20 Fuelling Admissions

20 FUELLING ADMISSIONS

There are many things that my kind like you to say. We want to hear your praise, your affection, your love and your adoration. We want to hear your anger, your frustration, your upset and your vitriol. You hear words. We hear emotions which fuel us and cause the powering flames to burn fiercer and higher. When you become ensnared by one of our kind, we make you a victim of our range of machinations. As part of this entrapment we aim to have you provide us with fuel and this is done by causing you to say certain things to us. We are obsessed with the concept of our status, our superiority and our power. We must always ensure that you are inferior to us, that we are in control and that you are obedient. If we ever feel that this imbalance is slipping, then we will fight to maintain it. We are the conqueror you are the conquered. In keeping with this need for control and domination, we want you to not only be the victim but ensure that you act as one and portray your status of victimhood at all times in your dealings with us, save when we decide to the contrary. The latter being usually for public appearances and the maintenance of the façade. We want and need to hear you reinstate your designated role. Of course this does not mean that you will declare that you are a victim, using those very words, because when we have you in our grasp you do not realise that you are indeed a victim. Instead we need to hear it through you stating certain phrases which amount to admissions that you are a victim. Understand that when you make these remarks you are fuelling us and also reinforcing the imbalance that exists between you and us.

  1. I am sorry.
  2. I just didn’t think.
  3. I don’t know what I am supposed to do.
  4. I can’t understand what you want.
  5. I can’t take this anymore.
  6. I will do anything for you.
  7. I just want this to work.
  8. I’m not giving up on us.
  9. I deserve better than this.
  10. Why are you doing this?
  11. Please stop.
  12. Please talk to me.
  13. Am I not good enough for you?
  14. Why is it only me that is treated like this?
  15. I just want to be happy.
  16. Tell me what you want from me.
  17. I didn’t realise.
  18. I always put you first.
  19. I want to make you happy.
  20. What’s happened to us?
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8 Comments

  1. Just had a face to face Hoover this morning. After a couple of years of n/c except at work Hes turned up on my doorstep saying his car has broken down and the AA don’t recognise his details can he use mine!!! Ffs told him to go off and call them again. Strangely they found it second time. how convoluted. More freaking lies. Should not have opened the door but at least I didn’t let him in.
    Hes in crisis – sacked from our workplace and IPPS has clocked him.
    Desperate.
    Unfortunately I’ve given him some fuel. Made my heart race.

    1. Thought Fuel, but it is weak and ephemeral. If you implement a total no contact regime the narcissist is forced to look elsewhere for fuel and control.

  2. I’m NC now, but I think I’ve wounded more than I had thought. It recently hit me like a thunder bolt — a very delayed reaction — that my last few exchanges with the narcissist were wounding in nature, which was completely opposite of what I was intending. Among my mistakes…

    In seeking truth for my own peace of mind, I exposed a lie of his (a manipulative tactic, to get my attention/play on my guilt) + I was cool as a cucumber/gave no fuel= Wounding.

    I’ve also wounded him by refusing to allow him to see/talk to me, when he’s shown up at my work place…how I pulled that off was probably not lost on him. There’s nothing I can do about that element with NC, but I’ve now potentially wounded him 4 times. Unbelievable. I doubt I’ve seen the last of him, but life goes on.

    I really should have known I was wounding, but I was thinking of it from the perspective of several factors, most of which just don’t matter to a narcissist…I simply lost sight of the whole wounding concept. I get into a frame of mind in feeling secure that I’m being decent and calm/low-key with him, like that’s somehow good, in itself…but all he wants is to gain/regain control & for me to fuel him with emotions that make him feel powerful.

  3. I have a question, and it may not make sense so bear with me.

    I as a non narcissistic person enjoys basic power plays having the last say, sometimes knowing someone misses me or being able to end a conversation on my terms, know the person is thinking of me.. and I think most humans can experience this we consciously are aware.

    Is it true that narcissists also operate on this plane of thinking too? Or because of their inherent need to be constantly in charge whilst we may behave like this only in small doses that they never consciously think of it … they just always do it?

    I think maybe a greater would enjoy power play as they are aware.. what about mid rangers and lessers, do they even process or enjoy power plays? Or they just happen?

    Thanks!

    1. You do not do it out of the need for control, a narcissist does.

      Mid Range and Lesser Narcissists “enjoy” it through the provision of fuel, but it is not a conscious “enjoyment”.

  4. HG, do you think the following sentence wounded him or it was negative/challenge fuel?:” I am not the person who you should have messed with. Look for your victims in other places.”

    It was sent right before disengagement as i almost reached my breaking point.

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