Just The Way It Is
By now you all know that I am driven by the hunger that rages within me as I must seek out fuel to feed the beast. To begin with, my fuel comes from the compliments and admiration you send my way during our golden period. Yes, that blissful, wonderful time when everything tastes better, smells more fragrant, looks brighter and sounds sharper. I was asked why can I not contain my need for fuel to receiving admiration and plaudits? Why must I embark on such a destructive course which brings mayhem to everyone around me. Why must it hurt so much? A fair question.
In my case, there are two reasons for this. The first brings forth that old adage of familiarity breeds contempt. Imagine that strawberry is your favourite flavour of ice-cream. I bring you a large strawberry ice cream in a sugar cone. You take a lick and it is delicious. So fresh tasting, so creamy and there are even little pieces of strawberry contained inside of it. It simply is the most sumptuous ice cream you have ever introduced to your taste buds. These strawberries have been grown in God’s garden, tended to by angels and grown with the purest water, the most fertile soil and vibrant sunshine. The milk has been taken from cows which graze on nothing but the most verdant grass, free from pollution and contamination. In fact, every ingredient that has been used in the creation of this magnificent iced confection is the best and perfect. Not only that, it has been crafted by the Supreme High Creator of Gelatos. I bring you a second one. Why not? This is an ice cream fit for champions. You eat this second one but by now you are feeling full. I bring a third, the taste is still great but not as good. Now I give you the good news that you are eating strawberry ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner and nothing else. Soon, the amazing taste of the ice cream no longer brings you pleasure. In fact, you start to dread the sight of the ice cream as it is brought to you and then it makes you angry that you have to eat it. You are sick of it now, it has lost its allure.
This is what happens to me. It always happens. Since I am wired to seek out instant gratification, even the most wonderful sensations soon pale to me. I am not built for the long-term, I have no desire for longevity. If it was me eating the ice cream, I need to go and seek out mint choc chip or even vanilla or perhaps a juicy steak instead. I need something different in order to give me that hit. Why not then just leave the strawberry ice cream along and seek out that new taste sensation, why do I have to subject the ice cream to a campaign of savage and nasty behaviour. One reason is that since I have invested so much energy in securing all that strawberry ice cream I am not going to let it go. I need to treat it differently and thus generate a break from its taste. With you, I need to have a break from the now stale praise and admiration you provide to me. It just does not do it for me. Similarly, I have invested energy in ensnaring you and I do not want to let you go. I have to treat you differently to change the dynamic. I need to keep you around so I embark on a confusing campaign that means you cling tighter to me. I will of course be seeking out new admiration from new sources. There are so many flavours for me to taste. You were once shiny and new. Not any longer. Someone else is shinier and newer.
I will return to you, like I will return to the strawberry ice cream. I have forgotten how it sickened me so I will eat it again and wow, it tastes good. Similarly, I will grant you a short return to the golden period. You lavish me with praise and love borne out of relief and I enjoy it. The law of diminishing returns applies however and soon I tire of your admiration as I tire of the strawberry ice cream and once again I must take a break from it, whilst never actually severing ties with you or giving away the ice cream. Back and forth I will go, occasionally being good to you to receive your admiration as I occasionally have a scoop of the strawberry ice cream. Thus this familiarity and unwillingness to let you go means that I have to treat you badly in order to resurrect the positive fuel on an infrequent basis whilst drawing on the negative fuel to provide the contrast.
I mentioned two reasons. The second reason arises from occasional glimpses of reality. For the most part we dwell in our false construct that we have dragged you into. You may achieve something or a colleague may secure a new contract or we notice a friend purchase a flash, new car. This provides us with a painful reminder of our own limitations and our hatred of the limelight being moved elsewhere, however temporary. In such a case we have to lash out. We must denigrate, despise and demean in order to create that contrast again, we make you look bad and we look good. By putting you down, or the friend or the colleague we feel powerful and in control again. The horrible sensation vanishes. On these occasions, envy and fear drives us to be horrible to you. We have to do it to make ourselves look superior in comparison.
In both instances we need to provide a contrast in order to maintain our fuel. Thus, all cannot be rosy in the garden, we need to spray the weed killer over the flowers you have grown to ensure we receive the fuel that is our primary aim in life.
33 thoughts on “Just The Way It Is”
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I have a craving for strawberry icecream. HG you described it as so delicious I think I will go have some while I keep reading your articles .
Yum!
I just listened to your u tube video. Your voice is just like Eckert Tolle. I did not know where to put this comment so you would see it, so, I chose this article. #ego
This was SUCH a good article! Thank you for breaking it down.
You’re welcome
Very Lizardy!
I understand the strawberry ice-cream analogy, but in which case the ice cream would simply be put back in the freezer (shelved) whilst you try another flavour.
Nobody would see fit to be actively nasty to a strawberry ice-cream just because they had gotten bored of the flavour. Obviously it would be pointless and rather silly.
Would not entering into an open relationship whereby all parties are content with the arrangement not satisfy the first problem of the familiarity, yet without hurting anybody else? It would enable you to get positive fuel on a regular basis from several different sources, thereby you wouldn’t get bored.
Second reason then – instead of degrading someone who has achieved something better than you, why not go out of your way to improve your own circumstances. Make it a competition. Aim to beat them fairly. After all, if they have beat you at something, and you put them down, that doesn’t change the fact that you are still second best. Having a dig at them might make you feel temporarily in control, but they still beat you.
Wouldn’t you get more positive fuel by working harder at putting yourself back on top and actually regaining your crown? This would not only gain admiration from those around you thus giving you more positive fuel, but it would also eliminate the need to be essentially nasty to the other person.
I’m sure you have some very good reasons (in your mind) as to why my suggestions wouldn’t work for you, after all you’re right, and I’m wrong, and it is the way it is because you say it must be (I know, I know), but humour me if you will. Would my suggestions not provide you with enough adequate positive fuel that you do not actually need to seek negative fuel? If not, why not?
I’ve been pondering on this all day.
I suppose an open relationship would put too much control into the hands of your IPs, and would dilute the amount of devotion each of them had for you, thus dwindling your God-like status, and leaving you open to feelings of jealousy when your IPs are with their respective other partners.
So that would never work.
And for part two I guess that would not work either, because improving your own situation would not be instantaneous. It’s too much in the future, whereas you would be in need of fuel in the present to quell the anger / jealousy you would feel of somebody betters you. So the only thing you can really do to obtain instant fuel is to do, well, exactly what you explained that you do.
It’s like a puzzle that I want to try to solve, but I see why I haven’t at all solved it. I know you don’t think it’s possible.
TPOT,
What is the puzzle?
The way HG explains narcissism, it is straightforward and very logical. If this, not that. When this, not that. Done.
My first comment is still awaiting moderation lisk. I’m not sure why.
The one posted above was my second comment which I actually wrote several hours later.
It makes a lot more sense if you were able to read what I initially wrote. As it stands it’s a bit out of context.
Your first question is longer and has at least one question contained in it TPOT, hence it is currently in moderation. It will be posted once I have had opportunity to read it and address the question posed.
No worries HG, thanks for explaining.
I did have a feeling that perhaps that you were a bit busy over the weekend to start thinking about all that. You’re right, it was rather lengthy.
Quite alright.
The point is that most narcissists are not actively nasty because they get bored, they either do not see what they are doing as a problem or they know that what they are doing is unpleasant but it is justified owing to the behaviour of the victim (viewed from the narcissistic perspective).
An open relationship does not work because that will affect the control that the narcissist must have.
Beat some fairly? That is the cry of the empath from their perspective. Remember, from the perspective of the narcissist what we do IS fair, it is only unfair from your perspective.
You have fallen into the (understandable) trap of believing that your perspective is the ONLY perspective, TPOT, it is not. It is just one perspective and it is not the perspective of the narcissist.
This is a detailed matter and if you wish to understand it in greater detail, please organise a consultation with me.
HG will this happen to the Shieldmaiden?
You will have to wait and see.
Stop! You know this time it truly is different because of all the time and energy you put into changing your dynamic! You see everything as black and white, win or lose. So you would not put all of your time and energy into something you would fail at HG.
FM1T, HG always wins. It is The SM that will fail. It’s drilled into our heads. I can’t believe anything different now. Logic girlfriend, logic!
Yes MB there is a difference this time. It is all on him this time, it is his dynamic that is being changed, not SM! If he feels her fuel is not as strong in five or ten years as it is now it will be up to him to figure out how to pull negative fuel from someone else not her. That is what this change is all about. If he cannot do that then it will be his loss not hers, at which point he can make some adjustments and try again until he gets it right.
FM1T,
But since HG’s change is up to him, it is only as good and lasting as his desire to change.
Once/If he loses that desire, all bets are off.
HG is in charge. He is always in charge.
Absolutely Lisa.
“Someone else is shinier and newer” than Shieldmaiden.
I think so too. As Madonna sings maybe shes the next Lucky Star,since she shines so bright
We will see HG.
HG – do you know what will happen?
Yes. I will win.
WHAT will you win?
The Prime Aims.
Still playing the game 😕
There is no hope for anything else, Em 😢
There is another plan. Hg cannot change.
MB – even with all this insight and the help from the good doctors?
Em, there will always be devaluation of the IPPS. HG has said that is the case. Fuel gets stale if nothing else. The difference is that he is equipped and willing to slow down his malignant responses and possibly choose an approach that keeps him in control without being so hurtful. That’s the way I understand it anyway.
Dr. O isn’t that good. She’s getting emotionally involved, and she knows perfectly well she’s not supposed to do that. A conscientious practitioner would recommend another therapist and take herself off the case.
I think this may be the reason so many readers seem to be Team Shieldmaiden, who may know how defend herself against the Hrunting sword, but hasn’t a clue about HG.