Both Dr O and Dr E (the good doctors) repeatedly like to ask me about my childhood. I do not like to talk about it. I tell them that I do not like to and the reason for that is that I do not remember much about it and therefore I feel uncomfortable talking about something which I do not feel in control of. Everyone is like that though aren’t they? If you are making a presentation but you only have half the material, you feel uncomfortable don’t you? I you are asked a question by somebody but you do not have all the information to hand, you feel uneasy. I explained that was my response and that it was an entirely understandable one. I’m not telling them the real reason behind my recalcitrance. Not a chance.

Unfortunately, Dr O then gets the bit between her teeth in one of our sessions and decides she would like to talk to me about family.

“Who has pinched your bagel this week then? Your brother or your sister?” I shot back seeking to deflect her. She ignored my remark and pressed on.

“Is there anybody in your immediate family you would like to discuss with me?” she asked.



Where do I start ? Why would I want to talk about people I rarely bother with (save my brother)? Why is it that these people assume that I have some overriding desire to discuss a group of people who I am related to but have nothing in common with? What is the obsession?

I remained silent.

“Okay, how about I choose a family member and you tell me three things that you like about them and three things that you do not like about them. Just as something to start our conversation?” she suggested.

I remained silent.

“How about your mother?” she asked and looked at me expectantly.

I got up and left the room. I’m not playing that game with Dr O. No way.

36 thoughts on “Matrinarc

  1. MB says:

    HG, In families, does the scapegoat and the golden child shift owing to black and white thinking, or are those positions static in the dynamic? Apologies as I’m sure this is answered before.

      1. MB says:

        Brilliant! Thank you for the link HG. I’ve read this one before and certainly remember the cute picture, but the content didn’t sink it before. It’s a good example of why the articles repeat. No matter how many times you read them, there’s always something new that will resonate.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed MB, you are welcome and I am pleased it has assisted you.

  2. DrHouse says:

    Nice blouse HG.

  3. HealingFromNarcAbuse says:

    Would you kindly remove my name on the post I just made under the article you wrote called “Matrinarc” that you published this month (July)? It hasn’t been approved yet so I hope that my mistake can be stopped before you publish/approve it. You can change the author to: HealingFromNarc

    Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Name has been changed.

  4. DrHouse says:

    How many % of the psychological staff are narcs?
    Like 2 out of 10 or what is your experience? And do they spot you instantly?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The number would start at the baseline of 1 in 6, although experience suggests a higher incidence owing to it being a hunting ground, 1 in 4.
      No, they do not.

      1. MB says:

        “The number would start at the baseline of 1 in 6” In my field research (workplaces and family), this is an accurate number. Nearly exact.

  5. DrHouse says:

    How real are the Dr/s with you?
    I’ve seen many overachieving wankers in this field. Do you feel they are trying to help you genuinely or are you a Guinea pig for them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      One is, one is not.

      1. Eternity says:

        Dr O means well and Dr E is one your kind is that right?

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. Contagious says:

            HG, I believe you don’t see a difference between BPD and Narc but do you think your mother fears your abandonment of her?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I recommend you listen to the video “The Borderline” so you have a correct understanding of my position.

          3. Witch says:

            I don’t think it’s ever really a fear of abandonment, it’s more like resentment, hatred and rage due to threatening the narcissists control by not having contact with them.

  6. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I would’ve asked for an easier question 🤣
    With that ridiculous doozy, I would need to phone a friend, use the 50/50 option and ask for more think music
    That’s just about as stupid as ‘where you see yourself in 5 years time’ ? ….. at my age, probably dead 😂
    I really wonder about these psychs, they always end up insulting one’s intelligence
    We end up there because of other peoples disgusting behaviour

    I say, good on you !
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  7. blackcoffee30 says:

    That hit a nerve.

    Anyhow, I’ll do it.

    3 Things I Do Not Like About My Mother

    1. Prone to flights of fancy.
    2. Uneducated and without a desire to be educated.
    3. Has explosive emotions. (If I’m honest, me too.)

    3 Things I Love About My Mother

    1. She loves me unconditionally.
    2. She is proud of me.
    3. She is most caring, was and is always taking in stray children, military service members, homeless, basically anyone who wants some love and a hot meal.

  8. Empath007 says:

    I more read this as you did not want to be put in the position of giving any information away since your mom is so highly involved in the therapy and likely findings ways to breach confidentiality to get information she wants. Being a narc yourself you know there are spies and you’re too intelligent to play that game. Just given the nature of how you describe yourself I can’t imagine it had much to do with potentially feeling vulnerable and more to do with asserting control.

  9. Eternity says:

    HG, have you ever told your mom that she is a Narcissist or is she self aware ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No and no.

      1. Eternity says:

        Thank you and Thank you !

  10. lickemtomorrow says:

    I imagine this would be a major breach of your defences.

    And I’m sure Dr.O. knows that.

    It would be like handing her a ladder to scale those walls.

    It could only happen when you allow it to happen, HG.

    And I’m assuming you’re not making plans for that right now.

  11. About the eyes says:

    I don’t like to talk about my family either. But that is because father/mother/sister were/are narcissists. So there is nothing good to tell.

    1. HealingFromNarc Abuse says:

      I can’t figure out any good qualities my narc parents have unless it is something that has nothing to do with their character. For instance my narc mother is a great seamstress. My father is good at gardening.

  12. MidwesternEmpath says:

    HG, I was married to a narc for 42 years until he died in February of this year. Didn’t know anything about narcissism until after his death, then I found your site after discovering evidence of his final affair 2 months after he passed. I have since discovered that he lived a double life for our entire marriage — serial cheating, gambling, lying his way through our marriage and our life. Reading your blog and your books has explained my life, and I thank you for that. This topic that you’re writing about today is one that I know a lot about because of my marriage. My husband’s family was always central in our life, so I have had 42 years to observe them in action. I’m positive that my narc’s mother was the source of his narcissism. His family was dysfunctional to the extreme. My husband was one of 12 children (he was #3); they are all a mess because of their upbringing. None of them ever truly overcame their childhood. I had deluded myself into thinking that his family’s dysfunction had somehow magically passed my husband by because of his relationship with me. I was wrong. He was as much of a mess as everyone else in his family, but his talent was that he was excellent at hiding it from all of us in his “real” everyday life. I hope one day you are able to discuss your family with the good doctors because that is the source of your narcissism. I hope you can heal your pain. The information you provide in your blog is lifesaving and eye-opening to us empaths. You deserve to find the explanation for your life, just as your blog has provided the explanation for mine and everyone else who is here.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Welcome MWE and I am pleased to see that my work has proven of particular assistance to you.

      Your kind sentiments are appreciated. Keep reading and you will make sense of it all, there is a wealth of unrivalled material and assistance provided through the articles, the content in the Knowledge Vault and the consultations.

  13. DrHouse says:

    Hg, did you personally choose those doctors?
    Are they privately payed or is this part of a mandate?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Partially. Privately.

  14. Violetta says:

    “Okay, how about I choose a family member and you tell me… three things that you do not like about them….How about your mother?”

    “Ah! ma’am, but there may be a difficulty. Pardon me—but you will be limited as to number—only three at once.”

    – Jane Austen, Emma

  15. Stonewalled says:

    It kinda sounds like doctor O had the power there? Although at the time, maybe you felt you did. I think walking out communicates quite powerfully something you can’t say with words (mum is your Achilles heel perhaps?). What do you think would happen if you retrieved those memories you have buried?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have not done so, hence it is redundant to speculate.

      1. Contagious says:

        We consulted and you were incisive. I think I am dealing with BPD mother and son. I had a professional say so. There seems to be more “empathy” or some there in him, less IPSS and no others perhaps a friend or two. VERY isolated both. My husband claims that the narc behavior has to do in “fears of abandonment.” This is what he says. He does not use the term narc. But his behaviors at time are wrong. I threw my husband out a year ago. Or more. Boundaries. I have a great life. But I want to understand. No real contact but $$$ is an issue for divorce. I finally decided it’s a piece of paper. I have a post nup. I am dating and open. But…He hacks and sends love songs. Begs me to never leave him yet he lives with his 100% BPD mum. He wants the marriage while living with mum. It’s a Norman bates situation. He says “negative thoughts circle his head,” smokes weed in uk a lot, he never leaves me.. ever… hacks me no matter how many times I make technological changes. He says he “fears rejection.” Yet he will lives with mum… but never let’s go. Not one day in 7 years. I feel bad for him but try set boundaries. Say we can be friends. He is “trapped “ he says. You consulted me. Both “ narcs.” I was told by your test…mainly a contagion empath but would love more articles on the subject. A bit of martyr, super, standard and geyser too. But would BPD change things if true? A different way of understanding? Handling? They don’t fit the mold. I wonder if you wrote on BPD?

        1. Contagious says:

          You told me both mid rangers but him a talented one or something like that. Probably his artistic achievements. Poem in Roald Dahl musuem, short with Ben Kingsley and once cricket commenter for BBC. I love his creative mind but could not live with him. His mum a big problem. Big

        2. HG Tudor says:

          See the video The Borderline.

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