Why Being Smeared Affects You More Than Others



I have previously explained some of the forms that the smear campaign takes and also why they are so effective. Now I turn to the six reasons why they affect somebody like you so much. Smear campaigns are a constant in the arsenal of the narcissist. Effective, utilised through word of mouth and with the capacity to envelop several people at once who in turn perpetuate the smear, the smear campaign is a favoured manipulation of our kind. Here are six reasons why they affect you so much.

  1. Denial of assistance

The smear campaign is usually utilised during devaluation and on the cusp of discard. Its timing is such that you will more likely than not find yourself in a position of desperation, fatigue and confusion. Battered and buffeted by our manipulations through the devaluation period,you are in a poor position to defend yourself never mind having to defend your reputation with others. Once the discard hits you and knocks you for six, you are in need of considerable assistance. You need somebody to help you make sense of what has just happened. You need somebody to listen to you as you pore over the relationship and try to piece together (usually unsuccessfully) the cause of your fall from grace and subsequent discard. You will need assistance on practical items such as money, paying bills, eating, child care, washing and cleaning in some of the more extreme cases where your ability to function has been hammered. When your need for external assistance is at its highest, you find that those who you thought you could rely on to help you have been poisoned. Friends become unobtainable or suddenly busy with other commitments. Family are sceptical about helping you since they think you have brought it on yourself and they are even ashamed of your supposed behaviour. Colleagues are not inclined to assist someone who has been painted the way you have. These people disappear, turn their backs or even worse ally with our kind and the help and assistance you so desperately need has been taken away from you. This furthers your isolation, your pain and your distress. It also reduces your capability to address the nature of the smear campaign and neutralise it.

  1. The Corruption of the Truth

You abide by the truth. You speak it and live by it. Yes, you may tell the odd white lie but you are a paragon of virtue compared to our mendacious and repeated untruths. You believe in the truth and you need others to know that you are an honest and truthful person. You base your life on having honest dealing with people, both towards them and from them. It has been an horrendous enough experience dealing with our lies that we told time and time again to you, but it becomes even worse when you are being lied about. You may have reached the conclusion that we are well-practised liars and that is the way we are but to have your own reputation impugned and your character stained as a liar is anathema to you. This causes distress and the fact you know that other people are believing a lie about you will have a damaging effect on you and we know this full well.

  1. Frustration

You feel a huge sense of frustration that your reputation is being smeared but added to that is the frustration that people are actually believing what is being said about you. You are surprised and dismayed that people are falling for what we are saying about you. You are disappointed in those people who you thought would know better than to be taken in by what we have said. You really ought to know by now that just as oyu were taken in by our charm and seduction, so have they. Did you really expect them to respond any differently when you did not? The difficulty is, is that you know the truth about the lies being spun about you and you desperately want others to see through this but they do not. You understand why, because we base the smear on a grain of truth, we magnify and manipulate and twist and warp the truth so that people are deceived in an expert fashion but nevertheless you really though that people who you could rely on would see through this tissue of lies, this web of deceit. The frustration at this overhwhelms you and adds to the distress of the situation as a whole.

  1. The Lack of Control

We hate losing control. Most people do not like to lose control because this causes distress, anxiety and apprehension. If something bad happens and you are able to at least do something to address it, counter it or mitigate its effect you automatically feel better. However, if you are swept along on a tide by a force over which you can exert no control, the sense of helplessness is massive. You are made to feel like this because when the smear campaign commences your coping ability has been hugely reduced. We however are at the top of our game, calling the shots and orchestrating everything with considerable effectiveness. You do not truly understand why it is happening, why we are behaving like this and moreover why people believe what we are saying. You feel as if you have no control over the progression and outcome of the smear campaign and this increases its effectiveness in terms of how it affects you.

  1. Keeping Up Appearances

Related to the corruption of the truth. Whereas the corruption of the truth alarms you because of the way that a central quality which you adhere to and believe in is being damaged, the smear campaign is also damaging how people think about you. You are not a person who is immersed in pride. You are neither vain nor conceited but you still want people to think well of you because you are a good and decent person. You just want people to know what you are and to have them told that you are something contrary to your actual appearance becomes especially upsetting for you.

  1. The Hammer to Your Reputation


Not only is your character and outward appearance as a good and honest person shattered and dented by the smear campaign, the effects of a smear campaign often go further. Your professional integrity is called into question with ramifications for your job, career advancement and livelihood. Your standing in the community is adversely affected which could have repercussions where you hold positions of trust and authority. If you have to be licensed by the authorities in some way, a smear campaign can place that in jeopardy. You may lose friends, your family may distance themselves from you but the repercussions of a smear campaign can infect your professional life, your income, your integrity and your standing. You are made to feel like a pariah and you may lose clients and customers, the backing of your superiors, be regarded as an albatross to an organisation. People are obsessed with appearances and if you become a PR nightmare not only is your personal life hammered by the smear campaign your professional and business standing is also.


11 thoughts on “Why Being Smeared Affects You More Than Others

  1. Sherrae says:

    Should you do anything if your ex is putting on a smear campaign? I do care what people think about me. I did become a hateful person and probably acted more like him after finding out all the lies he’s told me, and the truths he had kept from me. I’ve been in therapy for over a year and a half, but I feel like I’m still affected by him. He acts like he has done nothing and everything is my fault. Told people I was physically and verbally abusing him. I never physically abused him, but he swears up and down I hit him. I did say hateful things mainly about the other woman who he is no longer with. She is the one who threw out the term, narcissist. He is now on to the next victim who is a recovering drug addict.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See Smear Campaigns in the Knowledge Vault, you answer lies there.

  2. guera714 says:

    I was dis-engaged with a week ago. I had been in devaluation for at least a year. This was a sudden exit from our marriage over a minor argument. After the shock and hurt wore off, because I had been reading this blog, and my logic finally started kicking in, I’m not as sad as long as I thought I’d be. I keep reading about final discards elsewhere, because this FEELS like a finality, I know you say there is never a final discard, that if we meet certain triggers we will be hoovered. He’s assassinating my character to all who will listen, people who are part of his family and some mutual friends. He’s saying I’m a sex addict and serial cheater and that I’m abusive and dangerous to be around. I’ve read enough of your blog to not lose sleep over it. I guess I’m having a hard time believing that because of his sudden departure, and painting me horribly black, that there is a finality to it because he’d look like a fool for ever coming back to me to the people he’s trashing me to. I just feel like I’m looking over my shoulder and hoping he’s really gone this time.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You think he will look like a fool, but that is from your perspective. Remember, he does not operate from your perspective. Arrange a consultation with me and I shall explain it all to you so you understand and so you can protect yourself.

  3. BabyEmms says:

    2. and 3. Were/are the biggest factors for me. The thought that people who know & love me & have experienced discard from the Narc in the past would now believe his lies about me. When I am all about honesty & he is all about lies, and the frustration that they know this yet have chosen to believe untruths about me makes me more angry than everything else my ex Narc put me through. And I, of course, initially reacted to this by trying to contact & tell them the truth through my tears & panicked reaction, but this only served to make me look as he wanted to me to, crazy, which is what he had told them all for weeks in preparation for the discard. Thankfully I stopped this months ago and am just sitting back knowing they will see the real truth, and they will, he can’t keep that mask on forever.

    1. Kim e says:

      “He can’t keep that mask on forever”
      That is a bad bet. Because….drum roll please….yes he can

      1. BabyEmms says:

        Kim e

        Yes I’m sure you’re right but it always slips (his mask) from time to time and hopefully his flying monkeys shall see that. I am caring less and less each week so if it never happens, hopefully I won’t care at all eventually. I’m new to this whole concept of Narcissist’s & still learning daily about how they operate. I’m finding it incredibly hard to believe that there are people who live with this disorder & even harder to understand it. I just can’t get my head around it all. This site is eye opening though! X

        1. Kim e says:

          Just dont get so wrapped up in people seeing what he is as you just staying away from him.
          Remember, the best revenge is no revenge. Just you being happy.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Sound advice, ah my padawan comes of age!

          2. Kim e says:

            On my way to being a full fledged Jedi.
            May the force be with you………

          3. HG Tudor says:

            You are two days late Kim, no hang on…

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