The Greater Narcissist Knows and Waits…..
You have been disengaged from, but the Greater has experienced a Hoover Trigger but he knows what he is, he knows what you are and moreover he knows what to expect.
It’s just a question of time.
He will wait…..
Listen here
32 thoughts on “The Greater Narcissist Knows and Waits…..”
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Interesting how I find all these narc seduction tactics and speeches either totally neutral or aversive. This was somewhat less aversive than the mid ranger’s seduction speech I read here before but still, the only effect these have on me is some curiosity as to how on Earth someone can be so obsessed and intrusive. Once again, it really reminds me of what an addiction recovery method calls the Addictive Voice. I can easily project my experience with substance addiction into this, as though I was both the abuser and abused, part of me trying to entice me again and again to go and get my fix. I am very familiar with that for my substance of choice from the past, but still kinda weird to hear similar kind of craving for intimate contact, or fuel to be accurate.
What would happen to a narc if they were forced into 100% abstinence or they really tried to restrain themselves and change, say, for a year? Would the desire for fuel dissipate at least some, like it usually does for drugs? Or would they rather kill themselves before any recovery starts happening? I guess it is difficult to test unless it happened in complete social isolation, given that human feedback and reactions are everywhere, it is very different from substance abuse where abstinence is still very hard to achieve due to the habit but, practically, it is simple by avoiding the drug. Would the narc be able to go through all the hell of early abstinence for an extended period of time and eventually change if, for some reason, they had the motivation for it? But I believe substance abuse is quite different in people who do not have a life-long version and/or personality disorder because there is still always a lot of the person there whose world view and judgment was once intact and realistic pre-drug, and that part can create an intense desire to change and recover. If someone developed this way from a very early time, there is probably little to counter the destructive motives, especially if they are not even aware as most narcs.
That’s quite an interesting perspective. I wonder if a narc would just go mad in isolation without fuel. Frightening actually; as of course I am a compassionate Empath.
Hi Dorian, based on what I have seen in real life, isolation will not decrease their desire for fuel. They just end up looking like empty shells of human beings. It’s like they are walking dead. They sometimes drink more alcohol of over eat. I am describing Lessers though with very little fuel matrix.
Yeah the antagonistic mocking of “Do it, do it” really made me more determined not to. But I was right there 2 nights ago. I DID NOT DO IT lol.
Cyn
Happy for you.
I on the other hand unblocked and reblocked 3 times within 24 hours. NO contact was made but I am sure HG would say that is a breach of my 16 weeks of NC. Back to square one but forgiving myself as my LT kicked in as I am training it to
Kim e,
You were so close….damn…
Whenever I felt tempted to do so, I thought of you and said to myself: we all fight the same battle, don’t do it 😉
I felt one moment yesterday of unblocking, but happy now I didn’t.
Back to square one indeed but it will not be so hard this time. We are going for 6 months this time, you can do it!
Be strong!
zwartbolleke.
Now I feel like I let you down also. Please dont use me a s a role modle as we see how that worked///LOL.
At least I feel good that I did reblock. And in my little empath pea brain I am telling myself that that really wasnt breaking NC….I dont rememer any where in the Zero Impact package that any of the 5 fingers were unblocking and reblocking right away.
Kim e,
“And in my little empath pea brain I am telling myself that that really wasnt breaking NC”: ha ha, you made me laughing so loud!!
I will tell you a secret (embarrassing ) how I succeeded yesterday : So I gave in the name in fb (so yes, I did breach the NC), and nothing came on. I was surprised and didn’t understand at first. After 5 minutes thinking (yes it took me that long), I realised: Oh yeah that’s right, you blocked him… 🙂
OMG…
For a second I wanted to unblock, but then I didn’t find how and where, so I closed my fb again. Pfiew…
Saved by stupidity… ha ha!
So let’s all start over again with NC, this time we will do it, we will succeed, and July 1 we drink a glass to celebrate our succes, nah!
We got this!
zwartbolleke,
Not sure I replied to this as I have been very busy lately blocking and unblocking a person I used to know.
I say July 1st we drink a glass to just celebrate us even if we are not successful then.
Z, I had a moment too yesterday. Maybe something with the new year triggered us all. I too resisted but I was fighting the ET for sure! We’ve got this!
Hey Mercy
yes New Years day is especially hard. Speaking for myself I have no distractions that day, it is the worst day of the year for me, so glad this is over and not a problem for another year…
For the rest of the year I’m overloaded with work etc, but January 1, urgh…
Well done for you!!
Z, You as well. I saw what you wrote about looking him up on FB. Good thing you had the safety measure installed (Block). Sometimes it seems like ET is BFFs with social media.
Well done Kim e!!!
LT/ET is one of the things which helped me massively. Once HG had broken it down to such a simplistic form, it really resonated with me and helps me regularly when I become aware of it.
alexissmith,
Thanks. Just wish my LT would have kicked in sooner and harder. OH well…live and learn.
Guess the vision of the great buttocks took over my brain……….
Don’t be hard on yourself – you’re doing really well! We all have little relapseS and you’ve recognised it. Those urges will get less and less Kim e. It won’t be long before you’re puking at the thought of those buttocks x
Alex2016, So true. HG lays it out there so simply sometimes you can’t help thinking “why didn’t I think of that”. Even high paid therapist can’t get it right
It’s great isn’t it Mercy, the way he can do that.
I find myself frustrated at times kind of knowing something but not quite knowing it and I’m confused and then HG will write about it and I think to myself how on earth did I not quite grasp it before because once you know it all of a sudden seems so obvious and simple and yet Nobody has done this previously. No one. As you say even trained therapists don’t know.
Alex2016, I also think being ready to accept what HG is teaching has a lot to do with it. I feel like this has been such a slow process for me. I’ve been reading and learning from HG for a while but the pieces didn’t really start coming together until I made the decision that I don’t want to ever live in that situation again. There’s no loopholes that will make it acceptable for me to have ANY contact with him EVER again. The best part of all that I have learned, is that we can change. We cant change the narcissist, but we can change our thinking and get out from the addiction.
Correct!
Kim E
We all do that in the beginning! I actually did engage in responding to an email I hadn’t blocked due to a legal/financial thing. I rejected him and responded with some very cold and logical HG knowledge; calling him a narc without saying the word, then watched his response before I blocked. That was my first actual engagement of that sort in a year but it was a breach too. HG would have liked what I said while noting the breach. It also doesn’t mean you forgot everything you learned or you would have called. So as you said, self-forgiveness! Glad you are here.
Good for you!
@notme, he said he didn’t understand where I got all the mask etc nonsense. I almost responded with some referrals but remained silent lol.
Well done Cyn for not remaining engaged, that must have been tempting to tell him you know. What did you say about masks to him?
My ex became involved in a legal issue with his ex-wife (of 10 years). He had neglected to sort out one financial policy when they divorced and this seemed very unlike him at the time. Now I understand that it was most likely an instinctive maintenance of connection. He emailed her regularly and she ignored him for 3 months. Then he sent her solicitors letter and he got a reply. I asked if he had replied once and he said ‘not yet, I’ll let her wait and stew, I’ll have my solicitor email her next Monday, let it ruin her breakfast on her birthday, it’ll serve her right’. I was shocked he’d be so twattish.
I desperately needed to hear this one today. Perfect timing as usual HG, you’re the only narcissist who has ever come through for me. Thank you!
Ok, that was too creepy to listen to the end. You’re voice is hypnotic, really Narky. The Narcs voice is hypnotic also, like dark velvet though.
The repetitive “do it, do it….” 🤔. Hmmm
Anyway, 💯 this happens on the disengagements. I presume or know the Narc thinks just like this. I’ve done pretty well turning my back on these, he’d never f’ng hear from me again if he didn’t come a ‘hoovering’.
(🎶🎵He’ll be Hoovering Round the Mountain 🎶🎵).
The Narc with his needle of Narc heroin…. get it, you know u want this…..💉👿
@HG you just once again slapped me out of the mental spin I was in for a few days. But mine’s a mid ranger who times his hoovers well. I do give him credit for that. You reminded me exactly what was happening again, and cemented my resolve. I almost caved in to my ET yesterday. Thank you!
Hi Cyn, glad you’re feeling better, hold the line! Just one thing, Mid-Rangers do not really time their Hoovers but rather something acts as a Hoover trigger and therefore if the Hoover Excecution Criteria is met, they move in for the kill. Or rather, they move in for trying to see if they can take a little nibble without being ignored a.k.a. mortally wounded. Holidays and Anniversaries are a pretty common trigger for example because that’s when a lot of victims feel sentimental and it is also when a lot of narcs might be reminded of fuel past. They cannot time anything really, that would require foresight.
Unfortunately the holiday coincided with the events lol. So he didn’t have to plan. Double whammy. Not a great marker for me either. Last year however I think I was somewhat detached from my body.
Hi Desiree
MRN’s may not know that they are hoovering or seeking fuel, but some certainly do show foresight in making contact at particular times. This is apparent when electronic communication is not possible and they send hoovers by post or arrange for hoovers to be experienced at specific, significant and spiteful times even long after disengagement. Just because they don’t know they are N’s doesn’t stop them from being devious individuals. I’ve frequently heard his planning of making contact with another ex as well as me – benign and malign in nature.
Cyn
Great instinct in coming here to find the resolve you needed when you felt ET pulling at you.
@Narc Angel, see above. I messed up first responding to an email. But I didn’t take it further. And my response was textbook HG. Then I blocked that email too. As long as I don’t hear from bank I’m ok.