Why Does The Narcissist Compartmentalise Appliances?
As narcissists we often engage in compartmentalisation. This articles concerns how and why we compartmentalise various appliances in our fuel matrices.
We view our lives as a series of compartments. The compartments are linked and there is an archway from one compartment to another but this archway has been bricked up by us and only we know the secret word that will open up the archway and admit us to the next compartment. You will try and search for an opening so that you may move from one compartment to another but your search will be fruitless. You will rhyme off all the passwords you can think of from ‘open sesame’ through to ‘abracadabra’ but none of them will work. There is a simple reason for that. We want you to stay in your compartment until we come back to it. We do not want you interacting with any of our other compartments because then it makes each area harder for us to control. A greater need for control mean more energy expenditure which will mean that there is less available for me to use to gather fuel and that is not something I can allow to happen.
A blissful domestic set-up will be in one compartment where I play the role of doting husband and caring father. To the external observer who looks in on the scene through the Perspex it appears to be a picture of harmony and good relations. Yet the observer cannot hear the shouting nor listen to your sobs as you are on the receiving end of another tirade. The fearful cries and the scathing admonishments fail to air beyond this compartment. You are not able to escape to another place and reveal what is really going on in this compartment. As soon as I depart to the next one then the brickwork closes behind me with lightning quick speed, trapping you where I want you. Of course I will tell you all about what is happening in the other compartments when I return, so that you will be subjected to tales of my magnificence in the work place and anecdotes about the new ‘friend’ I have in order to create some triangulated jealousy from you.
My work compartment show me as all conquering and masterful yet those that have been subjected to my brutal put downs and suffered from my repeated dumping of work on them as I breeze around town are forbidden from escaping this compartment to pollute the carefully constructed image that I have made for myself.
The members at the golf club who find my boasting odious and have seen me mark down a lower score than that which I had achieved on my score card are unable to blacken my name to my admirers beyond this particular place. Instead I depart the golf club and scurry to the bar where I regale my hangers-on with another story of my five under par round which won the competition. They coo over my success oblivious to what has actually gone on.
Home life, work life, mistress, friends, club, family and more are allotted these compartments. In each one I am a god. I rule supreme able to do as I please so that I can carry forth my stories of heroism into another compartment and there drink deep of their admiring fuel.
I spend much of my time ensuring that the inhabitants of each compartment know about one another, to multiply my fuel of course, but rarely shall I ever allow them to cross paths. This might lead to someone squaring the circle and working out what is behind my carefully orchestrated campaigns of divide and conquer. A must never speak to B who must not be allowed to tell C what really happened. I must maintain my constructed world where these people are little more than dolls in a huge segregated dolls’ house. I put them in poses and play with them so that I can create a scenario by which I can brag to others in the next room about. If they ever escaped and managed to follow me through these archways so they could compare what I have said with what has actually happened I would be truly finished. Sometimes this happens and then the compartment must be set ablaze, scorched from the record and denied an existence. Next time this compartment will be refurbished, repainted and with new dolls put in place. I must control everything around me. Everyone in their place and a place for everyone.
17 thoughts on “Why Does The Narcissist Compartmentalise Appliances?”
Is this compartmentalization true if the narcissist is female?
All narcissists compartmentalise.
Well, his compartments are colliding. I have found the key and opened the door.
I thought it ironic that you wrote about compartmentalization regarding narcs. I recognized he did this years ago and printed out an article about it for him to read. He did not look pleased that I called out that behavior in him. Little did I know at the time I was dealing with a narc.
Thinking back , I called out most of his narc behavior over the years at one time or another, but I was not able to connect the dots to the underlying cause for all of them as a whole. Your work is giving me the ability to do that. Thank you.
Are you putting yourself in harm’s way with all the exposure? Exposure is partially why my ex is on a campaign to ruin me. I’m not saying dont strike, but be careful with when, why, and how you do it.
I’m not 100% sure.
Although I have plenty to expose him, there are also others lending a helping hand in that department which I had nothing to do with.
As far as him ruining me , he’s got nothing on me, and he knows it. My halo shines bright. Certainly he could lie, but what would he do for proof? I have proof to substantiate my claims. He’s fucked.
My only worry will be my financial situation, however, I won’t be left penniless. Most important, I have the support of my family and friends .
I’m trying to be strategic and push him into a corner with nothing but dead ends for him.
I can see his wheels turning when I do or say certain things. He’s trying to figure out how to get around his misdeeds. I’ve got dirt on him in different arenas, and he knows it. He just manages to dig himself deeper and deeper.
Could he snap and physically harm me ? Sure he could, that’s why I want to be sure others are present when the day comes. I won’t confront him alone. At that point hopefully he’ll be blindsided and catching hell from all directions.
Please do not fool yourself. Your halo has nothing to do with his perspective or reality. The smear on you might have already started and the people you think will be there will not.
Also, please keep in mind that you say you will have people there when the time comes. You can not let anyone know your plans…..please trust no one. You do not want confrontation yet that is exactly what youa re planning.
Just disappear. Take all the energy you are putting into getting people there when the day comes and plan that day for you and your kids and leave. Your ET is very high and you are thinking you can get revenge at the time you are leaving. This is very dangerous thinking. I now fear you have told others of your plans and he already knows
Do you have children, pets, or assets together? Or are you just trying to give a narcissist a taste of his own medicine?
I just read KimE’s comment. So you do have children with him? Dont try to run a game with him. However, people say you can not mediate with a narcissist. It’s hard, but it isnt possible. If you are going through a divorce and have “evidence” against him, you want to NOT smear him before mediation or court. The exposure will have to be if he puts you through the court system. Court files are generally open to the public. If you keep what you have on the narcissist on the down low, your attorney can possibly get you what you want, and avoid court. If you smear him before getting what you want, you will lose, and you will just be slinging mud. I have my own dirt on my ex narcissist, and I am pretending I never found it. I know he fought tooth and nail to hide this info from “important people”.
Anm and Kim,
Yes , we share children and they are grown. When I speak of exposing him I mean confronting just him and letting him know the jig is up. I would allude to the dirt I have but not reveal all . I’ll let the attorney do that.
I agree 100% that the dirt I have on him are negotiating tools for a good divorce settlement. He’d be a fool to want to go to trial, I’d shred him to bits. That said most things I’m entitled to are statutory, so no wiggle room for him , it just is .
Exposing him to the masses will come after the divorce is finalized, and not necessarily directly from me. I always think before I jump, and I’ll be certain to examine every possible scenario beforehand.
I do know he’s been smearing me for many years to people who really don’t matter, I’ve never even met them. They know nothing about me other than the fairytales he’s told them.
He goes through these BS phases every few years, smears me , loves me . Psycho.
There’s not a chance in hell I’ll leave the home I’ve raised my children in . He knows that. He knows I would give a stranger the shirt off my back, but don’t mess with me or my children because I’ll pulverize you.
Yes, my ET is still high, and I’m trying to get the proverbial ducks in a row while dealing with that.
I have only shared this information with my most trusted close family, and a few lifelong trusted friends.
We should all get an Oscar for keeping things “ normal “ around him . It makes my family ill too, keeping their mouths shut when they’d love to give him a long hard kick in the arse.
My ET may be high, but if he thinks I’m going to wilt like a dying flower and acquiesce to whatever nonsense he proposes, he can go fuck himself .
Thank you both for your support and advice. It means the world to me.
I wish this blog had a closed private forum so we could all chat in real time. It’s difficult waiting for replies when you’re upset.
Love to you both xx
Tired. Please reread my previous reply. You need to just leave. No hints….no confrontation….no see ya later…..no fuck off and die.
Make a plan and leave.
Your ET is very very high. It does not matter what he thinks of you. YOU THINK OF YOU> You are all that matters.
I dont know if you have talked to HG but please do. Your idea is a misplaced ET mind saying I will not go quietly into the night.
You must go very very quietly. tell NO ONE. It will not be a pleasant experience but you will be alive
I do not by any means mean to make this sound like I am scolding you. But please….you are entering dangerous territory with only your ET. I dont want to see you hurt more menatally and certainly not ever physically. A N losing his IPPS is not to be messed with.
Hugs and smooches
Kim E is correct.
HG. I did not know where to ask this but after this thread I think it is a good place.
Are you taking monthly donations again for AA? I thought you had stopped. If you had stopped will it be starting up again?
I hate to know that people need help and can’t get it because of financial reasons
Hello Kim, thank you for asking. During the pandemic the demand has remained for help and rather than ask on the blog, I have approached certain donors from time to time on a restricted basis to seek help on behalf of those applicants who are in desperate situations. I have therefore run a more ad hoc scheme of when a particularly pressing case has arisen, I have approached those donors, arranged contributions and assisted the applicant, thereafter providing the grateful feedback of the assisted to the donors through emails. Those donors have been most generous as ever. The demand remains and I have had to explain to numerous applicants that availability for assistance has been restricted owing to demand level combined with factoring in the reduced financial circumstances for people to donate given the economic impact of the pandemic. Should people wish to make donations, they will always be gratefully received by those needing help of which there are many waiting, so please do assist if you wish to. Thank you.
I’ve been unemployed since the middle of December, but I will dip into my butter-n-egg money to contribute a portion of a consult fee to Angel Assistance if that’s the only way to get you to talk to HG before you do or say ANYTHING. I don’t know how old your children are, but I am only too familiar with having one parent play me against the other, even as an adult.
We’ve had I think more than the usual number of family murders in the US since lockdown, and some of them involved grown children quarantining with parents, sandwich generation, boomerang college kids etc. People are already stressed-out and crazy, so the less you interact with your soon-to-be ex, the safer you and your kids will be. If you feel at the moment that you’d sacrifice your open safety to tell him off, then at least keep in mind that you won’t be hurting his feelings at all: it’s all fuel. Why should you feed his Narcissism?
Unless you personaly know Katie Holmes’ lawyer dad who helped her escape both Tom Cruise and Scientology, I beg you to.consult HG. Tell us or HG if you need help funding it.
This one rings so many bells for me. We had a time out in our relationship after I challenged my narc on this element of compartmentalisation. I called it a ‘disconnect’. He would come to me and tell me some sad story, giving me to assume he was not himself, and if he was acting strangely it was all due to this issue or struggle he was having. Inadvertently, I got wind of the fact he was ‘Jack the lad’ around the town (so to speak) and I challenged him over that. How could he be struggling while at the same time showing the rest of the world he was in great form? The answer? He was putting on a brave face, and it was one way of dealing with his problems. A form of escape. He had me in a nice little corner, telling me all his problems, and then saw fit to go an have a good time with everyone else. That looked more like an escape from me. All of which I put to him. Oh no. According to him, he was seeing fit to share his deepest and most personal problems with me and therefore I wasn’t showing the necessary amount of appreciation for such a gem of personal information. I couldn’t let go of this bone. And so, true to form, he ended things … temporarily. He had no answer for the challenge I presented, so he just walked away. And the best part was he talked about feeling like he was ‘walking on eggshells’ in his parting speech! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I didn’t take it on board. I knew who the one was that was walking on eggshells, and I never responded to his explanation or departure. Needless to say, I inadvertently kept doors open where he could still engage me. And the love bombing began again.
So, thank you HG for another insightful article in my narc’s behaviour. He had me nice and neatly compartmentalised, and the rest of his life, for quite a while.