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4 thoughts on “Divorcing The Narcissist”
H.G., Your references here to “inbuilt emotional empathy” and how that is integral to robust and meaningful conflict resolution (for empaths, normals) within a relationship are providing a moment of clarity. Conflict with exsusN was never resolved and never could have been resolved, precisely because this person simply had no empathy. Yes, all the manipulations used ensured that a conflict would never be mutually resolved; it was the manipulations that invoked an ‘argument’ in the first place. It was the manipulations that made ‘arguments’ out of what was intended (from my POV) to have been mutual, honest communications with intent to resolve. But…I did not and could not see the pointlessness of my conscious intentions, because every time, despite prior behaviour to the contrary (after the first of these ‘arguments’), I was assuming/taking for granted that at base level he had an ability to empathise. I used other terms to try and explain to myself (when alone) this inability to resolve what should have been resolvable between two people in a mutual relationship.; we don’t share ‘core values’ was one of these. But then I couldn’t name what this ‘core value’ supposedly was. I could not name it because empathy is not an effing value’. The first time I semi-consciously realised there might be an issue with empathy was during his disengagement of me; well not during the disengagement itself because I was in shock – precisely owing to the complete absence of empathy and sympathy actually – but in the months following. It rose to consciousness and I immediately stuffed it back down. At that point I was counselling to myself that he felt neither gratitude or remorse, I knew that, but did not understand why. Empathy, or lack thereof, is the answer to that one too.
I am pleased this has provided you with clarity and insight, AnneB.