The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 1
A series of memes which encapsulate the golden rules that you MUST apply to enable you to build your Logic Defences, overcome the power of your emotional thinking and enable you to achieve freedom.
By accepting these golden rules and repeatedly reading them out loud and writing them down, ensuring you do so frequently, you will create one of the many Logic Defences which is necessary to bring your emotional thinking under control. Learn the golden rules, apply the golden rules and remind yourself of the golden rules. These golden rules will lead you to freedom.
When you know, you go. When you know you are entangled with a narcissist – you go. You do not wait around seeking answers from that person (seek them from me instead). You do not try to heal them, you do not remain trying to decipher their behaviour (I will do that for you). When you know that a fresh narcissist is trying to seduce you – you go. When you know that a narcissist is hoovering you – you go. But most of all, when you are already entangled and you finally learn what it is you are entangled with – you go. You have to remove yourself from the toxic influence which is maintaining your emotional infection, feeding your addiction and keeping you stuck, all aided and abetted by your con-artist in residence,your emotional thinking.
Never breach this rule. If you do, you are preventing yourself from achieving freedom. Anything which contravenes this rule is emotional thinking which wants you to remain entangled, seduced or hoovered.
15 thoughts on “The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 1”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I hope I achieve GOSO ,after 23 years that’s my dream. When I blow out my candles on birthday next month this is my only wish,and to meet HG in the future lol.
Goso because it’s more fun on the other side. Life without our Narc is honestly so much better. No more worrying, no more stress over their pettiness. There’s a rainbow after the storm, a light that replaces the gray confusion and dries the rain tears away, a fresh new green landscape carpets our steps and a breeze blows playfully through our hair, life is better on the other side. Don’t look back, don’t waste one more minute on them. Put all that energy we used to spend on a narc into ourselves, or those we neglected while under their spell. Life’s beautiful and now that we know, there’s no excuses, our life and what we do with it is on us and no one else, we can’t blame the narc any longer.
So true, kel. And I can vouch that you’re NOT Future Faking!
Lol Lisk, absolutely right!
Kel—it really is better and increasingly so. He’s almost not a real human in my memory. I’ll never talk to him again and in this I find amusement, though even less amusement than when this initial decision was decided as an absolute, as an almost “standard” of conduct.
Lorelei I completely agree
My narc has permanently discarded me and is completely off FB, Insta and Whatsapp on the new supplies insistence and he has also reduced his cocaine ! I tried telling him to do it for 2 years ( esp the cocaine bit ) but he didn’t ! ( he used to ogle at other women on FB n Insta and guess that’s why the new supply told him to get off it and he did to please her ). Maybe he is changing for her – is it possible for a narc to change ?
And the worst bit is I see him and hear him and hear abt him EVERYDAY coz we work in the same office ! It freaking hurts and pains like hell on the inside. Coz I still love him but it seems he had moved on long before the discard and was grooming the new supply for a long time. It hurts.
1. A narcissist will not change. Your emotional thinking makes you believe this might be possible (and there are those who do not understand narcissism who claim it can happen – it cannot).
2. It hurts because your emotional thinking is high and it causes you to feel hurt to continue your engagement with the narcissist (for instance, checking his social media to see what is happening – do not be taken in by thinking it is the replacement who has told him to come off social media, he has done it for the purposes of control.)
3. You will benefit from consulting with me to make sense of what is happening and to understand what you need to do to move forward.
Emotional thinking this week.
It can’t be true. You’re just upset, being over sensitive, are dramatising and catastrophising, medicalising. What if you’re wrong – just talk to him.
– If it was true. You’d have known, you wouldn’t have fallen for it, you’re instincts are good, you were not duped.
– If it is true. He doesn’t know what he is or what he’s done. You should tell him, you owe him that, after all, think how long you’ve known him.
– It is true – he told you. ‘letting you go last time was the biggest mistake of my life, but…I would’ve done something to ruin it and we wouldn’t be together now, that’s the important thing’. ‘I’m cautious about meeting up too soon darling, because the memories I’ve cherished about you all this time have been very important to me, I can’t risk damaging those’. BASTARD! You need to tell him he is a lying reptile.
– It’s not real – you’re reading this stuff and being brainwashed, it’s not real – this isn’t your world, this stuff is crazy. Just talk to him, then you’ll know one way or the other.
– He’s online, he hasn’t blocked you, he’s wanting to contact you because he’s sorry, he’s suffering, he’s thinking about you, good! I want to know that he is doing that, I’ve escaped, I’ve won.Tell him.
It’s not true – he’s a bastard but he’s not that clever, he has no power, why should you be afraid. Tell him you don’t care anymore.
Not me!
Time for a pep talk lovely – I am hoping you put your feelings out there to seek our support.
Yes, you know it!! Your emotional thinking is making you search for excuses to escape the reality of knowing he is a narcissist. It is a fantasy to think there is any other explanation for his blowing hot and cold. He is feeding you lies because he knows part of you is still hungry for them as you have left the lines of communication open. You are giving him an open door and he knows you are at the end of his string.
The picture he paints for you is of complexity; headaches, lies and half truths before the relationship even recommences. Real love is simple – it is a feeling of knowing, safety and security, not guessing games. Imagine how confusing, bewildering and energy zapping it would be to re-enter the vortex of relationship hell with this dysfunctional, self-obsessed jerk?!
Let your experience guide you back to a pathway of logical thinking. Do not allow yourself to believe in a fairytale that could be so destructive to your future and your opportunities for a meaningful reciprocal relationship. Leave him with the memories and RUN!!
Sarah
NotMe!
You are being duped right now by your own emotions. You know it’s real and you know it’s true. That’s why you ended up here in the first place seeking answers to behaviours you know instinctively are wrong. The con begins with yourself. That’s how they get in.
Yesterday i bought a flight ticket. I think i achieved zero impact(thanks to your work) and ready to face his face.
HG: What if it’s not romantic, but someone like a boss where it might take time to find another job, and the same boss who treats you like you’re useless sabotages your efforts to leave instead of being glad to see the back of you?
What if it’s something like grad school, where the committee can make people do endless labs or rewrites, and people don’t want to leave without their degrees because they already put in the time and work on classes, exams, and research? I’ve heard of people changing the chair of their committee, but they can’t always get the trouble-maker off the committee altogether.
If it takes time to find another job but you ARE finding another job, then that is part of the establishment of no contact and in the meanwhile you use the “How To Handle A Narcissist At Work” Assistance Package. Life does mean that someone cannot immediately move into another job BUT emotional thinking does cause people to think “I cannot find another job” (yes you can) or “It is too much hassle” (Really? It will be less hassle than continuing to interact with a narcissist). If the boss is sabotaging your efforts to leave, there is much that can be done and you should organise a consultation with me.
With regard to the second scenario, I understand the frustrating tactics that are deployed in order to assert control, but these can be similarly addressed through various means, again I can assist through consultation.
Not in such a situation at the moment. I am underpaid and underemployed, but that’s just bad management since the merger, not narc targeting. All the old employees are trying to get out, if they weren’t laid off already.
I will, however, want to understand better what HAS happened so it doesn’t haunt me. A bad boss or professor can do as much damage to one’s confidence as a bad boyfriend. Am on job market, and when finances take an upturn, I will want to consult you, partly to detox more thoroughly from previous experiences, and partly to work on coping mechanisms if I encounter similar types in future.