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“Glow worm”

From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.

  1. It is done to appear to endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
  1. You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
  1. We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
  1. We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
  1. By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
  1. As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
  1. In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,

“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”

You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.

  1. In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
  1. We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
  1. We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.

The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.

87 thoughts on “Pet

  1. emx says:

    My female Narc called me with a diminutive name, inspired from my first name.
    It felt me a baby, empty & powerless.
    She started to used this after her first return.
    Months later she sent me some “ligh bombing message” where she was fake and kind… but she continued to use that stupid diminutive.

  2. smarinucci1970 says:


    1. HG Tudor says:

      They kept replacing one another, but amounted to the same thing, in his mind.

      1. smarinucci1970 says:

        Thank you HG that makes a lot of sense my father name to me Sharon but when he went to prison and he came back when I was five he never said my name right again and when I was little I thought my name changed into shern which is really ugly and now I see it was some kind of devaluation because my mother was Roman Catholic when she met him at 20 years old and was studying to be a nun at the time but you went away when I was 7 months old for a crime that really he shouldn’t have done time for but he hated me always and I see the devaluation he wanted an abortion and of course my mother wouldn’t have it so coming home and seeing this child she was meant to pay and she did for the rest of her life but thank you HG that’s a whole new story thank you you answered my question you answered so many of my questions thank you for being here in our lives sincerely Sheeran Sharon Sharon I’m using a new tablet now and sorry about the wording I’ll start to get used to it good day

    2. Truth says:

      Wow deep seated violent childhood issues with a pet once named Peter or…..

      He was just fucking with you.

      1. smarinucci1970 says:


  3. Gypsy Heart says:

    My ex called me honey bunny (anyone else think of pulp fiction when you hear this one?) Later it was shortened to bun. He always insisted that everyone call me this too, and would introduce me as bun to new acquaintances. Even when I went to a job interview where he worked, the interviewer addressed me as bun. To this day I still have people I’ve known for years inquiring as to what my birth name is.

  4. santaann1964 says:

    I got one hated babygirl . It always made my skin cruel. And babe. I always told him don’t call me that you say that to everyone especially your daughter. He even called men babe. Freak

  5. Nymphedora says:

    My x narc tried out several petnames during our 14 year relationship. It was like he was always trying to perfect it. Already back then I remember thinking that it felt like he was always in some way, trying to show the people around us the “normality” of our relationship.
    Thinking back on them, I can still not think of any that were insulting in any way, not even hidden. But they may well have been so in his own mind. Offcourse it could also just be because he knew I was not really a “cuttie” type woman and so he always aimed for his idea of cute pet names.

    One thing I could be sure of, when in devaluation he would always go back to my birthname. Then and only then would he call me by my name. I already back then figured out that I was suppose to regard it as some kind of “scolding.” That I had fallen from grace in some way and that he was deeply serious about it.

    H.G you descibe in your writing that mostly one name is chosen. Is i normal for at narc to sort of go through several pet names, as I decribed here? And why do you think? Like I wrote, to me it mostly felt like he was always searching for the best display of normality, kerping up the facade.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Different pet names can be used.
      2. Facade management, the desire to “fit in”.

  6. Madam Gee says:

    The ex-Narc called me ‘Munchkin’…now that I see HG has used that as an example in this article, the old scrote couldn’t even come up with a more unique name. (nb: calling the ex Narc the old scrote, not you HG, as I can’t possibly comment on your scrote 🙂 )

    At the time I thought it was cute as I had never heard anyone being referred to as that nickname before. Now I know he, in all probability, probably called every partner that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My scrotum is beautiful, a joy to behold. Since you brought it up.

      1. Madam Gee says:

        I’ll take your word for it, HG…. though self praise is no recommendation…. LOL

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is when it comes from me.

      2. kel2day says:

        D’oh, that reminds me, I’ve given penises nicknames, like Butch. It’s better than saying your thingy, and it is kind of like a pet.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          “Your thingy” Are you 10 years old? It is a cock or a penis.

          1. kel2day says:

            That’s too vulgar, just calling it a cock- I never would, thingy is cuter, and Butch is manly.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Cock is not vulgar. Perfectly acceptable. You could use nob if you needed, but “Show me your Butch”, “I kicked him in the Butch” or “I got down and dirty on his Butch”? Ridiculous.

          3. kel2day says:

            I’m a girl, I don’t say any of those sentences. I can speak freely anywhere about Butch and no one knows what I’m referring to. If I’m in the mood, I might ask how’s Butch doing, or does he want to come out and play.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            You ask a cock how it is doing? Presumably when flaccid it is sad and erect it is happy? How do you know when it is concerned about Brexit or rising interest rates?

          5. kel2day says:

            Aww, I guess no one ever playfully asks how your dick is doing and if it wants to come out and play. I assumed it wasn’t concerned about Brexit or interest rates, just in my vagina, or parking itself in my garage, lol.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            No. I do not engage with individuals in my private life who ask after my cock as if it is a separate entity.
            My cock does not wait to be invited “to come out to play”.

          7. kel2day says:

            Me thinks your cerebral side interferes with your somatic side, or no, maybe you’re just too rich and high society to be playfully fun and cute. If you’re like my boss, your cock has a mind of its own, and comes out anytime it pleases, uninvited, and inconveniently. Well we learned something about you then, you’re not playfully cute about your cock. You’re serious about it, it has a function, and there’s no cuddling or cutesy, any asking for it to come out and play will be met with a cold no. But it is like a separate creature.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            I can state with absolute conviction I would not be sat there like your epsilon semi-moron of a boss, punching myself in the cock. What a complete mumpsimus who needs a solid bemuting.

          9. kel2day says:

            💕 Oh I would love to watch that! 💕

          10. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha.

          11. jacqueline leigh says:

            Thankyou both kel2day for your entertainment lol

          12. jacqueline leigh says:

            And HGTUTOR

          13. jacqueline leigh says:


          14. kel2day says:

            Jacqueline, it’s nice getting to the day when you can look back and laugh at it all!

          15. Sweetest Perfection says:

            And just like that, one year after NC, my phone is again full of “cocks.”

          16. alexissmith2016 says:

            HG would it be fair to state that typically speaking Greaters do not engage in sex talk with IPSSs outside of the bedroom? Where as all other schools would.

          17. HG Tudor says:


          18. alexissmith2016 says:

            okay lol

          19. Truth says:

            This comment made my day.

          20. Truth says:

            Don’t be such a butch.
            Chillax dick.

          21. Pati says:

            HG mine would call it his dick excuse my language. And would say come over and suck my d.

          22. smarinucci1970 says:


          23. smarinucci1970 says:

            🧛‍♀️ so HG what then is a Lebanese breakfast 🍽🧛‍♀️

        2. K says:

          I call it cock, dick or penis.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I know that law firm as well, K.

          2. smarinucci1970 says:


          3. HG Tudor says:

            I daresay you will not want a Lebanese Breakfast either then.

          4. K says:

            Ha ha ha….Re: law firm. That was funny!

      3. Lorelei says:

        There is no beautiful such thing. I see scrotums nearly daily and I’ve yet to be impressed. Kinda wrinkly even at their finest.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Mine is. I have it delicately ironed daily by pixies.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            You’re such a card Tudor. Pixies ironing made me snort my tea.

            Enjoy your tight nut sack while you can. When you get old you’ll be gathering it in a basket so it doesn’t drop in the toilet water.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Not with the Scrotal Winch (Pat Pending).

          3. Lorelei says:

            Yuck, I legitimately just looked at a scrotum. Five minutes ago. An ultrasound is in order but I do not suspect a testicular torsion.

          4. Truth says:

            Good to see you and HG junior have a healthy relationship.

          5. smarinucci1970 says:


      4. Jacqueline says:


  7. Em says:

    I was called dynamite. Ended up being called big jugs.

  8. Soon to be sparkling! says:

    I HATE my pet name.

    It was SO sweet and special at the time.

    Now it’s just a cruel joke that taunts me.

    I hope karma is real.

    1. santaann1964 says:

      It is indeed. Especially for Empaths, remember we are truly angels

  9. Isabella says:

    My pet name during golden period was Isabella yay, during devaluation just I.

  10. kaydiva3 says:

    My ex MMRN called me “babe” and “cute butt”. I wonder what that meant to him.

  11. Violetta says:

    “Pet Names” – Smashmouth

    Just when I thought everything would be ok
    Just when I started to believe that everything was going my way
    Out came the cloud from under my feet
    Crashing back down to reality

    You used to call me pumpkin now I’m Halloween
    Remember when I used to your jellybean
    You used to call me schnookums and shit like that
    Now you’re after me with a baseball bat

    I remember when I used to be the king
    Your honey sweet darling baby everything
    I used to be your tall dark mystery man
    Now I’m just straight up history man

    Just when I thought everything would be all right
    Just when I started to believe that everything was out of sight
    You left me with nothing but a scribbled note
    That said I would no longer be your love boat
    From here on out my pet name would be x
    Your x your x your x

    It used to be sugar then it turned into salt
    I used to rock your world now I’m standing on a fault line
    Lying naked in a hail storm in the dark
    You’re my little tornado and I am your trailer park
    You used to call me names too cute to repeat
    Like honey bunch hairy bear and piccolo peet
    Goochy goochy goo goo gaga shit like that
    Now you’re after me screaming you dirty rat

    I don’t remember applying for a name change
    So why is it you’re calling me mister deranged
    Psychopathic pornographic stinking drunk
    Failing fast lying ass worthless punk

    You used to call me sweety pie and baby doll
    I guess another stud’s kicking in my stall
    You’ll probably call him superman or loverboy
    You’ll probably disregard him like a broken toy

    Just when he thought everything was going his way
    Just he started to believe everything was hunky dory
    He’ll look at that cloud that he’s standing on
    And with an itsy bitsy tiny little almost inaudible squeak
    He’ll notice
    It’s gone

    From here on out his pet name would be x
    Your x your x your x

    Sweet pie?
    No x
    Honey bunch?
    No x
    Bubble butt?
    No x
    Pumpkin face

  12. empath007 says:

    Yes I could tell instantly everyone was being called “sweetheart” in the bedroom… I remember it being used especially at first. Was sort of gratifying that later on he would shout my name…. but I digress. Lol.

  13. Sweetest Perfection says:

    But he couldn’t use mine with anyone else, unless he had another IPSS from my country, which he didn’t because he doesn’t know anyone else from there. I was his “(insert demonym) Lover.” That doesn’t mean he couldn’t call the other IPSS “American Lover” but then it wouldn’t be different from anyone else either.

  14. lisk says:

    “We use the same pet names for many of our appliances.”

    He used the same pet name for his adult daughter. Probably for his late dog, too.

  15. Cyn says:

    You use the BDSM pics but there is such a thing as a healthy D/S dynamic which isn’t abusive and in fact creates a sense of emotional safety, a safe springboard. Not if exploited by a narcissist of course. The article “Hush” ( I hope I got that right, if not I’m sorry) didn’t strike me initially as from the perspective of a narcissist; but from a Sir paying attention; as he should, to every breath, every flinch. But then again perfect place for the narcissist to exploit the whole dynamic in a way that truly is abusive. I am trying to salvage some of my ideals here and will probably get backlash as someone who pathologically likes abuse but that’s not it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I use pictures that convey the dynamic between narcissist and victim. This is what this site is – a site about narcissism.

      1. Cyn says:

        Ha! I know. Sorry for the tangent. My mind…

    2. njfilly says:

      I think you and I enjoy the same things. I have no problem being owned and controlled by a man. In fact, it’s what I want. I had it in the past but he died. As to the picture above, I have a necklace like that.

      1. Cyn says:

        I won’t be owned. But I will give over appropriate control as it is earned; I take it back also. It is not a given. I am not a submissive or meek type. Submissive is a facet of my personality that in some regard I empower myself with. Unfortunately that lifestyle (which I’m not entirely a part of) is a perfect setting for entitled thinking predators and willing prey. Unfortunately the last one was a fraud and in my ET I saw the good, taught him how to be better (how to be a better fraud), and handed over my heart. So be careful in being willing to be “owned” in any regard until you can decipher what is ET, what is a predator, what is integrity in that regard, and own your agency.

        1. njfilly says:

          I can’t explain myself. In some ways I agree with you. I will be owned but he better be deserving of it. I have difficulty in understanding myself and my personality. I am both dominant and very submissive, depending on the trigger (I hate that word but it is an accurate description). I don’t always know what the trigger is or what I want. Yes, I’m sure I am being lead by my emotional thinking as well as my sexuality which I can’t control. Thank you for your response.

          1. Cyn says:

            I get it. No one should have to settle for sex that’s not enough. Or have to stifle a piece of themselves. There is nothing wrong with honoring that intrinsic piece of yourself or your specific tastes. It’s very frustrating to think I may never stumble on the right person who understands, the right skill set, the right mind set, the right moral compass. But for now I’m more concerned with learning to never get myself into a situation where I give someone the benefit of the doubt and second guess myself into destruction. I saw red flags and dismissed them.

          2. njfilly says:

            I can’t stifle certain parts of me. I have tried but it doesn’t work. I am also frustrated. I know certain needs of mine will never be met, but I have conflicting needs at times. I also saw red flags and dismissed them. I was comfortable with many of the controlling aspects of the narcissist. I was not comfortable with the withholding of sex. It was one of the main reasons I left. If I’m not getting sex in a relationship, there is no reason to be there. I hope you find what you are looking for.

          3. Cyn says:

            Right?! Mine started out as my Sir, then eventually it calmed down and there was more vanilla comfort sex, which was fine, but I had to frequently remind him that wasn’t enough. Worse during devaluation. That’s also what would reel back in with the hoovers after I left; the fact that I couldn’t just go find someone to start that over with after 4 years. Then he would use it against me. Part of his flailing when nothing else was working with hoovers and he was raging was name calling of assorted things and telling me I forgot my place etc. What a joke. Yes it’s hard though I won’t settle either and most men are either terrified, disturbed, or think it’s a fun game and want to learn. Unfortunately if they think of it as a game they have already lost because I don’t play pretend games. I’m not into role play. I see that part of someone or I don’t. Unfortunately our shadow self needs to be tempered with integrity, ethics, self/esteem, and emotional intelligence.

          4. njfilly says:

            I’m not familiar with shadow self. I agree, I don’t play pretend games or role play. For me, a man is either dominant or he is not, then he is submissive. If he is submissive I don’t want him. He cannot pretend to be dominant (at least with me) as that would require me to pretend to be submissive to somebody naturally more submissive than me. Should I tie myself up for you too, loser?** If he could ‘pretend’ to be dominant he could just adopt that stance in all areas of life and become more self-confident and dominant! In my opinion, there really is no role play or switching unless the partners are absolutely equal in dominance and that way they can play or switch. Otherwise, a person’s dominance or submissiveness is natural, innate and a true part of themselves. I can’t even pretend to be that submissive to an already submissive man. That turns my stomach and disgusts me. (**If a man was actually dominant to me and controlled me, I would tie myself up if he asked me to!)

          5. Cyn says:

            Ha! Should I tie myself up for you, loser?! Lol 🤣

          6. njfilly says:

            A submissive man should never hand me a rope. I have an intense disgust of weak men and an intense desire to destroy them.

            I will take that rope and I will wrap it around their neck and make them fight for their lives. I will make them fight and I will make them the man they should have been all along. I will awaken the self defense response in them that was killed somewhere along the way and they will become a man finally. And if I succeed in killing them, well then they are too weak to even be here and don’t deserve to live and good riddance. Possibly even God is disappointed in them as he expected men to be men. And if I should die in the process, then so be it. I will have done my part by leaving a man in my place and that will be the sacrifice I will have made.

            I feel my rage growing even as I write this. This is the intensity of my feelings and it is complete honesty about how I feel.

          7. Cyn says:

            I understand.

          8. Cyn says:

            I can be dominant with someone but not my Sir. If I can then he has failed. Big turn off. Not the one I switch with. I think I’m just doomed.

    3. njfilly says:

      I love the article ‘hush’. Very arousing.

      Some of my tastes are viewed as abusive by other people. I can’t say I like being abused but I do like it a little rough and controlling.

      This is my favorite topic of discussion. This is what controls my life.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Yes, Hush is a favourite of many.

        1. njfilly says:

          I’m sure. You are so special and gifted.

      2. Cyn says:

        Yes I too love the topic. Although I tend to want to be protective of you when you say it controls your life. You need to control your life. I bet HG can help you with regaining control while holding onto your good traits. So you are not abused in a way that is not consensual. Keep in mind also, that if you are dealing with a narc who has taken the role of your Sir (because it’s a great way to get fuel, control, power), your perception of what you are consenting to and his are entirely different. I realized this quite often with mine. I even told him. But I stayed, addicted, thinking I could get get him to see, he loved me, etc.

        1. njfilly says:

          Thank you for your concern for me but it’s not necessary. Yes, it does control my life and always has. I don’t know why. It was the cause of the break-up of my marriage when I was 23. I’m now 53. It rules how I interact with men, who I interact with, and who I am when I interact. It is a part of me and there is no denying it. Even though I do deny it and have separate lives and identities because of it. I keep the intensity of my personalities separate. They don’t mesh. They are opposite extremes, although sometimes they get confused and intertwined. I hope you were not abused and have gotten away from your narcissist.

          1. Cyn says:

            I have those two sides also. I’m quite complex. Now I am even more complex. Yes I was abused. I had 2 narcs. I left a marriage with one and fell in love with another. Then I was in narc sandwich because I had child with narc husband. I’m out. Took me a few times. Escaped 9 months ago from narc 2. No contact. 3rd times a charm.

          2. njfilly says:

            I’m glad you escaped. I hope you find some peace.

          3. Cyn says:

            I certainly have. I hope you have too. Not sure what I will do about the rest of it.

  16. kel2day says:

    Princess is his word the boss would use, some blushed happily to hear it, but it sounded demeaning to me like we’re spoiled and demanding.

    My mother got my oldest daughter to call her “dear” instead of Nana. I heard her repeating it over and over to her when was so young until she caught on and started saying it. Mom told everyone how my daughter had thought it up herself.

  17. cogra002 says:

    Excellent and insightful.
    I have a question. Is it Narky that the Narc had a different identity in the evening? His real name during business hrs, and his other identity, which is his social media identity, in the evening.
    That is sort of a pet name, though I had another.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If the individual is a narcissist, that behaviour is a manifestation of the fluid self.

  18. Joanne says:

    The “pet” name he used for his ex wife… while they were still married 😔 Clearly used as in #9, insulting toward a specific characteristic of hers. That alone should’ve been the only red flag I needed to warn me away from him.

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