The Overwhelming Angel

 

THE-OVERWHELMING-ANGEL

The Overwhelming Angel appears as if heaven sent, arriving with apparent kindness, brimming with concern and bursting with cannot-do-enough-to-helpfulness.

The Overwhelming Angel is someone who appears to place you at the centre of their concerns, where they are always wanting to assist, that you have everything you need and I just wanted to make sure you are okay. No. are you really okay?

How might you spot The Overwhelming Angel? Here are many examples of The Overwhelming Angel in action. Remember, one or two of these instances is not determinative but if many of them resonate with you and/or form a pattern then there is cause for concern.

  • A telephone call or text first thing in the morning asking if you are okay when there is no reason to suppose that you are not okay. Particularly noteworthy if such a call or text comes after a similar call just as you went to sleep, so that all you have done in between the calls/messages is sleep.
  • Turning up when you are out with friends or family “on the off chance you needed something” or “just checking you are having a good time, as I was passing by.”
  • Repeated texting to ask “have you arrived okay?” when you are travelling somewhere. Particular noteworthy if you are travelling a short distance and/or travelling with a group.
  • Behaving like you are on a first date when you have been in a relationship for some time.
  • Turning up at your house very early in the morning when you have been on a night out, the night before with friends or family, either wanting to check that you had a good time or bringing you breakfast.
  • Insistence on accompanying you to medical appointments, especially ones which might involve a psychologist or therapist.
  • Appearing to be concerned about your diet but making decisions on your behalf “I didn’t buy any wine when I went shopping as I am worried that we (you) might be drinking too much.”, “Where are the Pringles? Oh I there them out, they are fattening.”
  • Providing unfounded warnings about individuals “You won’t have noticed this because you do not pick up on these things like I do, but Lisa´s husband Geoff pervs over you, so it might be a good idea if you do not got to Lisa´s tonight. I don’t want to cause any trouble, but I am just looking out for you.”
  • Commenting on your choice of clothing, “I think you look fantastic but do you really want to be wearing something that tight going into town, you know what some of the men can be like.” It is usually the case that the clothing is not especially tight either.
  • Overriding your transport choices “It will be easier if I drive you there, safer than getting a taxi or bus.” Particular noteworthy if you have already made a decision to use a form of transport and/or you are travelling with others.
  • Turning up to give you a lift home when you have not asked for one.
  • Making decisions for you concerting your health, “You sound a little bunged up to me, I think you have a cold coming on, I think it would be best if you stayed in tonight and let me look after you, okay?”
  • Appearing uninvited under the auspices of making you feel better when there is no problem to being with “Hi, I am on my way around to you with a care package because you sounded a little down earlier and it is my job to make sure you are happy, I will be there in 10 minutes, see you then.”
  • Limiting your opportunity to spend time with other people often done without consulting you “I told Bill and Jenny that you were feeling exhausted after a frantic week at work so I said we couldn’t make it tonight,” or “I rang your mum and said we would give this weekend a miss because you needed a rest.”
  • Increasingly frantic but apparently caring calls and messages if you have not responded, often laden with melodrama (“I have called three times and you have not answered, I am frantic with worry that something might have happened to you.” – you told the narcissist you are going next door for a glass of wine, not entered a war-torn part of Syria).

What distinguishes The Overwhelming Angel is that this type of narcissist may not rely on Pity Plays (“I am feeling down, why not stay with me tonight rather than going to the movies with your friends, please?”) or displays of Grandiosity (lots of gift buying, booking trips away, always paying) but it is all about this narcissists sole concern for your well-being, health and best interests.

The behaviour will be overly paternalistic demonstrating an “I know what is best for you” approach, you will be denied the ability to make decisions about your own life, where you go, what you do, who you see, what you choose to eat, wear, watch and so forth. Considerable subtlety will be demonstrated with the comments, they will generally lack force and manifest in ways such as “I am not saying you are overweight but you might want to cut down on the dining out for a while with people from work” or “You probably have not noticed but you have been rather tetchy as of late, you are running yourself down and you do not want to make yourself ill do you. I think it would be best if you have a weekend at home, yes?”

The Overwhelming Angel wants to ensure that you are isolated from anything which enables you to assert who you are, detached and removed from anything that defines you as a separate entity from the narcissist. The Overwhelming Angel like any narcissist sees you as an extension of him or herself and in this instance the extension is based upon an overriding desire to look after you.

Let’s revisit the behaviours above and decipher them further.

  • A telephone call or text first thing in the morning asking if you are okay when there is no reason to suppose that you are not okay. Particularly noteworthy if such a call or text comes after a similar call just as you went to sleep, so that all you have done in between the calls/messages is sleep. (Lack of boundary recognition by invading and regulating your time before sleep and time on waking (possibly being woken by the “caring call”. Sense of entitlement. The narcissist wants to make sure you are alone.)
  • Turning up when you are out with friends or family “on the off chance you needed something” or “just checking you are having a good time, as I was passing by.” (Lack of boundary recognition, sense of entitlement and wanting to ascertain who you are with to gauge any potential threats.)
  • Repeated texting to ask “have you arrived okay?” when you are travelling somewhere. Particular noteworthy if you are travelling a short distance and/or travelling with a group. (Keeping tabs on your movement)
  • Behaving like you are on a first date when you have been in a relationship for some time. (Extension of love bombing and lack of awareness as to how a normal, healthy relationship progresses because the narcissist has never been in one)
  • Turning up at your house very early in the morning when you have been on a night out, the night before with friends or family, either wanting to check that you had a good time or bringing you breakfast. (Wanting to see if someone else is there, facade of kindness, lack of boundary recognition by turning up very early when you have been on the razzle the night before and therefore wanting to sleep your hangover off)
  • Insistence on accompanying you to medical appointments, especially ones which might involve a psychologist or therapist, preventing you from attending medical appointments (where you have organised one to dispute the fact the narcissist says there is something wrong with you) or insisting you attend a medical appointment (just to check everything is okay when the narcissist has organised it)(Concern about outside interference, opportunity to contest the option of a medical expert which manifests grandiosity and haughtiness, opportunity to harness medical opinion to declare “told you so” under the banner of apparently caring)
  • Appearing to be concerned about your diet but making decisions on your behalf “I didn’t buy any wine when I went shopping as I am worried that we (you) might be drinking too much.”, “Where are the Pringles? Oh I threw them out, they are fattening.” (Belittlement, lack of boundary recognition,  acquisition of property)
  • Providing unfounded warnings about individuals “You won’t have noticed this because you do not pick up on these things like I do, but Lisa´s husband Geoff pervs over you, so it might be a good idea if you do not got to Lisa´s tonight. I don’t want to cause any trouble, but I am just looking out for you.” (Lies, Gaslighting, Smearing)
  • Commenting on your choice of clothing, “I think you look fantastic but do you really want to be wearing something that tight going into town, you know what some of the men can be like and you don’t want to end up a victim of something horrible happening.” It is usually the case that the clothing is not especially tight either. (Blameshifting, Insult)
  • Overriding your transport choices “It will be easier if I drive you there, safer than getting a taxi or bus.” Particular noteworthy if you have already made a decision to use a form of transport and/or you are travelling with others. (Lack of boundary recognition)
  • Turning up to give you a lift home when you have not asked for one. (Sense of entitlement)
  • Making decisions for you concerting your health, “You sound a little bunged up to me, I think you have a cold coming on, I think it would be best if you stayed in tonight and let me look after you, okay?” (Sense of entitlement, Isolating)
  • Appearing uninvited under the auspices of making you feel better when there is no problem to being with “Hi, I am on my way around to you with a care package because you sounded a little down earlier and it is my job to make sure you are happy, I will be there in 10 minutes, see you then.” (Sense of entitlement, lack of boundary recognition)
  • Limiting your opportunity to spend time with other people often done without consulting you “I told Bill and Jenny that you were feeling exhausted after a frantic week at work so I said we couldn’t make it tonight,” or “I rang your mum and said we would give this weekend a miss because you needed a rest.” (Isolating)
  • Increasingly frantic but apparently caring calls and messages if you have not responded, often laden with melodrama (“I have called three times and you have not answered, I am frantic with worry that something might have happened to you.” – you told the narcissist you are going next door for a glass of wine, not entered a war-torn part of Syria). (Lack of boundary recognition)

In all of these behaviours there will be facade management as the narcissist actually believes that he or she is a good, kind and caring person and cannot see that the various strands of narcissistic behaviour amount to two things. The gathering of fuel from you and of course control. Control over where you go, who you see, what you eat, where you dance, where you shop, who you spend time with and for how long.

Owing to the ensnarement that you have, either as IPPS, IPSS and also this can affect NISSs, your emotional thinking is likely to be high and therefore much of this behaviour goes unnoticed for what it is – control. Instead you are likely to think that this person is ever so sweet, very caring, sensitive, thoughtful and considerate. Even if you notice the red flags, your emotional thinking will seek to obscure it by making you feel guilty if you protest, reject or disagree with this behaviour.

This type of behaviour is seen most of all with Middle Mid Range Type A, Middle Mid Range Type B and Lower Mid Range Narcissists.. It is used the most by the Middle Mid Range Type A Narcissist.

If you make some kind of stand against the apparent kindness, thoughtfulness and considerate behaviour, you will experience behaviours such as these :-

  • Sulking (Present Silent Treatment)
  • Moving to Pity Plays (but not starting with them) (“I am only trying to look after you, there’s not need to be horrible.”)
  • Application of Guilt (“I do all of this for you and you still insist on going out in this weather as well and risk getting ill?”
  • Triangulation (“I wonder what your mother would think if she knew you were going out for the third time this week.”)
  • Belittlement (“Wearing that does you no favours at all and you will get unwelcome attention.”)
  • Character Assassination (“No wonder people say you are a slut when you dress like that. I wish you wouldn’t make it so easy for them.”)
  • Haughtiness (“Oh forget it, I am just trying to look after you, but you do what you want as usual, I’m sick of caring. Fuck you.”)
  • Absent Silent Treatment.
  • Threat (“You’d better stay here otherwise……”)
  • Digging Up The Past (“Look what happened last time you went against my advice, (insert once apparently buried one-off mishap)”)
  • Revision of History (“Last time you did this, you know what happened don’t you? (Insert adverse fabricated event).

The manipulation that is the false care and concern evidence by The Overwhelming Angel will shift to a different form of manipulation in order to assert control as a consequence of your stand which will either be wounding or more usually Challenge Fuel.

The Overwhelming Angel strives (instinctively) to overwhelm you.

You may be overwhelmed by this kindness.

That is precisely what the narcissism wants.

When you are overwhelmed, you are controlled.

 

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32 thoughts on “The Overwhelming Angel

  1. Asp Emp says:

    ‘The Overwhelming Angel’ is ‘listening’???

  2. A Victor says:

    Another article that makes my stomach lurch. This is my mother. Now I understand.

  3. ava101 says:

    I think I I have problems clearly recognizing ‘lack of boundary recognition.

    I have / had a new female friend (she hinted though at being bi…), who is very outgoing, like… making me her friend right away, asking if I eant to come to a dance class when I had said that I didn’t like that kind of dance; to come to a museum, when I had said I was working.

    She came visit me, saying she wasn’t feeling well, before dinner asked for a (canned) soup then didn’t eat it, I asked her which dinner she would like, then didn’t eat it, went to bed at 22 h, next morning crying about her ex boyfriend. Then wanted to leave to an event, if we wouldn’t find anything interesting to do. (in lockdown, nothing open).

    Then she kept offering I could stay over at her place, I should come living where she was moving and share an apartment with her, I could send my stuff to her place, she would pick it up from post office if I paid a cab.
    She moved to the city before me, I had told her I would most likely move to.Never helped with storage, while asking before I had finished moving, when I would have a party.

    Then did all the above, keeping suggesting I’d stay with her while she has only rented a room herself.
    Told me about every guy I was seeing that I shouldn’t (though she was right), but didn’t understand one of them almost sexually assaulting me.
    Kept asking me to go out with her, and drink, meet ‘good looking men’. Then when I did she was sitting there texting on her phone. She asked people to come and showed up with a weird guy which was a problem as I was driving and no space in car.
    When she had said she would join me at a demo, she texted me too late that she wasn’t coming as her nail polish wasn’t dry, and later asked about the rain…. But after that keeping texting me how I was, if I was ok,….

    I don’t know how to place this, all I know is that I feel drained and that something is not right, but she seems always so helpful and just wanting to be my friend and to do things together…..
    while telling me what to do imposing her very limited world view on me.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      Hi Ava101, to be honest this girl who has befriended you sounds unstable to me. She’s certainly crossing plenty of boundaries (bringing someone with her in the car without asking), trying to assert control by making arrangements and not showing up (which must be disappointing for you) as well as coming on strong (offering to have you move in with her early on), commenting on your relationships, and making what sounds like a pity play at the start (when she claimed to be sick and then cried the next day about her ex). She also sounds manipulative. You mention “had” a friend at the start, along with “have”. Maybe you have distanced yourself from her by now, but she does sound overwhelming in ways that are not respecting your boundaries which is usually a red flag. Sounds like you are reading it as a warning and that’s a good thing. Hope you get it sorted out to your satisfaction in the end.

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you so much for your feedback!!
        Yes, I didn’t answer her last message to me saying ‘are you okay?’… Exactly as in HG’s article. Therfore the ‘had’. But I feel bad about it, – just honestly don’t know what to say to her, as I hardly know her, inspite of her making me her best friend or so.
        Funny you mention that about offering right away to stay in the same room with her (and finding a new apartment together)… her ex-boyfriend’s friends had warned him about her moving in with him straight away.
        I don’t trust women easily, and at the same time am not good at recognizing violations of my boundaries, so thank you!!

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Hey Ava, you are welcome <3

          You've definitely read the red flags, and she seems to have thrown up quite a few.

          I had a recent experience with a victim narcissist and you seriously could not reject her because her life was all about some kind of rejection or trauma. Every time you tried to support her with one issue, another would crop up even more serious. And she just kept adding to the pile of woes until it became ridiculous. It was exhausting. I commented to one friend that she was like a blood sucking vampire and you could literally feel the energy drain out of you. There's no doubt there are people out there who are fully prepared to take advantage of you. And they won't stop until you draw the line. I eventually drew the line with her and more of less told her that her stories had become unbelievable. In other words, she was taking me for a sucker and I wasn't going to be taken for a sucker anymore. It took me a while to get to that point and she tried to engage with me further, supposedly to seek further explanation around that, but I never gave it to her and she left me alone in the end. I had no hard feelings towards her, but I also wasn't going to let her use me. She may have had hard feelings towards me, but those were hers to deal with. She had gotten enough out of me and for sure would find another victim soon enough, and also would have continued to drain me if I had let her.

          I think sticking with the hardly knowing her and therefore not being under any obligation to her is a good place to draw the line and put those boundaries in place. And it sounds like that's what you've already done. The victim narc I knew inadvertently got my email address from a mutual friend. She never asked permission to use it. Just was cc'd into an email and then shot me a separate email. That was one of my first red flags and the definite crossing of a boundary. I recognized it as such and asked her how she had obtained my email. I was confused as I hadn't paid attention to her being cc'd in. But I pulled her up on it right away. Then I gave her a little leeway as I felt sorry for her in her circumstances. Boy did she run with that. Give an inch and they will take a mile. I had to put a stop to it and did. But that was only eventually after she'd drained practically all the life blood out of me.

          Great that you've have begun to recognize those boundary violations early on, Ava. They are all important and I hope you and I both continue to do so x

  4. alexissmith2016 says:

    Would a mid type A and mid type B relationship work well together? It would seem so at first thought, but actually I’m guessing highly unlikely because the type A usually only feigns how good they are and don’t put that much effort in themselves (except during seduction) and for short bursts when engaging with SSs. The type B would hate that the type A spends so much time ‘helping’ others.

  5. Alexissmith2016 says:

    I re-read this again after a while. Would I be correct in guessing that those with munchausen-by-proxy is a very extreme end of this.

    Is it also possible for a greater to have traits of OWA on a low level/more subtle level? Or is this only true of the Mid-Ranger?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All Mid-Range Narcissists will show a degree of this, but it is MMR Type A who are full blown.

      1. Another Cat says:

        HG, Alexissmith,
        the Munchausen-by-proxy parents are eerily prevalent on (of course, they’re at least every 6th user on SM) social media. How do I discover them?

        1. The very energetic stare.

        2. It’s those constant postings about how sorry they feel for their daughter/son and “Her mental problems” or some unusual allergy or narcolepsy. But mostly… really… it’s the health problems/depression. It is vague in some posts, reminders of what this mother already said before. “And my daughter has had many problems in her life”

        Parents without NPD don’t do that. They don’t mention vulnerable subjects about any teenager or child at all. They don’t expose.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well stated. No emotional empathy for splashing the plight of the child all over social media, vagueness, sense of entitlement to make the comments, lack of accountability towards child for making the comments, lack of boundary recognition in making the comments, use of pity play and triangulation for the purposes of asserting control.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            There is a really interesting documentary called “Gypsy’s Revenge”. It is about a mother with Munchausen’s, but that’s not the ‘highlight’ of this program. Well worth watching to see a dynamic which consequently created (what I would call) a Narcissistic Psychopath. Definitely involves all the elements you mention, HG.

          2. Another Cat says:

            Thank you. Took years of Narcsite reading for me to notice this kind of narcissist on SM.

            And whatever these screamers go on about “Come out with your depression/mental problems”, hashtags like #quitshamingmentalproblems!!

            we know it’s not that simple. There is a symbol of not having one’s words taken as seriously, e g NPD. Mental problems and personality disorders is a vulnerable subject.

            No one is going to take our words less seriously in the future because of diabetes, vision impairment, a broken leg, asthma.

        2. alexissmith2016 says:

          So true Another Cat! I don’t use SM anymore, but I remember those types well. And some still text me to say exactly what they put all over FB, because they know I don’t use it and they don’t want me to miss out.

          Gosh – the energy in their eyes! Oh my god! thanks for pointing that out, now you mention it, it is stark!

          Lickem – I watched the Gypsy series. Very interesting, You can’t help but feel sorry for the girl, the only thing which reduces my empathy for her is that I strongly suspect she is also a narc. I’d be interested to know what the views of others are re Gypsy.

          Another good one, if someone wants to see a mid range type B in full swing, is Mrs Lowry. It’s a British film about the painter’s relationship with his mother. Jees that man had some patience. The painter was played by Timothy Spall, whom I adore (HG please don’t tell me he is an N, I’d be more heartbroken than the cerebral greater on your list of narcs, actually, that applies to TS and Lowry).

          She was awful, it was all about her, and she was despicable to her son. I don’t want to spoil it too much. But it was interesting to see how this type B would turn on the charm but only for very short moments when her preferred assertion of control of playing the victim state briefly lost effect from time to time. Or when it suited her. But it was always short lived.

          It also sickened me, the way she regarded other people who from her perspective were credible (yet didn’t care about her) more than her own son, who did everything he could for her.

          I wish I could go back in time and rescue Lowry!

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hi Alexis, I have her pegged as a Narcissistic Psychopath. There is no doubt her upbringing in the circumstances impacted enormously on her, but her ability to manipulate on her own account, which extended to the eventual outcome and beyond, is what has me thinking she goes beyond being a narcissist. Totally calculating, calm, manipulative. Her FB post is chilling in the extreme. I don’t think it was just revenge, though no doubt she was entitled to that. Perhaps not to the extent she carried it out, but that is what makes me think this goes beyond a crime of passion. I’d be interested to know what other’s think, too, but the jury is not out on this one for me.

          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            Lickem, I am certain you’re correct. I guess because what her mother put her through was so utterly evil, I felt uncomfortable saying too much. Plus I only watched the series and googled photos of her, and as it would have been dramatised, I didn’t want to draw a firm conclusion. But I wholeheartedly agree with you.
            I hadn’t seen the FB post. Just had a quick google, ooh I must have missed that bit. I have to say I found the series good but a tad drawn out so I was probably making dinner or something at that point. Goodness! Pure evil!

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            It’s interesting, Alexis, as she strikes me as an odd candidate of Munchausen’s, the reason being in the end she was in on it as well. She and her mother were like a double act where the mother became the victim in the end. Gyspsy was fully aware that she could walk, but continued with her mother’s manipulations and played up to them. That’s where it gets scary or concerning for me. She knew what her mother was doing and went along with it in the circumstances. She became less the victim as she eventually manipulated her own victim, and her actions were callous in the extreme. The first thought was she did what she did to try and escape her abusive mother. Which anyone could understand. Until you become aware of how she callously manipulated another innocent in order to do more than escape. She had no empathy, no remorse, cried her manipulative crocodile tears on being informed of her mother’s death. I was not moved to feel sorry for her in the end at all. It was a well done documentary series and maybe if the red flags had been raised sooner with regard to her mother (I can’t believe the number of questions that weren’t asked by professionals in the circumstances) she would have turned out to be a very different child. As it is, the die is cast from my perspective and there is no turning back. Very unfair, but any change seen in the future would likely just be another variety of manipulation on her part. I’m not always this certain, and it’s usually wise to reserve judgement based on what you said, but I have a gut instinct of this one. And reserving judgement where people like Gypsy are concerned is how they get away with their manipulations. She’ll be out of prison far too soon, and continue to have people feeling sorry for her. It will be interesting to see how the future plays out in her case if we ever get to find out.

        3. Anm says:

          Another Cat, I know an extreme Munchausen by Proxy female narcissist. The child is in hospice, so the sensitive nature of the situation, makes it hard for ones mind to go there. The narcissist mother is absolutely charming, so it was hard for me to even see her as a narcissist at first. I was pretty sure this narcissist was empathic at first. But I saw red flags here and there that something wasn’t right. First thing I noticed, was the Munchausen-by-proxy female narcissist was bad mouthing the child’s father in front of the child. She kept mentioning that the father wasn’t responsible, nor did the father care for the child. Which showed her true colors. But then I saw that she was jealous of her daughter who was coming of age, and the female narc was getting insecure. Then there was unaccounted money. The Munchausen by Proxy mother somehow always has disposable cash for Botox and fillers for her face, but she doesn’t work. I’m determined she is either spending money people are donating to her son, or she may even be prostituting herself. The postings on SM increased during covid19 lockdown, which is what made me go, “alright there is no way this lady is not a narcissist.” Every post during the lockdown was an update about her son’s health. Like she had to bring the spotlight back to her. Then she would post selfies of herself between her alleged crisis’s. Normal parents in crisis don’t pose for sultry and provactive selfies, their appearance presents survival mode.

          1. Another Cat says:

            ANM wrote

            “Normal parents in crisis don’t pose for sultry and provactive selfies, their appearance presents survival mode.”

            Yep, red flag.

            I really appreciate your reflections. I worry about children in these situations and the empathic husband doesn’t want to leave the Munchausen by proxy wife of course. Many men since old age feel that the woman will take care of the children and it’s best to listen to her.

            And it’s comfy.

            Most husbands agree to a lot of child therapy, adhd investigation, allergy investigation, dyslexy investigations, while the real problem is constant emotional abuse, and that is how home peace and façade is maintained. And he can continue with his conference travels and career. But the children (or one of them, in triangulation) suffer in silence from the odd bodylanguage and shifting sands of the mother.

            There is also covert smearing of the husband on social media.

            “My Dear sons got their depressions from their father. I love them all so much <3 <3."

            is a quite common type of post on Facebook. It is very problematic, in my opinion.

      2. alexissmith2016 says:

        Thanks so much for confirming HG

      3. WhoCares says:

        The munchausen-by-proxy behaviours make me want to lose my lunch – and I haven’t had it yet.

  6. Empath007 says:

    I came to read this article because as a co Dependants I was thinking “the overwhelming angel.., that’s my guy 🙌🏻“ there was a time I’d consider this to be the perfect partner, but I must be changing… because now I read it and feel like I would crave all this independence I’ve rightfully earned. And I don’t want/Need to be treated like a child,

  7. dollysupreme says:

    I’ve experienced every single one of them. Apart from the throwing away of the food/wine. Mine was a feeder. He wanted to try and get me fat…… Trying to make me unattractive. Always bought me food parcels at work in case there was nothing to eat……Of course it was to kill two birds with one stone fattening me up while checking up on me, and gaining lots of fuel from my colleagues 🙄. What a lovely boyfriend you have, he lapped that one up. One described him as a cat dropping a mouse on the doorstep for me as a gift lol……

    1. NarcAngel says:

      A “feeder”. I like it. Good name for my sister’s narc

    2. Empath007 says:

      Mine enjoyed extra weight too. I think he was into shaming sexually, while he only tried to test the waters in that respect, I never complied, so fortunately I did not experience anything shaming in the bedroom. But saying they are a “feeder” is so accurate, his previous girlfriend has gained about 15 pounds by the end of the relationship. Now I understand why.

    3. Empath007 says:

      Also a lot of narc moms do this to their daughter. Not that it’s a determining factor, but it makes me raise an eyebrow when I see a thin, well dressed “desperate housewive” looking mom, with a fairly over weight daughter. If the father is also fit… something tells me someone is using food for control. And is in competition with their daughter.

  8. Bibi says:

    I had a coworker interact with a female narcissist. Thankfully, he was able to recognize and put an immediate stop to it, but he informed me that they went out (as casual coworkers, not even dating–it never went that far) but aside from some of the language mind games she played in the car: Suddenly saying out of the blue, ‘I can’t do this!’ Wherein he was left wondering, ‘Do what? Ride in the car? Go to this location? Listen to this heavy metal song? Can’t do what?’ Then sighs and silent treatments.

    She wanted him to text her when he got home after dropping her off. He lives like 15 mins away. I told him that wasn’t being done out of concern but out of control. It is one thing if it is several hours away.

    He eventually came out and told her he felt like he was being hen pecked.

  9. Another Cat says:

    Oh gosh is this tiresome to experience. Several from both genders in my case. What a relief to read.

    There is one more thing. They just can’t seem to leave the house for more than one minute, so controlling. “I’m going out for a walk! Need a little peace, ya know!”

    Coming back after 60 seconds.

    They overwhelm twitter and facebook, make a drama exit, ‘I need to leave for a while, not satisfied with the behaviour of some of you!’ Then return after 36 hours.

    The need to control and surveil.

    1. Another Cat says:

      I feel rather insecure when I notice that 5 couples from the top of my head, where one party is an Overwhelming Angel just like described in this article, who I know/knew, are still together after many years (I googled the White pages) . In one case, since 2000 when they were very young. I guess the Prime Aims are strong on these. 😬 🤔

  10. Eternity says:

    I can still wear what I want and look decent, classy and sexy ,but please dont throw out my Pringles.

  11. cadavera says:

    Can anyone say Kathy Bates in Misery? I can’t put my finger on who this reminds me of in my life, but my mother with her micro managing ways comes to mind.

    If a child was subjected to this kind of behavior from a parent, as in never being allowed to do things themselves (the message is the child cannot be trusted to make her own decisions))and if the child should take the reins of her life into her own hands, she is criticized and judged and made to feel like she can’t do anything right, for this parent, wouldn’t codependency be the end result in most cases?

    1. Bibi says:

      That is an entertaining film. Over the top of course, but Bates is hilarious in that. She never curses. ‘Cocka-doody!’

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