Why the Narcissist Downgrades
“HG, I am decent-looking, have a good job, I am intelligent, caring, fun and interesting, I dress well, I am a dab hand at cooking and nobody has ever complained about my bedroom skills and he has left me for THAT! Why?!”
It is a refrain I have often heard.
Why, when the narcissist could have you, did he go and choose somebody who is clearly inferior to you in so many different ways?
What is so good about her or him?
Where have you gone wrong?
Why on earth has he chosen her over you?
Why has the narcissist downgraded?
This gives you the answer and it will not only help you understand, it will make you feel a whole lot better too.
4 thoughts on “Why the Narcissist Downgrades”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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My son came to me the other day to vent about his father (MMR) and his father’s girlfriend. I just turned 36, and my son’s father is 37. The girlfriend is only 23 years old. I appreciate her. Since she has been around, she has been able to keep my son’s father preoccupied, which means that I am not bothered. I am still very much in the picture regarding the MMR family though. I am very much seen as the first wife, who has primary custody of our son, and tries to stay on pleasant terms with their family, though I realize that this is also impression management for my son’s dad. Anyways , my son was b**ching and complaining about the girlfriend, and he says, “mom, the whole point for man to date a younger women, is to upgrade. He has downgraded, mom. You are even a better catch than his girlfriend.” I chuckled a bit, because his father’s girlfriend has a lot more in common than my son realizes. His narcisisst Father is just playing out the same dynamic over again. But it was a cute compliment , because while I wouldn’t really say that I am an “upgrade” from a 20 something year old woman, I do feel that I have worked hard to evolve myself into a better person today.
I don’t think older narc men date women in their 20’s not as an “upgrade” per se but usually because they are easier to control. The fuel is the “upgrade” for a narc not the character of the person.
My father is a middle lesser victim and he said he will prefer a woman younger than him. He has a high vainity trait and low IQ so he’s perfectly fine with having a woman that “looks good” and doesn’t have much else going on. He will tell her he will be there for her and that she can call him whenever she needs anything during seduction that way he feels in control.
A stable woman his age wouldn’t really need to call him for help with anything, at the very least it would be infrequent.
Biologically speaking, and when considering heterosexual couples, men choose younger women who have traits of health and vitality to mate with. Women choose men with leadership skills, assertiveness, and resources “alpha males” to secure a future with. However, society has evolved, and humans other needs besides surviving and making babies. With the situation of my son’s father, he is a cerebral narcissist, who primarily is concerned with facade management. Just like with me, the girlfriend is there just to present that the cerebral is capable of a love life, and has the ability to get a good looking girlfriend. He gets some fuel from having an IPPS, but mostly due to playing games with the IPPS. He mostly gets off on pleasing his parents, and other men being jealous of him for having a hot girlfriend. That’s it.
My daughter’s father, however, is 15 years older than me. Looking back, I was set up in that relationship to be groomed for abuse. He would take me to a fancy restaurant, on our way he would give out money to any pan handlers on the way, claim he was a “humanitarian” and was a nice person. Later that night, he would tell me that his family is “very private” and if I wanted to be with him, I needed to respect that. He was basically setting me up to trust him, but also create a dynamic silence me, and for him to gain the control and ability to have everything on his terms.
An independent nuclear power station or an independent ‘national grid’ or an oil tanker compared to single bed flat’s electricity mains supply or an oil tank – no brainer……