Games : The Games Are Always Being Played
Games. I love playing games. As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules; I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement. You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.
The game are always being played.
It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.
The games are always being played.
When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will we sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them; we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.
“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.
“I know,” I will smile in return.
“But we are playing monopoly.
“No we are not.”
“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”
“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”
“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”
“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”
“What? You’ve changed it again.”
“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”
“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”
“Not at all. Check mate.”
Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.
The games are being played.
Inside the Narcissist´s Mind : Is it a Manipulation?
25 thoughts on “Games : The Games Are Always Being Played”
I should have also mentioned that, if the victim does not engage in the game playing, they should still know they are the winner; their victory comes from being the better person.
Winning Path, I like your comment.
Is it common, or rare, for narcissists to divulge to their victim, at some point, that everything is a game to them, and it is all about winning for them, and that they had been manipulating the victim all along? Are there particular types of narcissists that will or won’t disclose that?
See The Mid Ranger Who Would Be King (in the Platinum Collection)
The summer narc was always telling me he always won, always. We were not in competition but it definitely felt like a warning and that we would be at some point.
Winning path. These are the twatiest of twat mid rangers and yes you’ll find what you want in the book HG suggests.
Alexissmith – lol!
Alexissmith2016, “twatiest of twat”… Going to show my naivete here, or ignorance, but can you expand on what this phase means? My comment above, regarding the summer narc saying he always won and the fact that on a few occasions he straight up said to me I didn’t know what I was involved with. I will check out what the book says also, just curious about what you meant.
Forgive my language, I think Alexis is trying to say that he is the biggest pussy.
Oh, hahaha, thank you Leigh, of course! I’ve seen several comments about mid rangers that were similar, they must really be something.
Mid Rangers are something alright. They are scaredy cats and cry babies.
I’m far from an expert but Pipelines and Sitting Target are two books that elped me to have a better understanding of the different schools and cadres of narcissists
The COVID soundbites are articles that will also give you a good idea on how each different narcissist operates.
You could also search Lee the Lesser, Malcolm the Mid Ranger and Greg the Greater.
Hope that helps.
HG, I have pondered in the last couple of days – what are the female “names” for the Lesser, MRN and Greater – JUST in case I need to “discuss” narcissists in public (laughing)….. can you share on this please? Thank you.
Ok…. how about ‘Leeanne’ (laughing)…… ‘Karen’ (ah, flg hell…..laughing)…… ok, maybe not ‘Karen’….. how about ‘ Michelle’…. (god, I’m laughing)….. and…. erm….. ‘Gorgina’…. (laughing, not a typo…… ), cos the Greaters are rare (thank god, and bless them)…… fkg hell, I am enjoying myself (for tonight…. (at least)….. it is obviously up to you, HG, what “names” the female narcissists should be given (afterall, it’s only been male-orientated up to this point….. EHEM)….. but FFS the ’empowered’ empaths have a need to talk in public – so ‘safe’ names are needed….. in reality, on my part, I don’t really give a s**t, but there are places in society where people are still wearing ‘anal’ probes (laughing) and one is “expected” to “act” (FFS)….. “accordingly” to “society”….. (laughing)….. god, these so-called ‘medical’ twats have a LOT to answer for…….
Thanks Leigh, I read Pipelines early on, also Sitting Target and that again more recently. I will search those names though and check out the covid soundbites. I’ll reread Pipelines too, once I get a few others finished. Thank you for the direction!
The games will always be played. I was played for a fool long enough. I got out with a little game called Guess What? Time is up. The narcissist will continue to play the game with each victim.
“Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this.” This includes withdrawal. In my book, that is a defeat.
It is irrelevant to us what you have in your book.
It is irrelevant to me what they have in their books. They are the ones hiding in the tree.
Ha ha, but that has given them the control from their perspective and thus the win.
Winning is very subjective. The Narcissist and the Victim very well may be playing different games with different rules (if the victim ends up engaging in game playing) (or if the victim decides to view it as a game after the fact). What each of the players believes about who won, should be irrelevant to the other. So, even if the narcissist thinks that he won because he got the victim to respond in an emotional way, or because he was the one to withdraw, etc., the victim should not consider that as a win for the narcissist; the victim should consider what winning entails according to their own rules (i.e. injured the narcissist’s pride and is no longer engaged with him, failed to give the narcissist what he aimed for and is no longer engaged with him, etc.). So, if the narcissist, in his delusional world, playing childish made-up games with childish made-up rules, thinks that he won, that should not detract from the victim’s sense of victory. The same goes for the narcissist. In this respect, it can be a win-win situation … and that would be the ideal outcome, so each can feel satisfaction and no need or desire to re-engage. Who unbiased rational people might consider to be the winner of the given situation could bolster the victim’s sense of victory, as well.
Interesting to read your comment RE: “In this respect, it can be a win-win situation … and that would be the ideal outcome, so each can feel satisfaction and no need or desire to re-engage” – well worded.
Good points winning path. The reference to the childish nature of their thought processes is a good reminder for me. And also a major turn off. In my social media spying I’ve been engaging in lately I found a few videos of him and a fuel source where they are acting like children. At first I felt jealousy, and was feeling as if I was insufficient, not vibrant etc. Then I realized , why do I feel that way ? They are children. They act as children. And that’s why one of them is in their 30s and still living at home with their parents. Not exactly a sign their life is on track to anything spectacular… still feeding off of mommy and daddy’s success with none of their own.
To make it clear : I don’t normally judge others for their circumstance. Both people in this case are Narcissist’s. I simply needed to remind myself that I have my own life. My own successes. And I don’t need to compete with his other fuel sources. I don’t need to play the game at all.
You don’t play, period. Do you remember that hateful kid who stopped playing when s/he wasn’t winning? That’s the narcissist. They will do anything to win. If they are losing they will still insist they are winning or they will cheat. According to Piaget, playing is the way children learn social structures and form their cognitive understanding of what actions they can take in different situations and the effects of their actions. When your understanding of social interaction is totally messed up, your game is delirious. While I am not an expert in Psychology, I know when the rules of the game are not fair to all players. It’s “jam to-morrow and jam yesterday — but never jam to-day”. Quit before they make you go insane.
RE: HG’s article ‘Can I Control the Narcissist?’ – part of my comment: “I would not want to control the narcissist, their control belongs to them. As long as an empath has control over their own ET & LT and have the freedom (power) to continue to be who they are and build up on that.”
Thus, giving ‘Assertions of Control’ a consideration.
I stand by what I said. Games can be ‘played’ & enjoyed when there is an understanding of “what it is”……. slammed down or not.
“It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change.” – thank you for the ‘heads up’…….
“but suddenly I change the rules” – oh, …. typical…..
Has anyone ever had a narcissist’s “rule” book thrown at them?
“The games are being played” – so, what are we playing then? ……