Why Not Let Me Go?



It is a common question that is asked of me. Why don’t you and your kind just let us be once you have discarded us, why do you have to keep coming back to us, why apply all that effort in hoovering us when you can go and get somebody new and concentrate on them instead? Those are fair queries but they fail to understand the dynamic that is at work in respect of why we keep coming back to you. Here are the reasons why.


1.      Control. As I have explained previously, the Narcissistic Relationship lasts until either one of us dies. We need to remind you that you belong to us. We need to exert our rights under the Narcissistic Covenant and by hoovering you, this is the most blatant and effective way of doing so.

2.      Perspective. You are an extension of us. We attach you to us when we seduce you and suck the fuel from you. We do not truly discard you but instead there is a temporary cessation before we engage once again and continue to draw fuel from you. Since we do not regard you as a separate and distinct entity, but rather part of our powerful and far-reaching selves, we consider you to always be available and thus we keep hoovering you since in our minds you are part of us and thus within reach.

3.      Punishment. In some instances, which is dependent on the type of narcissist you are being punished for your transgressions against us. These transgressions may be numerous but most often they are to do with the fact that you escaped us and/or you failed to provide us with the necessary fuel when required. In order to demonstrate that we are superior to you, we deem it appropriate to punish you and thus you will be hoovered through malign follow up hoovers.

4.      Hoover fuel. This is the chief reason why we hoover. Hoover fuel is very potent, it is edifying and invigorating. Why is this? There is every likelihood that when we seek to hoover you post discard or post escape that you try to resist our overtures. This is because you have been devalued and abused, admittedly it is not always the case as some victims want us back regardless, but there are many who are at best reluctant and at worst determined to resist us. If we manage to draw a positive reaction from them or even a negative one, it reinforces our power over this person and causes the fuel to be even more powerful. If we manage to bring about the resumption of the Formal Relationship, then this is even better. We have emphasised just how much control we have over you and to have you return, either exhibiting joy, relief and thanks, the quality of this hoover fuel is impressive. Even if the victim provides no resistance to our hoover and willingly returns to us, pouring with positive fuel as we have allowed them back into our arms, the fact we know we can treat people the way that we do and they still want us and provide us with fuel results in potent hoover fuel for us as well. Knowing we can still evoke such emotion in people, after everything that we have done, laces the fuel with a particular power.

5.      Investment. You ought to be aware that we have invested our time and energy in you. This may well have been through the preparatory work that was engaged in when we targeted you, working out the relevant traits that you had which appeal to us, assessing your susceptibility to our seduction hoover and so forth. It also includes all of the effort that we put into your seduction and the devaluation thereafter. We know you. We know how you think, how you react, how you respond, how you act. We understand your mind. We know your strengths, your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities and your pressure points. We have ensured that you are attached to us, bound to us and functioning and therefore this solid and substantial investment in you is not just for an initial period of time. It is done so we can rely on this investment, time and time again in the future. We do not want to waste such a significant investment. This should enlighten you as to why it is just not easier to go and seduce somebody else. We have invested much in you and we want the return from our investment again and again and again. We will of course expend effort in securing new investment opportunities but we are not going to forgo previous investments as well.

6.      Compassion. Don’t get excited, I am not going to tell you that you can expect it, quite the opposite. Somebody other than us might decide that you have indeed had enough and move on and leave you alone. However, the fact that we lack compassion and remorse means that we see no reason to leave you alone. Your condition and state of mind are only relevant to us with regard to whether we can draw further fuel from you. We do not care that you are hurting, upset or that you are in pain.

7.      Entitlement. Our significant sense of entitlement means we can do as we please and naturally as someone who was once our primary source you are always going to be subject to the manifestation of this entitlement by us keeping coming back to you, subject of course to the conditions of the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria which I have written about separately.

8.      Pleading. Do not think that pleading with us for relief, release and clemency will get you anywhere. Not only will this draw no response because of the lack of compassion as mentioned above but because you are providing us with fuel we will want more of it and therefore your pleading is something we want to see, but it will have no effect on us other than to make us want you to continue to plead and beg.

Thus there are several reasons why we will not leave you be and let you move on. We will not grant you the freedom. You have to secure it yourself.

32 thoughts on “Why Not Let Me Go?

  1. December Infinity says:

    Unfortunately I experienced many of instances above and was worn down over time. I like the end of the article in terms of attaining freedom from whichever style/school/class of narcissist one has been dealing with, in that in the end you have to secure YOUR freedom yourself. Secure YOUR freedom from the narcissist. In my case the last one took me two years to get out of the situation but I finally was able to end the tornado that had eroded my life, my self esteem and my finances. I wanted nothing more to do with him. He tried to get me to stay by bullying me and insulting me. I finally was able to remain firm in my stand and the game was finally over. No more merry go round.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    “the Narcissistic Relationship lasts until either one of us dies” – bloody hell. One’s dead. Thank god. Another few to go.

    “You ought to be aware that we have invested our time and energy in you.” I’m having to scrape my chin off the floor with a spade on this one. Seriously, do narcissists have NO idea how much time & effort & energy etc WE have spent on THEM?!

    A Lesser (from LONG time ago) failed to remember me, as the strong & confident person I was when I first met him (unfortunately, for me) – he failed to judge that I would be able to ‘shoot him down’ with my responses when I had not seen him in 2.5 years. He reacted like the gorilla he is (sorry gorillas, no disrespect to your kind in our animal kingdom).

    ” Compassion.” Oh, there is compassion…… then, ” Don’t get excited,” Ah bugger.

    “We will not grant you the freedom. You have to secure it yourself.” There are ways & means.

  3. Saint anger. says:

    My ex greater narc has tried hoovering me umpteen times but she’s always failed leaving her unbearably frustrated and rageful. She even travelled from one country to another to hoover and stalk me but failed. Why? 1). Like the narc us heyoka emaths av lieutenants and spies working for us to we call em ‘watchers.’ 2). Most heyoka empath but not all r pre-cognitive, meaning we see things b4 they happen. Again how? Either through dreams and visions, trance like States in pseudo-sleep meditation, or when we r awake through a visual impression or warning flashing into our minds that danger is near, we see that person flash into our minds then 5 or 10 or 20 minutes later we see that narc on the street or in a shop. We then navigate away from their presence and darkside aura where they can’t see us. Or we do sheildwork where they can’t detect us. Saint Anger.

    1. Beguiled says:

      This is the first I’ve heard of Hekoya Empath. I’ve always had the sense that I could see things before they happen. It was very haphazard and I only noticed after the fact. Lately, I’ve been trying to pay attention to these “visions”. I have no spies or Lieutanents, however…Mostly just thought I had a very strong intuition.
      For instance, I felt a strong sense that an earthquake was about to occur. Shortly, I received the renewal for my house insurance and I purchased the additional coverage for earthquake…sure enough there was an earchquake. It wasn’t a devastating earthquake, and I didn’t need my insurance, but the thought remained that I had somehow predicted it.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        How many visions have you had which have not happened?

        1. Kiki says:

          HG I don’t have visions but get a very strong sense and a weird niggle , it’s like my heart rate increases and I get a feel .

          This happened to me with the AM thing .
          I can’t explain it.
          There was no strong obvious evidence but I was correct .

          Please what does that mean ?
          If anything?
          I don’t even know if Im an empath but this happens , like a hyper awareness,I could be a narc for all I know right now .


          1. HG Tudor says:


          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            It is quite likely that you are hyper aware and pick up on things which others don’t, I would say that is true of many empaths. you know something is not quite right and that is likely because of all the subtle manipulations you’ve been subjected to which lead you to have certain thoughts.

            For example, there was a secret my mum kept from me and never planned to tell. It was a secret I should have been privy to and not something personal to her. I did not know there was a secret. Something in my life happened and it prompted me to repeatedly question my mother over it. She was so reassuring in answering my questions, yet provided no explanation/evidence to accompany her reassurance. She had never been reassuring over anything in my life, not ever. Quite the opposite. This caused me to recognise something was not right, but I did not know what. Because her reassurance was so at odds with her personality coupled with the lack of evidence I kept pushing and pushing until I got the answer, yet I did not even know there was a question. It just made no sense what she was saying.

            I guess it is no different with Ns and their manipulations. We pick up on the subtlety of things and know something is ‘off’. I guess with Ns this is more obvious. E.g with triangulation. They may not even out and out flirt with someone, but if they keep dropping their name in conversation etc. these things all lodge with us.

          3. Kiki says:

            No HG
            Promise apart from being a dirty empath I think I’m that anyway , might not be , I’m super clean living .
            Well apart from the occasional alcoholic drink 😊

            I never dabbled in illegal drugs .
            I’m actually quite a boring nun like person apart from my dirty empath streak .


          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Kiki I have the same feelings and I don’t do drugs either. I heard of the term “hayoka” before because a woman many years ago called me that name at a party. I didn’t really cared for it, she seemed a little too new age for me. Apparently the fact I was born upside down and a month earlier had to do with it though I don’t know why she brought that up or how she knew. I think in the end it’s different labels for the same thing. But it’s true I have my spies, and they tell me when the narc is in town or where he’s at if they can see it on social media so that I can avoid him. So far it’s worked for me pretty well. But Kiki in my case it’s not my heart pounding, it’s my stomach crunching. HG would probably say it’s a combination of ET and IBS but we all know empaths have a strong intuition.

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            *oops, it’s heyoka, I spelled it wrong. Like I said, I didn’t think much about it until I read it here again… if I am that I really don’t have any super powers though. I wish!

        2. Beguiled says:

          Visions is probably not the best word choice, on my part, since I dont actually see it happening in my mind. Its more of an overwhelming feeling. I dont typically have an experience like the earthquake and I don’t usually have the clarity to realize its happening until after the fact.

          Typically, it is more of a prediction of something that I fear will happen at work, or a social situation.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Is it akin to a strange sensation in your stomach, a sense of foreboding, an inner dread, an inkling of some hideous occurrence?

            And then you follow through.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            I am glad to come across your comment – your words “I don’t usually have the clarity to realize its happening until after the fact”. I have had this several times. It’s more ‘instincts’ on my part – it’s like a ‘warning’ of some kind but never knowing exactly what it is until after the fact. It usually happens when narcissists are involved.

            It is not easy to be able to “follow through” when you don’t necessarily know for fact what is impending or what any of the narcissists will (or are doing). That’s their whole point – the narcissist doesn’t want you to act on it or do a ‘diversion’ of some kind.

            It’s hard to explain exactly what it feels like – it’s instinct – the mind does not have the message nor the means to necessarily understand what your instinct is actually warning you about. You sense it. You feel it. But not understand. Yet, it could be warning you of this narcissistic in front of you. Or, somehow, the sub-conscious working during your waking hours.

            I do have an idea of what you are saying.

          3. Kiki says:

            Yes it’s a very strong feeling .Like anxiety almost.I also feel that stomach churn or crunch or dropping sensation in my stomach , my heart rate increases and sometimes I get a slight shaking in my hands.
            If it’s bad it’s a sick feeling , if it’s a super awareness it’s like a prickling sensation in the back of my neck and an overwhelming urge to put 2 and 2 together and check if I’m correct.


          4. Kiki says:

            Yes HG you described it perfectly, that is exact what the feeling is like after the awareness bit passes


          5. Kiki says:

            Sweetest Perfection

            I think it really is a thing this awareness.
            It’s mostly not very nice though .
            Maybe our subconscious knows from cues , lack of trust , past lies and BS and that’s what causes it


          6. Intrepid Traveller says:

            HG. I think your ‘follow through’ has been lost in translation.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            I know. Bit shitty really.

          8. Witch says:

            I’ve had an actual vision.
            I was 14 years old. I was in a house with what I know now must have been a narc. He was older maybe early 20’s?
            I saw him in my mind, come into the the room, say something (i had the exact words but I don’t remember what they were now) and then sit down on those box thingys people have at the end of their beds (I don’t know what they are called.) then I had an urge to get up and lock the door but I didn’t listen to it. Anyway, straight after I saw and heard that, he comes into the room says the exact words I heard he was going to say, and sit exactly where I knew he was going to sit.
            So he turned out to be a creep who ended up asking me if I’ve seen pornography. I got him to leave by saying I’m going to sleep, he said I can go to sleep in front of him (probably wanted to fiddle me in my sleep) but I insisted he leave. After he left I locked the door and he came back 10 mins later knocking on the door but I didn’t open it.
            So that was my vision.
            I’ve seen other things but of the past, me as a baby – outside of myself.
            It happens very rarely though

          9. alexine99 says:

            I remember during the early days with my narc having an overwhelming sensation in my gut that he was about to blow up as I watched him take care of some household chores. He appeared to be quietly seething under the surface for no apparent reason. I learned that I was right. I wish I had acted upon that feeling as it was brewing within him and about to come down the pipes. I also remember markedly choosing to ignore it…I was so foolish!
            I find it difficult to cut myself much slack as it was clearly all there, but I didn’t want what I knew to be so. He repulses me now.
            One finger up his arse and I could bring him to his knees. Whoever is next on his list will have to add that little trick to their sexual repertoire as he had no idea he’d like it so much.
            I hope I’m finally learning my lesson as I don’t enjoy these recent waves of disgust and hatred.

    2. Violetta says:

      King nothing:

      Any possibility you’re a Narc yourself? If so, you’re not a very effective one.

      I feel sorry for your ex, if she exists.

      1. Beguiled says:

        Violetta, Who are you talking to?

        1. Violetta says:

          “Saint Anger” is a Metallica song, but seemed less appropriate as a web handle for this individual than “King Nothing.”

          1. njfilly says:

            I love Metallica and James Hetfield.

          2. Violetta says:

            I gave some lullaby album of Metallica for their newborn–soothing instrumental versions of “Enter Sandman” and “Master of Puppets.”

          3. Beguiled says:

            Clever girl…

          4. njfilly says:

            Ha ha! I assume that’s a joke!

          5. Violetta says:

            It’s the “Rock-a-bye Baby” series, available on Amazon. They have lullaby albums of Ramones (which I sent a different family), Zep, Nirvana, a bunch of classic rock or hair metal bands.

            Nirvana could work very well. When the Monks if Benzedrine did their parody Gregorian chant album, Nirvana sounded beautiful.

      2. Kiki says:

        Ok HG will roll around laughing and not believe this one.

        I had a vision / dream about ten years ago .
        It was my moms elderly neighbour.
        I could see her face perfectly, then the image changed to her family standing in the living room around her coffin.

        I woke and thought it was a weird dream but thought no more of it

        Later that day the elderly neighbour was found dead in her home

        She died of a heart attack during the night.

        I will never ever forget it .

        I cannot explain it .


        1. HG Tudor says:

          It was a flashback, you offed her.

    3. WokeAF says:

      -1) she’s not a Greater
      -2) this is all magical thinking , pretend, play. Like you’re age 5-11. I wonder why.

      Visions, etc- happen, yes.

      But-Creating a whole superhero identity and adventure teen novella for each superpower is only dreaming within the dream.

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