Interview with HG
I was recently interviewed by Catherine Carrigan.
If you would like to listen to the interview please click the link to YouTube below
110 thoughts on “Interview with HG”
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Again, great interview.
This just came across my radar…what timing. For you and anyone else interested. Fake twin flames.
https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/v747x4/this-youtube-school-promised-true-love-students-say-they-got-exploited-instead
HG, is that woman that interviewed you a narcissist ?
No.
HG, have you read any of Catherine’s book?
I thought I heard her say she is the number one seller author on Amazon.
I thought you were number #1 HG.
Hi Pati,
No I have not read it. Achieving #1 status on Amazon depends on the criteria and you might attain it for 1 one hour within an esoteric category such as “Gay Blind Whale Advice”. I do not know which category Catherine´s book relates to.
Thank you HG, I will check it out.
I would rather buy your books anyways. Or Robyn Carr Virgin River
Just listened to your interview HG, very enjoyable. Made me laugh how she called you HGTudor at all times full name ha ha. I wanted to watch it on TV YouTube but it’s not on your channel, so had to listen and watch on my phone. I love it when you do interviews ❤️
Thank you Lisa.
Dear HG! I always enjoy your interviews, and this one wasn’t an exception. Looking forward to hearing you provide expert advice on mainstream shows in the foreseeable future.
I won’t get tired of thanking you for the work that you do. In my case it has proven to be more effective than I could have imagined. I see it as a cooperation of the patient (myself) and the doctor (you); in order for the treatment to succeed. The doctor has the knowledge and the remedy, but the patient won’t get better without his own commitment, belief and hard work.
I’m so happy I found your site when I most needed it and improved my wellbeing – not only by escaping the Narc in question, but also by learning to recognize and manage other toxic connections in my life.
Thank you DH and good to read.
Oh FFS! Now the woman who I have responded to on sending this link over has COMPLETELY misinterpreted my words. I outlined that the only time you use Grey Rock is when children are involved. Low Contact.
So rather than question my words for clarification she did the above. I’ve just outlined why GR does not work when its mum-daughter bond.
I’m not offended but am annoyed. Honestly, people ask for help, they get it then they lash out at you. ET is very high which then turns into ER in this case.
The irony? There is clearly more than one narc in the chicken coop.
Prize for guessing who the second one is.
I have just cross posted this to a very big UK relationship board.
Someone rocked up seriously questioning if her mother was a narc. Of course she is.
Then another rocked up trilling about Grey Rock.
Heres a though HG. Why dont you do a poll asking NS on which is the most singularly incorrect aspect to education concerning narcs?
Such as GR, Vankin, Lundy, the Freedom program etc? Could be interesting?
Do you mean
1. Which writer/commenter elsewhere is the most incorrect about narcissism , or
2. What aspect of narcissism have people realised was described incorrectly elsewhere before learning the correct version through my work?
Thank you for posting the link.
HG
Yeah I wasnt clear there. Apologies.
Both I guess would be useful and gave merit.
HG is this on YouTube ? Thanks
I think so, Lisa.
Lisa, yes it is on YouTube. I just watched it. It was a very good interview, especially for neophytes IMO.
Brilliant interview HG. This one really tied into a lot of thoughts I’ve been having lately. Your work always comes precisely when needed. I am also impressed with all the logic bulletins that you have been providing. I can’t afford HG at the moment but am pleased with all the material you are releasing.
I hope everyone is doing well. I had to take a break from narcsite for a while (not because of you HG). I am a fairly new reader that has benefited from your work since the past summer. I have to say that all that business with the regular readers over the holiday season was a turn off for me. From my perspective and where I was in my recovery it threw my emotional thinking off the charts. It seemed that there were a lot of empathic individuals acusing each other of being narcissists and “practicing” logical thinking by picking each other apart. As a new person I hope that other people needing help were not deterred from your work too. I have no bad feelings towards anyone involved. All of the readers here have been supportive and very caring towards me. Thank you for the kind words provided here.
HG, as always I believe in your work, and how many people you have helped. Thank you for all the work you have provided for me and everyone else that has benefited from your work.
You are most welcome, I am pleased you found it useful.
Great interview, especially the end section of explaining why narcissism can’t be cured. I’m curious, HG, why you agree to and continue therapy when you are “happy” the way you are and see no need to change. Thank you for sharing the interview – I too was glad she was just asking questions and allowing you to fully answer without inserting her own commentary.
Hello BL, I am pleased you found it interesting and informative. With regard to your question, you will find the answer to it in the Knowing HG Series.
HG can you start a pirate radio? A TV channel? Airborne propaganda?
I do not see why not.
Broadcasting from the Tudor Towers.. I would love that!
They need to stop saying that NPD is curable. This is false and dangerous. Let’s look reality in the eye.
EmP, very true. No doubt these are comments from either N psychologists in an effort to 1) maintain revenue, 2) peddle a book, or N partners as a preventative hoover, or Es who have ET running the show and hope there is a way to change the defense. There is not. It is a *total* defense. There is no cure. I am so glad to have learned that fact from HG.
FYC, I think some mental health professionals truly believe that they can change the narcissist. I have read before about CBT high success rate in re-training narcissists. This is clearly a consequence of professionals (and the general population) not understanding what narcissism is, how it works and why.
I, too, had no idea before finding HG.
Also, it’s easier to tell oneself that the ‘bad’ can become ‘good’, everything will be alright in the end, etc.
This only benefits the narcissist.
HG raised the usual excellent points about diluting and euphemising certain behaviours.
I am very concerned about this because when I was being abused (mainly by my parents) and tried to talk to someone about it, I was never, ever believed and labelled as oversensitive, paranoid, ungrateful, unforgiving, etc. Then I wonder, will the nose-down normals ever understand?
A shift in mentality might take centuries. HG himself, who is laying the foundation for this big shift, said we are only at an embryonic stage..
“I am very concerned about this because when I was being abused (mainly by my parents) and tried to talk to someone about it, I was never, ever believed and labelled as oversensitive, paranoid, ungrateful, unforgiving, etc.”
EmP, I understand your concern and you are none of those things. That is an unfortunte and common problem people face with therapists.
There are so many therapists that do more harm than good. Many are narcissists themselves. Others go into psychology to address/solve their own problems. There is nothing wrong with that, but what I am eluding to is these people are not necessarily the best people with whom to entrust your care or to deliver insight.
I have done a deep dive in scholarly journals, across disciplines, to better understand narcissism. Those who propose that CBT would positively affect narcissism, clearly do not fully understand the defense. The only changes that can be made that are backed by valid studies on both behavior and neuroscience are those of prompting cognitive empathy (CE) to modify behavior. But even looking at these studies, for me, only demonstrates that such change would: a) For many Ns be irrelevant as they lack such skill, b) Would not be realistic as the CE require cues for the N (as demonstrated in each study), c) Would have negligible lasting prosocial effects if any.
Part of the problem begins with the DSM classification system. The rest of the problem is a general lack of awareness that the defense mechanism is also experienced as a survival mechanism and is perceived as a superior way of life for the N. Finally, the pseudoscience that permeates psychological and behavioral fields is misleading, harmful, and unfortunately, profitable. If we want to change the foundation of understanding narcissism,
HG has the most accurate model on narcissism. Unfortunately, effecting academic adoption involves many challenges. It would not be difficult to develop a scholarly version of HG’s model. The difficultly lies in the adoption and acceptance of the same. Why? Because many in academia, where you publish or perish, are narcissists themselves and would not easily give any credence to HG’s work outside of academia. This is amplified by the fact that HG’s model is not in keeping with current theory and the “pioneers” of the field in today’s psychology are busy trying to get there own models adopted wildly. They are hoping to build their own legacy.
I do believe there are short cuts HG could effect that could be a win-win, and would effectively accelerate his overall model acceptance/adoption. I suspect he can make inroads now, but he would likely be most effective once he is able to be fully known and in public view, and be more than an army of one. HG has the best model. If he continues to pursue this legacy, he can succeed (on popular and scholarly fronts).
FYC: if the N psychologists are mid-rangers, they may truly believe they can cure it. To admit otherwise would be loss of control. Remember, mid-rangers don’t know what they are, and are perfectly happy to see Narcissism in anybody else. So if they can destroy an individual’s healthy Narcissism and reduce the patient to an insecure, guilt-ridden mess, they will consider that a cure. Eureka: their Method works!
Correct.
Oh, HG, if only I’d had someone like you when I was 9….
I know. There is no one like you.
If I give you my (still living and practicing, alas) first shrink’s address, on your next visit to the states, could you arrange a meeting with him and casually deprive him of whatever he thinks of as bollocks? The psychological kind; I don’t want you had up for assault (that’s my side of the street, anyhow), plus you’d need a TEM to find the physical ones.
Violetta, Agreed.
Astonishing interview, HG – it is always a music for my ears to listen to your clear logic and perfect British accent!
Thank you Claire.
I finally got to listen to this interview. As always HG it was amazing, straightforward, and to the point. Congratulations HG on yet another job well done!
Thank you FM1T.
You’re welcome HG.
I finally got to sit down and listen to this. It was worth the wait. I thought you and Catherine meshed well. Excellent interview!
“I want people to win because I want to win”
Thank you Mercy, I am pleased you enjoyed it.
Great interview HG!
Thank you
I enjoyed this interview for many reasons:
1) You (obvs).
2) The fact the interviewer found out about you through the Meghan Markel articles but didn’t just stick to that, she digged information about your work, your past, your blog. She was well documented.
3) She made precise and relevant questions.
4) She asked you what a narcissist is and the difference from a narcissistic person, but then …. tadaaaa
5) She also asked you what an Empath is! And that to me is essential as well. Like the yin and the yang, one doesn’t go without the other.
6) I love your mention of the idiotic new age concept of the Twin Flame. I just learned about this recently and immediately thought: this is just addiction to narcissist relationships! And people believe in it???
7) Euphemistic approaches to the narc’s aberrant behaviors. In my particular case: “Well, he just likes attention and he has the body so, who can blame him?/oh in reality he’s such a good guy / he is such a good friend/ he just likes to flirt, you know how he is, but he and his wife are the perfect lovebirds.” Damned euphemisms!
Excellent interview, superior info. As usual.
Thank you SP, excellent analysis.
Great interview.
Thank you.
Great interview, precise and no-nonsense information. Thank you.
You are welcome.
Caity I was thinking the same thing! Loved it!!
The interviewer was sweet, HG’s brilliance was palpable. I’m glad I’m not the only one that pronounces Tudor that way.
Nearly all American interviewers call me Toodur rather than Chewdur. It is to be expected and is not an issue for me.
I also pronounce it Tooder, but i will start saying it the proper the way. I will think of chewing gum.
Just say god, it works just as well.
I thought it was Tyoo-der.
Time you bought this, cheeky
https://narcsite.com/2020/02/03/the-virtues-of-keeping-your-mouth-shut/
Ha Ha, oh lord !
Lord works to right HG? Lol
Exactly or Jesus!
Seriously. Like Tyoo-tor, Tyooz-day, post-yulate. Wasn’t doing the American “Too” thing, but definitely wasn’t getting a “ch” either.
I’ve had the same issue with “Duke.” Americans say “Dook,” RP is “Juke,” but I come out with “Dyook.”
Violetta, Dannng HG just threw a logic bulletin at you!! You got logic bombed!
Mercy:
I think it went over my head. It’s that “History of the English Language” class: you start thinking about the Great Vowel Shift; then you start to ponder the consonants in Indo-European (bhater, pater, vater, fader, father). It means the actual implications of the conversation you just had or are in the process of having frequently escape you.
Violetta,
Or it’s just good ducking skills.
Mercy:
Still don’t know what I did. Failure to acknowledge HG’s divinity?
Violetta, Maybe I have it wrong and HG was talking to Pati when he commented that you or Patty need to buy “virtues of keeping your mouth shut” and now I’m thinking I need to buy that one haha. Bad joke, sorry for the confusion, just keep scrolling.
It was directed at Violetta as a joke.
I feel like such a hick saying Toodur like that!
Just say, my liege, that may make you feel better!
MB yes like Mr. Touda
I was waiting for her to simply say HG at some point. Lol. You know, like we do on here. She was keeping it professional. We are just a bunch of heathens. Ha!
I should say so!
Swiss Tudor watches then? Owned by Rolex.
I prefer HG, out of respect, as it is real.
HG, excellent interview. It was interesting to see her facial expressions/reactions to what you were saying. Point of impact were very noticeable and not always where expected. Without breaching any confidentiality, did the host disclose she had experienced a narcissistic relationship. I would guess she had. In any case, very well done.
Thank you FYC.
Yes, she had.
I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time
For me it is “Lora Lie” not “Lora Lee” as Lora Lee sounds like an annoying, bubble gum snapping, Dolly breasted bimbo. “Lora Lie” sounds like I have on an eyelet accented white summer dress in a field of wildflowers. Got it?
Always thought of it as Anita Loos’ classic gold-digger, so memorably played by Marilyn Monroe, which was indeed pronounced with the long “i,” just as you prefer. She’s not a sweet thing in eyelet, however: she was the equivalent of the Greek syren, luring men to their deaths with her irresistible charm.
Hi Violetta! I do occasionally lure them on purpose but it’s always very calculated and not quite to their death. I actually was embarrassed by how “forward” I was this last time. I kept thinking, “If he doesn’t take the bait omg how embarrassing.” I stepped into his personal space and put my hand on his while talking about some totally unrelated subject. I had never met him before. He seemed to get the message because the texting shifted from the original subject to something else. Anyway—it appears he is actually a nice human of a genuine capacity. I stopped the interaction briefly for unrelated reasons but it is back on because I feel like crap and called him. I’m a little vulnerable, or maybe a lot. Anyway.. Not to their death.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorelei
I thought it was lo-reh Lee
😆
HG, Another amazing interview ! She now knows the Narcissism cant be cured or healed.
HG rules!
Indeed, thank you Pati.
Always a pleasure HG!!!!!
“Hermetically sealed defence mechanism”. This is the one phrase I am taking away from this interview.
Excellent job as always HG. Engaging, interesting, and life-changing.
Thank you Whitney.
Wowed yet again. I agree with the reasons Caity stated as the formula for success. Catherine asked great questions, showed she followed and understood, and handed it over for your expert explanation without interruption for better flow. You were stellar as always because you are THE expert and it is obvious in your content and more especially delivery. Great examples with no hesitation and your answers targeted and precise to the question. I was disappointed that the comments were turned off because I would have liked to comment to Catherine how pleased I was with the interview and I hope there will be others with her.
Another outstanding demonstration of your knowledge and expertise HG.
Thank you NA, much appreciated.
Clear, comprehensive interview HG. And further evidence of your Markle analysis drawing more attention to your work on Narcissism. Awesome accompaniment to my coffee this morning!
Thank you WC.
Ugh…I’m going to be late for work if I listen to this whole thing now!
I’m going to pause here, right after the “cold and wet person needing shelter” example, which is a excellent explanation/comparison of the difference between empathic caring and narcissistic “caring.” It is very clarifying!
Pleased you think so.
Thank you HG,
UK Family courts (I suspect in the majority of cases) benefits the narcissist. The thresh hold for not allowing a narc to have access to the children is so high, the narc would have had to kill someone before access is denied.
In the UK a narc stabbed his daughter in the chest during child contact when he found out her mother had a female partner.
This is why I support your work because most professionals do not have a clue about the damage narcs do specifically to their children.
Thank you Witch. I understand your frustration, but through the audio consultation I do explain to people how they are able to improve their prospects considerably in the court process and indeed overcome the problem you refer to in your final sentence.
Witch,
Agreed:
“This is why I support your work because most professionals do not have a clue about the damage narcs do specifically to their children.”
HG – I was not aware you offer specifics on how to counter this?
In my case I know the legal professionals grasp that my ex is “disordered” somehow but the system is lenient if an individual can demonstrate what is perceived as positive change.
Yes, I do, through consultation.
Thank-you. This is great to know.
Listened to this while cleaning in the middle
of insomnia. She asked how long it takes often for people to “recover.” I’ve often thought “Why in the F..” (is this taking so long) Well. I’m not feeble, he was still actively abusive and I was allowing it until the summer. He was in my garage berating me as recently as last June. True no contact wasn’t fully implemented until a few months ago. The end of our living arrangement does not define “recovery” time. I didn’t even feel right with the other stress-oriented stuff awhile back—it was totally a ploy of emotional thinking tugging at anything to stay engaged. Yes, there is likely some complex trauma. I’m also able to quite effectively toss it aside when I’m logical. I also was with him for 15 years and he was a dick for 14 1/2.
Lorelei
It’s no wonder your ET was off the charts over the summer. I thought of you during this part of the interview.
NC + accurate information + time = a recovered individual.
Indeed K. My measure of where I felt there was a lack of progress was skewed. I’ve only been truly no contact (for sharing children that is, but there has only been just email communication for a few months)
It’s exceedingly interesting that there was a dip in my emotional state coinciding with finally implementing no texts—as if my ET was finding a life raft to stay sick somehow. That may summarize recent dips. The dip/s didn’t feel right at all.
Lorelei
ET wants you to keep engaging with the narcissist and recognizing that is half the battle. Keep up the NC/LC and get as many logic bulletins that apply to your circumstance. I find them very helpful. Just keep reading and posting your way through it, that’s what I did.
Agree K. Agree.
Lorelei,
I found this part of the interview, the question and HG’s answer to be validating.
Partly, because one doesn’t necessarily mean to – or want to – forever identify with “victim” or recovery mode but the reality is that the damage can be quite extensive. And what was torn down so effectively during the length of the relationship takes time and effort to rebuild. This is why “No contact” is so important in order to avoid set backs if a person wants to make progress.
Absolutely Whocares—my ability to acquire information was accumulating, BUT true and sustained decreases in emotional thinking are only possible (for me) with no contact, at least when the affliction is as substantial as mine. I am on track actually. I wasn’t looking at the puzzle quite properly.
Very concise and I think I enjoyed it more than the interview with the South African interviewer. I questioned why, because you were just as clear and in depth as you’d been with the gentleman but this time, the interviewer did not add a personal comment to your input. She asked a question and you answered and it was so much clearer because of. Interruption during interviews can be distracting…in this case we listened to you and your insight, without distraction. She was a great interviewer and you shown clearly as a master of your work and your knowledge of what a narcissist is and why and what they do.
Very enjoyable, thank you for sharing.
Thank you I’m pleased you found it interesting.
You mistake me, HG. I found it more informative than previous interviews because your voice and instruction was not side tracked by personal expressions of the interviewer. You are *always* interesting. Always. But I enjoy the times you’re ‘given your head’ i.e the interviewer stops commenting and does what an interviewer is supposed to do….shut up and let the interviewed talk.
The brilliance in that interview was you. The intelligence of the one who asked the questions, is that she understood it was about you, and what you had to say. Not her personal opinions or comparatives.
You mistake me Caity! I was not suggesting that you do not find my other interviews interesting, I was merely stated that I am pleased you found it of interest to you. I appreciate your kind comments about the content and yes, it is evident that many people enjoyed the fact that Catherine enabled me to speak and she was there to ask questions, not to comment generally or start speaking about their own experiences. Catherine actually does have experience of my kind, but recognised this was about me and my work, not her. Which as we all know, is how it should be!
Good stuff, as usual.
Thankyou Tammy.
A back to basics interview. Clear and effective.
Great work!
Thank you Julie.