Bringing Down The Shutters



Once we commence our devaluation of one of our victims there is a vast array of manipulative techniques that can be used to fulfil our aim of extracting negative fuel from you. Some of these methods are subtle and may not be noticed by the subject, such as triangulation with an object. Others are brutal involving the smashing of property and the flailing fists and stomping boots. It is often the case that you do not realise that devaluation has commenced because you have yet to have any familiarity with this word or even with what it signifies. You will notice however a change in our behaviour. One of those changes is akin to us bringing down the shutters whenever we deal with you.

Once upon a time we exited our car and cantered across to where you stood waiting in the doorway as we wrapped our arms around you and embraced you passionately. Our face had lit up and our delight in seeing you appeared genuine enough. This happened each time we came to see you, as if we had not seen you for months on end, even though it was only the day before when we last held you. Now when we meet you there is no joyful skip towards you, the smile seems forced and there is no light in our eyes anymore. Whereas they once lit up a brilliant blue and sparkled, now they just seem lacklustre and dull, darker than usual. You try to lift our spirits in that indefatigable way of yours. You ask what is wrong and you are always met with an answer of “nothing”.

“Are you sure?” you ask, “you seem unhappy.”

“No there is nothing the matter.”

“You can tell me.”

We realise we must say something but we are pleased by your concern and the fuel that it provides.

“It’s okay. There is nothing wrong.”

“It does not seem like it. Please, tell me what is on your mind.”

Time to step it up a little and extract some further fuel.

“I said there’s nothing wrong,” I snap and pull my hand away from yours. Your face turns from concern to upset and the fuel flows.

This continues as once we used to talk for hours on the ‘phone about all manner of things and laughed and planned, now we still talk for a long time (or rather you seem to do more of the talking this time) as we draw the negative fuel from you. You try to find new topics to keep the conversation going but our responses are limited, our tone flat and then irritable as you try to remain chirpy and upbeat but the sadness and confusion is all too evident in your voice. It needs to be. We need that.

“I just don’t understand, “you protest pleasantly, “you seem so different these days.”

“Really? In what way?”

“It’s like, it is like I am dealing with someone else.”

“Well that’s nonsensical, it is me.”

“Yes I know that but you are not the same.”

“Of course I am the same, you are imagining things.”

“No I am not. You don’t seem to be into me as much as you once were.”

“I am, it is just, you know, I have a lot going on at present.”

“I understand that but it is more than that. It is like I am talking to a different person. You don’t seem to connect with me the way you used to.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“How can I put it? It’s like you have made a conscious decision to distance yourself from me and you do not say the things you used to. You always used to sign off your texts with three kisses and now it is only one.”

“You are concerned about how many kisses I put on my texts?” I ask in disbelief.

“No, well yes, well it is not that. That is just a symptom of something else. It concerns me because I love you so much. It is like you have brought down the shutters and put up barriers when we are together. There is a distance between us that wasn’t once there.”

“I haven’t noticed it.” (Of course I have. I know precisely what you are talking about.)

You then spend many minutes trying to convey this sense of distance and alienation as I listen. I am not hearing the words that you say, nor do I pay attention to the explanation, I am too engaged focussing on the hurt in your voice, the frustration and the exasperation as I suck the fuel from your sentences. This technique is subtle. It is easy to implement and enables us to draw negative fuel from you without you realising what we are doing. It is often the beginning of the devaluation period when the simple cessation of the golden behaviour produces in itself a reaction which provides fuel. We do not need to shock you, we do not need to shout or yell, there is no need to lead you on a confusing and merry dance with our denials and deflections. The simple act of pulling up the drawbridge and no longer allowing you access to the wonderful part of us, illusion that it is, remains highly effective.

“I just feel like you bring the shutters down and I am dealing with somebody different. You are not the HG I know and love. You are someone else.”

Time to throw you a little lifeline to give you hope.

“I’m sorry, I think sometimes when I am under pressure I withdraw into myself. My friends have commented on it previously. It is just something that happens. I think that is what you are referring to. It doesn’t mean that I love you any less. Just last night I was staring at the chair where you usually sit wishing you were there opposite me talking to me.”

That should do it.

“There you see, that is the HG I know, back in an instant. I wish I had been sat in that chair too, I missed you so much last night.”

It really is so easy.

23 thoughts on “Bringing Down The Shutters

  1. Lambtolion says:

    Oh Yes , that’s exactly how it started. Progressed to rage, silent treatments, and malice. The raging didn’t start until he got himself a IPSS , one who has been on and off the shelf for years.

    It’s a rollercoaster of that crap right now.
    Mostly I try not to react. I only speak when spoken to , for the most part. I no longer try to engage him in conversation, what for? He only gives one word answers or pretends not to hear me. I refuse to humiliate myself trying to make him engage, it only upsets me , and apparently gives him fuel.
    Fuck him !

    1. Violetta says:

      My friend likes to say “Unfuck them.” Some people don’t deserve a fuck.

  2. Violetta says:

    This wouldn’t work with me. You say nothing’s wrong, I say, “‘kay, bye,” and find something else to do. Don’t expect me to fix your problem if I don’t even know what it is.

    In addition, I’ve never pulled that thing where the guy asks me what’s wrong, and I say (in a suitably huffy tone), “NOTHING.” You ask me what’s wrong, I WILL TELL YOU. Which is probably why few people ask.

  3. Sharon Small says:

    My exhuhabd hasnt contacted me in 5 months.. And then last sunday a co-worker spoted him watching me at my job should I be scared is he stalking me and why?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      More information is needed about your circumstances in order to provide you with an accurate answer, Sharon and you should arrange a consultation so I can assist you.

  4. Pati says:

    I take it you only have shutters Inyour home not curtains then.

    1. HG Tudor says:


      It is always pitch black. Unless I make it golden.

      1. Pati says:

        Do you light scented candles then?

        1. Lorelei says:

          He uses Glade plug ins Pati—the bodies reek otherwise. Have you ever bought those? They are so useless really—I get all excited and spend $50 to spread them around and they are empty so quickly. One single scented candle lit and then unlit over several weeks provides more satisfaction.

          1. Pati says:

            Lorelei,I am Into essential oils and diffusers. I do like Saje brand and Young living ones. They are really calming and relaxing .

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Careful Pati, this is not QVC, despite Lorelei´s best attempts to make it so!

          3. Pati says:

            Oh really how ?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I do not know what you are referring to Pati, I do not see the previous comment in the moderation pane.

          5. Lorelei says:

            HG—I don’t watch QVC. I don’t watch any television.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            You do not need to, you create it here!

          7. K says:

            Just curious, do scented candles cover the smell of decomp?

          8. Lorelei says:

            Not sure K. I have never killed anyone! It’s not for a lack of wishful thinking that a certain body would have dropped in front of me—yet it never did. It kept breathing.

          9. K says:

            Ha ha ha…don’t you hate when they keep breathing. Happy Halloween!!!

          10. Lorelei says:

            Happy Halloween! I can’t be a pumpkin after today I guess.

  5. Pati says:

    At least you gave an explanation HG even if it was genuine. My N just give one word answers .

  6. Liza says:

    i will nerver again bother with a person who sulks and then refuse to tell what is the problem, i used to always think it is my duty to help, or feel guilty even if i know that i did nothing.
    now i realise that if you do not want me to know, do not show me your saddened face or behave strangely.

  7. Pingback: Bringing Down The Shutters ⋆ NarcTopia
  8. NotMe! says:

    Abahaha, that post cheered me up a bit thank you, I had those exact converversations, even down to the number of kisses. Although sometimes it was me who put fewer kisses even if I hadn’t mentioned feeling that he was distant, and he would say ‘oh, only one kiss darling, have I upset you, why don’t you tell me about it?’ Or ‘I’m sorry, I’ll be on better form tomorrow honey’.

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