The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession
1. You belong to me.
I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.
2. What is yours is mine
As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.
3. Blame belongs to you
I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.
4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose
I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.
6. What is mine stays mine
All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.
7. I go where I please
I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.
8. I own the spotlight
The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.
9. I owe you nothing
I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.
10. You belong to me.
I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?
Number 5? Of course there is a fifth rule – You are imagining things. Again.
9 thoughts on “The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession”
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Good god! all the comments you’ve made HG over the past few months re the N needing control and absolute control are really coming out in a Victim N I know.
He seems unable to control his life at all at present. Reality gap in full swing anyway, and then some recent pathetic incident is totally making him lose it. I would previously have been so supportive and exhausted myself in trying to help him. Thank god I have learned from you HG, because it frees up my time and thoughts considerably.
He tried to fight a battle through official means (a battle no-one else would have entered into in the first place, it was pointless). His loss amounted to fuel free criticism and its sent him into a fuel deprived frenzy!
As a result, he is trying to gain fuel in anyway he can – lots of pity ploys, but people are running dry of sympathy for him now.
He also tried to mess things up for me to gain fuel (and failed), he’s supposed to be my ‘friend’ in inverted commas because Ns don’t have real friends not because there is any IP arrangement. there is not! gross thought!
He has caused me a minor irritation that’s all. We chatted on the phone and when he realised how well my life is going and his attempt to cause me harm had failed, his voice slumped into a deeply depressive state (which he is largely in anyway, but he was jovial at the beginning, believing he had caused me problems)
He is taking this control thing to the extreme. It is honestly so pathetic. Without going into exactly what is going on for him apart from the reality gap which has been a few years now, The fuel free criticism unrelated to his reality gap is causing him to ‘lose it’.
He plans to take things to an unprecedented level and completely cut his nose off to spite his face, to such an extent I have never witnessed before. But he is unable to see anything other than restoring control (although he clearly fails to recognise this) It would be akin to quitting your job when you’re really not terribly employable anyway and all because the bakers don’t have the cake you want to purchase when they never sold it in the first place and you want to punish them for this and won’t stop until they bake it. The bakers don’t have the ingredients and not can they purchase them.. Just ludicrous, but his need for control (he’s not attractive and has no charm, so struggles to get the fuel he perceives he is deserving of) and absolute control is really shining very brightly.
I feel better now hahaha
#5. WHAT BULLSHIT🐂💩. MY CEREBRAL NARCISSIST HUSBAND USED THIS ON ME AT 18 YEARS OLD IT REALLY HURT ME BADLY AT THE TIME I DIDN’T IMAGINE ANYTHING , HE WAS 25 YEARS OLDER THAN I AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT EVERYDAY FOR 45 YEARS . NOW I UNDERSTAND THE CONTROL 👊💪 THANKS H.G. FOR EDUCATIONING ME
The last three days have been a nightmare. All Ten of these rules including 5 have been made very clear before, but even more so today.
1. He verbally said he owned me in the first months. It flattered me and made me feel special the way he presented it. I felt honored. It was not until later I realize what it truly meant.
2. Over time everything has become his. He readily tells me that nothing belongs to me.
3. Blame in some way always ends up at my feet. I try to help and I follow his instructions, only later to be told that I did it wrong, and “you sent the wrong things to the the wrong places you fucking cunt!” to quote. Even those are the things he said send, and the places he said send them to. He gloated in front of everyone and used the event to elevate himself and further degrade me. He was going save the day that I had ruined. It’s his business so I know he didn’t intentionally have me do it wrong, but I have wondered.
4. Yes he takes the credit for anything that goes right. He takes all the good and leaves me all the bad I tell him.. It’s true. When things go wrong, that is laid fully and entirely at my feet. If things go right, that was because of his doing. He will not suffer consequences but rest assured I will, and do. Even he locks me out of our home, and I have to sleep outside, this is my fault and if he is made to suffer any consequence of this then He will inflict further harm or punishment. I must stay in line. If I take the key so he can’t lock me out again, I am made to suffer and smeared for it.
5. I never said there was a five he would say . Then later say “what are you talking about there is a five I told you that. Why do you make shit up?” He accused me of taking his wallet. I had to strip to prove I didn’t have it. Everyone was just outside the door and heard this going on. He found it later in his car. He never apologized only said, “I never said you took it. I am sorry you think I implied that. Your imagining things again I think.”
6. Oh yes. Three cars and they are all his. the business he will give away to someone else before I have any part of it, even though I helped build it, and was here from day one.
7. He comes and goes as he wishes. if i were to do the exact same thing i am a whore. I am talking to other guys etc. He also thinks things marked do not enter for vip etc are meant for him.
8. I am terminally ill. I often have to be hospitalized. He had a gallbladder removal, which i have had done and it is nothing. It is three half inch incisions and the only pain afterwards is equivalent to a bruise or strained muscle. Your sore. I had been passing stones, and was severely infected. He never passed a stone. They found none. When t hey got in there it was not infected, I am not even sure they should have taken it out, but they did and he informed everyone he nearly died and it was my fault because I let him sleep instead of waking him and taking him to the ER. When I am sick, he makes it out to be about him too. He informs me I get sick to ruin his day etc. He must always be the center of attention. I was working his job and mine while he was in the hospital like he instructed me to do. Well the next thing i know i am dog shit because I didn’t come to the hospital and spend the day instead of work like he told me to.
9. yup does not matter how long i have been with him or what i have endured he is always the victim and I owe him, but he never owes me.
10. the occasional punishment is used to enforce this if I forget.
Thank you Mr. Tudor as always. The letter to the victim is really good. Your work is beautifully written. I am a bit jealous to be honest. Hope your well.
M.
Oracle I am sorry for all the shit he puts you through – it is cruel to be honest! You’re in my prayers!
Oracle he is terribly abusing you. You need to escape. You are precious. He is vermin. Black hearted. A plague on your existance.
Get away please! Be free
Run don’t walk. I got away after 30 years. When the children come along you are trapped, you know if you go, then he will use the kids against you. Go before that happens. He screwed up his own daughters head, only now she is better and off to university soon. My husband wasn’t a wipe beater per se, it was more drip, drip, drip. Telling me to F off, ruining events, playing mind games. In the early days he would pull my hair if I turned the cassette tape (that long ago) over in his car. Many times I wanted to leave, but he would pull out the POOR ME card and use his sad eyes and his manipulative lies to get me to take him back and believe he really did love me so much and he was angry because he was blah, blah, blah. Trust me, it never changes, it will destroy you. So just pack up your bags when he is out. Do not THINK too much – just be icy cool and logical (learnt that from HG) and pack up your things and go. If there are objects or treasures, or money that you cannot access and let that hold you back – DONT. The price is too high. Leave IT ALL BEHIND. Go somewhere else, never speak to him again.. I haven’t talked to my soon to be Ex for almost 2 years. He tried all sort. Teary text ( I got new phone) messages on Instagram ( I blocked him) Letters (I sent them back unopened). Its over and done and you have to get the same mind set. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. GO.
Jane,
our son killed himself four years ago. You would think i would be free of connection now, but only makes the bond stronger. I feel cemented because of this loss. he is the only one that can conceive of the pain I feel. i think he does anyway.
HG I was an IPSS (he denied being married) so this article only applies to the IPPS – right?
Rough night for me tonight here – hell I really just fell in love with myself, trained via conditioned responses like a mouse, and acknowledged being an adulteress (SOB lived 2 separate lives) which was all made possible by one evil person!
I’ll take FAIRY TALES for 100 HG!!!!
deniseisdone
This article is applicable to all appliances in the narcissist’s fuel matrix.