulatively skilled.
Am I out-there with my reasoning HG?
Errors with regard to both bands.
Hm. Gotta be Dave then. And John Lennon. Hm. I thought they were just narcissistic. Hm.
Thank you, HG.
John and Yoko was narc-on-narc action then. I find it a bit hard to accept, but it was what it was.
The other day I saw a fantastic photoshop of Yoko with Prince Hal.
Fair made me chuckle.
Older generations often commented that Yoko destroyed The Beatles and John.
Now I have googled about him abusing his spouses like a real thug, as you say Violetta. Yuck. And billions of ppl called him the new Jesus.
Madam, there is only 7 billion on the planet! I’m in a state of confusion!
I mean I say 7 billion like erre not utterly consuming the worlds resources at an exponential rate. Another argument.
Beatles were always going to split. She was just the catalyst.
Lennon as Jesus? Hmm, I’d prefer him to ‘God’ McCartney tbh.
Yeah, Renarde, the only thing I was familiar with was him leaving son and wife. But it turns out he was a classic life long silent treatment-wifeabuser type also.
On a more serious note, he also abused his son, Julian by abandoning him.
I don’t know about DM, but Lennon was pretty damn narcy. His behavior towards both first wife Cynthia and girlfriend May Pang, despite his acknowledged intellect and liberal politics, was that of a lower-class thug.
I suspect Yoko out-narced him, and he never figured it out because he didn’t know what he was
I think out of everything ive read on here this piece has impacted me the most. I feel very sad reading this bc in a lot of ways its easier to look at narcissists as pure evil. Most do very evil things but theres a lot more to it then just the actions its the reasons why and in most cases its bc they were victims as well. This isnt to say to be around toxic people but it does help to understand the full picture.
I do often wonder about my mum and her conscience. Does she have moments when she opens her soul and tries to wash away her demons or is she so heavily compartmented away from it and the damage shes caused. I think deep down she does have moments she thinks about what she hides away so well from herself.
The rain and its cold wet drops to me signifies tears of sadness and possibly regret. I do think narcissists have consciences but theyre buried away bc theyre too painful and scary to deal with. To face them would be too intense.
It sounds like your real life profession helps others who are in need or protects others. How does this factor in with your narcissism? Do you believe in the need to help others? You help us too. As you’ve said you’re building a legacy, you’re amused, and in your profession it sounds like you’re well compensated and get to travel a lot, but you’ve said there’s a lot of work to be done there too. Does it come from your childhood that you realized people need help? Narcissists can be mean, and they don’t have empathy, but do some of them have a strong sense of doing the right thing and doing good things in the world?
I do what works for me. Sometimes that means a lot of people are assisted, that is serendipity for them. My narcissistic psychopathy means that I am highly effective at what I do in my private life because I go where angels fear to tread and it is because of people like me, you get to sleep safe at night and your children get to grow up.
Professionally you’re protecting people, you’re on the good side fighting against those who would do harm. And you don’t feel sad if an animal’s hurt, but you probably don’t want to see one hurt, and you’ve said you wouldn’t hurt one, even though causing their hurt would be fuel. Do narcissists each have their own standards of what’s right and wrong that they believe in, that could keep them from becoming bad guys, even if doing so might work for them? (Of course I don’t mean their everyday manipulations)
No we have our standard which is founded on the necessity of maintaining control. Some of our kind only have a handful of rudimentary methods, some of us have a vast array of methods available to us, hence different applications apply but the ultimate outcome is always the same – control and fuel.
Just when I thought You couldn’t get any cooler. I can’t even.. 🔥❤️
This breaks my heart.
I love the rain, too. I live in the desert, but it isn’t the barren desert: it is very green here. Our rainy season is something to behold. I go outside when it rains. Everyone else goes inside, and I have the world to myself. One of my favorite things is to stand under the cover with the horses during the rain. The dogs don’t like it, but they run in it with me anyway. I resent that I cannot go out into the rain when I’m at work, but I always go watch the storms anyway. Everyone loves the rain here, but just most people prefer to watch it from inside. I like to be out in it. I like to have rain in my hair. I like having the world to myself.
Beautiful, lush imagery.
Yes you still have the lodge. The I do, does this mean you are now writing full time and have given up your other job?
I have the lodge. No, I still do what I do professionally there is much to do in that regard
Thank you for answering HG. I just didn’t know what the and I do part was in your previous comment.
Mr. HG Tudor,
Is it your way of crying? The closest you will come to having tears stain your face.
I do not cry, but I understand your point. I suppose it is a different kind of catharsis and for different reasons.
At the end of your article, The Caretaker, you said one day you would write about why it ended with Karen. Have you written that article? I have looked and looked and haven’t found anything.
No I have not done so in an article, it will be in a book.
I’m looking forward to reading it!
You are most welcome.
Leigh, I have a suspicion that Karen is deceased. Suicide.
Re: Karen possibly commiting suicide
I seem to remember one of his exes commited suicide and he got blamed for it. I think he said it wasn’t Karen and that he did not contribute to the woman killing herself, so I thought it might have been Andrea.
Whoever it was, I thought he might have “killed” her the Heathcliff way.
Just tell me you didn’t attempt to dig up her coffin and embrace her body once more, HG?
I only dig up the past.
True, though you could have propped her on a throne and ruled over Portugal like Prince Pedro and his Ines
I think in most cases suicide is something deep within someone. While I can see certian extreme cases leading up to wanting that escape and outside sources being a large factor (ex. Being bullied/tormented in school everyday and a child’s limited emotional capacity to see beyond those years etc) they are not the only factor. While I’m sure HG didn’t help matters…. it can’t be his fault she took her own life. Ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves.
I’ve personally had two people die in my family of suicide. And one family memeber make a serious attempt at it.
I think it’s sad but perhaps the person doing it likes that they can control that part of thier life. We make such a big deal of suicide (and for good reason, as when the case is purely about depression/mental illness) I beleive there are usually solutions for people. And it breaks my heart they can’t see that. However, if I ever come down with a terminal illness for example, I would want a say in when/how I go. I beleive people should be able to decide that for themselves.
Well.:: that went on for longer then I expected. Lol. Also, a sensitive topic.
With that… I’m off for the day.
I agree, I understand suicide and although I see how it can pass on pain, I think it’s a personal choice. I’m always astounded when people judge and say how selfish suicide is. How selfish is it to expect someone to live in that level of pain so we don’t have to feel loss?
MB & Desiree, I agree with you both, this is one of my favorites as well. I love the rain and HG captures every detail and feeling so beautifully.
Do you still have this lodge in the country side? I always think a piece is my favorite, until I read another one that you have written, and then that becomes my favorite. If I had a wish to give you that would come true, it would be for you to be able to write full time. You are such a gifted and talented writer, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to read some of your work. Thank you.
Yes and I do and thank you.
One of my favorite writings ❤️
I love this. Thunder and Rain is my favourite type of weather. Is there an audio recording of this article?
No not so far.
I hope you consider recording it. This one, along with Wrong Forever On the Throne might be my favourite pieces of writing of yours.
Thank you very much.
Thank you for providing one since! I do give credit where it’s due and one of many things you are to be commended for HG is your expedient responses to your followers. It’s quire rare. It’s admirable that you pay attention and of course it’s a win/win.
Neat idea Desiree,
HG if you record this, could you add rain and thunder sound effects in the background? Did this story used to have a picture that looked like it was at your cottage in the rain?
Dearest HG: And please record a version without mentioning another woman? I want to be the star woman in my mind when I am relaxing.