So Wrong
My ex? Where do I begin? You know, I must admit, I have a propensity to always being right. I cannot help me. It is just the way I am. I work hard to get things right, in my job, who my friends are, making the right decisions in my life and most of all in respect who I choose to spend my intimate days with, but I will hold my hands up on this one. I got it wrong. Spectacularly wrong. I am normally an excellent judge of character.
It is an uncanny knack I have, call it a sixth sense if you will. I can usually tell when I meet somebody for the first time whether I will get along with them. I can gauge whether we will become firm friends and enjoy one another’s company. It happens with everyone including you.
What did my sixth sense tell me about you? Oh that we have so much in common and we are destined to be together. Don’t ask me why but I just knew it from the moment we met. There is just something about you. This sixth sense has never let me down before but it did with her, I got that all wrong. She was just the wrong person for me but I must have let her charm me or something because I just did not see her for what she really was. She appeared so right yet she was wrong on so many levels.
Don’t worry, I know I have not made the same mistake with you, you are different, there is nothing wrong about you. Everything was good at first, I think she managed to pull the wool over my eyes and hide from me whatever it is that is wrong with her. I am still not sure but it was not long before it all went wrong. We had a good time at first, no I will be honest, we had a great time. I put a lot of effort into my relationships. I firmly believe that there should be no half measures.
If you want to be with someone then you must give your all to them. There should be complete trust and your heart should only ever be theirs. I did this but it soon appeared that it was not enough. I don’t know what I did wrong, other than actually get into a relationship with her, but it all turned sour. I still don’t know what I did wrong. Whereas she was once attentive and kind, I think it was all a ruse now when I look back, she then showed little interest in me and doing things together.
She focussed on her job, her home and her hobbies, almost as if I became an afterthought. When I tried to point this out to her she would just go crazy, I mean full on looney tunes. It was scary the way she would just turn on me and point out all the things that I had done wrong. It made no sense. I gave her everything and yet no matter what I did it was always wrong. I just could not please her.
There is something very wrong with her. I could go into detail but you don’t need to hear all about that. I think it is sufficient to say I made a huge mistake entering a relationship with her, I got it entirely wrong, but I have learnt from that error and it will not happen again. I know I have got it right this time.
I was right about you. You are wrong, everything about you is wrong. I knew from the start but I thought I would give you a chance to prove me wrong. I wanted to help you. I saw something in you and thought that things would be all right despite the wrongness that surrounded you.
Yet everything I did to makes thing right you just threw back in my face didn’t you? You just had to make everything go wrong didn’t you? You would say the wrong thing, at the wrong time in the wrong situation. You would make wrong decisions, based on the wrong facts and choose the wrong option. You got with the wrong friends and did the wrong things with them for our relationship.
You showed the wrong tendencies and you committed so many wrongs I must have forgotten as many as I have remembered them. You are inherently wrong; it runs right through you. You taint everything about you with your wrongness and most of all you made our relationship go wrong. I did nothing wrong. I tried to make things right between us.
I persevered and held on as best I could as the wrongs rained down on me. I wanted us to work together but not only were you on the wrong page compared to me, you were reading from the wrong book. You gave me the wrong things, made the wrong comments and did the wrong acts. You infected our relationship with your wrong views and attitude. Everything went wrong and it was all down to you, yet you cannot even accept you are wrong can you?
You just kept asking me the wrong questions and giving me the wrong answers. I knew you had something wrong about you as soon as we met but something inside persuaded me to give you a chance to make things right, that you just needed that opportunity and you would grasp it and be thankful that somehow you could crawl from that wrong place you inhabited and that for the first time, suitably encouraged and supported, that you would start to do the right thing.
I was so right about how very wrong you are.
You wronged me but you will see now that I am going to put things right and I will do so in a way that ensures you will do no wrong ever again.
Right?
19 thoughts on “So Wrong”
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You are not only wrong you annoy me.. constantly…except I would mostly get: ‘she always annoys him’. I am interested to hear if speaking about yourself and the interactions with the primary source in the third person is a narc trait in any way?
Yes, it is a manifestation of grandiosity but is an indicator and is not determinative in isolation.
I think my ex thinks this way. It sounds like a mid ranger to me. A lesser thinks “she’s bad bad, wrong her fault….” Greater may say something like this to others about the victim, but from what hg says knows it’s not totally true.
One of the things that is hard to wrap my head around is that they don’t know what they are doing. That is truly mental illness, is it not?
If there is an inability in the MRN and LN to connect the dots, then they can never see the big picture. But can see what they need/want moment by moment. Some MRN have decent careers and achievement, so in some ways they must be able to plan and execute their ambitions?
Gina
You may find these articles helpful.
https://narcsite.com/2019/12/19/do-narcissists-know-what-they-are-doing-the-lesser-6/
https://narcsite.com/2020/02/16/do-narcissists-know-what-they-are-doing-the-mid-ranger-8/
Hi K, is there an easy way to find a key word if you don’t know what article its in? Ive been using the search bar but its taking dayyyyyssss.
Mercy
Yes.
Can you describe anything about the article? Is it about hoovering, mind games, lies, cheating, etc., and you may have better luck Googling it. Google finds articles very quickly with one or two key words.
For instance, if you wanted to find the Triple Track article, google: narcsite lucy, while Narcsite lady on a train pulls up The Narcissistic Path – part one.
I hate the search engine in this system Mercy…
Even if you now the titles, completely different articles show up, it’s a disaster…
My respect for K, I have no idea how you tamed this wild horse
*know
zwartbolleke
Google is very quick and it usually pulls up the correct article every time, even with misspellings. Try your luck with that.
So K,
I’m trying to find if Mr Tudor ever commented on president Nixon (school and cadre)
What you would do is go to google and type ‘narcsite’ ‘Nixon’.
And then thereafter with command F once you are in an article and type ‘Nixon’?
Thank you!
zwartbolleke
Yes, that’s what I would do. Have fun with it.
zwartbolleke
Also, beware of Older and Newer comments. A very Royal Narcissist has 4 separate comment threads, if I remember correctly.
Thank you K!
My pleasure zwartbolleke!
Gina,
I think when you dig deeper with narcissist, but especially midrangers, they do this with their exes to cover the shame or feelings of inadequacy. With narcissist, their FEELINGS become facts. As long as they feel inadequate from an ex, they will feel victimized until someone else picks up the job
As long as a narcissist has feelings about something, it’s very real to them, even if the reality of the situation is far fetched.
This is a very empowering narrative. I assumed the author is the survivor, writing about the narcissist, but as I was reading it I wondered if it had been written by the narcissist from the survivor’s perspective.
Devaluation Time …