The Narcissist´s Facade
These two Logic Bulletins provide you with key understanding in relation to the Narcissist´s Facade.
Logic Bulletin 1 : Understanding the Facade
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- What is the facade used by the narcissist?
- What is NOT the facade, but victims mistakenly think IS the facade?
- What is the purpose of the facade?
- How is the facade used in respect of victims?
- How is the facade used with regard to other parties?
- How is it used against the IPPS?
- How is it used against the Former IPPS?
- How is it used against the ShelfIPSS/DLS/Candidate IPSS?
- How is it used against NISS?
- How is it used against Tertiary Sources?
- Which schools of narcissist use the facade?
- If a school does not use the facade, why not and what is it I am seeing?
- If a school does use the facade, how does that school use the facade?
- Just US $ 15 to gain unrivalled understanding
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Logic Bulletin 2 : Mid Rangers and the Facade
- Clear examples to bolster you understanding
- Definitive detail to ensure you create a Logic Defence concerning the facade
- Accurate descriptions to conquer your Emotional Thinking with regard to the facade
- Example of how the LMR Narcissist uses the facade so you know what to look for and why it is being used
- Example of how the MMR Narcissist uses the facade so you know what to look for and why it is being used
- Example of how the UMR Narcissist uses the facade so you know what to look for and why it is being used.
- Just US $ 15 to equip yourself with detailed logic and ensure you beat the narcissist
82 thoughts on “The Narcissist´s Facade”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Dear HG, is it correct to accept that the façade management component, for a MMR (somatic) , is of such significant importance , that they will not divorce from the IPS, if it means that that will damage their façade, even if it entails that the areas in which the IPS lacks to provide potent fuel , (eg. Admiration, adoration, appreciation or physical arena) , would force the MMR to source those elsewhere, through IPSS ‘s and TS’s, to keep their fuel levels replenished, but at all cost not damage the façade of perfect husband, admirable son-in-law, successful leader, model father etc .?
The facade is very important to a Mid Range Narcissist. It will be preserved often however it may be broken IF the need for satisfaction of the Prime Aims demands it. Therefore a divorce could occur if the need for the Prime Aims dictates that a divorce is necessary, even if that may damage the facade. The facade can of course be repaired.
The facade is important which is why it’s baffling that my ex is dating a women of that looks like a swamp creature.
Her provision of The Prime Aims as his IPPS will outweigh her impact on the facade. Furthermore, the facade is more than just “look how hot my partner is/how clever/successful my partner is”. The facade covers the “niceness”, helpfulness, success, entertainment value, “solid mateyness” , reliability etc of the narcissist.
Exactly. That’s why my narc’s IPPS looks like Marylin Manson with screwed teeth although she provides the image of a stable, long-lasting marriage, a big nurturing family, family vacations on the beach, family vacations in the mountains, a big number of nephews and nieces that provide multiple opportunities for idealistic pictures on social media with kids, apart from her infinite complacency and gullible demeanor.
Sweetest—this comment about Marilyn Manson made me laugh out loud.
Yes I can see where the “niceness” would be covered from the perspective of a few of his family members. For instance, his brother’s wife always disliked me because she never finished college/they were always broke. (I think it was jealousy oriented) He brings along someone of this caliber who “fits” this life a little more effectively and he’s “Mr. Regular nice guy” that ditched that awful snob. A big plus for his facade, and that he had her baptized and that makes his facade in the church strong. Thank you for the insight. I’ve always struggled “fitting in” due to the connotation of being high maintenance, and while there is some truth to this—I am much more than that. It’s funny how jealousy operates. His sister-in-law doesn’t know I grew up dodging my father’s advances, that I actually admired her parents as very kind and down to earth school teachers. My life growing up was awful, little does she know.. Funny how preconceived notions will disallow even normals (his brother’s wife) from really getting to know someone. I was always put down for not “putting my hair down” or being too persnickety or whatever innuendo was thrown my way. Take home that woman and it’s like a homecoming filled with glee. Got it. Got it got it.
Yes, your interpretation is correct. Remember, the narcissist will (when you are in devaluation) portray you as the problem so as you have identified, you are described as “the awful snob” so your replacement is so “lovely and down to earth” in contrast to your portrayal.
Yes, and it doesn’t help I was already perceived as such to an extent, It fits nicely into the equation.
Lorelei
Maybe he finds her webbed feet attractive.
K—you have a really good point. It may be that she likes handcuffs since she has assault and trespassing charges pending in the local courts. I’m entirely entitled to be upset that my children are around a clan of criminals. The brother is a convicted arsonist. It’s an absolute shit show of lost causes.
Lorelei
You are definitely entitled to be upset (thought fuel) that your children are around a clan of criminals but don’t let it show. Honestly, it sounds like your ex has snagged a narcissist for a primary source and her brother may be disordered, too, a conviction for arson is a pretty significant Red Flag.
Actually K—upset is an understatement and it’s my responsibility to now choose better people to have around them because I actively have to counteract these influences. It’s really nothing I can control—who he has them around unless it is a convicted child-oriented criminal. Had I known better I would have chosen to marry a different person. Unfortunately we are all left picking up the pieces of the messes these creatures create. It is not my fault I was the child of a sadistically abusive person—I logically understand this. It compels an urgent need to mitigate the impact for them from their own father. Just yesterday my oldest daughter said “grandpa used to give her $100 bills for being the “best” one. To her this is a fond memory of being made to feel special. We know it was triangulation. Narcissists love to triangulate by bending reality, etc. Their dad does this now. It feels insurmountable. Thankfully some people here can relate and offer very helpful commentary because it’s a unique situation to be in due to the insights we have been provided.
Lorelei
That’s one of the best things about narcsite, people here have been through it and understand it. You have every right to be very upset; I would be pissed if I were in your shoes. Unsavory people, like them, can potentially be very dangerous to your children.
Had we all known better then we all would have made different choices. Nothing was your fault. Absolutely none of it and I blame the APA for their negligence in this public health disaster that we are dealing with. Keep an eye on your children and teach them how to protect themselves by establishing healthy boundaries. God forbid someone tries to sexually abuse one of them while they are with your ex. If things start to get out of control and you feel overwhelmed, book a consult with HG. It is paramount that your children are protected from the worst-case scenario of narcissistic abuse. It’s worth the peace of mind.
A consult with HG won’t be needed if someone attempts to molest the children arising from my ex’s new “group.” At that point he’s hung himself. I’ve actually had to have conversations I didn’t want to due to the new friends.
Lorelei
It doesn’t sound good. Were the conversations with him or the children?
With the kids K—telling him his coterie is sub-par would challenge him. I also discussed grooming behavior in a general sense with the kids.
Lorelei
Good to read. You don’t want to challenge him because it might make things worse. Just keep an eye the kids. It’s not a good situation at all.
K—I know. Also, he used the N word loudly in the summer and it deeply upset my 12 year olds friend that was in the room. (He was on speaker and who knew..) Anyway— I can assure you that such racially infused negative behavior would never have gotten him through my front door. It’s just something he did to insult my work with the African American community in my under-served work environment.. A cowardly bully is what he is. Apparently he will not allow my girls to have friends over often, especially (in my daughter’s view) her black friends. I bit my tongue and explained I understood it must feel isolating. This was just last night K. She started to tear up and ran off stating that I was going to get sick at work and leave her to live with him. Her friend basically stays at my house. I buy her groceries from the store because she is such a presence, so there is a vast difference between friends in/out of our homes. Wanna know the cherry on top? My ex’s girlfriend had a biracial son.!!! He is a disgusting individual that lost any humanity when his narcissism was developed. Many narcissists would be embarrassed to conduct themselves in the manner he has decompensated to.
Lorelei
I thought you meant Narcissist! Many of my narcissists are racists and they spout absolute nonsense (from my POV) about all nationalities. He exploited your work connection with the under-served AA community and he is clearly exerting control over your daughter re: her friend.
Make sure you reassure your daughter that you won’t be getting sick and leaving her with that rat bastard. I told my youngest daughter that I would always be here for her until she is old enough to legally be on her own. There’s no way in Hell that her father will raise her.
Friends are very important and those relationships should be protected. Have you explained to your daughter about fuel and control? If she has a good understanding of how the dynamic works then it may help mitigate some of the negative effects of his behavior.
K—I love your insights! Racial exploitation is the mark of a total asshole. Rudimentary and childish. I have a situation where injecting ideas must be done very cautiously indeed, to not have a spillage effect toward their dad. He’s leaving me alone. I do believe that there are many opportunities to achieve similar thoughts with the kids though without using his behavior as the example.
Lorelei
Hahahaha…racial exploitation is the mark of a total Narcissist a.k.a. asshole. It’s amazing; none of my Normals or Empaths are racists. Racism is a big Red Flag.
Use examples of behavior from other sources/situations to help your children understand what is going on. My daughter knows about seduction, devaluation, triangulation, blame shifting, black and white thinking and gas lighting and she knows that the narcissist does it for fuel (the emotional response caused by the narcissist).
I wish HG would write some material for us to use for children, or a logic bulletin designed for assisting by offering ideas. A detailed one. Hint.
Lorelei
Soon enough! There are narcissistic children/staff/parents in her school so it is very easy for me.
Here is an example of Devaluation:
A neighborhood child, male (violent lesser N) calls my daughter (E) and her best friend (E) lesbians.
He painted them black and deployed verbal insult/name calling. He did it to provoke a negative emotional reaction: upset, tears, anger, shock, etc., in this instance, I think the girls ignored him. Sometimes the manipulations are benign.
Each time an incident occurs, I go over it with her once. The key is in the repetition.
K—I know HG says not to look but I did.. (at our municipal site) The “girlfriend” was placed on probation for aggravated trespassing/disorderly conduct & assault. The charges have been pending for nearly a year and she apparently had to eventually have repercussions. It sounds really fabulous doesn’t it? I’m just whining a bit, making fun a bit of his narcissism. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
Lorelei
You are not whining; you are venting.
Oh, it sounds fabulous all right. Her behavior is very un-empathic and the evidence strongly suggests that she may be disordered. My normals and empaths do not behave that way, as matter of fact, my Midrangers don’t behave like that either (facade). It doesn’t look good.
Exactly K! It is quite incredible how this behavior has been rationalized by the narcissism as acceptable.
Lorelei
Hahahaha… I have been paying attention to the Normals and the Empaths IRL and they just don’t misbehave like that. There’s no drama, manipulations or criminal behavior. They are just ordinary and it’s thoughtless.
For the most part, it’s very peaceful in apath/empath world.
I’d be interested to know what the woman did that he is dating K. But it’s unnecessary really, and I simply followed up because of curiosity. The accumulation of charges are an interesting combination. And she was not let off the hook—she delayed it for over a year but took a hit. I imagine a Jerry Springer episode from the appearances..
Lorelei
God only knows what she was doing! Level 1, 2 and 3 Sex Offenses are a concern, other than that ignore her completely because that is a breach of NC. The JS show is a plethora of narcissistic shenanigans and it seems that she and your ex would be the perfect guests.
K—I swear it’s nut balls. He’s a good looking educated prick. Like he flew off the deep end. All to my eventual benefit. If I ever strike that stupid fuck I have a mountain of documentation making him look like a common moron.
Lorelei
Hahahaha…if I had to guess, I think he is mirroring her (behaviour), which would explain why he appears to have flown off the deep end (priorities, he needs his fuel after all!)
Say nothing; collect evidence of untoward behaviour in case you need it because, at this point, that’s all you can do!
Lorelei
P.S.
All to your eventual benefit.
Good point! They act in the NOW without any thought of future ramifications. So you can spin his behavior anyway you like.
Is she related to Dr. Evil’s mother?
Violetta—to be honest I would embrace more compassion toward her if she didn’t have criminal charges pending. She is basically a worn out looking individual that did not miss many Poison concerts in 1988. That in and of itself is ok. It’s the fact that she is a criminal and has exercised behavior in front of my impressionable girls that upsets me. Her mom and dad appear respectful. I do have moments of compassion because I just do—but I’m more frequently upset than I am not.
Poison concerts hahahaha!!! Yucks
Seriously Sweetest. I’m not kidding. Poison and maybe even the band Ratt.
Hahaha! I can’t even.
Oh and blow jobs to the road crew staff. Let us not leave that out. But if I had dandelions flourishing in my yard I’d give a a hand job for $60 to buy weed and feed.
Lorelei, I am almost certain my narc has smeared me by telling his flying monkeys I am a whore and a home wrecker. He is the whore and the home wrecker instead, but no one would figure due to his glittery, fake family life which he conveniently documents on Facebook. On the day of his wife’s birthday he was messaging me I love you while posting on social media all kinds of love pics with her. Three days before Christmas break he tried to hoover me waiting outside my work place. He told her he needed to stay for work while she drove out of town to be with family. His plan was to take me to his place after she was gone. Seeing I escaped and the hoover failed, she posted on Facebook he surprised her with an early reunion, and what a wonderful human he was. Wonderful my ass. Fake, fake, fake. It’s all fake.
My dear Sweetest—I have been smeared even more by other women. Dowdy nasty jealous fang-toothed bitches. As my ex smears me with his gang of losers I’m amused. Much more damage has been by jealous women. I was in a room the other day with one. She’s disgusting, keep on smearing—only a dirty street person would have her. And they would need to be drunk.
Lorelei:
“She is basically a worn out looking individual that did not miss many Poison concerts in 1988. That in and of itself is ok.”
No, it isn’t. Poison?!!
I love the word fecundity!
Sweet P:
Stop looking at his Facebook!
(Something I haven’t managed to do yet myself, alas.)
That was before I deactivated my account, Violetta. It’s been almost two years, he wouldn’t post anything at all about me now because he needs fuel and I’m not giving any.
I have a general question for whomever wants to answer: do you guys have a hard time with ET in spring? I go crazy and love everything and everyone. My ET wants to contact narc. My logic is winning so far but I’m having a very hard time. Slap, slap! Seasonal ET!
I feel better in the spring Sweetest, winter wears me down emotionally much more because I like to jog/walk outside. I have less “outlet” in the winter for being active in the way I prefer. With that said my upcoming “replacement” vacation is to a cold destination, but filled with outdoor activities. In the Midwest there is only so much to do in the winter. I found an awesome clearance sale at Kohl’s for winter apparel which was great for my trip! I am fully outfitted and ready to avoid Venice for now. So, the answer is no—I’m less emotional when it’s nice in general.
Sweet P:
Totally. It’s the flowers and little animals. All that fecundity makes us want to jump on the bandwagon and Be At One With Nature.
Violetta, YES. And my birthday is in May so I feel full of life and passion, enough to fall in love with any bastard.
You know better than anyone here: “It’s May, the lusty month of May
That darling month when everyone throws self-control away…”
I thought you would appreciate a little Camelot here 😉
Sweet P:
I’d like to hear HG cover “The Seven Deadly Virtues.”
(Or recite “Porphyria’s Lover.”)
That’s hilarious Lorelei!
Violetta
I adore Porphyrias Lover!
Oh do that one HG!
Paraphrasing
I wrapped her hair around and around her neck.
Then strangled her.
What a card Browning was!
Oh and echoing Vi.
There is NO EXCUSE WHATSOEVER for bad hair metal groups.
As for giving blows?
Have some god-damned respect.
Everything I have ever done sexually was for free. And I can deep-throat like a trojan.
But it is my gift to bestow. Mine. No one can buy me but it hasnt been for lack of trying on their behalf.
But Poision!!
I don’t mind a blow job at all Renarde. But it has to be foreplay and I’m not getting messy. Like I’m not doing it with nothing in return and I’m not taking it in the eye. And I’ll never swallow. It’s so horrible. It’s all salty and gross. Ugh.
Lorelai
Oh God, you are correct. The UMS had cum that tasted like The Demons’ Spawn. I swallowed, I always do but it had be moving, very quickly to the glass of juice.
A MMC had me one over the edge of the hed. Head tipped back. He came within seconds. And because of his maladroitness, he got me in the fucking eye!!!!
First and only time.
Never again will I ever get into bed with Cs. Total shit heads with the staying power of a 13 year old.
Actually I’ll never get into bed again with a N. Though I was sorely tempted this morning with an Elite.
Fuck them. Fuck them all. They only bring abject misery and sadness to all who are involved.
We all have to take it in the eye—once.
Lorelei
And never twice!!!
Renarde. I do remember it up the nose once. So it eventually was swallowed just took a round about way
Kim e
Oh jesus! That’s funny! Up the nose!
Why do we have body fluids? It’s so gross and makes it so messy.
Un-fuck them. They ain’t worth a fuck.
Excited to listen to and read the material purchased today HG. This was one I got.
I just listened to both Logic Bulletins – truly brilliant and not to be missed.
I found them extremely helpful and educational not only in relation to a romantic entanglement with a Narc but also if one has the misfortune being raised by narcissistic parents or interacting with a narcissist at workplace, like me .
I have bought previously the marvellous assistance package “ How To Handle The Narcissist At Work” and those Logic Bulletins and those Logic Bulletins enhanced further my knowledge.
Thank you, HG 🙂!
Thank you Claire.
This is excellent! Brilliant & so much useful information. I love all of the detail.
Thank you Ashley, I am pleased it has proven so informative, as I anticipated it would.
HG these .were. BRILLIANT.
Absolutely ESSENTIAL
Thank you WAF, they are fundamental to people’s understanding.
I will purchase this and the above bulletin within the hour
Purchased
HG any plans to comment on the Paterson report that was released today? Totally horrific why he did to patients because he could. Not every patient that would have been to easy to spot. All his lieutenants that he’s conned. All evident in the report. Getting away with it.
No regrets remorse or guilt shown. Unable to work with colleagues. Plausible deniability and no apology.
What type of narc do we have here? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Not immediately Em, I am aware of this, but there are several news items which are queued waiting for the Tudor Touch.
Purchased your bulletin #2 half an hour ago and never received it.
You have now.
I take it you don’t want any more articles on the ones that are for sale?
I do not understand your question.
Not sure if my previous comment was posted. Just purchased Logic Bulletin #2, and haven’t received it
Sent now, Michael.
Thank you HG. Worked this time
Indeed, thank you for notifying me of the issue.
Just purchased. Not working