The Middle Mid Ranger’s Seduction Speech
This demonstrates the mind set of a Middle Mid Ranger who would write in such terms or speak to the victim in this manner. It is a speech that could be said by any subdivision of Mid Ranger but most likely coming from the Middle Mid Ranger (A or B) because of its penchant for pity play, false martyrdom and magical thinking.
The sections in bold and italics are the unconscious reality of what is happening, compared with the conscious belief of the narcissist. Remember, his conscious belief is his actual belief and owing to the blinding effect of the narcissism this Middle Mid Ranger does not recognise that these words are empty, that certain events never happened, that various forms of manipulation are being used (those forms of manipulation being instinctive).
I also explain some of the empathic traits which these instinctive comments will be playing to, aided and abetted, of course, by the soaring emotional thinking of the victim who is being conned into believing these words and ignoring the repeated red flags which are being flown here.
What position would a recipient of such a speech hold in the narcissist’s fuel matrix? The recipient would be the Candidate Intimate Partner Secondary Source meaning that the narcissist instinctively senses this person could be crowned as the Intimate Partner Primary Source . There may be other competitors but they are Shelf IPSS and the recipient of this speech is the front runner. It is likely that there is an IPPS who is in devaluation and will shortly be disengaged from, should this speech succeed and the seduction win over this Candidate.
I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you.
(Infatuation. Martyrdom. Feeds into the Love Devotee empathic trait of the victim with regard to the concept of unrequited love, a love burning away unnoticed.)
How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years.
(It has not lasted for over ten years. This is Magical Thinking, the Revision of History and Grandiosity. The narcissism however causes, in that moment, the narcissist to truly believe that this adoration has been in place for ten years.)
Yes, that long. It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you.
(The narcissist never noticed the victim at first because he was in a golden period with somebody else, but it sounds more impressive to suggest such recognition so early on because this accords with the Love Devotee Trait of love at first sight.
It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you.
(Grandiosity and Martyrdom).
I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration. You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve.
(This never happened. Revision of History combined with Grandiosity. Again the Love Devotee Trait is being milked by such a seemingly ‘sweet’ action. Logic of course would cause the victim to (a) question whether this actually happened ; and (b) if it did, find it rather creepy.)
I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences.
(Magical Thinking and exhibition of the Sense of Entitlement as the narcissist is already picture the relationship having formed, demonstrating the latent sense of ownership of the victim).
This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time.
(Grandiosity and Revision of History. The adoration sprang up recently as the necessity of replacing the currently devalued IPPS became more pressing.)
That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you.
(Martyrdom. Feeding off the Love Devotee Trait with regard to the power of love.)
Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you.
(It would stretch credibility to suggest the narcissist has remained single for such a period of time (A Lower Mid Range might suggest such a thing) instead, the need for the narcissist to demonstrate that he is a catch so there have been other partners remains HOWEVER this is explained away. This is a Benign Triangulation.)
I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you.
(They actually did back then, but Revision of History arising out of the exes being painted black.)
I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one.
(Revision of History. Magical Thinking.)
I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure.
(Martyrdom. Pity Play. Benign Triangulation. Exes Painted As Black).
Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was.
(Martyrdom. Magical Thinking. Revision of History. Placing victim on pedestal – you are totally worth all of this effort and pain and therefore you ought to feel very special).
I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality. This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be.
(Revision of History. Magical Thinking. Feeding off the empathic traits of Honesty and Decency by showing the victim that they did not rush in (when of course the narcissist has actually rushed in).
I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.
(Magical Thinking. Martyrdom. Idealisation of victim.)
This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you.
(Pity Play)
I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself.
(Martyrdom)
Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved?
(Pity Play)
I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come.
(Martyrdom. Further, the catalyst was of course the need to replace the current IPPS who is in devaluation although the narcissist does not realise that this is what is driving the behaviour.)
There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you.
(Grandiosity. Latent exhibition of ownership and the victim being an extension of the narcissist).
How can that now be the case? I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever.
(Assimilation of the victim into the narcissist demonstrating the fact that the victim is an extension of the narcissist. Feeds of the empathic trait of Love Devotee once again.)
Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration I will give you and that shall keep us together.
(Infatuation. Grandiosity).
We shall not crumble, we shall not fall. I promise you this.
(Grandiosity. This promise is of course caveated, conditional, flexible and when necessary will be revoked and removed as if it never existed because such a promise was made to a different victim last month and another the month before that and another the same last year.)
56 thoughts on “The Middle Mid Ranger’s Seduction Speech”
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vanessa McClain
Is he gone?! If so, watch out for the hoovers!
K,
No, he is not, I am starting to believe every one on here can see it before I do. It was onething to be fasinanted and study all about Narcissiam, it’s a completly other thing to be ensared, its like you loose all senses of what you thought you knew but I will call upon an expert, should I need help and also legal help because here in , Florida this is considered his home as well.
Gifted Guidance
Do you know if he is a Lesser or Midranger? Based on your comments, I suspect that he is an Upper Lesser Narcissist.
This manipulation could also be construed as a Future Fake, as well as a PP: “He packed everything up but he didn’t leave” (That’s Lesser behavior).
https://narcsite.com/2019/06/24/what-is-future-faking/
Before you waste any money on experts or lawyers, you may want to consult with HG; he will save you thousands of dollars in fees, anguish and drama. You may not be legally married but, by reading Why Divorce is So Hard, it will give you an idea of what you are dealing with.
https://narcsite.com/2020/04/10/how-to-handle-the-narcissist-at-court-2/
https://narcsite.com/2019/08/28/why-is-divorce-so-hard/
Thank you K
He is a Mid Ranger Type B Somatic
I’m assuming they can go in and out of any cadre though/ my fault too. I never lived one so in such close proximity, it’s hard to have 0 contact but I am trying.
Now, he says, he is going but will come back. No, no no
No, they can’t,
Thank you vanessa McClain
Type B explains everything. You may want to consider a consult with HG ASAP and keep your settlement under wraps. Trust no one, including your family.
If I were a narcissist, I would exploit your traits of decency, guilt and kindness/compassion and suck you dry.
Please, consider a consult; you won’t regret it.
Gifted Guidance
You got a Narc Detector and he is a midranger; I am rereading the thread right now.
K,
Once he goes, I am pretty equipped to handle the hoovers.. I will block him from everything. I have family members that are narcisstic, multiple personality disorders, border line personality disorder. Myself and my niece are basically the only two empaths.
This is all on my mother’s side by the way, to which I have 0 contact, no dinners, no holidays, nothing!! They are bocked from social media as long as phones.
Have a locksmith at the ready.
You waited ten fucking years to ask me for a date when my BIOLOGICAL CLOCK WAS
TICKING.
LIKE.
THIS.
NarcAngel are you a Narc as well? I’m not sure who is who isn’t anymore. At this moment in life and I suppose your comment got under my skin because, indeed it’s probably very true. Aren’t we empathetic people for some reason drawn to these individuals. I would like to take the lessons out of a very bad situation and grow from then, so how I see it, I can thank God that this one walked back into my life because it tells me there is something inside of me that would even except this behavior or even be attracted to this kind of person, and the other. Is the cold hard reality I needed help because of my physical ailments after surgery I have no one else around and that was the good in it at the time. My daughter has never been exposed to dysfunction and I don’t plan to keep her exposed to it either and by never I mean in the home. She is 16, so I believe I did the best with what I had at the time by focusing on her and staying single. This is less then a year mishap and she comes and tells me as of lately, what happened this is toxic you need to part ways, to which I am doing so. Have you ever been ensnared yourself or we you one yourself?
No, NA is not a narcissist.
No NA is not a narcissist and Vanessa’s inquiry was thankfully not rude. She did not attack NA but simply asked a question which is how reasonable people conduct themselves. (Which was fine—I’m tired of this coming up about NA, she’s a nice person) This site is, wonderful, and such an inquiry with such a simple answer can prevent spiraling like with what happened on the Odd thread—the comments promoted by encouraging the reader, and who knows what other negative connotations were generated & supported privately. The reader stated “HG knows this” which tells me that such private conversation was given (at least) not a nod of being a bad idea. To say “HG knows” is not meaningless. The Odd thread was provocative and not a question but a smear, and it was not an accident. The aim derived was not appreciated by not just me, but many other readers as they expressed a disdain for reading that shit show. (Not all as some agreed, but they weren’t rude—this I had no issue with) I find it highly unusual that someone was promoted when it was known the struggle I was undergoing as a direct result as what this site aims to remedy. I also don’t appreciate the suggestion of gas lighting my children, etc. It’s rubbish. My pathetic parenting is working all night so my kids don’t have to be with their father much while they are awake. It isn’t like I’m not qualified to perform administratively again or . teach. I’ve busted my ass to clean up my life from what happened—and this place is to thank for much of it—but I know what happened in November was an absolute passive salute of being told to get fucked. Horse shit. I am not a narcissist at all. (If I were it’s not an issue anyway for another reader on here) What I am is disappointed that my business would be discussed in such a way to promote the possibilities. My children will not only be fine, it won’t be an accident that they do well.
Once again, nobody was encouraged to attack anybody else. I have made the position clear repeatedly and also stated very clearly that this matter is at an end.
I thought empath detector results were confidential HG? Or only sometimes—like when Julie’s robust readership/sleuthing is involved? The promoted comments because “HG knows..”
Lorelei.
1. These matters were aired extensively and you and the others have been told it is ended. Stop bringing it up, it serves no purpose.
2. I cannot comment accurately on the “HG knows” because I have no context for what you are raising. I do not know who is reputed to have stated it, to whom and in what circumstances. If this as it appears to be appertains to what has gone on in November, once again, the matter is concluded. I do not understand why you are bringing it up again.
3. All consultations are confidential. I always abide that confidentiality. It is unclear if you are suggesting I have breached confidentiality (if so, you are wrong and there is no evidence to support such an accusation) or if you are suggesting someone else has, then who? If they have, they have breached the terms of the agreement. Clarify your position and I would invite you to think carefully in that regard.
I am not countenancing the ongoing resurrection of matters which are not only over 5 months old but moreover completely unhelpful. All parties were told to put an end to it, that includes you.
I have offered up over time here the result from my consultation with HG (pre ED) because it has been repeatedly and erroneously alleged that I am a narcissist. I offered long ago for HG to disclose the information at his discretion to prevent any damage to the blog by way of people thinking he would allow a narcissist long standing occupancy and extensive interaction with victims on the blog. People believing that could cause fear, a reluctance to participate, and be a detriment to the environment here. I have even taken flak for revealing my school of empath. It is only done only to demonstrate that the different schools of empath can have bearing on behaviour and may add to the confusion about who is or is not a narcissist. but some have taken it as some kind of declaration of superiority which is ridiculous. Confidentiality is paramount to HG and the blog and he would not disclose any information without specific and prior consent and then only if he deems it necessary. I know this because there is other information that I have consented to him releasing about me and he has not chosen to do so.
Thank you NA.
Narc Angel,
I have been deeply thinking about you today, and I don’t know why but I feel a very deep sadness. I feel you were reaching out to my comment because I had a child involved and somehow that took you back to what you went through, when you were younger, so I felt a very deep rooted sadness. I am sorry, if I asked if you were a Narc, my emotions were flying high. I have to and always knew I needed to be enviroment that was calm, because if not, I can take on the emotions of others, then I have to decern, are these my emotions or the other persons. I used to not even be able to watch t.v. because if something intense came on, then I would feel it as if I was that person in the movie.
Now, the Narc I live with and hopefully not much longer, liked all those shoot em up movies and I can’t watch that at all before he came long I woud literally not even have the tv on at all. The news statios non of it because they all look and feel like funny cartoon characters to me, with their lies and fabrications.
Anyway, I just been thinking about you today, feeling overwhelmed and sad because I knew you had truth in what you were saying about addiction. Lesson, I will take with me when this is all said and done, is there is something in me that would tolerate it. I need to dig deeper and find it.
I am sad for my child, that I could not reconize it sooner or put a stop to it at first red flag, to be truly honest. I let alot slide because I was so vulnerable from the surgeries and injuries I suffered from this MVA, I allowed anger and my need for help to blind me.
My dughter and I were close today, she came and gave me a hug as if to say in silence “mom let it go, it’s going to be you and I again” although, I know she is sad, I felt she would be happier with just me. It’s how it’s always been.
I will never put her mental health at risk, I will get police and legaliticies involved before that happens.
I wish I could have some of your backround into what your mom allowed.
Not on here and I do understand, if you don’t care to share, I never want to harm my child. EVER!!
I lived alone for all these years 14 to be exact, I only ever lived with my husband, my daighters father, whom died back when she was only 14 months.
Thank you for your truth the other day, without someone blunt we may never see our mistakes, accept them and move forward.
Vanessa M
No need to be sorry, I understand and am not hurt when people first question my motive or think me a narcissist. It’s only over time that you can determine those things about someone, and then again some never do. You will encounter people here with different experiences, conversational styles, and advice. You will receive much support in the form of comfort and validation, but it’s my belief that sometimes a bit of a jolt is needed to jar you to reality and spur you to action. I understand that it is not appreciated at the time (or possibly never), but the intention is to have it stay at the edge of your consciousness as you move forward. You note in some of your comments that you don’t understand his behaviour. Always remember that they are disordered and do not think in the same way we do, They will do and say whatever is needed to get what they want. They are cons. The good news is that you are in the right place now to gain the information and guidance you need. The commenters can offer experience and support, but only HG can tell you how they really think and what to expect. Please consult with HG so he can explain to you what is happening and help you formulate a plan for the best way for you and your daughter to be free.
NA,
You of all people have no reason to explain who you are and why you are here! I new you were not a narcissist way before HG made that known on the blog. You are the reason I started to participate on the blog, I remember asking for your help trying to explain to HG and the rest what I was trying to say. You didn’t do that, instead you showed me that you knew exactly what I was saying without changing a thing! As far as fearing you, you were probably one of the only people on here that I didn’t fear! You didn’t come across being something that you weren’t or better then others on here, you are the real deal and a true empath! You have never been anything but beneficial to this blog, HG, and all of us! I thank you for that NA. Fear you?!Not in this lifetime you old softie!😘💞
NA, I appreciate your comment. I am sorry I didn’t reply sooner, it has to do with notification issues in the WP app. (long story but ongoing) I understand that there are differences in the schools, just like we were talking about Karla H. and just the mere possibility that (maybe) a non-narc could be so CD as to stand by and allow what she did.. (That was my statement, you indicated you felt she more likely had to be a N) Also, it is in no way an implication a CD would do such things—just a possibility based on the most recent book I read, and HG did say an empath would go pretty far potentially. So, perhaps your demeanor may be may mistaken as a narcissist in the same way other empaths can occasionally appear as narcissists. I am glad you have had a positive experience here.
Vanessa
No. I am not a narcissist. I was abused by the narcissist my mother brought into our home when I was 5 and it continued until I was old enough to leave because she kept waiting for him to decide to go on his own.
Oh wow, thank you Narc Angel for admitting that. I do not want that for my child. I understand your stance now. I am so sorry!
NA,
Silver lining: you haven’t experienced being ensnared by a narc romantically in addition to the ensnarement parentally (step parent in this case). And I admire your passion for protecting children. It is encouraging to read about empaths here who have successful romantic relationships with non-narcs.
Thank you StrongerWendy.
Wow, ever since I took the Narc detector test, which by the way…Thank you HG!! You are amazing at what you do but then again, of course you are because you are an expert. I rather go to you for any advice regarding this then someone who has a degree because they aren’t the experts in this field. No, no, they are not!! Anyway, I had a feeling mine was a mid ranger because I too have had a fascination in studying all about this, mostly due to family members. I have been injured as you know and had to invite a long long time ex (who I thought was a friend) because they don’t burn bridges after all, into my home to live with me for physical help, plus the fact remains there is my daughter, which I should of known after 10 years of never being in our lives but the empathic emotional thinking made reason out of it coupled with my vulnerability at the time. Had no idea I just literally opened my home to the devil. I watched his patterns as now he was living with me and it hit me that he was a mid ranger. I got in touch with you and that is exactly what he is. He is now exposed, as I made that mistake but now when I open my emails and see your writings as of lately. I can’t believe my eyeballs and the down to science as if you are living here with us, that you nail this right on the head. He told me he has been in love ever since we broke up 10 years ago, me escaping him but he already had someone lined up anyway. Him telling me he kept me on a shelf all these years but when I said “excuse me did you just say shelf” he changed it to, no I peddle stool. Him coming here wasn’t supposed to turn romantic at all but as you stated they rushed in like a flood and the next thing I know it’s romantic. Of course for many reason I alway had feelings for him, so I am figuring he knew it would be easy. He has always been in between partners. Now, after having a phone consultation with you and after discovering myself what he is. I can’t stand him. Do I feel, of course I do, more so then I like to because I am Carrier /Super empath he has threatened to leave me many times in my physical state, constantly blaming me for cheating. Actually, he must walked out the door to go to work and of course he was blaming me for cheating or might as well been and I know that is because he is about to do something or why else bring up a non sense conversation like that. I can’t wait for him to leave my home. I am acting as if I do not care and his words carry no weight because the quicker he leaves, I feel the quicker I can move on and heal. I will not engage with him as you directed. A bit of a fiet, when you actually have to share space but I am trying. I feel if he feels un wanted here then he will just go. He is just a user in my eyes and the thought that this will carry through with him for the rest of his life, he will never find a normal relationship is enough for me to relish. Yes, I know that sounds a tad narcissistic of me but you know reap what you sow. Something this kind, knows nothing about. I know you are that kind as well but with all the help you give us it’s hard for me to see you in a negative light, like I do them. I know you can never change and you are the same as them but at least you are forced or are doing something for the greater good. Therefore, I can never look at you like a monster such as them. Lately, every blog I open is spot on to what I am dealing with as if you are right here, helping me through this. A little odd but grateful for the blogs you are choosing to put out because it couldn’t be more relevant to what is happening here on the home front, I am in physical need now because I was badly injured. So, these blogs are giving me the power to move forward without my empathic traits dimmed, for now! I feel like at times I can almost be the narcissist and attack him and sadly it has happened, one too many times. I bet they just sit back and think, wow, look at her, I knew she was the same as 10 years ago, when he doesn’t know that I am reacting to his abuse, I take and take until
I can’t take anymore then, this fury rises inside of me and I get so angry that In that moment I don’t care if he is hurt my words, I don’t care at all. I can almost be physical with him, it’s like I explode and loose all senses but it’s short lived and my empathy comes flooding right back in. I can’t wait for this to be over with. I rather stay angry as it is easier for me to deal with the likes of him.
You are welcome.
Vanessa
It’s your home – tell (don’t ask) him to leave. You can get help from someone else. Why are you leaving it up to your abuser to decide when to stop abusing you and leave? Tell him to get out and call the police if you have to. You say that your fury rises, you attack and don’t care if he’s hurt by your words, and that you can get almost physical but yet you haven’t forced him to leave. That says to me you are addicted to the dynamic and making excuses to stay in it. Time to get real with yourself about what’s really going on and to remove him from your life and that of your daughter. Show her that neither of you deserve or will accept abuse.
NarcAngel, there are things we discover about ourselves every single day or else we would not grow, now would we. Now, that I actually know what the hell is going on, you don’t think I constantly take my own inventory and that thought has not occurred to me that I could possibly be addicted. Isn’t that what trauma bond is? Listen, you see my words, I put them on display for all to read who respond or comment to HG’s stuff but I did not realize what exactly what I was in, do you think he was just abusive off the bat and did he come into my home abusive, certainly not. Did we make amends years ago from our past relationship (of course) he has never once been physically violent with me, nor has he ever swore at me or called me a name. It’s the other manipulation tactics that I finally caught on to by living with him and as of recently. Prior to all of this I have been single for 12 years. A rarity I know, so I had no reason to think I would be addicted. I didn’t put up with BS and I called it for what it was. Then I read and discovered trauma bonding. So, yes I do take responsibility and I do consider the fact that I can be addicted but let me tell you, all of this didn’t start until just recently. Roughly, maybe about a little over 2 weeks ago. So, if you know anything about the police you can’t just say, “hey, this guy living me, I don’t like him anymore. I just found out he is a Narc can you get him out.
There is something called squatter rights here. It has to go through the legal system, call it what you want. I have the proper tools to make him want to leave now. As he has decided himself to leave, so if I don’t cave and follow my instructions he will leave.
Thank you for your advice though as I wasn’t making excuses because yes, I considered all things. If he doesn’t leave and I have to use the cops and legal system I know it’s in place.
Vanessa
I’m going by what you put in your comment. I didn’t say it happened all at once or that it would be easy. You said you couldn’t wait for him to leave your home and that you were hoping for him to feel unwanted and go. I thought it valid to question yourself on why you were leaving it up to him. The type and severity of abuse you are experiencing is unclear, but you did say he pushes you to anger on your part that you are uncomfortable with (you said you feel like the narcissist) and he accuses you of cheating. These things can escalate quickly, so the police were only mentioned in the case that you told him to leave and things escalate. It’s apparent you were offended by my response (which was blunt but made with good intention and your safety in mind) so rest assured I will not comment further on your situation. Good luck.
I understand why you commented further because I have a child and you were a child like mine. I didn’t take it as an attack, if it annoyed it’s because it was true and I need to look further within. Anything, that rings true will annoy someone. So, please feel free to comment. Once, I mentioned my child and now heard your story I see clearly your intentions. I wasn’t really upset with you. I knew your comment ran true. Thank you!
Hi Vanessa, with all due respect, don’t hold your breath waiting for the narc to leave. They are notorious for making chaos and pain part of your daily life. I was with my narc for 12 years and thought he wouldn’t get physically violent. I was wrong. Stay strong and safe.
You mean they would pack all
their stuff and not leave. What is this a tantrum. I am new to living with this kind.
I am acting as if I don’t care not letting my emotions stand in the way and going to a friends hide when I can, so I am hoping by doing that he will just leave. He packed everything up. Why would he go to that trouble? Although, he isn’t quite letting my daughter know. Maybe if he has a new IPPS he will leave. I don’t know. I’m filled with emotions and fear right now because I am physically hurt and not able to do much.
Careful, he could decide to pack up.all your stuff and go off with it while you’re at your friend’s.
Does he ever go out? I don’t if this violates squatter’s rights or gun laws where you are, but if it’s legal, maybe you could have your kid(s) put all his stuff on the front lawn, change the locks before he comes back if he has his own key, and sit in the doorway with a shotgun waiting for him to come back.
+HG, if this is a horrible idea, please say so.)
I would advocate an assessment of what the individual is and a structured approach to dealing with the type of narcissist before embarking on such action which could prove particularly provocative.
Vanessa,
I’m sorry you and your daughter are going through all of that!
I understand the squatters rights issue. It happened to a friend of mine who only tried to help a friend of his. It took a while to legally have that situation fixed. I was upset on behalf of my friend as the law appears to put people at risk. I hope you are getting legal help with this situation as I wonder if he will leave your house. He has it pretty good in having a free place to live with what benefits comes in food or entertainment. He may be looking to control by packing his stuff up showing he is the one who has the power to decide. The lack of response may inspire him to finally leave due to limited fuel. Is there a way to legally make it less of a desired living situation though while you work with authorities? I don’t fully understand the law but can you start requiring things like rent, or more rent, payment on utilities, etc? You say you are angry which is very understandable. Do you do well in hiding your emotions? If not, then he is still getting fuel. Can you have a rule where all communication is in writing? You don’t have to verbalize this rule, just implement it. Then if you get angry, grabbing your phone and commenting here may divert what fuel he gets as your attention will be on the phone. I could ask my friend what finally worked for him but I assume different locations have different ways to handle it. I hope he moves soon. Please don’t be hard on yourself on this! Trusting another is natural, especially when you need to trust another.
Good idea. I would document everything, and then sue him asking for back rent/food/utilities. Whatever your lawyer deems appropriate. If you told him he could stay for free. Then tell him going forward, if he does not leave, you are asking for payment. I’d ask for attorney’s fees and court costs, whatever you can. Maybe you can motivate him to get out.
He is leaving! As of right now he is loading everything up, he gives and takes away but the take away will be far greater. I survived on my own before and I will be happy to again. I will keep posting here as I am an emotional person and of course this is tearing me apart. I know one should be jumping for joy that he is leaving but we do have to go through 3 grieving processes. I thought I would be able to stay angry in order to not feel the pain but again , I am an empath and we feel things very very deeply. Well
I do anyway.
Gina,
Good idea about suing him, but do I really want to put myself through that. I have a settlement on the way and a large one. I am just glad he is going before he knew I recurved it because I feel used up by now and thank God he is going before I did get my settlement. There is away a silver lining. I saved him over $200 a month in storage fees, let him kindly store all his stuff here. As he lost both his homes but yet he is emptying out my house. I find it funny because the women he was with prior, as he left her to come here, he gave her $1100. Even though she knew he lost his homes she was still taking him for whatever he had on his way out. Now, that part I will never understand but I think she was a lesser narcissist I can’t be too sure. I just know she has/had some hold over him. She can ask did anything and poof he be more inclined to bend over backwards to do it. I also believe it’s just sex, and he doesn’t want to loose that because she never said no and allowed him to do with her body whatever he wanted. That’s the only sense I can make it or it. This is the same women 10 years ago that when I left him she was already living with him but unlike myself. She would put up with the behavior, constantly coming and going being degraded. Being thrown out of his home with just her bra and underwear. I would of left that scenario along time. Especially, if it wasn’t my home and I didn’t have any owner ship to it but she went through 10 years of back and forth back and forth. He loves to triangulate me with her. He does it because he knows it gets under my skin. I m doing my best to not react. Now, just now all of a sudden there is a problem, not every thing will fit on his uhaul. I really hope you guys are wrong and he will leave and he didn’t just go to all this chaos of emptying my home, renting a uhaul and getting the kids involved for nothing. Although, I am sad I do not want him here and I don’t want to do through the legal route but I will. I will keep you posted as you all are my reach out right now, during all of this.
That’s great, Vanessa, and at the same time I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing! I agree with you about the need to grieve and go through all emotions that the process brings you! I’m glad you will continue to be here. You are a strong woman.
I’m so glad he’s outta there! (My advice had involved waiting at the door with a shotgun, so it’s probably just as well that it’s still in moderation.)
I don’t know if it was mentioned here if it’s your house legally? I don’t want to read all the back and forth. I was married to an MMR for 23 years so the house was marital property. I did ask him to leave, he would not. So I had to leave to get away from him. I see women say “get out”, and the guy leaves. I always wonder how they can be so confident that he will. Get a lawyer. He eventually ended up with the house and I got half the equity. He will not do ANYTHING for you, it will be whatever suits him. You are just dragging it out if he’s a narc and you’re still together. Good luck.
vanessa McClain
This manipulation is a Pity Play.
“You mean they would pack all
their stuff and not leave.”
Are you saying he is doing a pity play?
vanessa McClain
Yes, he wants you to plead with him to stay. He’s trying to manipulate you by exploiting your empathic traits of decency, compassion and guilt. Ignore him.
https://narcsite.com/2017/10/09/a-preventative-hoover/
vanessa McClain
Allow me to elaborate.
Q. Why would he go to that trouble?
A. To assert control, get fuel (to validate his existence) and maintain superiority.
He is trying to exploit your empathic traits of decency, compassion and guilt; he wants you to plead with him to stay. Don’t do it!
So gross. I don’t recall such fanciful promises, but my GP was nearly 7 years ago. I also didn’t realize when you said Magical Thinking in response to question of mine that you literally meant it as a trait of the MMR, which my Narc was/is. Super gross.
Here I was thinking I was the delusional one. LOL
Exactly, what they make you think, guess your own reality.
“We shall not crumble, we shall not fail.” I score really low in this category. You just made me throw up in my mouth. I just wanted kids and pets. Why was it so complicated?
Every thing is complicated with them, I bet he knew you just wanted pets and kids and played right into your wants and needs.
What do you mean. The part of me saying they would really pack up and leave. No, he is leaving but I will keep you all up to date but as of right now, he is removing all his stuff has a uhaul and that is that right now.
My gosh, I hope you have called a locksmith.
For sure change the locks and secure the windows, and then don’t open the door and let him in like my ex friend did.
Vanessa
Please be careful and realize this is not over. He might have a new IPPS and he moved in with her and is in a golden period. You are painted black and will be ignored. But it is not over. Just take care