The Love Triangle



Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind.

Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour.

For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place.

This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.

This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?

–         It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;

–         We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;

–         It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;

–          It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;

–         It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;

–         It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;

–         It assists the maintenance of our façade.

Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.

Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.

–         The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;

–         The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;

–         The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;

–         You feel that you know us far better than the other person;

–         You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.

These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.

You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?

–         It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;

–         It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.

–         The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.

–         It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.

Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale?

You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,

“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”

Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?

You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –



Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights




Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)


Real Life


Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)

Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy 

Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)

I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.

I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.

33 thoughts on “The Love Triangle

  1. Another Cat says:

    Very thorough description HG.
    Wish I’d known this earlier in life.

    Maybe Monica Lewinsky is also a narc (very wordsallady at times), so that all 3 in that equation were Ns. (I used to feel for both those women, at the same thinking that Bill is empathic. I was had.)

    And Lady Gaga, Irina & Bradley Cooper,

    suspect all 6 I mentioned here are narcs.
    Full saga.

  2. Liza says:

    the worst part of triangulation for me was actually felt after we broke up, and to be honest i inflected it to myself in some manner.

    when we were together, i never doubted him, i never saw him flirt or even pay attention to any other girl, he was verry good at playing the “i have eyes only for you ” act.

    But since my replacement and me live in the same area of the city, i saw her many times in cafes, store ext… and the thing is, she seemed to be free, i often saw her with boys, she seems allowed to talk to whomever she wanted whenever she wanted, and most importantly she was doing things with others while he wasn’t around and even when i see them toghether she seemed relaxed she didn’t seem worried, and all those things i wasn’t “allowed” to do them. Boys can’t talk to me whitout having him interfer and sometimes he just tells people to not talk to me, if i go out with others whtout him he will sulk after and before, and when he is around he sticks to me like a shadow i would be restless all the time.

    Objectively, i know that maybe i don’t see evrything or she is just better than me at putting a good front, but i couldn’t help but feel verry angry at myself, since i know that love has nothing to do with his actions, i spend alot of time feeling stupid and thinking that he was like that with me because may be he thought of me as weak and esay to contol while she was considered strong and he gav up on the idea of controlling her.

  3. lickemtomorrow says:

    OMG, triangulation … I want to kill somebody and I also want to die!

    My worst phucking nightmare and almost every word you say is true.

    I hate that I got suckered into this so many times, but I’ve also written about it which makes me a love devotee …

    I’m team Peeta, btw, and I don’t think Gale was a narc. Peeta was the Yin to Katniss’s Yan. I’ve worked it all out in my head, this relationship dynamic. The untangling via the story was captivating to me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You can fuck the Hunger Games rubbish sky high! That is Battle Royale with cheese.

      1. fox says:

        I almost spit out my coffee with that one, well done HG. (And agreed).

        1. HG Tudor says:


      2. lickemtomorrow says:

        Oh no, never! Why do you think it was rubbish? (Apart from being Battle Royale with cheese …)

        This story reached deep into my soul. I even have a tattoo dedicated to the HG (haha, see what I did there?)

        Let’s see if we can relate this back to narcissism.

        President Snow was a narcissist. Katniss Everdeen was his nemesis.

        She called him out, refused to play his games, and he was toppled.

        What we see in the Hunger Games are the ‘moves and countermoves’ implemented by both the narcissist and his nemesis. It was enthralling to me. And told a very true story. One, I would think, any empath could relate to when confronted with the power of the narcissist to manipulate in order to control.

        When it comes to the triangulated relationship, it also tells a true story. Caught between two loves.

        Katniss did not design the triangulation. President Snow did.

        So, we can excuse any of the triangulated parties from setting it up and being narcissists.

        There. You have my considered answer to the issue of triangulation in the Hunger Games.

        I won’t back down on this one 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It blatantly ripped off Battle Royale and then did so in such a cheesy, contrived manner. No more needs to be stated.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            I haven’t seen Battle Royale, but had heard of it and looked it up online today.

            (Not everything is about narcissism ;))

            Anyway, the minute I read what it was about I thought “surely this is a rip off”.

            Then I found a comparison piece on both stories to see what, if any, the differences might be.

            Here you go:


            Having said that, and having read more about Battle Royale, I can see where someone could have a very different opinion to mine. So, I will shut up now.

            Oh, just before I do, this is my tattoo 🙂


        2. WhoCares says:


          “Another Star Wars fan! Definitely feeling like I’m in the wilderness on the Hunger Games 😛 I love it enough not to care, though xox”

          Nooo, LET – you’re not in the wilderness on this…I just wasn’t brave enough the first time around to admit I like The Hunger Games too.

          I cried my eyes out the first time because it’s children involved. The next time I watched them, I just needed to see some kick-assery to distract me from some of my own problems!

          Speaking of kick-assery – I just started watching John Wick for the first time – for the same reason: to distract me from some of the stupidity in my court case!

          It worked.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            WC, love that you love the HG, too 😉

            To prove it I got a tattoo! LOL.

            Definitely tapped into the emotions and the death of Rue required a tissue box 🙁

            Katniss provided the kick-assery necessary and it was the only way to get through the movie. No fightback, no film x

            Sorry to hear you are needing a distraction from your Court case … it must be tough going sometimes and I came across an old comment of ANM’s yesterday which made me realize how bad it can get. Truly shocking, and I hope you are able to navigate as necessary. I know you were worried about suggestions around access.

            I watched the first John Wick, but that was a while ago. I do remember plenty of kick-assery 🙂 Whatever it takes, WC <3

          2. Asp Emp says:

            LET ” plenty of kick-assery” 😉

          3. WhoCares says:


            I hear you on the character of Rue and that scene is particularly memorable.

            I saw the link to your tatt; very cool.

            Anm’s story is definitely incredible, I hope she checks in some time soon.

            Thank-you for the supportive words regarding court. I actually am not going to comment much on it except to say that I am currently self-representing, the matter got adjourned and I received a compliment from the judge. I never received a compliment from a judge before. I was so shocked I couldn’t even say thank-you. But I know that I was not nervous, that I presented as calm, collected and articulate – if determined.

            A lot of the reason why I presented as I did is because of HG’s work. My emotional thinking is low and the logic is there. Plus, I can better, and more quickly, discern who I am speaking whether they be Empath or Narcissist. I know that my ex’s lawyer is a narcissist and I didn’t bite any of the hooks from him although there were provocational digs made at me. And I am fairly certain that the judge had emotional empathy, as I felt I was talking to a human being, who was actually attempting to look at both the evidence and the perspectives of all involved. Plus, he told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear.

            Empaths are already fairly good at engaging in perspective taking – but with our learning here, it’s enhanced.
            I just wanted to say, HG, what a gift you have given us – your work provides us with a missing piece of the puzzle that, without it, we would be forever scratching our heads.

          4. lickemtomorrow says:

            WC, you sound like you had it all in hand, as much as that is possible, and it’s good to know you had a responsive Judge. They would be dealing with lawyers day in and day out and know their game, you just have to hope one is not a narcissist who aligns themselves with the narcissist ex.

            Telling you what you needed to hear. Those words are very specific. It’s different to what you wanted to hear, so somehow they have clarified something for you even though it may not have been aligned with your thinking. I hope whatever it is, it is beneficial to you and your son <3

            HG has given us all something impossible to replace, which is the narcissistic perspective. And not only that, but a means to understand and deal with it. It is a gift to get that missing piece of the puzzle and we are very fortunate to be here for that reason xox

          5. WhoCares says:

            Thank-you LET 💜.

            “Telling you what you needed to hear. Those words are very specific. It’s different to what you wanted to hear, so somehow they have clarified something for you even though it may not have been aligned with your thinking.”

            You read between the lines there for sure.
            He told me what I am at risk of. He told me what he would do if he were the deciding judge. (He wasn’t going to be making a decision that day, as it was a conference.) Therefore, he gave me valuable information to move forward with – which is what I needed.

            As for a narcissist judge?
            Always a risk factor.

          6. lickemtomorrow says:

            WC 🙂

            That Judge sounds very helpful in terms of letting you know what to expect. That is valuable information to have going forward and it sounds like he’s on Team WC <3

            Very happy you got what you needed xo

          7. WhoCares says:

            LET – Thank-you 💙

          8. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, I hope that the case goes your way and that it is easier as a process for you. It is good that you are here and have obtained HG’s advice to assist you 🙂

            The John Wick film series are good. I enjoyed those.

          9. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            Thank-you. I think I may have arrived at the outer limits of it going my way. I do believe it was advantageous for me to self- represent though, weirdly enough. Because the judge could see (for himself) that I am not the individual that my ex paints me to be. What better way to see this than to talk directly to me?

            I am partway through the second John Wick film. I may just save the rest of them for *after* court.

          10. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, hot damn, you’re a brave lass, representing yourself. You go girl! It is really positive and constructive that you have a judge that ‘sees’.

            LOL, RE: you deferring to ‘judging’ John Wick films.

            All the best for your case, WhoCares x

          11. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            Thank-you 💙

            Self-representing wasn’t my first inclination. The lawyers I wanted either have a conflict or are oversaturated with clients at the moment (two local lawyers in a row closed their practices and had to redistribute their clients). So, I had two choices: desperately find any lawyer, or commit to self-representing as best I know how.

            I am not desperate.

    2. Asp Emp says:

      LET, I loved it! “phucking”. Ah, bless you, you made me laugh with that one word.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Haha, AspEmp, believe it or not that was a habit of the last narc which was his way of being polite when swearing. I obviously carried it over in the short term once we ended our relationship. So interesting to have that brought to my attention.

        Glad I could make you laugh 😉

        You’ve brought a number of my older comments to my attention and I thank you for that. Revisiting the Hunger Games is always a bonus for me, though I’m sure HG would not agree, and it’s also valuable to see our trajectory on the site as we keep moving forward. I will need to respond to a comment you made in relation to that as well xox

        1. Asp Emp says:

          LET, thank you for your response. I still love that word 🙂 I’m with HG on this one RE: Hunger Games, it’s Star Wars all the way for me and it was good to re-read what I had to say about my dad’s Jaguar. I vaguely recall the smell of the leather interior. My dad was the ‘f’ type of guy too (LOL).. You’re doing really well here too x

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp 🙂

            Another Star Wars fan! Definitely feeling like I’m in the wilderness on the Hunger Games 😛 I love it enough not to care, though xox

            Oh my gosh, I loved the story about your dad’s Jaguar and it stuck with me ever since. That vague recollection must mean a lot to you, as well as the memory of him being the ‘f’ type of guy, too 😛 I’m going to guess in many way you are a lot like him <3

            Doing great yourself, AspEmp xox

          2. Asp Emp says:

            LET, yes, I think the overall experience of Leicester Square Odeon and the sounds of the film, LOL, Chewbacca’s ‘communication’, I can vaguely remember hearing it.

            Yup, I am my father’s daughter, indeed 🙂

            I have watched Hunger Games, I don’t ‘boo’ it, but give me Yoda any day 🙂 xx

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, it’s funny how I experience other people’s parents here through them. Often it’s with a description, of course, but I think you carry that sense of your father with you. They are happy memories and you speak of him with affection. That’s one way people live on after they are gone <3 I sometimes sense HG's father here, and I've said it before, especially when it comes to the teaching aspect. I think HG has purloined character traits from his father which benefit us 🙂 That thought also makes me very sentimental for some reason. It's an ET raising moment for me, so I'll 'deflect' by saying I'm glad you don't 'boo' the Hunger Games 🙂 You can keep Yoda xox Did you know Daniel Craig played a cameo part as a stormtrooper in Star Wars: The Force Awakens? 😉

          4. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you for your words RE: my father. I agree on your observation RE: HG inheriting his father’s teaching characteristics, no doubt, it is something that HG has ‘honed’ to a much higher skill level. That’s a good ‘deflection’, LET 🙂 I knew that you’d somehow fit your ‘boyfriend’ into this, you know quite a bit about what he does 😉 I could listen to Yoda for hours, while at the same time having to decipher his ‘language’ (LOL) 😉 So, if Daniel is no longer doing James Bond, do you think he’ll carry on acting? 🙂

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            Haha, AspEmp, gotta give the boyfriend some airtime now that his career may be flagging 😛

            Not true! He will definitely carry on acting and was due to perform Macbeth on Broadway in January. I’ve been meaning to Google my guy to see if the show was able to go on after Omicron (sigh). Maybe they had to delay it, but for some reason I was surprised to see him performing on stage. I tend to forget a lot of these actors also enjoy performing live. One bonus would be the accolades they receive after every performance, unlike the cinema where they don’t get to hear the applause, maybe only at the Premiere.

            I’m sure he’ll be on the big screen again some time soon <3 x

          6. Asp Emp says:

            LET, LOL, poor Daniel 😉

            I had absolutely no idea that he is ‘Macbeth’ in the play. Yes, it was ‘delayed’, along with everything else !! I am sure he’ll be good in that role. So, are you planning on having a gander by and watch the play? BTW, have you seen the drama ‘The Mother’ (2003)? He could put a few screws in for you 😉

          7. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, my bad, I got the dates wrong and Macbeth is due to open in the Spring. I knew it was sometime in the new year. Definitely get on a plane to NY if the Tinder Swindler is offering 😛 Otherwise, I’m going to have to miss my date with destiny <3

            I have not seen "The Mother", looked it up and not sure I'd like to see it. Although I'm sure DC plays the part well. LOL to the 'screws' reference x

          8. Asp Emp says:

            LET, LOL about the ‘free’ plane ride suggestion. You can always contact Daniel directly? You never know 😉

            I understand what you mean RE: The Mother film. It’s quite good, he is only acting in the role. You get to see him 😉 And, if I recall correctly, he’s brandishing a nail gun too 😉

          9. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp 🙂

            Yes, I think Daniel should know I would like to see his ‘show’ and he can definitely afford a plane ticket for me to meet him there <3 He's no 'swindler', and I doubt he's on Tinder 😛 I'll just have to wait and see if there's a way to make my dreams come true x

            Ooohh, I'm always happy to see a little more of Daniel 😉 His blue eyes are the best part. I could look into those eyes all day long (sigh). Brandishing a nail gun you say? He sounds dangerous … x

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