Does The Narcissist Think About You Afterwards?


I know that when I have disengaged from you that you will think of me more than anything else. This is all by design – be it instinctive (Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist) or calculated (Greater Narcissist).

Your mind becomes a whirling thought engine as the questions loom and dart about your mind like swooping spirits. Why did he do this? What did I do wrong? Where has he gone? Why won’t he talk to me? Is he with someone else now? How could he treat me like this? These questions and many of a similar nature remain at the forefront of your mind. They are exhausting as you grapple to find the answers, always achieving an unsuccessful outcome because invariably you do not know who has actually disengaged from you.

I cast you to one side, you did not leave me and cause me to apply an Initial Grand Hoover in order to bring you back under my spell. I saw no need for you anymore and therefore I was content to throw you on the scrap  heap, broken and spent, a broken appliance left to its own considerations and dwelling heavily on this cruel treatment.

One of the questions which charges around your mind as you try to sleep is does he think about me? Do I ever feature in his thoughts? Does he think about what I am doing? Does he recall the good times?  You wonder whether I am lying on my bed in a similar state of anxiety, mulling over what has happening. Your thoughts spill and tumble and whilst you want to dispel these memories you cannot help but want to embrace them, experiencing that bitter sweet sensation of both delight and agony –  of course this is being driven by your emotional thinking which is wanting to feed your addiction to me.

You try to get into a comfortable position hoping that slumber will soon drag you into unconsciousness so that the pain will evaporate, if just for a few hours. Yet, even the place you now lie in evokes the image of you and I coupled together, wrapped up in one another as we made love through the night, or at least you felt we made love. Did we actually make love to one another? Did I really love you? You know you loved me, indeed you still do, but what of me?

Yet again a question leaps into your mind. I am everywhere. You consider whether I think about the treatment that you have received and do I feel guilty for behaving that way? Do I have a reason for hurling you to one side so callously and am I wondering whether you are all right? Your truth seeking empathic trait is being seized on and corrupted by your emotional thinking. It drives you to want answers and you are left believing that such a driver is logical and should be addressed. It keeps the thought of me in your head, going round and round, question after question, ensuring that your emotional thinking is alive and surging.

Just as you hold onto the precious memories of the golden period you wonder whether I am similarly replaying them through my mind, recalling the wonderful times, the delicious things we did together. You can summon it all in such detail. The places we went to, the other people there, what day of the week it was, even the exact date. You remember what we wore, what we ate and what was said as the memories tumble through head. As the clock shows it is now closer to morning than it was to the evening, you wonder whether I am thinking about you in a similar fashion?

While you toss and turn in your bed which resembles a place to be endured rather than a place of comfort, I am fast asleep. From the moment my head touched the pillow I fell asleep free from thoughts about you. No imp sits on my shoulder jabbing me with a precious memory and keeping me from sleeping. Whilst you ruminate, cogitate, fathom and review, I am oblivious to everything. During my waking hours you do not invade my consciousness. There is too much to be done, too much fuel to extract as I deal with looking after and nurturing the new primary source of my fuel which replaced you. You have been deleted because you failed me (at least in my mind that is the case) and therefore you have erased from the record. The narcissism demands that. You are of no use to me and therefore you are erased, deleted, removed and wiped away.

Truth be told it was more of an overlap with both you and her supplying me fuel until the old stale trickle was switched off and dumped. In my mind you never existed. My fixation with the new prospect and her golden, delicious, potent fuel means that everything is focussed on her. Her seduction and the maintenance of supply dominates my mind save when I am extracting my fuel from the range of supplementary sources that I interact with throughout the day. I may drink from the mug you once bought me to recognise I support a particular football team but there is no flicker of recognition about you. I do not halt, cup in hand, halfway to my mouth and smile at that trip to the stadium when you insisted on buying half the contents in order to please me. It is just a mug to me but the tea contained in it and prepared by my new prospect is delicious and I tell her so. Her beaming smile provides me with that dollop of fuel as expected. To me it is just a mug bearing the crest of my football team. The link you had to that piece of ceramic has been severed and cast into the abyss. The narcissism demands that must be the case – your replacement governs our thoughts and actions now and therefore there is no need to be reminded of you, that is redundant and as effective and efficient machines, we reject the redundant, jettison the unnecessary and remove the failed.

I may still wear the jumper you bought me but I never consider that weekend away in the highlands when I complained about being cold so you purchased it for me. I may walk past someone who wears the same fragrance as you. I do not remember you as I smell it, not the way you remember me when you smell my cologne and you remember me next to you and that emptiness washes over you once again. I just think that it is a pleasant scent and carry on walking by. It is as if I have pressed delete and you have been erased. You never existed, your thoughts, words and actions all melt away. Your connections to me are severed, your presence eradicated and your memory denied. I have switched off that appliance and everything associated with it has been obliterated. We do not think of you because at this point we have no need to think of you. You serve no purpose to us and therefore remembering you and I is a redundant exercise and a waste of our time and energy. We must not waste anything and thus the instinctive impact of our narcissism ensures you are not thought of.

When we have disengaged from you and we have done so because we have a new Intimate Partner Primary Source we do not think about you. If you enter our spheres of influence by messaging us, ringing us, walking by us or even coming to see us, you can expect at best a cold and polite short moment of recognition before we move on and at worst a malign response to send you away in hurt and pain. You failed us – we no longer want or need you. You have been replaced and therefore you are stricken from our thoughts and should you ever invade our sphere of influences in another way, we maintain this rejection of you.

However, once the new IPPS enters devaluation (and this person will – that is a guarantee – it is just a question of time) well, then you become useful to us once again and our narcissism alters the record once again. This time you will be remembered, although if truth be told you ought to prefer that you remain cast into obscurity because in all likelihood we will be coming back for you in some form of other to draw again on our investment, to seize our property once again but solely for our benefit.


19 thoughts on “Does The Narcissist Think About You Afterwards?

  1. Norma Jean says:

    I’d imagine it to be exhausting living life as a narcissist. Always 2 steps ahead. Always planning- all the machinations- never a moment of peace.
    It seems like always going around on a conveyor belt. Repeatedly going through the same motions- different women.
    It makes me feel a twinge of sympathy. No one should have to live that life. Chasing fuel endlessly.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It seems exhausting to you. It’s not to us, most narcissists don’t know what they are so they don’t see it as exhausting and those of us who know are so effective we don’t find it exhausting

  2. Jane hall says:

    He does not think3 of me? Good. Just as well, HG – we are now officially DIVORCED. I am so relieved that the last link to him has been cut. He has no legal authority over me or my property. I was literally as that song goes “Staying Alive” for the last 6 weeks between Decree Nisi and Decree Absolute. My children WILL get my house, and any money. He is literally and legally my EX. I have drawn a pen under all the bullshit and lies. And I feel utter and complete relief.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Congratulations on the divorce Jane.

      1. Jane hall says:

        Thanks You !

    2. lisk says:

      Congratulations, Jane hall!

      1. Jane hall says:

        Thank you 🙂

  3. Antonella Marinetti says:

    Yes. Well written post. All true. Every people in Narc’s life has a use. My narc ask directly what he needs. And he has said before that he will say just thanks, anything else than thanks. When he told me this, I spend 2 years to understand what he meant. I kwew it after the final hoovering.

  4. Lorelei says:

    I bet he thinks of me monthly when he gets the bill:)

  5. Claire says:

    Breathtakingly insightful…!!! Literally like I am reading his mind. How fucked up.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  6. deniseisdone says:

    Hello HG. This is a wonderful, hurtful, honest, cruel must-read article! Thank you! I cringed at times then anger would appear – riveting! You smoothly and brutally (yes both for me) gave me exactly what I NEEDED to know. HUGS!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are most welcome.

  7. WAF Tudorita says:

    I read these articles and I totally can recall the inner torment.
    I don’t miss it one bit

    Any relationship with a narc is just a massive waste of time & energy.

    1. Lorelei says:

      “Massive waste of time and energy!”

  8. santaann1964 says:


  9. cogra002 says:

    My experience is that the only time the Narc values me is if I go my own way and forget about him. Then he wont ever let it be. Yes , I could make him by blocking everything, but I keep hoping he’ll just move on. Take your new supply and go!

  10. Kim e says:

    Does the same hold true when we escape and are not the IPPS? Are we thought of because we had (to quote you) the “audacity” to leave?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You may be thought of as a consequence of a random thought entering the head of the narcissist and if you are an escaped IPSS, you may well be viewed in a similar way.

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