Analysis : Cheating On The Partner With Two Others (Narcissist Vs IPPS, Candidate IPSS and Shelf IPSS)

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This article provides you with the analysis of an interaction between a Somatic Lower Mid-Range Narcissist and three Standard Empaths (one from the Magnet Cadre the other two from the Carrier Cadre). The emphasis is not about the schools and cadres of the participants (although the flavour will be evident) but rather on demonstrating the nature of the interaction and how the narcissist regards the two.

The narcissist has a co-habiting partner (Carrier Standard Empath)and thus this person is an Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”) in devaluation. They have been in a Formal Relationship of partners for two years. Devaluation commenced one year ago. 

 

The Candidate Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“CANIPSS” – Standard Magnet Empath) lives in the same city as the narcissist. She is single.  They met on a dating site. They have met in person and known one another three weeks. The Formal Relationship is narcissist and CANIPSS,  early dating.

The Shelf Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“SIPSS” – Standard Carrier Empath) also lives in the same city as the narcissist and the CANIPSS. She is single and met the narcissist on the same dating site. They have met several times and have known one another for two months. The Formal Relationship is narcissist and SIPSS, established dating. The SIPSS is viewed as white and is currently on the shelf.

The narcissist awakes and immediately thinks about the CANIPSS. This is a Hoover Trigger (“HT”). She is viewed as white, he has her telephone number, they are friends on social media sites, the Hoover Execution Criteria are easily met and therefore he issues a hoover by sending a text message. Note that a hoover occurs as part of seduction.

“Hi, dreamt about you last night, better not say though, you might get too carried away before work.”

The CANIPSS answers within seconds by text.

“Wow, I like that, go on, you can tell me.” Positive fuel, potency high as CANIPSS, quantity low (written message) and one-off frequency.

Pleased by the effect of the fuel and the rapid response (signalling to the narcissist that the CANIPSS is coming under his control) he replies

“Let’s just say we both enjoyed it. Would be even better in person.”

The CANIPSS again responds in seconds by text.

“You think so? You sound pretty confident, I am no pushover you know, lol.” Positive challenge fuel (potency et al as before).

The narcissist whilst challenged by this text sees it as an opportunity to assert his perceived superiority but in a benign way.

“Of course. I know what I am doing. You will have to let me find out.”

The CANIPSS again responds in seconds.

“I might just do that. Did you have anything in mind?” Positive fuel (potency et al as prior)

The narcissist is buoyed by the fuel but moreover identifies that the CANIPSS is clearly interested and thus his control is slowly increasing. He responds quickly by text.

“How about I take you out for dinner tonight?”

A text arrives from the SIPPS.

Hi, how are you? I was just thinking about last week and how much we enjoyed that new Thai place. How about we go again? I am free tonight or tomorrow.” Positive fuel, potency high (as SIPSS), quantity low as written word, frequency one off.

The narcissist does not respond however, even though the SIPSS is viewed as white. She is on the shelf and he is focussed on the CANIPSS as he impatiently awaits her response to his suggestion.

The CANIPSS texts back.

“I cannot do tonight. I have something on.”

This rejection wounds the narcissist. It is only mild in nature however as it is by text. He is slightly irritated by this but as he is in the seduction period with the CANIPSS and therefore she is viewed in a white manner he maintains his control so the ignited fury does not manifest. He replies by text to the CANIPSS.

“How about tomorrow night?”

Just then the IPPS (the cohab partner) appears at the bedroom door. She is in devaluation  and is viewed as black.

“On the ‘phone again are we? You are never off it, I swear it’s welded to your hand.” she says with a frown and a shake of her head. Negative Challenge Fuel. Very high potency (IPPS), significant quantity (in presence, spoken word, tone, body language, facial expression), frequency one off.

This is negative Challenge Fuel. She demonstrates irritation and annoyance. It is a Challenge because she is ‘attacking’ the narcissist’s right to use the ‘phone when he chooses. Also because it suggests that he is not doing something right because he is on the ‘phone. The narcissist is not concerned that he is texting another woman and his partner has caught him on the ‘phone (albeit she does not know what who he is interacting with) but rather it is the Challenge as described which has to be addressed.

“Yes I am because someone has to work hard and bring the money in to pay for you and your wretched wardrobe haven’t they?” he responds with a provocative comment designed to draw further negative fuel but moreover to stamp on the challenge issued by the IPPS.

The IPPS puts her hands on her hips (negative fuel, very high potency, moderate quantity – presence, facial expression, body language, frequency one off.

“Yeah, you know what I am talking about.” goads the narcissist with another provocative remark. As he says this, he texts the CANIPSS again.

“I know this really good Thai restaurant which you will love, my treat naturally.” (Of course this is the same Thai restaurant that the narcissist went to with the SIPPS evidencing his lack of distinction between the people he is engaging with as they are appliances to him.)

Rather than wait for her response barely a minute after suggesting the restaurant, his lack of boundary recognition and sense of entitlement causes him to send this text. Further, the black view he has of the IPPS remains a stark contrast to the white view taken of the CANIPSS. In his mind the IPPS is a traitor, the CANIPSS the increasingly loyal saviour.

“Oh and you never buy any clothes do you?” retorts the IPPS in annoyance. Negative Challenge Fuel, very high  potency, significant quantity (presence, spoken word, tone, facial expression, boy language) , frequency one off. Challenge since the IPPS is suggesting that he is a hypocrite.

“I can buy what I like you money-grabbing ungrateful bitch, I earn it.” The narcissist increases the provocation with a gratuitous insult designed to garner more fuel but mainly to establish superiority again.

“Oh and I suppose I do nothing other than run the house and do a job do I? Anyway, I haven’t got time for this, I will see you at 1pm for lunch right?”

This is negative Challenge Fuel because she is suggesting the narcissist is ungrateful and does not do as much as she does (therefore she is superior) and furthermore she is trying to close down the discussion by having the last word which also challenges the narcissist’s notion of superiority. As she says this a text arrives from the CANIPSS.

“Yes, tomorrow would be great, I will be free at 8pm, let me know the name of the restaurant, I cannot wait and if you are good you can come back for coffee afterwards.”

Positive fuel, high potency, low quantity and one-off frequency. The narcissist’s control is increasing.

“Excellent. Cannot wait. Wear something hot, that blue dress really suits you.” he texts back.

His prescriptive nature about telling the CANIPSS what to wear evidences his sense of entitlement and increasing ownership of the appliance that she is to him. He also, owing to this sense of entitlement and lack of accountability sees nothing wrong with doing this and making the IPPS wait for him to respond. She stands waiting, glaring, providing further negative fuel. Her Challenge to him has still not been dealt wth. The narcissist is edified by the positive fuel from the SIPSS, more positive fuel from the CANIPSS but especially from the negative fuel from the IPPS. His day has started very well indeed and it is only 7-30 am.

“Oh I cannot make it, I have to go through the pitch with Ian.” answers the narcissist. This is a lie however his lack of conscience means he has no issue with stating this to the IPPS.

“You haven’t mentioned that before, well tell him you cannot do it,” responds the IPPS in irritation. Negative Challenge Fuel (telling the narcissist what to do), very high potency, significant quantity, one-off frequency.

The narcissist is under attack again and his verbal responses have failed to assert superiority as required. He has no fuel problem however. Since he has been accused of not telling the IPPS something he responds verbally

“Yes I did, I told you yesterday, but you do not listen, you never do, too caught up in yourself.” He issues a denial against her accusation of not having told her about the engagement with Ian which is part of the Narcissist’s First Line of Defence (see the article The Narcissist’s Twin Lines of Defence). He is also seeking to stamp out her challenge by shifting the tack of the discussion (an instinctive response) through the manipulation of Projection by accusing her of the very thing he does.

“No you didn’t. you did not say anything,” she says in annoyance. Again Challenge Fuel of a negative variety. Potency et al remains the same.

The narcissist shifts manipulation (instinctively) again by ignoring her. Present Silent Treatment. Her status as viewed black causes him to think of asserting his superiority further even though she IPPS will not know what he is doing, in his mind, he is gaining superiority through this  next act.

The narcissist texts the SIPSS.

“Hi, good to hear from you, I was just about to text you when you texted me.” (A lie but it will make the SIPPS feel wanted).

“How about lunch today at 1pm? My treat. The Thai restaurant is open at lunch as well.”

(Note the second offer to buy a meal for someone outside of his relationship – a somatic gesture of generosity)

The IPPS stands waiting for an answer. She is still providing negative fuel from her stance, frown and glaring eyes. The narcissist continues to ignore her maintaining the Present Silent Treatment.

The SIPSS replies by text

“Yeah, great, I did have something on at 12-30 but I can move it for you (Carrier Empath – poor boundary assertion) I will meet you at 1pm, cannot wait.”

The SIPSS is on the shelf still (short exchange) but will be taken off the shelf for the lunch appointment – assuming the narcissist attends. He may not if circumstance dictates this benefits him. She remains viewed white.

Her text is positive fuel of high potency, low quantity and one-off frequency.

“Oh forget it!” hisses the IPPS he remains ignored as the narcissist starts flicking through a set of pictures he has exchanged with the SIPPS which gives him a small amount of Thought Fuel alongside the negative fuel that the IPPS continues to pump out as she is ignored and annoyed.

The IPPS storms off and slams the front door leaving the property. This last act provides another does of negative fuel because it is an annoyed gesture. The well-fuelled narcissist  smiles and finally rises from his bed. It is only 7-37 am and his day has begun rather well for him.

IPPS remains in devaluation and painted black.

Candidate IPSS is prime candidate in seduction, painted white and the narcissist will repeatedly hoover her during the day in a benign way, ahead of their date tomorrow night.

SIPPS is on shelf until lunchtime, painted white and ranking behind the Candidate IPSS still.. with no prospect of any immediate shift in that status.

 

8 thoughts on “Analysis : Cheating On The Partner With Two Others (Narcissist Vs IPPS, Candidate IPSS and Shelf IPSS)

  1. blackcoffee30 says:

    It just occurred to me that I had a Nex before the most recent Nex. I had no idea.

    I was an IPSS while he was engaged and married. It began innocently, but didn’t leave when he admitted he had a fiancee. They actually married and would divorce so he could marry the other IPSS.

    I knew of the other IPSS, but I didn’t know, know. Ya know? Now I know she was promoted to IPPS. She was a total downgrade from his 25 year old, yoga instructor wife and me. I wonder what the other IPSS had that we didn’t.

    It’s all clear to me now. OMG now that I know what to look for, never again. They are still married. I wonder how many IPSSs he has now.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The more you read here, the more you increase your logic, the more you will lower ET and then you will start to see you have had far more involvement throughout your life, with narcissists, than you realised.

  2. Bibi says:

    So whether one is a Candidate or Secondary entirely depends on the narcissist’s needs at the moment, so whichever candidate has best perceived ‘needs’ according to the narc, gets chosen.

    The somatic Lesser I knew had me on the shelf, his current source, as well as another on the shelf. I would have taken the most amount of energy to obtain since I was far away. So he dropped me pretty fast, but still kept me hanging on b/c as he said, ‘I did wonders for his ego.’

    The other shelf appliance was willing to give him sex and devote her life to him even though she knew he still fucked around. He told me, ‘She wants me to commit to her,’–never referring to her by name, but rather, ‘A girl I date.’

    He dropped her and me when he landed the current appliance. He had to seduce her away from her marriage, so that must have been very high fuel.

    But she is actually a dead beat–she and somatic narc are broken up now and upon searching her, she has been in jail again for robbery, in addition to a number of DUIs. (Winners attract winners!)

    Somatic narc is now married to some girl he met on Tinder after having known her 4 months. The saga continues….

  3. T says:

    HG i have a situation out of the ordinary. I called my partner out for cheating on me with escorts and hookers. I had proof because he posted sexually explicit videos online on his secret porn site and wouldn’t let it go, he finally restored to physically violence to shut me up. Recently, he decided to take a very intimate thing only him and I do and pay a hooker to “act it out” and posted that on pornsites for me to see because he knows I’m watching. If he takes the time and money to do all this stuff just to hurt me should I be scared for my physical safety ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I cannot comment accurately on the information provided with regards to what is likely to occur next. Given his exhibited behaviour, imposing no contact is an absolute priority. Alongside, you need to establish what he is (Narc Detector) so that on the basis that he is a narcissist, you will know his school and cadre which will enable me to advise you accurately as to the level of risk and how you manage it.

    2. Emma Shedden says:

      T, regardless of whether he hurts you or not (let’s assume he will), you need to get out ASAP!! It’s not a loving relationship even if he doesn’t physically hurt you again. Please x I know that’s easier said than done but think about how you would feel if one of your friends/loved ones were telling you the same about a situation they were in like this? I know that’s put things into perspective for me in the past & I also know that you would rather ignore that for the very minimal chance that things will change. They won’t!!! They WON’T!! Please just leave and never look back ever x

    3. Bibi says:

      T:

      I am sorry you are going through this, but this dude sounds utterly horrible.

    4. NarcAngel says:

      T
      Sadly your situation is not so out of the ordinary. Let’s recap:

      He has cheated on you.
      Used physical violence against you.
      Used personal acts as a form of humiliation.

      He is physically and mentally abusing you already and the fact that you even have to ask attests to the effectiveness of the mental abuse.

      This is not a healthy relationship on any level and you should be scared. It will not get better. Consult with HG and he will confirm why this is true and how to best deal with your addiction in getting out and staying out (GOSO).

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