Ten Tells of Triangulation




Triangulation is a staple manipulative device in our arsenal. Triangulation is a convenient way to describe an affair, having a bit on the side, flirting, playing away, investing in a new prospect, having a form of distraction, a plaything and so on. The reality is that triangulation offends the principles of why two people are in a relationship and is a method of manipulation which is used to gain fuel, cause confusion and exert control.

The principle reason that we engage in it is because we are able to derive two sources of fuel from two different appliances. Sometimes the fuel is doubly positive and others both positive and negative. This is edifying and invigorating. You may be triangulated with a person or an object.

There may be triangles operating within triangles. Triangulation provides fuel but also allows us to generate confusion and engage in distraction tactics whereby you and the other person attack one another, failing to realise (or perhaps not wanting to be seen to realise for fear of being regarded as losing out) that is us that has caused the triangulation.

Usually you will not be aware that you are being triangulated with the other person. It is easier to keep you and the other person separated and we enjoy our time with them and then our time with you. We draw fuel from you both and neither of you know about the other.

We see no problem in behaving like this. We are never accountable; we are entitled to do as we like. We do not distinguish between you because you are just appliances to us and therefore entirely interchangeable. Before we decide to up the ante and reveal your opponent to you, thus heightening your reactions and responses, you may actually be able to ascertain that you are being triangulated as there are certain tells which exist.

These are more obvious amongst the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind as they may lack the higher function to remember things that they have done or said and occasionally slip up, thereby revealing the tell.

If you confront us with this tell we will spin some yarn, persuade you that there is nothing in it, this person is a friend, there is a glitch with the ‘phone, somebody else did it, you are imagining things, you are over-reacting and in our time-honoured fashion we will deny and deflect and even go on the attack if need be in order to protect our investment in both you and the other person. If you do see these tells, do not challenge us about them.

You are only giving us a chance to draw fuel from you, confuse you and worm our way out of it. If you see these tells you now know what they mean. You are being triangulated.  Here are ten of those tells.

  1. Our mobile ‘phone will have duplicate messages. We send the same message to you and the other person, often within seconds of the first message.
  2. We will buy you a duplicate gift having already given it to you a week or so ago.
  3. We will tell you something that we have already told you before, more or less word for word.
  4. We will make reference to something you said even though you have not said it (it was the other person who said it).
  5. We will make reference to something we apparently did together which you will not remember. (This is because we did it with the other person).
  6. We will call you by someone else’s name.
  7. You may hear us say things under our breath such as “She wouldn’t do this” or “she would agree to do it”.
  8. We will fail to acknowledge you doing something for us thinking it was done by the other person, for instance a surprise gift.
  9. We will remark we don’t want to do something again even though we have never done it with you. (We did it with the other person).
  10. We will ask a question which is out of context. For instance, asking how your dad is recovering when there is nothing wrong with him. (It is of course the other person’s dad who is ill).

22 thoughts on “Ten Tells of Triangulation

  1. Whitney says:

    HG, I am still in so much pain because of triangulation. I just wanted to love one person, and be loved by them. Like a normal human. I can feel the pain through my whole body.

  2. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Every time I see you falling
    I get down on my knees and pray
    I’m waiting for that final moment
    You say the words that I can’t say.

  3. inquisitiveflower says:

    Are you sure you weren’t misdiagnosed with NPD? You sound more like someone with ASPD.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am diagnosed with both, if you keep reading IF, you will see that.

  4. lisk says:

    I just clicked the grey “triangulation” tag in the right-hand corner of the highlighted section (don’t know what it’s called in blog terms) for this article. I also clicked the “book” tag in “The Narcissist and Covid-19” section.

    Both tag buttons led directly to the respective articles.

    But I was hoping that they would lead to a catalog of triangulation articles or book books. Is that a possibility or a plan, by any chance?

    1. lisk says:

      I hope you continue to ignore ^^^ that post and this one. I was only typing here because no one had chimed in about triangulation.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lisk,

      If you click on the grey tag in the corner when you are in the article (not when it is listed on the main page as then it takes you to the article itself as you found), it will bring up other articles with the same tag or with the key word in them. So for instance, “fury” brings up similarly tagged articles, the book fury and articles where fury is mentioned. Not all articles have been tagged in this way and it is a work in progress. The more that are tagged, the more that will come up as options.

      1. lisk says:


      2. lisk says:

        Great. Thanks!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No problem.

      3. lisk says:

        Oh, that’s terrific! An organizer after my own heart! (I know, not really.)

    3. E. B. says:

      Hello lisk,
      re: “triangulation articles or books”
      HG’s books “Manipulated” and “Black Flag”. The latter includes different forms of triangulation.

  5. Renarde says:

    “We will call you by someone else’s name.”

    Yes, happened twice. Two men . And when it happened at Xmas, it was a major factor in me calling on HG for the NDC.

    When he called me by this other womans’ name I realised that, 1 – Matters had escalated with the other woman that I wasn’t aware of and 2 – He had been rowing with her..

    When he uttered it, I sprang up and said , ‘WHAT did you just say?’

    ‘Oh my mistake, sorry, sorry’. Then I knew. He was trying to get in with her.

    I am an expert at reading profiles and I read hers. Poor lady. She has not a clue whom she is dealing with. Personal circumstances (strikingly similar to mine) means she, like me is very damaged. Clearly the difference is that I have HG and she does not.

    There are other differences but I will not delineate them here.

    He won’t get very far. And she is tipping into a breakdown.

    I will now be used as triangulation. Just as the UMS did with me with the new IPPS. She will feel again that she is not worthwhile and of course she absolutely is. I loathe it when male narcs do this.

    I doubt very much she will get in touch, she will be too scared because she is in the FOG and will feel immense guilt about what she has done. She will expect an angry response. That’s because she believes I am in the grip of ER. That s a natural reaction. . There are ZERO reasons for her to believe that and of course I can be of enormous help. I know I can be big and scary but I’m not, really. And certainly not to other, blameless women.

    Equally I doubt whether I will receive a hoover in sphere 1 from him. There are quite a few reasons why he wouldn’t do this.

    He is very wise to stay away. That doesn’t mean to say that I do not miss him.

    HG, weaponisation. The gift that keeps on giving, Thank you.

  6. Narc Noob says:

    Hello HG, is there a space that empaths can interact with other empaths here without needing to address them individually? Ie: an article or a number of articles we can ask questions on and other people can respond? Please. 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, every single article has a comments section which functions that way.

  7. Whitney says:

    HG the God. They would triangulate in my face, to put me down and provoke fuel. For example the LMR Somatic claimed our waitress wanted to fuck him.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed and that is the nature of triangulation.

      1. Whitney says:

        They triangulated me hundreds of times. I wouldn’t have known it was a manipulation, if not for your work, HG.
        It takes a while to recover from the effect of being triangulated, by someone you love.

  8. JP says:

    How about a gay narc who initially claimed to me he wanted a monogamous relationship which was part of his love bombing arsenal. Of course, hearing him tell me this I allowed myself to open up and trust him more and more. Over the next months , he began to text other men to join us while we were making love , often between the first and second iteration.

    I was then faced with having random naked men come into our space, sometimes after we had some of the most intense intimate sex I had ever experienced. No matter whether the third party wanted him primarily or found me more disposably attractive ( the latter having my lover watching and occasionally suddenly terminating the session) , I would be grating inside , wanting to leave yet too weak to get up and leave, hoping to pick up where we left off before the interloper’s arrival, yet feeling utterly crestfallen beneath my robotic assent to the activities of the evening’s menage a tros.

    Deadened silence or scripted conversation might follow after he left. These were the strangers though. It really hit hard when some of these one offs became known entities , men with real names and likable personalities coming over to hang out. When there began to be fewer shared moments of connection between my lover and me before the obiligatory triangle commenced. When I serviced both him and the other , while later being discarded by him for my seeming enjoyment of the other, while later getting jealous when he hinted at private meetings with the other ; paradoxically, I had become both an apparent perpetrator and a victim of these masochistic triangulations – while I only wanted tender moments alone with my narc.

  9. FYC says:

    N parents also love to triangulate, and N siblings triangulate as well. N’s enjoy triangulation for the same reasons: control and fuel acquisition, regardless of who or what is within the triangle.

  10. smarinucci1970 says:

    LIVE & LEARN. 🚮 🚩🌟

  11. Cloudy says:

    This makes sense

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