Ex Machina



I wake. I sigh. I wait. I see. I smile. I rise. I look. I notice. I awaken. I observe. I pause. I brush. I spit. I view. I hear. I glance. I surge. I type. I halt. I listen. I note. I grin. I step. I stand. I lather. I rinse. I wipe. I turn. I move. I check. I nod. I collect. I foam. I shave. I clear. I admire. I piss. I flush. I smear. I moisturise. I turn. I catch. I dry. I spray. I dress. I adore.

I answer. I speak. I understand. I climb. I descend. I eat. I compliment. I accept. I plan. I consider. I formulate. I read. I zone. I screen. I drink. I kiss. I extract. I gather. I accumulate. I garner. I stockpile. I brush. I check. I rise. I exit. I call. I tease. I plot. I move. I drive. I sing. I cruise. I forge. I advance. I frustrate. I lie. I speed. I overtake. I gesticulate. I rage. I growl. I glower.

I overcome. I bristle. I prowl. I dictate. I oversee. I lead. I achieve. I pioneer. I evaluate. I target. I flirt. I chastise. I laugh. I frown. I complete. I direct. I orchestrate. I demand. I secure. I fabricate. I succeed. I triumph. I challenge. I inspire. I decide. I action. I activate. I consume. I quench. I envy. I roar. I rage. I burn. I slash. I throttle. I lash. I denigrate. I belittle. I strike. I wound. I attack.

I conquer. I despise. I hate. I overrun. I dominate. I sign. I shake. I clench. I maintain. I read. I assimilate. I conduct. I move. I touch. I preserve. I continue. I subjugate. I exceed. I impress. I frighten. I illuminate. I shine. I blaze. I buy. I offer. I grace. I favour. I entertain. I joke. I outrank. I outflank. I identify.

I attract. I bind. I deceive. I con. I dedicate. I pretend. I know. I understand. I grasp. I press. I pull. I remove. I shadow. I lure. I beckon. I bestow. I receive. I evade. I deny. I deflect. I swing. I duck. I blacken. I obscure. I hide. I take. I grab. I have. I remove. I strip. I push. I enter. I thrust. I delight. I lick. I bite. I tug. I caress. I probe. I stroke. I entrance. I hypnotise. I mesmerise.

I float. I soar. I smooth. I sooth. I confuse. I defraud. I steal. I distract. I depart. I ignore. I sneer. I calculate. I follow. I invigilate. I guard. I misinform. I perjure. I mislead. I falsify. I construct. I destroy. I tell. I withhold. I reduce. I erode. I cloud. I arrive. I amass. I harbour. I harvest. I pluck. I suck. I drain. I acquire. I takeover. I obliterate. I annihilate. I beat. I overcome.

I assure. I ignite. I manipulate. I control. I assuage. I decide. I conclude. I reflect. I dismiss. I ascertain. I point. I click. I review. I tap. I send. I spin. I trap. I block. I unblock. I do. I don’t. I will. I won’t. I can. I cannot. I should. I shouldn’t. I would. I wouldn’t. I did. I didn’t. I oppose. I combine.

I bewilder. I daze. I encircle. I defend. I swoop. I revel. I increase. I fume. I snarl. I infuriate. I retaliate. I provoke. I win. I switch. I lower. I triumph. I outsmart. I outreach. I succeed. I delight. I accomplish. I remember. I twist. I turn. I grimace. I scratch. I scrape. I whisper.

I close.

I sleep.

I wake.

I am.

I repeat.


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11 thoughts on “Ex Machina

  1. BC30 says:

    I just watched a short video of a woman singing a song on a karaoke machine at a Costco warehouse store. The song was from a wonderful, emotional scene in the Schitt’s Creek TV show. I was smiling from ear to ear and teardrops falling with HAPPINESS! I stumbled on the video. I in no way “controlled” any of it. It was a natural Empath manifestation that I wouldn’t change for the world. These defensive controlling robots don’t know what they’re missing.

  2. Eternity says:

    HG , is there anything you do not do? Maybe a new article with that one.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    You repeat – not necessarily in the same order, on a daily basis. In the concepts of ‘fuel’ and ‘control’ – yes, daily – Groundhog Day, every day. Yet the levels of each (fuel & control) may vary – depends what else is going on.

    A narcissist is probably the only human that needs a ‘routine’ in their daily lives and because they hate change also because they have to be control. Yes, fuel is more important to the narcissist but, in order to achieve that successfully, they need to be in control. So – control first then fuel second. The Greater has more patience on this compared to the other schools.

  4. A Victor says:

    Is this what it’s like for a narcissist? Every thing so mechanical? Where does the “feeling” from getting fuel come into play?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This was written about the doing, rather than the receipt of fuel.

      1. A Victor says:

        Ah, I see there is still more for me to learn as I don’t “get” this quite yet. It will come. Thank you.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          I have rarely seen a narcissist actually SIT and RELAX. Their ‘creature’ does not permit them to relax.

          For example, maybe a Lesser would ‘self’medicate’ to the point of passing out, an MRN would ‘flit’ around from doing one task and then going to another (probably before finishing the first task completely) to the point where their body is absolutely exhausted but their mind is still very active, then they may or may not ‘self-medicate’. As for the Greater – the article ‘The Greater Narcissist’ explains it well enough – HG himself has said that he only needs a few hours sleep & with his extremely high level of intelligence, his mind would be ‘switched’ on 24 / 7.

          The poor narcissists still have to obtain fuel (levels as appropriate to the school / cadre) & ensure their ‘control’ is intact at the same time.

          Their ‘creature’ controls the narcissist.

          1. A Victor says:

            Okay, so it’s constant doing, with complete control, no spontaneity, routine and repetitive but almost frenetic in nature. Wow.

            The narc I was involved with used to talk about going out all night fishing and then going to work all day, no sleep. And about waking at 3 am and laying in the dark to think for an hour before riding for the day. And about needing 1 or 2-l two hour sleep sessions each day, only. I’d heard HG’s sleep patterns and wondered if this sleep thing was typical. And this insanely busy, active lifestyle. That narc was very sick and still working as much as he could. I’d say I was worried if he was healthy I wouldn’t be able to keep up. He said no woman ever had, not to worry. Lol. Maybe I’m starting to get it. Thanks

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Hello AV. There is ‘spontaneity’. DELAYED spontaneity. LOL. If someone else (ie, someone like me) ‘moves’ the narcissist’s “goal-posts” if you will, then the narcissist has no other option but to “respond” whether it’s their instincts or their mental ‘calculations’. It may not necessarily be an “instant” response – it really depends on the school / cadre – I’ve seen it – the “blank” expression of (like, WTF, stunned, confusion, sh*t, quick, think / act / instinctively respond) on a number of narcissists faces. Not just the ones I was “intimate” with.

            Yup, the ‘sleep thing’ as you call it – is deffo their ‘creature’ having “control” of the instincts and also, somewhat, their mind. It’s probably vice versa on the ‘higher’ calibre minded narcissists – the UMR and Greater ranges (I’m sniggering here, probably not quite HG’s “politically correct wording” when it comes to narcissism) – but, hey, we are individuals……. freedom of speech and all that…….

            They. Cannot. Keep. Still. They. Cannot. Relax.

            I get it – in my own understanding. From my own experiences. Having to be “hyper-on-my-toes” when it was ‘muvver’ – every morning, is she gonna be in good mood (rarely – I get it now, narcissism does that – her inability to be able to understand herself and inability to actually be in control of it, never mind put an fkg ‘facade’ on it). I get it, the emotional pain (the deepest bond) and the mental trauma of not understanding why I was once the “best thing to exist” then to be treated like cow sh*t on the shoes. All this in this paragraph, is self-explanatory when it comes to understanding from the information on KTN site. I slept BADLY. Erratically. Unsettled. All that and having to “harbour” my own “darkness” from the past. So, I can understand and relate to the narcissist’s “issue” of their own lack of sleep and lack of sleep pattern. And their ‘creature’.

            So very few people would get this. Depends if they “suffered” as a child.

            If the “explanation” is too clinical (ie medical or health professional related – they don’t fkg get it anyway) – or too ‘logical’ then sometimes, another outlook from another angle can provide some, even if it’s little – input and insight – just to encourage a different way of thinking, it can work – not always.

            You will get there, once day and you are already doing really well. Take care x

  5. lickemtomorrow says:

    You are posting some of my favourite articles today, HG.

    These are very effective. As are you.

    1. HG Tudor says:


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