Dropping the Narc Bomb
The dropping of the bomb is a common tactic of our kind. It is something that happens with regularity. It is an act of manipulation and one which you will recognise. Do any of these scenarios seem familiar?
The day before you are due to travel to the wedding of one of your childhood school friends, we cause an argument in order to avoid going, inventing some reason why this cannot happen. You are accused of not caring about us if you still wish to attend. You eventually end up not going, having to make some excuse as to why you cannot attend.
You are about to have a night out and we create some kind of emergency which delays you from going out or even prevents you from going. There is no emergency.
You have invited friends over for dinner. Shortly before their arrival we will create an almighty argument.
The night before an important interview we keep you awake all night, jabbing you with our elbow and insulting you so you are unable to sleep.
You are about to go away for a few days when we accuse you of having an affair, thus creating a scene, tension and upset.
Whilst the fact that we create arguments, cause confusion and generate drama is standard behaviour, when we engage in dropping the bomb, it is done at a time which is regarded, from your perspective, as a terrible time to do it. It coincides with something special or important happening which leaves the victim wondering why this always seems to happen when they are about to go somewhere or do something.
Dropping the bomb is an instinctive response by us to such situations. When something of importance is about to happen, we respond by creating a drama which appears to be designed to spoil the important or enjoyable event. There is no appears about it. It is a deliberate act. Why does this happen?
- Fuel. As you would expect, fuel is behind the dropping of the bomb. Causing upset and drama is always a near guaranteed method of gaining fuel but the dropping of the bomb is designed to heighten the fuel that will be provided. Just like the fact we build you up during seduction and then cast you down during the devaluation allows us to create a heightened contrast and thus maximise the potency of the fuel, by dropping the bomb at a time when you are expecting something pleasant to happen, or you are preparing for an important event, your response is going to be of a greater intensity. This increases the potency of the fuel. When you are looking forward to that wedding, excited about seeing people and enjoying the day, the dropping of the bomb means that your upset, annoyance and disappointment is more marked. We of course create drama even when nothing is happening, a quiet Sunday afternoon suddenly becomes a battlefield. That gains fuel. The dropping of the bomb however is a ticket to plentiful fuel as you react to having your excited anticipations shattered.
- Jealousy. Our almost ever present jealousy means that we cannot stand the fact that you are going to do something which you will enjoy and causes you to be put into the spotlight. Taking the example of the wedding above. Since it is your school friend, you are going to see people who know you well and may not know us particularly well. Attention will be on you which causes us to be jealous. If you have an interview for a promotion, we are jealous that you are succeeding, which in turns implies that we are not and therefore our jealousy rears its head. We cannot bear for you to be happy, excited or the focus of attention, unless it is to do with us. If your happiness if because you are anticipating a dinner party with your friends, that is nothing to do with us. In our minds, this suggests we are unimportant and inferior. We cannot allow that to be the case. Accordingly, our jealousy comes to the surface and this acts as the catalyst for us dropping the bomb.
- Control. By causing you to react through our dropping of the bomb we are able to remind ourselves that we have the control in the relationship. By causing you to decide not to go to the wedding because you feel obliged to remain at home with us, or you decide not to go and attend a friend’s engagement party because you are too upset allows us to exert control over you. We cause you to cancel your plans, alter your intentions and instead focus on us. This underlines that we are in control and assist in maintaining our notions of superiority and omnipotence.
- Anticipatory fear. Eventually you will recognise that a drama is always created before you are about to do something special or important. Of course, our victims do not realise the real reasons why this is, but insetad attribute it to selfish and spoiling behaviour, without understanding what is really behind it. What our victims do come to realise however is that since this happens each time you are looking forward to an event, they end up dreading what will happen when an event is on the horizon. Your birthday is coming up next week and you are just waiting for the eruption from us which happens every year. Will it be on the day, the night before or during the planned celebrations? You become anxious and nervous, treading on those well-known eggshells, looking to mollify us before matters get out of hand. Indeed, you often begin to adjust your own behaviour so that you decide it is just easier not to organise a birthday party, it is far less aggravation to turn down an invitation to go out rather than have to endure the drama which will inevitably come before you try to attend the dinner party at your friends and you make excuses so you avoid having to go to weddings, christenings and the like. Little by little, the dropping of the bomb causes you to fear the arrival of an event which is special or important to you, so that you alter your actions, reducing your interactions and slowly isolate yourself and allow us to tighten our grip on you. This process is insidious as you see friends less and less, family on fewer occasions and in turn you increase your exposure to us and our manipulations.
- Blame. This works in two ways. If you try to resist the effects of us dropping the bomb, so you decide you will still attend the wedding and even decide to go without us or you are going to host the dinner party still despite the fact we are storming about the house banging the doors as we go, we then accuse you of being selfish, self-centered and not caring about what we want. A classic dose of projection. These accusations of selfishness are the opening up of a further front for the purposes of trying to draw further fuel, to create a scenario which can be used against you in the future ‘I was ill and you still went to the engagement party’ and to add a further attempt to wear you down so you give in and change your mind. It is also done to avoid blame. We will drop the bomb, kick up a fuss, create a scene and dole out the drama and if you eventually give up and announce that you will not go, but you accuse us of controlling you or trying to spoil things, we will exhibit our classic contradictory behaviour. We may well have spent an hour arguing with you, telling you that you should not go and that we need you stay at home, but once you have given, if you point the finger at us, you can expect to be told that we did not tell you what to do, we don’t control you and that you made up your own mind not to attend. This will amaze you that we can be so hypocritical and is not only going to draw further fuel from you, but it will allow us to do our usual avoidance of blame. This again supports our notion of superiority.
- Effectiveness. When we have dropped the bomb a few times, we can see how effective it is against you in terms of affording us fuel, control and the erosion of your confidence. Accordingly, we know that it is well worth continuing to deploy this manipulation because it causes you such upset and hurt, as evidenced by your reaction. We know you will provide fuel, we know you will alter your plans and therefore the more you respond to it, the more we will use it.
The dropping of the bomb is a frequently used manipulation in our relationship with you. In order to counter it, you should learn to
- Recognise what it is;
- Recognise when it is about to be used;
- Not provide any fuel by not reacting to our sudden drama, argument or crisis;
- Do what you intended to do anyway. You may as well enjoy your event because we will cause a scene and make a fuss anyway;
- Do what you intended to do anyway and this sends a signal that the dropping of the bomb is not working, which like any of our manipulations, means that it will be used less.
18 thoughts on “Dropping the Narc Bomb”
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VIOLETTA THANK YOU. WHICH SON OF A BITCH ? THERE WERE SO MANY , MY LORD THEY COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK WHEN THEY SEE A SUCKER . MEANING SOMEONE THAT FEELS SORRY FOR THEIR PROBLEMS MONEY, FAMILY, HARDSHIP BULLSHIT. NARCS HAVE ALWAYS LATCHED ONTO ME BECAUSE I BASELY GIVE THEM THE BULLET’S TO SHOOT ME WITH. THANK GOD HG. TUDOR HAS SHOWN ME. US THE MISTAKES WE’VE MADE SO WE CAN HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT A HEALTHIER AND HAPPIER EXISTENCE 💃😷🇺🇸
SORRY , SOMETHING WENT WRONG. I MEANT TO SAY ASHLEY YOU ARE INCREDIBLE AS SO ARE THE AMAZING PEOPLE HERE ON THIS SUBJECT. DEFINITELY HG. TUDOR GIVING US HIS TIME AND ENERGY IM FLOORED BY THE WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE I’VE ACUMALATED IN THE PAST TWO YEARS ON BOARD. PLEASE EXCUSE MY COMMENT LAST NITE . I NEVER MEANT TO SEND IT HONESTLY , I HIT THE BUTTON BY ACCIDENT WAS TRYING TO ERASE IT , DIDNT E EN READ IT OR DO CORRECTIONS EVERYONE PLEASE FORGIVE ME , I SAID TOO MUCH I KNOW BUT NEVER EXPECTING TO REALLY SEND IT . I FEEL AWFUL BUT MAYBE GOOD WILL COME OUT. IF I CAN HELP ONE PERSON WITH ANY OF MY MANY, MANY STORIES AND YES MY MIRACLES I NOW HAVE GOTTEN THE SURGERY I SO BADLY NEEDED FOR SO LONG ALMOST TO LATE NEARLY LOST THE LEFT LEG , ALSO HAVE CABLES PUT IN THE THIGH WAS IN WHEEL CHAIR TWO MORE YEARS STILL COULDN’T WALK THEN AGAIN SURGERY RIGHT LEG . OH LORD NOT AGAIN SO I DID AND I WALKED WITH FANCY BLACK& SILVER. CANES TWO. FANCY WRISTBANDS RHINESTONE BLACK & SILVER. RHINESTONE FLIP FLOPS .WOW . WHY NOT . I ALWAYS MADE MY OWN STYLE. NOT HURTING ANY ONE . IF BOTHERS THEN THE HELL WITH THEM 🎶🎵 THANK YOU. AND KEEP LEARNING ABOUT LIFE , LOVE AND OURSELVES..
He dropped quite a few of these bombs out of the blue, especially after we began living together.
Looking back, I am convinced he did this to make time and space for an IPPS or two or three or four.
I think that falls under All of the Above.
It has gotten easier to predict when these bombs are coming. He has upped the ante though. He is going through a phase where he will do something illegal. There is always a victim. He has learned that I will only react if the victim is someone else. So he knows I won’t ignore it, because I cant stand others to be hurt. The police are often involved, and will make a report about it being a civil issue, but they will be available if I need them to testify later in court.
This is so bang on. I may have told this story before but it does bear repeating.
I was about to out on my only night out in the month. An event in town with female friends. No question at all of any man being involved. This was an event solely for kink women. Subs. A lot of men wondered what went on. Honestly? We talked about cats. The ONLY time men would come up when one needed a background check on a Dom. If they were scene, between us all, we could find any Dom virtually in the UK via all of our combined networks.
I’d rowed with the L earlier on. I didn’t want him to worry about me so before my bus came, I attempted to message him. Nothing.
Hed made it clear that I was to leave at 10. I was so furious with him I made it more like 1. Had a great night. Taxi back. Oh SHIT! Wheres my key? Now I’m panicking. I’m going to have to break a window.
So I hurl one of my terracotta planters at the door window. It promptly bounces off and breaks.
Now I’m really panicking so I call the L.
He was HURLING abuse at me. It’s all my fault etc.
I ended the call. Stopped panicking and thought. Opened my wallet and there it was.The key.
Our relationship ended that night in my mind. I was cold, scared and worried. All he could think about was telling me what an idiot I was. Blatantly obvious he was lying about love. It went on for another three months but he was so claustrophobic and smothering I told him I needed a break. A week. No no no!
Ok, 48 hours?
NO!
24 hours? NO!
Well fuck you then sunny, you’ve just made it permanent.
And then, well he would alternate between yelling at me to pleading me with. I have the messages. And that’s when I REALLY lost it. His begging and pleading were shameful. Truly. No dignity.
He was then running proxy Hoovers by the UMS, his IPPS, Probably the kink scene too. When I told the kids, my boy said, dont take him back mummy. I hate him. He hadnt shown the slightest sign of that before or I would have binned him for that.
I checked him out the other day, a technical breach of NC but now I feel nothing so its ok
Something very serious has gone down. Hes not updated in months. He could be dead. No IPPS on the boiler plate. Maybe that relationship ended and the stress brought on an anuerism.
Be very careful NS of ending it with a L. There MUST be distance between you when it goes down
WITH CEREBRAL NARC HUBBY I GOT THIS NONSENSE EVERYDAY FOR FORTY FIVE YEARS. UNTIL HE DIED. . I GUESS GOD HAD TO CALL ONE UP FIRST . SO I COULD LEARN .
My goodness S1979,
How did you survive 45 years? Did you know what your husband was when you were married to him?
I am 51 and have done it for 29 years. He has broken me many times but I have come a long way and feel a sense of freedom and empowerment because of what HG has taught me. I see him for what he is now, and, on most occasions, do not get sucked in to his manipulations. As HG told me, it is a process, but I am edging closer to escaping.
Very happy to hear your great progress, Kristin! Plan that escape out. You are wonderful and deserve so much more. Make your next chapter your best!
FYC,
Thank you for your sweet words of support, you have always been encouraging and I so appreciate that. I hope you are doing well! 🥰
Kristin, You are welcome and I am doing well and hope your are too (lock down has to be challenging!). Take care and I will celebrate when you are F.R.E.E. and NC.
Thank you FYC! There will definitely be a celebration 😊
KRISTIN TO ANSWER YOU QUESTION , I MET GENE AT 18 , HE WAS 25 YEARS OLDER THEN I . I DIDN’T KNOW THAT . CAME FROM NARC FATHER CO DEPENDENT MOTHER ALOT EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE. SPENT TIME AT 7 MONTHS OLD IN INFANT HOME FATHER WENT TO PRISON MOTHER SLIT WRISTS SO NO ONE WANTED THIS BABY IN THE FAMILY’S ABUSE THERE ALSO I LEARNED FROM MOTHER DAD GETS OUT , MA RECOVERS SHE MARRIES HIM BABY NOW 5 YEARS OLD , HE TORTURES BOTH OF US . SOOOO AT 16 NEEDING SOMEONE TO LOVE ME NOT HIT OR STARVE OR HURT ME . GENE WAS A PROFESSIONAL JAZZ MUSICIAN VERY GIFTED , VERY EDUCATED , A LICENSED BARBER, AND AT 27 A POLICEMAN . EVERYTHING I WAS NOT. HE NEVER TOUCHED ME , HE LOVED 5HIS YOUNG GIRL HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM AT 18 , TAUGHT HOW TO CLEAN COOK WASH HIS CAR TAKE CARE OF HIS 93 YEAR OLD FATHER & EPILEPTIC DOG I,LOVED HIM SO MUCH SOOO GRATEFUL. HE SENT ME BACK TO SCHOOL, TAUGHT ME HOW TO DRESS PROPERLY HOW TO BEHAVE IN PUBLIC SO NOT TO MADE HIM LOOK BAD BUT WHEREVER WE WENT EVERYONE KNEW HIM ,ALL WE EVER HEARD WAS GENE WHAT A LOVELY DAUGHTER YOU HAVE AND I CRIED TO REST OF DAY . I SEE NOW I WAS GROOMED FOR THIS FROM CHILDHOOD . GENE SAW THIS IN ME THE LACK IN CONFIDENCE SO NERVOUS SO AFRAID WANTING TO PLEASE SO FILLED WITH GREATNESS UNDESCOVED, SKINNY , BAD HEALTH . IN WAS CHOSEN BECAUSE I WAS GOOD I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON HIM NEVER LEAVE HIM . AND HE WOULD ALWAYS LOVE ME AS LONG AS I DIDN’T DISAPPOINT HIM . WELL I DID I GREW MY NATURAL BLONDE HAIR LONG LEARNED MAKEUP AND BECAME VERY CURVY . THAT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN .HE CHANGED, I STARTED MODELING MINK COATS WORKED FOR PUBLISHING COMPANY WITH HIM . I BROKE ALL HIS RULES I GUESS BUT I DID GIVE HIM ALL THE MONEY I MADE SO WE WOULDN’T ARGUE I HAD A STROKE AT 35 AND COULDN’T SEE IN LEFT EYE OR SPEAK COULDN’T SAY MY OWN NAME , DEVELOPED M.S. I BEGGED GOD TO LET ME DIE BUT HE DIDN’T GENE STAYED AWAY FROM ME , THERE WAS NO MEDICAL TREATMENT WE HAD NO MONEY NO INSURANCE NO FAMILY NO FRIENDS I SLOWLY REGAINED MY SPEECH ,M.S. IN REMISSION ,LOOKED GOOD AGAIN GOT CALLED FOR JURY DUTY WAS FOREPERSON MADE FREINDS WITH DISTRICT ATTORNEY JUDGE, TWO OTHER JURORS , WE WON THE CASE AND IT 2AS BIGTIME THAT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN GENEWAS THERE MAKING FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE TAKING CREDIT FOR MAKING ME WHO I WAS , NOW I KNOW 5HATS THAT HURTS NOW I KNOW THANKS HG TUDOR .BUT I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL BECAME A NURSE LOVED IT MET GREAT PEOPLE MADE MONEY GAVE IT TO HIM . DID HOSPICE CARE DEMENTIA CARE , THE ONLY THING WAS MY PATIENTS GOT BETTER AND THE FAMILIES WERE MAD BECAUSE THEY WANTED THE ESTATE’S MONEY AND I COULDN’T DRIVE BECAUSE GENE SAID TO THAT ON OUR WEDDING DAY HE WANTED ME NOT TO GO SO I COULDN’T LEAVE MY PATIENTS SO I MOVED IN WITH THEM. THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, I NOW KEEP MY MONEY OPENED CHECKING ACCOUNT SAVINGS ACCOUNTS MY PATIENT TAUGHT ME STOCKS BONDS PROPERTY INVESTMENTS MY WONDERFUL SAVIOR HELPED ME BE ME , HE NOW WAS DIAGNOSED WITH TERMINAL COLON CANCER AND KIDNEY CANCER STAGE 4 GIVEN 2 MONTHS AND WE HAD 1 YEAR GENE CAME OVER EVERYDAY ARGUED ASKED FOR MONEY ,GOT IT . AND I LEARNED WHO REALLY CARED AND LOVED ME . HARRY GOT SICK AND DIED I GOT VERY ILL COULDN’T FUNCTION HARRY LEFT ME HIS HOME HIS LINCOLN AND HIS MONEY I REFUSED IT ALL GAVE IT BACK TO LAYLOR I ONLY WANTED OUR HAPPY TIMES TAKING GETTING HARRY DRIVING AGAIN DRESSING HIM UP MAKING HIM LOOK GOOD MAKING FRIENDS WITH HIS DOCTORS WATCHING OVER HIM HEARING HIM SINGING EARLY IN THE MORNING , HE WAS DIABETIC ON OXYGEN 24 7 LOSING HIS LEGS SKIN CANCER HEART FAILURE COPD WHEN I STARTED I COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIM NOW GENE WAS SO HAPPY NOW , I REALIZED I HAD TO GO ON FOR HARRY , I BOUGHT TO HOME NEW FURNITURE A JEEP I COULDN’T DRIVE GORGEOUS CLOTHES GENE CAME TO MY HOME EVERY DAY ASKING FOR MONEY AND GOT IT ,I BECAME S MILLIONAIRE BOUGHT HIM A CUSTOM MADE BEAUTIFUL CAR WITH HE HAD A ACCIDENT SMASHED UP 1 BLOCK AWAY FROM MY HOME 9 DAYS AFTER BUYING IT HE WENT TO HOSPITAL POLICE CAMETO MY HOUSE INFORMED ME RAN TO THE SCENE BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW AS THEY PUT HIM IN AMBULANCE . I LEARNED LATER ON HE CAUSED IT SO HE COULD LIVE IN MY HOUSE AND I WOULD TAKE OF HIM FOREVER BECAUSE I’M AN NURSE , I FEED AND TAKE CARE OF EVERY ANIMAL OUT THERE SO WHY NOT THIS ALSO ? I WAS TOLD NOT TO BY HIS DOCTORS MY ATTORNEY MY NEIGHBOR’S NOT TO TAKE HIM BACK INTO MY HOME BUT. I SAID OH I WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING ITS MY JOB . GENE STARTED DRIVING AGAIN HE SMASHED MY JEEP UP WHEN I HAD PLANNED TO GO OUT IN MY BIRTHDAY WITH A 74 YEAR OLD LADY TO LUNCH IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY ALSO HE SAID DON’T GO AND I DID I GOT WORSE WIT THE M.S. I GOT BONE DISEASE I FELL CONSTANTLY I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HIM IN DIAPERS NOW 5 CATS THE HOUSE THE BILLS THE MONEY WAS FAST GOING. THEN I WAS TOLD I HAD TO HAVE A TOTAL HIP REPLACEMENT , NO ONE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM OR THE ANIMALS GENE SAID GET YOURSELF DONE WHEN I’M GONE YOUR JOB IS TO TAKE CARE OF ME SO HE LIVED 10 MORE YEARS MY DOCTOR COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHY HE SAID PUT HIM IN A HOME AND PUT MY ANIMALS DOWN NO NO NO THATS NOT ME GENE THAT THATS WHY HE MARRIED ME NOW I KNOW . A MAN THAT CAME TO WORK FOR ME IN THE GARDEN AND DRIVE FOR US WAS SO KIND & FRIENDLY SAW ME BUSTING MY ASS SOON FELL IN LOVE WITH ME BUT I KEPT MY DISTANCE GENE THOUGHT DIFFERENTLY ,MY ATTORNEY TOLD ME I SHOULD COVER MYSELF IF HE GOT ILL MAKE HUBBY GET A CHECK UP WITH SOME ARGUMENT WE GOT HIM THERE HE TOLD THE DR. WHEN SHE ASKED HIM HOW HE FELT WATER FOOD IN S CAGE LIKE A DOG , THEN HE SAID IT AGAIN . I CRIED I SAID I TAKE HIM OUT TO DINNER 4 TIMES A WEEK TO ITALIAN RESTAURANT THAT KNOWS US WE HAVE PD . DRIVERS SAID HE IS PLAYING WITH US SHE LOOKED AT ME ASKED IF I HAD A STROKE I SAID YES LONG AGO SHE SAID MY LIPS HAVE A CERTAIN WAY THAT TOLD HER I DID SND I WILL AGAIN SOON . GENE CAME HOME WAS SO MAD FOR GOING TO DR. SAT OUTSIDE IT WAS AUGUST TOLD MY NEIGHBOR HE WANTED A DOUBLE BARREL SHOTGUN AND TO GET IT FOR HIM I LAUGHED AND SAID NO . THE NEXT MORNING GENE DIED EATING BREAKFAST ,HE WAS STILL MAD ABOUT DR.. VISIT TOLD ME I HOPE YOU GET WHAT I GOT BUT 10 TIMES WORSE . HE HAD BONE DISEASE TO ,THATS ALL NOTHING ELSE. WHY DID HE DIE? NO HEART TROUBLE WALK GOOD SEE GREAT HAD HIS OWN TEETH HAIR NO CANCER. THE NEIGHBOR LATER TOLD ME HE HAD THE GUN FOR HIM THAT NIGHT AND WAS WAITING FOR BULLETS, I NOW GENE PLANNED ON SHOOTING ME AS I WOULD BE COMING IN WITH MY PACKAGE FROM THE DRUGSTORE THE NEXT EVENING. HE WAS A COP ONCE HE KNEW AT HIS AGE HE WOULD GET AWAY WITH IT. THE NEXT DAY HE WOULD BE 88 YEARS OLD IN TWO MONTHS WE WOULD HAVE BEEN MARRIED 45 YEARS , MY LOVELY HANDSOME INTELLIGENT WONDERFUL HUSBAND WHY GET EVEN WITH SOMEONE WHO GAVE YOU HER WHOLE LIFE ? NOW I KNOW WHY THANK YOU H.G. TUDOR THANK YOU EVERY ONE WHO CARED ENOUGH THE READ. THIS AND NOT LAUGHED AT ME NOT GAVE ME THE SMIRK . IT HURTS SO BAD TO KNOW BUT I NOW HELP SO MANY OTHERS TEACH THEM WHY WHAT AND MUCH MORE SINCERELY SHARON 💃
Sharon,
I am just stunned. You are a saint and sharing your story will help many, to include myself, so thank you. I understand your reasons for staying and given your tumultuous childhood I am not surprised.
My narc husband has said some of the same things, it has given me clarity and yet another reason to leave. You have an incredible story and I pray that you are now able to find peace and to take care of you. That was a lot to dredge up but I appreciate your openness. God bless you!
Thanks for sharing your story Sharon. I appreciated reading it. It is a testament to all that you’ve overcome.
💜
WHO CARES. THANK YOU MY DEAR . ENJOY YOUR LIFE BE HAPPY 🇺🇸😷
Thank-you Sharon, you too. 🙂
Sharon:
You outlived the sonofabitch. You win.
45 years?? You are INCREDIBLE, wow! 💞