Puppet On A String



Becky (an ex girlfriend) would turn to me and some times say,

“I just feel like your puppet at times.”

I had to look the other way because I wanted to laugh. My nickname for her was poppet. She loved me calling her that. I used it straight away when we first met. It was actually a useful device as the other lady I was seeing, Susan, received that nickname from me too, but she was on the way out. It meant I could call them both poppet and not mix up their names with the invariable histrionics that would ensue. God, I am good.

What Becky had not realised that my calling her poppet was a corruption of puppet and every time I used it I would be laughing inwardly and beaming outwardly. She thought I was just smiling because I was pleased to be with her.

That is what it is all about. Making you my puppet. This is my aim. This is the means to my end of obtaining my fuel from you. As you will no doubt becoming familiar with, the means always justifies the end. Accordingly, by ensuring you become my puppet I am in the optimum position to control you to extract every drop of fuel I can from you.

I need to control you so that you admire me when I want it. I need to control you so that I can pull the strings and make you jerk to my tune. I am the puppetmaster.

To make you my puppet I engage on a two-pronged approach. Firstly, I make you utterly dependent on me. I open the doors and let you look upon heaven. That way you are in awe of what I can give you and you want it, oh you really, really want it. Secondly, I will then remove every method of support both real and potential that you might rely on to try and recover your free will (family, friends, colleagues and so on – I will be posting about how I do this through my slur campaign in a separate post) so that you have nobody to turn to. Thus, as you look on heaven entranced and enraptured, I am opening the trapdoor to hell right under your feet.

Once I have those strings attached to you we can begin our dance. It is long. It is exhausting. It is dangerous.

52 thoughts on “Puppet On A String

  1. Asp Emp says:

    Wowed by the comments on this thread. Came across KTN website by chance. Read a lot on NPD.

    Confirmed by a good, knowledgeable friend that I’m not narcissistic, not crazy, not at fault for being ‘sucked’ in, not to blame for the direction my mental health went, followed by the emotional quagmire (that horses & cows used as a toilet) which led to impact on physical health. I’ve had major rants, still not quite depleted of the anger (how dare he type of anger).

    I’ve only ever had around 5 ‘plutonic supernova’ moments in my life time – they’re not pleasant for me to do but necessary. An empath can actually become the narcissist’s narcissist, I don’t do the mind games but FFS it’s gonna cause the supernova to finally erupt.

    I came across empaths upon finding out more about these naughty boys (and girls!). I’m delighted to learn that I’m actually a good un.

    LOL. Better stop here before a particular white desk gets dents in it 😉

    1. truthseeker6157 says:

      Hello Asp Emp,

      Welcome to the blog! I’m sorry to hear that you have been through such a bad time, but I am very glad you found your way here. This is the place.
      Read as much as you can, it will help you to fully understand what happened to you and why. Reading HG’s material will help you feel better as your understanding increases.
      Ask questions where you need to. HG answers many questions himself, or, you will see other readers feed in with their experiences. The combination of both makes a huge difference.
      Ha! Yes, I expect that white desk has some dents in it by now! HG is very good in allowing us to build our own relationships here as empaths. Understanding more about empaths and meeting others that see the world very much as I do has been invaluable in terms of understanding myself better and also in helping me feel more like myself again.

      I’m very glad you found your way here Asp Emp.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hello truthseeker6157, thank you so much for your words. I do understand what happened & why. I am still learning new things as I read HG’s post as they arrive. I only came across this 2 weeks ago (also learning about empaths!). Hence my saying the anger has not yet been depleted – it helps greatly to read through posts & comments. The comments give different aspects but the “principles” remain the same.

        Ah bless HG for providing everyone this ‘space’ to permit such sharing of experiences / opinions – from both narcissistics and non-narcissistics (I say that because there are loads of different personality traits in people and yet they get “compartmentalised” by scientists). Yet everyone is an individual, some nicer than others. But, hey, that’s life.

        As for narcissistics, you either end up hating them all in general, or just the ones that affected you directly (or rather, indirectly!). You can only hate or love them.

        Me – now that I know more, I can have friendships with them as long as they do not use or abuse me for selfish purposes. As for relationships (crossing the line of ‘friendhsips’), ask me again, in time.

        I know why I attract them. Also why I get attracted to them. I share the idiosyncratic sense of humour that some narcs possess. It provides me with ‘fuel’ for feeling good.

        There may a few that I met and they actually could see that I may be able to ‘spot’ them for what they are and they tend to start the ‘deflecting’ but sometimes that does not work and they may as well tell me from the start. This could actually be a really good friendship (mutual understanding is important at this point). Then neither party would feel “threatened” by the other.

        It’s not only friendships, relationships – you can meet them at work too. It’s a real pain in the backside when the majority at work are narcs. That is another blog discussion point.

        Maybe it’s my Emotional Thinking that has not yet been mastered?

        BTW, how do you know the desk is in fact white?

        1. truthseeker6157 says:

          Asp Emp,

          I know the desk that HG runs the blog from is white because the information is included in the knowing H.G. series as part of the Clue-hunter package. It centres around HG’s own story, his childhood, and characters that have been instrumental in forming the person that he is. There are clues to unravel and lots to learn. You can find out more if you click on the Cluehunters option in the Knowledge vault.

          As far as your emotional thinking goes I would recommend taking your time and reading each article that is posted as you have been doing. Much of the information that you might have read before arriving here might well be inaccurate and misleading, Come at it with a fresh pair of eyes if you can. Read the articles and question if you need to. Then if you think further information is needed make use of the books and knowledge bulletins in the knowledge vault to supplement. As Empaths, we are addicted to narcissists. Emotional Thinking will do everything it can to feed this addiction and thus keep us in a position where we are interacting with the narcissist or, in some cases narcissists. It isn’t about being crazy emotional in itself, it is the failure to use logic and make logical decisions.

          The books ‘Fuel’ and ‘Sex and the Narcissist’ are both excellent starting points. Many questions are answered in those two books alone and your understanding will leap forward. HG will always direct you to supplementary material if you request it. Some might be additional blog articles, some might be from the Knowledge Vault. I can guarantee any question you have, no matter how bizarre you fear it is, will be answered here. It will be answered entirely honestly and without judgement from either HG or the other blog readers. This is an entirely safe place for us to learn, heal and grow. HG ensures that is the case.

          If you are interested in finding out more about your own Empathic nature, the Empath Detector Consultation is a fantastic way to do this. Many of us have taken the EDC and it is a game changer. I can highly recommend it!

          I hope this helps in getting you started. All of the readers here are incredibly friendly. I’m sure you will love the blog 😊

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you. Much appreciated.

  2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Reminds me of Sandy Shaw’s song “Puppet on a String”
    I always make sure I have a pair of scissors ✂️ in my handbag
    Good story
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  3. About the eyes says:

    My father called everybody, his wife, his female children and other females “sister”. He never called them by their real names.

  4. truthseeker6157 says:


    Is it your intention to make the IPPS into a puppet from the very start of the relationship? Or, during infatuation you are hoping that you will not have to do that?

    Did you make changes to the site? I can’t appear to use my gravatar to comment. I can no longer see my posts awaiting moderation in the usual way.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes. No.


      1. truthseeker6157 says:

        Ha ha.

        Thank you.

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear truthseeker,
          Whilst you’re here, how did you go with Mel Robbins ?
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. truthseeker6157 says:



            I really liked her. I’m going to try it. The gyms open here this weekend. I’m out of the habit, I love the gym, but I need to get back into it. School holidays aren’t great timing wise. Noel Gallagher said that the toughest part of going to the gym is putting his kit on. Pretty wise words for a Manchester lad. Hopefully the 5 second rule will get me into my kit. Then I’m golden ha ha!

            Thank you for recommending. Interestingly HG mentions a similar concept in one of his audio packages. Is there no end to that man’s talent?

            I liked her Bubbles,
            Thank you again xx

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest truthseeker,
            Excellent, that’s a good start lovely
            I think I need 10 seconds, everything I do seems to take a bit longer 😂
            Just keeping pushing 🏋🏻‍♀️
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          3. truthseeker6157 says:

            Ha ha Bubbles,

            Shall we have a little cup of tea first then count?!

          4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest truth,
            We could count together over an Aperol spritz, mucho betta 🤣
            Luv Bubbles xx

    2. alexissmith2016 says:

      TS re point 2 I haven’t been able to see mine for over a year now.

      1. truthseeker6157 says:


        I think it’s a gmail issue. They seem obsessed with asking me to change my passwords. When I do, for a short time, things seem to drop out.
        I replied to HG last night but couldn’t see the reply in moderation. So it played on my mind. I’m always careful to reply to people if they are courteous enough to reply to me. Just one of my sticking points. Unmade beds is another ha ha.

        How’s you Alexis? Still doing well? Caught some of your posts on another thread, didn’t want to interrupt. You talk a lot of sense x

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          Awww thanks TS. Yes I miss very many replies as they don’t come through on WordPress? All very well thanks. How are you doing?Lovely of you to say. All conversations are open to anyone the more the merrier! Feel free to chip in xx

          1. Fiddleress says:

            Hi Alexis

            So I’ll chip in: I love the expression “the more the merrier”.
            We say “The more loonies, the merrier”, which suits me!

            Glad to know all is well with you.

          2. truthseeker6157 says:

            I read that Alexis, and for some reason got this really clear image of HG sitting in his moderating chair, just banging his head slowly on his white desk whilst growling ‘No more! No more!’
            Thank you, I’m feeling much better. Had a wobble a week ago. My ET shot up, but luckily for me it seems to fall fast too. I’m all over the blog reading the comments and analysing the articles. It’s making a big difference. Something to focus on so my mind doesn’t wander and replay too much. I just love the readers as well. Feels like a social gathering where I actually like everyone in the room!
            I’m glad we get to have the social side too. I think we pull away from people when we are hurt. Coming here bridges that gap until we are ready to face people properly again.

          3. Hahahah TS, yes imagine he banging his head at some of the conversations which go on here.

            Oh no! Why what happened a week ago? No need to say if it affects your ET though. Glad your ET falls fast that certainly helps. The blog is great and like you, I feel it’s so healthy on the blog with so many likeminded individuals. Lockdown had been amazing in that respect a pretty much narc free heaven. You’re right about pulling away from people when we’re hurt but I find that rather healthy too. Xx

          4. truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Alexis,

            Two weeks ago I received a message from the narcissist via Facebook messenger. We had never exchanged or communicated via Facebook. I did not expect to hear from him as I assumed he had disengaged when he deleted our means of communication. He contacted me shortly after I deleted my own account on the same app. A change. Prompted him to act.

            I thought about it for a week. It threw me into a tailspin, I felt I needed to respond and put a proper end to things. Same as I would with anyone else. I dipped a long way down after having previously felt much better.
            HG caught the emotional thinking in full flight when I commented on ‘A Preventative Hoover.’ He pointed out the errors in my thinking, then again when I bristled and stood my ground. Empath 007 too, gentler, as she would be, but saying the same as HG. I fessed up to having received a message from my narcissist and agreed not to respond.

            Once I reluctantly agreed to ignore the message, the decision made, I started to feel better. Indecision fuels ET I think, because you get caught in a downwards spiral of replays and re analysing. It took 48 hours for the full fog to clear and I’ve steadily been feeling clearer since. Now I agree, ET held the reigns and I genuinely couldn’t see it for myself. Now I do though. Fortunately HG likes to win. One to HG, zero to my narcissist ha ha.

          5. alexissmith2016 says:

            Awww that’s great! You’re the winner to TS! HG gives fantastic advice but we don’t always follow it – you did! and you should be proud of yourself and recognise it was you who did it.

            You’re so right indecision and uncertainty fuel our ET. I always feel better once I’ve made my mind up.

            Bloody well done! I’ll drink to that!!

            After all HG think’s I’m an alchy anyway!

          6. truthseeker6157 says:


            Thank you, that’s very sweet of you to say x.

            Drinking, that’s another thing! I’ll have a glass of wine but at the moment, I stop. I can’t trust myself to not do something stupid if I have a few drinks. So I can’t even get hammered! 😂

          7. alexissmith2016 says:

            Definitely a good idea not to get hammered if you think you may do something silly.

        2. Fiddleress says:

          Hi truthseeker

          Just taking this opportunity to ask if you have seen my reply to your question about my being triangulated with a fridge story?
          I am so damn proud of this story, I’d love to know that you have read it, haha!

          1. truthseeker6157 says:


            No! I haven’t read it! I’m losing some threads in my gmail. Where did you post it please?
            I responded to your answer about the French culture of men having mistresses last night but that one didn’t post. Been having a few gmail issues and it knocks everything out of whack. Thank you for replying, I wasn’t sure about the cultural thing, I knew it used to be that way but wasn’t sure if it is now. I’m glad things are changing and the next generation coming through are turning towards our own more traditional shared values ☺️You and I are definitely in the same camp there. I have no issue with open relationships if both parties are equally content. It’s just not for me.
            Bubbles and I have decided to go to Hawaii by the way. I might try a nudist beach first though apparently they are not all that. You are very welcome to join us, ha ha.

            Point me towards the fridge please, this I have to read!

          2. Fiddleress says:

            Thanks for the invitation to Hawaii, count me in!
            Nudist beach, huh? Well, I have always dreamt of getting a full suntan, and on both sides too…

            As for the cheating thing, my brother is in his late 40’s and I am pretty sure he and his wife have never cheated on each other; they have been together since 1993. Both normals.
            Because I didn’t trust French men in particular (though I have dated some – very few), I went for Scottish (not narcissists, I don’t think) English, German, and latest and last narc (Fridgeman, the worst and craziest of the lot): half-French/half-American.
            My problem has been 1. not being capable of having a normal relationship (I fled one when I was younger, because the lack of passion/drama felt so alien to me. I have regretted it bitterly since) and 2. my addiction to narcissists is sooo strong that whatever the nationality, I went for them, mostly. Or they came for me.

            Now I have, erm, let’s say 50 years, ahead of me, to meet an empath, or someone very empathetic!

        3. Fiddleress says:

          P.-S: My reply re The Fridge is with the article “Should I Get in Touch With the Narcissist?”

          I too try to make sure I reply to people, when I see their comments. It may not be a case of people not being courteous, but a case of not being notified of replies.

          As for not seeing the replies in moderation, this is the case for me on my laptop, but I can see them on my PC. Odd.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            I just read it Fiddleress. You poor thing! Utterly bizarre on the face of it but now we understand more it was exactly as you said, withholding of attention in expectation of a hurt or angry response from you.
            I love the fact you stayed and read a book. I think I’d have left. Staying was much better. I’m starting to understand behaviours like that now, mostly due to reader comments I think. I read about triangulation and really don’t think I’d be too susceptible to it, like you. I’m imagining it more as if I was living with someone though. If I wasn’t, and it was more dating as with the fridge, that would irritate. I wouldn’t think it was down to me. I wouldn’t think I wasn’t sexy enough or something like that. I’m not overly confident in that respect but I’m not sensitive either. I think it would just aggravate me more than anything. So it would garner some fuel, but not much.
            Triangulated with a fridge. It’s just classic! No where else but here would you ever here those words! You are a cool customer Fiddleress. A damn cool customer !
            Thank you for redirecting me there. No way I would have read that and not commented x

          2. Fiddleress says:

            Yes, I thought you probably hadn’t seen my reply. No problem.
            I understood it was triangulation when I read about it here. But like you, I am not susceptible to it. He never got negative fuel from me, this must have driven him mad. Actually yes, it did, especially round the end. As I said, useless appliance me.

            But now this story is forever linked to the quote from that book (you may have seen my other post about it, just underneath the fridge story, about him saying he was a ‘whore’). It just makes me laugh now.

          3. truthseeker6157 says:

            It’s a strange thing, since having the bond with the narc, I look at relationships with normal people and think the same as you did. That it’s too calm / boring. That can’t be true though because actually out of the 4 serious relationships I’ve had, only one, really messed me up. I suspect another ex might have been at least very narcissistic but I’m not convinced he was a narcissist necessarily. So two were definitely non narc. Those relationships were good at the time. I didn’t feel as though something was missing, I wasn’t bored. The relationships just ran their course.
            I do know exactly what you mean though. I think we are too soon out of the narcissist’s influence to see that clearly. Logically, there is no reason why a relationship couldn’t be exciting and passionate with a non narcissist. I think perhaps the drug has not left our system yet.

            As for an empath. Honestly, I have only ever interacted properly with one empath other than my dad, who I would describe as a far better empath than me, but unaware.

            I met this particular empath in Starbucks in Charleston after a car nearly reversed into me as I was walking across the car park! It was a chance meeting. He held the door for me, had seen the car incident and we began chatting waiting in line. It was very strange, a ‘time stood still’ moment! We chatted for an hour as if we had always known each other. He was the person that told me what I was. I had never heard of an empath before that encounter.

            I listened, he was truly magnetic. Just, good! I didn’t sense any bad in this person at all. He was American, I couldn’t describe him to you, other than he was very tall. He didn’t chat me up. It wasn’t a conversation like that. An hour later we went our separate ways, that was that. Shortly after I started researching.

            Weird stuff happens to me a lot, but that was good weird ha ha.
            Long story short, I think a normal or an empath is the way forward!

          4. Fiddleress says:

            Truthseeker, that was an interesting story, you meeting that person.
            It just made me think of the very first time I met the last narcissist: we spoke for two hours, I didn’t think he was chatting me up, and I did not sense any bad in him. And this was only the second instance in my life when I had been wrong about sensing or failing to sense somthing in people. If I had never seen him again, I would have kept a fond memory of that meeting.
            I do not mean to say that you may have got it wrong! I am just curious to know, if you can describe it, what are the indicators, for you, that there is no bad in a person?

            I’d be interested to hear from others’ experiences too!

          5. Empath007 says:

            TS I agree on the normal or empath. I’d
            Prefer an empath though (but not another co dependant 😂 two of us mixed together would be chaos I think lol).

            I keep waiting on Prince Harry…. but… as luck would have … he hasn’t shown up to my door step yet with a boom box in hand playing In you Eyes by Peter Gabriel… the nerve of that guy 😂

            In all seriousness I find it comforting to read you found nothing dull about some of your past relationships. I have not had many relationships myself and from what I can gather by witnessing most people…. is they are a waste of time. But I’m open to finding new love and your past gave me some

          6. Violetta says:


            Prince Harry is unfortunately ensnared at the moment, but there’s no question he’d be better off with you than where he is at present. Heedless lad.

          7. truthseeker6157 says:

            Empath 007 🙂

            Two empaths together would depend on the types of empath I agree. We are very similar in some aspects but fortunately, very different in others.
            I have a physical type I tend to go for, and generally, I’m no push over either. My dad’s favourite comment is always, ‘ They don’t breed tame uns from wild uns’. True that. I was very different with the narc. He seemed to bring out all of the empathic side and very little of the narcissistic side. I really was flexing my empathic muscle with him compared to relationships I’ve had with normals. No need to do so to the same degree with a normal is there? That might be why in many ways I felt more like me with him, rather than with anyone else. Logically, I shouldn’t need to be ablaze with empathy all the time though.

            I made a mistake in my last post. Four serious relationships. Normal if you like. One of the four was narcissistic but not necessarily a narcissist. The narcissist was number 5. I can’t consider that to be a relationship as so much was online. Time spent under his influence though was longer than some marriages. Impact on me was greater than any of the ‘ normal’ relationships. Crazy when you look at it that way.

            Laughing at your Prince Harry comment. A no from me. Just not commanding enough for my taste. Ha Ha. Gawd! I actually do foresee a very sad end for Harry though. Have thought that for a while. Hopefully I’m wrong.

          8. Empath007 says:

            Vi and TS,

            I’m aware of prince harry’s Unfortante circumstance. It’s all jokes. I just think he certainly grew up over the years and is SO handsome. Interesting you don’t think he’s commanding enough when pre MM he just radiated with energy I thought. There’s more then enough man there for me 😂

            Both the narc and normal I was with were kind of squirrelly men… and ultimately neither were my cup of tea lol.

            That’s sweet it brought out your empathetic side TS. My narc brought out more of my narcissistic side I would say (especially at the end). I don’t regret standing up for myself and fighting back even though most of it was futile. All I know is… I’m not great at playing games. Not a narcs game.

            Hopefully in time we both find someone new ❤️

          9. truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Fiddleress,

            It’s a very valid question. In many ways it revolves around how weird you want to go ha ha. I’ll do my best to describe.

            When I met the narcissist in person. I felt utterly at ease. Conversation was easy, fun. I linked arms with him as we walked through town and chatted. Unusual, I guard my personal space. It felt natural. Strangely, when I was with him, things felt quiet. The world can feel noisy to me at times. Walking into a busy bar can feel like walking in to a wall. Too much energy, too much information. It can make me back up. Not so with him. All was quiet. During the time together he lied. I felt him lie straight away, just wasn’t sure why. I disregarded. I recognised a stunt to gain control too. It confused more than bothered me. I disregarded. I felt like we connected. I wouldn’t have said he was wholly good.

            The weirder part. Very occasionally I have run into a person who gives such a vibe that I can only feel good from them. A handful of occasions at best. The only way I can think to describe them is as ‘ a white light.’ I’ve used that description in my own head only on a couple of occasions and this would be one.
            As I stood with this man and chatted, his questions were all empathic. How did I find the people in SC? Why did I think that? Why had I moved there and how had I felt about that move? Straight into the essence of things. As we talked he told me what he thought and what he saw. I won’t quote that, it’s embarrassing but within it he referred to me as, ‘a white light.’ Which shocked me. I’ve never heard anyone else say it other than me and it’s exactly how I read him too. He moved on quite directly. ‘ You don’t know what you are do you?’ Then moved on to empathy, empaths and the fact I was one. Strange isn’t it?
            Suffice to say, he felt very different from the narcissist. The narcissist had a huge amount of draw, a spark that I gravitated towards. The empath didn’t draw me exactly, I was just taken by how good he felt, how warm. I have thought about him since but not in a way that I wished I had met him again. More, that we ran into each other because we were supposed to and that’s all.

            I’m not superstitious. I’m a actually quite cynical in many respects. I don’t think all empaths are wholly good. There are certain things that I have to believe in because I have experienced them clearly. So I suppose you could say I’m open minded.

            I don’t know any empaths currently other than my dad so have nothing to compare this man to.

            Ha Ha, weird I know x

          10. Fiddleress says:

            Hi truthseeker
            Thanks for the reply, very interesting.
            I am not superstitious either, nor esoteric or anything, but I can tell you that some weird things have happened to me, that are impossible to explain rationally, so I believe you.
            Like you, with most people that I have met, right from the start I knew if they were not the right type for me but carried on with the relationship regardless. Only 2 narcissists fooled me when we first met (and I have dealt with more than two, even in intimate relationships, I am sure). Or maybe on those two instance, something stopped me from sensing things? In both cases, my ET was very high.
            I have never felt what you described with anyone. You may have met an Angel! (That’s a quote from “Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café”, if you know the novel, or film, when Ruth dies: “Some angels walk among us, parading as human beings, and you mother was one of them”.

            I saw you were going camping for a week: have fun! Camping is fun.

          11. truthseeker6157 says:

            Empath 007,

            Something else I thought about as regards the normals and empaths idea.
            It’s great that we now have a better understanding of who we are in terms of our empathic nature. Even better that we have a better understanding of narcissism and how to avoid ensnarement.

            Prior to a few years ago I was oblivious, I had never heard of being an empath and a narcissist was just a loudmouth in a bar that loved himself.
            My point here, I just had relationships with people I was drawn to. I didn’t categorise them or analyse them particularly. No more than I would do instinctively anyway.

            I did just fine. I have no regrets about those relationships. They have contributed to the person I am today. Good parts and bad parts. I think they were likely normals, they might not have been, but ultimately I loved them and they me. Only ‘Number Five’ messed me up. Even then, I landed here and found you lot! I learned more about me than I ever knew before. I learned things that I can pass on to my own children. At some point I might actually be glad for ‘Number Five’ too.

            Maybe I’m just lucky. Some readers here are plagued by narcissists and their views will be very different to mine I’m sure. No matter who you are though, it has to be important to get on with your life once you feel ready. That can’t stop due to us being afraid to make a misstep.

            Don’t search too hard. Be aware, don’t do the online dating and try to stay objective / watchful in those early stages. But people like who they like and love who they love. It’s actually no more complicated than that in most cases.

            Knowledge and awareness is fantastic. Most people are just people though. Good and bad, light and dark. We don’t all need labels.

          12. truthseeker6157 says:


            Maybe he was! If he was then angels are extremely polite, true gentlemen.
            Another thing I miss about Tennessee, ‘you’re welcome ma’am’ a raise of the cowboy hat as they hold a door open. I always thought that was so respectful and well mannered. Took me all my time not to go full swoon! Ha ha. I saw it a little in SC but it was more a KY / TN thing. Brits have a lot to learn!
            (‘The angel‘ didn’t wear a cowboy hat)

          13. Fiddleress says:

            truthseeker, I know what you mean about the lure of gentlemen. The thing is, though, those two narcissists who fooled me behaved as true gentlemen on our first encounter. And both times I remember thinking I had at last met and been attracted to someone decent, kind, respectful etc. Twenty years elapsed between the two, so that may be why I wasn’t careful the second time – I didn’t have the first time in mind.
            And I am sure that if we met HG in person, we would be totally swept off our feet by his gentlemanly manners!
            Pleasant as gentlemen may be, we must indeed resist to go full swoon, because you never know. But it is fine if it is a one-off encounter.
            You think they are lacking in Britain?? Ha, come over here and compare, I’m afraid you’ll take the first ferry back!

          14. truthseeker6157 says:


            Laughing about your view of French men. I lived in Paris for a while. There was a guy in the office who was called Patrice Ferrand. Quite possibly one of the funniest men I have met. He was only ever a friend. His friend Christopher was very sexy but not tall enough ha ha, so he ended up being just a friend too. The thing you have to consider is the French accent. A French man speaking English in a French accent is just beautiful. That said, I found the Parisians haughty, but that goes for most major cities, I don’t see it as a nationality thing. Just a Paris thing.

            I ended up dating my manager ha ha! He is one of my four key relationships. Good times! I take your point about the charming part and will be on my guard. I met my narc online first as we were in different countries. 6 months of communication before meeting. He was already well under my skin. Despite the warnings I sensed I disregarded. I saw instead what I expected / wanted to see. So the ‘meeting cold’ I have never experienced. I appreciate your warning.

            As regards HG, he indeed would be charming, of that I have no doubt. Worse for you, as you will warm to the English accent as I did the French. He is tall, ticks a box for me. Only one major issue there……

            No cowboy hat.

          15. Fiddleress says:

            I note that you did not take the first ferry back!
            I have heard about the ‘sexiness’ of the French accent when speaking English. I don’t think I have much of a French accent when I speak English, so there must have been other sexy things about me back when I lived in Britain, haha! I’ll occasionally experience hesitation about the use of a word over an other, since I no longer live in an all English-speaking environment, but that’s mostly it.
            Now you can see how Pride is my biggest narcissisitic trait! (And ‘truthseeker’ my biggest empathic trait, by the way.)

            And I can tell you that the English accent of English natives speaking French is extremely seductive to us.

            I totally agree with your view of Parisians (last narcex was half-French from Paris). I am not from Paris, nor do I live there. I lived near Paris and went there often years ago, as I was sent there for a few years when I first started with my job (we don’t get to choose where we are posted here to start with, around the country, as teachers; the State decides where we are needed).

            Oh, don’t tell me about HG’s accent: you are so right! That and his voice… No cowboy hat needed, there. (Wouldn’t go with the accent anyway, would it 🙂 )

          16. HG Tudor says:

            Your English both written and spoken is excellent.

          17. Fiddleress says:

            Thank you, HG.

          18. Fiddleress says:

            I’ve just remembered that half-American narcex said he had a Stetson, but I never saw him wearing it.

            And I have just seen HG’s “bien sûr”, and your comment about him saying it with an English accent! Just as well, or I might have gone all silly, haha.

          19. Ren says:


            I too am having a strange WordPress moment.

            A couple of days ago, I completely lost the ability to reply on the WP app both on my phone and within my blog too. However I could by accessing narcsite itself.

            I can see the comment but I cannot reply. I get the message ‘jetpack error’

            However, I checked again today and all is good.


          20. Ren says:


            ‘The British have a lot to learn about being gentlemen’

            I had to run a discrete check about the matters of your location. Charleston.

            I don’t think tipping your hat and saying ‘ma’am’ every so often qualifies tbh.

            I mean Stetsons? Plus the obligatory cowboy boots? Sweet baby Jesus. Garish and frankly vulgar suits?

            The mark of a true gentleman is really how he conducts himself. Not what he wears.

            The Britsh need to learn how to conduct themselves.

            Never mind America, Mummy still loves you.

          21. truthseeker6157 says:


            I’m actually going to make this worse now ha ha. The tipping of the hat was more common in Tennessee and the accent was divine. The land of country music is technically not my preferred choice of men’s attire by any stretch but I’ll admit, the guys wore it well!

            SC was very different, the area itself was beautiful, Charleston has a great vibe to it, painted houses wooden porches. I didn’t warm to the people there as much though. That could simply have been down to a wrong choice of neighbourhood. Very networking, less genuine than TN. As I say, I likely just fell unlucky with that particular subdivision. Charleston definitely is a city of contrasts and not without its problems. I witnessed racism there on an almost daily basis and in both directions. That said, I did meet some genuinely warm people during my time there.

            Agree, being a gentleman is more than what they wear. My experience of the South was that the respect shown to women was engrained in boys from a very early age. My children went to elementary school there and it was part of the general expected behaviour right from the get go.
            I have witnessed British men being gentlemen too. Manners and respect for others cost nothing and I am very keen on instilling that in the boychild. People are people, good and bad, gentlemen and non gentlemen, everywhere I’ve lived. I never found the perfect place. All with plus and minus points across a wide range of things from people to health to taxes to social issues. Take as you find, I thing, never found a golden ticket yet!

          22. truthseeker6157 says:

            Ha ha Fiddleress, I was chuckling away when I put that. HG was a good sport letting it through.

            And re the American, of course he did! Ha ha, Mmmmm

    3. Liza says:

      If you want to see your comments in waiting you have to check the <> box.

      If you don’t, wordpress has no way to know that it was you who commented and show you only your comment.

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