The Heart Hooks No. 1 – Narc Sayings of Seduction
(This is a meme. There is no accompanying text.)
Did the narcissist say this to you? How was it conveyed, when was it conveyed and what was your response?
Do you believe in the concept of soulmates? If this phrase (or similar) was said to you, how did it make you feel? What did you believe by it?
112 thoughts on “The Heart Hooks No. 1 – Narc Sayings of Seduction”
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TS/SP IMO that only applies to unsolicited dic pics. I have many solicited dic pics and enjoy asking for various specific poses. Needless to say, I’ve never had a man demur or refuse.
I got my first unsolicited one last week!
Hahaha!
Ask for a setting. ‘ Dick goes to the theatre’ or ‘safari dick’.
I shall report back. 😄
If you do, we will have to request special dispensation from our generous host to critique it!!
If you report about Dick baking a cake, HG will take offence and censor.
Good point AC,
BC30, please note, no requests for Betty Cocker.
Haha TS how creative! I never thought of that! Mine was so lame, and kind of horror vacui. There were so many things around the room that the dick wasn’t relevant anymore: “wait, is that a picture of his wife in the background?” “Omg how messy, look at that pile of clothes on the floor.” TS, I think you’re onto something here; we could create a book series, like “Paddington Goes to the Theatre” but a little more wrinkly.
Coffee table book, glossy, full colour. Like Madonna’s ‘Sex’ but with less pictures of Madonna and more dicks. Arty, atmospheric. Niche.
Bestseller, Christmas 2022 (widely accepted by then).
Take that narcs! Leave it to the empaths to do things properly!
“Like Madonna’s ‘Sex’ but with less pictures of Madonna”
😆
Ha ha xx
TS, Haha excellent idea. There was a wonderful blog that did this, but it was shut down when the platform began to prohibit adult content. There were some lovely photos for inspo.
I found a guy who will be sending pics from the island…so he says. Stay tuned.
AC, hahaha and if ever there was a narcissist’s book, it’s this one.
Wait I’m bad at math, I was 6 roses/dicks short in my earlier comment haha.
The closest thing I ever had to a soulmate was my neighbor’s Great Our. I never communicated as well with any human. Oh well.
Hahaha
How’s you Violetta? x
Great *Pyr.
@#$& autocorrect.
You were talking about a Great Pyrenees?
I was wondering what a Great Our was! I thought it was a new age god!
HG, as you already know, empaths are not morons. We most of the time realize the narc is trying to play “good kid.” We notice when s/he pretends to like our music, read our books, watch our movies or play the sport we enjoy, but we prefer to think they are just cute in trying to get through our hearts. The soul mate thingy works because we allow you to get in, not because we are stupid.
Dearest Sweet P,
Quite right, they say all these ‘sweet nothings’ and in the end, that’s exactly what you get …. nothing!!
When someone likes too many of the things you like …. run…..fast ! 😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I know, Bubbles. The narc I was with was so exaggerated that it was risible. When we chatted, he waited one minute for me to say something, like for example: “Oh, I love avocado” and immediately he answered: “I love avocado,” and then: “Jinx!” It was so obvious it was NOT a jinx moment! Now when I think about it it makes me giggle, it’s so childish…
Oh, SP,
now I’m getting flashbacks and understand a bit of what you been through:
S’il tu plait
La Clinger Narc.
(most are female but I met a few male ones too) I was sixteen and it was the first guy to ever give me flowers on Valentines, there were poems sent, everything mirrored, he seemed to like everything I liked, but it was too much, he was pushy with emotions. Tall, big wide shoulders, I was rather thin. Calling me at midnight. For some reason I told him I could only be friends, even though I had longed to meet a boyfriend. He just was too odd and ten years older. Engulfing. It is not until today when reading your comment that I realize I met a narc back then.
Clinger Narcs sort of don’t even get to the devaluing stage because their targets end it way before any saga could begin!
(if this resonates with your experience)
AC, I didn’t get any flowers or poems, with this guy it was rather “la dick pic” haha. He was a bit clingy during lovebombing, and I know I was never devalued but put on the shelf with a clear date for resuming our relationship. But one thing that coincides is that I escaped before that moment came.
SweetP:
“la dick pic”. Ha ha! That’s so funny. Thankfully my narc did not send me any dick pics or I would have had to ask him to stop. I don’t like that and it’s not something I want to be looking at in a photograph. I also don’t watch any porn. Never have. I don’t like it.
Another Cat: I started dating my narc ex in July and my birthday was in November. He sent me three dozen red roses which was so over the top it detracted from the sentiment, in my opinion. Although I would never say that or be unappreciative I wasn’t thrilled with it even at that time. Also, though, my nature is practical and minimalist.
Then for Christmas he got me two large screen TV’s with a sound system for each. I don’t even remember what I got him but it was nothing that extravagant. My mother immediately was suspicious and she made some sort of comment that he was going overboard. I believe my mother to be a narcissist but I will admit she is a good judge of people and their character at times.
I’m glad I have those TV’s now. Of course I rarely watch TV but I can play music videos extremely loud!
Njfilly, I don’t like flowers, they remind me of death. If you want to give me something, give me a live plant. So many roses are suspicious. But of course, better 30 roses than 30 dicks.
SP: Yes, you are a gardener aren’t you? I think I read in a comment that you grow your own vegetables and many hot peppers. At least I think that was you.
I love flowers but not particularly florist flowers. They are too perfect to look at and have no scent. I prefer them cut directly from the garden or wild.
I didn’t necessarily view the roses as a red flag signaling danger but I did view it as over compensating for something and I assumed I would eventually discover what it was.
I am the gardener helper, my husband is the expert. But I love plants and I’m learning they don’t get all along. Like humans, some plants don’t like hanging out with some others. It’s fascinating. I care about them when it’s cold outside and tell them how beautiful they are.
That’s great. I love fresh grown food.
We just got a Christmas tree. A real one. It’s the first time I spend Christmas in the US, so my husband wanted us to have the typical Christmas with stocking hanging from the fireplace, a real tree etc. I suffered picking it up. He’s a martyr to our superstitious celebration. His name is Albert.
Ha ha! You mean the tree’s name is Albert? I hope you enjoy your celebration.
I agree that Christmas is a superstitious celebration having nothing to do with the birth of Jesus Christ. Also a pagan/satanic ritual. The worship of trees is forbidden by my God.
Yes, Albert the tree. Nobody worships anything here, we just dressed the tree up and drank wine around it listening to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You,” which in my opinion is worse than satanic.
I agree about Mariah Carey.
Why did you name the tree and why did you name it Albert? I don’t know any trees named Albert.
Ah, “What’s in a name?” I am of the opinion that in naming, we bring things that were external and strange to us closer and make them familiar. I could have named it Christmas tree, because in fact, he is the only one in the house that would bear that rank. But I have other trees, and out of them this is the only one that is allowed in the house. We are dressing him up and sharing meals with him. Therefore, he deserved a proper name. I didn’t think of a name, Albert came to me because it has a similar color to my tree synesthetically, which I understand doesn’t sound very normal but it’s the way I see it.
Very interesting and I agree.
I love names and naming my pets. Like the song “The Naming of the Cats”. Naming cats and chickens is the most fun because they are so numerous, so I am always thinking of new names. (Only my favorite chickens had names because at times I had over 100 chickens at a time).
I never use a name twice. I like to name them based upon their looks or personality, but sometimes I choose names I want to use in advance, then attempt to find the animal that is suited for that name. Sometimes, I believe, the animals tell me what their names are, or what they want to be named. My pets always have their formal or registered name then a few nicknames.
If I adopt an animal that already has a name, I try not to change it unless I absolutely don’t like that name. Alternatively I give them a new name based upon the old name but different; like a goat I bought named Oreo so I changed her name to Cookie.
I just love names and naming pets! I also enjoy discussing it, obviously!
I hope you enjoy the holidays with your new family member.
I don’t know. Seeing Albert decay is like hanging a corpse in your living room. I don’t think I’ll ever get a real Christmas tree again. I like naming pets though I always give them people’s names. But I think they don’t care much if you change their names, they learn fast and respond to the new one. However, it would have been easier for Oreo the goat-I think- if you had renamed it as Vittorio. But I don’t know goats all that well. The director of the movie The Witch said in an interview he was never gonna work with a goat again in his life because they don’t learn anything! Haha
I rarely use human names only because I prefer being creative with the names.
Vittorio is a totally inappropriate name for a goat. (Ok. Just kidding!)
I never tried to train a goat but I know they can be trained to drive carts like horses.
I offer my condolences for the death and decay of Albert.
Hahaha but it rhymes with Oreo! I was thinking of not getting the goat too confused, the point is that it sounds similar when you call: ….reo! …reo!!
Ha ha! Yes, I figured you were going for the rhyme.
Cookie never came to me when I called her anyway. She had a brother who came to me named Hocks so I called him Puck.
Njfilly I’m sorry, I didn’t receive notification of your latest comment, I found it now and it made me giggle: “a brother who came to me named Hocks so I called him Puck.” Puck is a great name, though it could make him turn a little mischievous.
No problem, SweetP.
Puck was very mischievous and friendly. Cookie was flighty and afraid of everything. I loved them both though.
O Rose thou art sick.
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night
In the howling storm:
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy:
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
Beautiful!
I used to have many rose bushes of different varieties. Some most known for their scent. I have none left. The goats ate them.
Perhaps one of the few times when the goats are not g.o.a.t.
I had to google that because I didn’t understand it!! I love goats but they can be very destructive.
Didn’t they get hurt? Cause every rose has its thorn…
Ha ha! Yes they do.
They never got hurt. I don’t remember if they ate the stems or just the flowers. Goats can eat poison ivy also.
SP wrote
“it was rather “la dick pic” haha”
Ah but alas.
Njfilly, SP,
Let’s discuss the phenomenon that is the dick pic. Now I’m not being funny, but who on earth decided that was a good idea?
I love men, I love sex (with the right man), I like a bit of romance ( low key) and I’m not averse to porn or some kinky stuff on occasion. But please, don’t send me a dick pic. Let’s be honest, when it comes to bodies and their attractiveness, women win hands down. A guy naked in the moment, yes please, come here, but seriously, a picture of your dick out of the blue is just plain unattractive. If that’s the best you got in terms of a grand seduction, you really need to think again.
TS, absolutely. Even when big and hard, dicks are not even aesthetically pleasant, not to mention when they are limp. The first time I received one we had been chatting normally, not even sexting. He sent a picture of his parents’ cat -he was visiting that weekend-. I said “aw that’s cute.” He replied: “let me know if you wanna see something else “ and I said “I’d love to see your face.” I didn’t say head. I said face. FACE.
Laughing….. so he was visiting his parent’s cat? (laughing)
Haha. Lonely pussy cat.
Truthseeker, I agree! I’ve never received a dick pic but if I did, I would likely laugh. And delete that guy!
Njfilly, Sweet P
HG actually wrote about this type once
‘In love with the teacher’
I think it was titled. The schoolgirl is that typical Clinger sort. They sort of don’t have a crush like a nonnarc girl would, instead they think they Own the target of their desire, described in the exaggerated wording in the article, and they usually stalk too.
I see you are also aquainted with this phenomenon, Njfilly. Good riddance, cheers.
SP Hahaha!
I just struggle with the thinking behind it.
a) I’ll show her this, this should impress her.
b) Bet she’s never seen one like this before.
c) I wonder if I should use the filter function.
d) leg up? Or leg down?
e) This is definitely my best side.
f) If I do full zoom ….
Seriously?
You are not thinking this through. Who do you think started doing this and what do you think their mindset will have been?
Truthseeker,
Totally agree with you about the dick pictures. Can’t believe anyone would think that would be a turn-on!
HG, please tell me you have never done that? My gut instinct is that you are above all of that..?
Answered previously.
Ah, sorry, the article describing a clinger Narc is titled
‘The Classroom Narcissist’
TS:
Yes I do wonder what trend setter started the dick pick phenom.
I think you probably missed the dick pick thread. It was fun.
SP:
I agree that dicks are not very attractive and probably should not be photographed alone. Although I have seen some very impressive ones that might make me rethink that statement but some of them are down right ugly. I would rather see the entire man naked. Assuming he has a nice physique and is picture worthy.
HG,
“You are not thinking this through….”
Fair point. Somatic narcissists, possibly Elite but to a lesser degree. The thinking, “I want sexual gratification. Now.” Zero respect for the recipient. Objective: Fast lay, easy control, easy fuel, quick ensnarement.
Later, the misguided normals jump on the bandwagon and bam dick pic becomes mainstream viewing.
You’re right, full credit awarded to the Somatic narcissists for the dick pic phenomenon.
One last thing though.
But it’s a photograph!!!! Of your dick!!!! In close up!!!!
Ok, I’m done now.
Ceci n’est pas une dick! It’s a picture of a dick! -he must have thought-.
HG, answered previously where?
NJ Filly,
“Although I have seen some impressive ones…”
God that made me laugh ha ha xx
I didn’t see the dick pic thread, you’re right. Probably for the best!
Dick pics cause reaction. Period.
Dearest Sweet P,
When I look back, the ‘weasel’ copied us heaps !
He pretended he was an Op shopper like me ……so he went and bought a corduroy jacket almost identical to Mr Bubbles, he also started wearing ties as Mr Bubbles wore ties, then the smart casual pants n jackets just like Mr Bubbles (his attire was atrocious when we first met him)
He visited our house first and obviously took note of all our contents and started to copy our books, candles, dinnerware, Christmas deccies and started to show a mutual interest in my cooking n baking comparing his talents
He had a terribly ugly garden patch, next thing, he’s attending to his plot, after seeing ours
So when we were finally invited to his place…….alas and coincidentally, he had exactly the same!
We were so oblivious and it never for an instant occurred to us, we were being mirrored. I just thought we had the same good tastes !
These people just devour your trust !
With regard to ‘ soulmates ‘ ….
Two women were talking, first one says “I now have my ‘perfect soulmate’ husband”
Second one says “No you don’t, you’ve just learnt to tolerate him more and overlook his imperfections, compared to the last one ”
There’s food for thought 💭
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles, “These people just devour your trust “ yep. I have commented before on other threads that this guy copied my foreign expressions, my opinions about art or books and then repeated them as his, my taste in wine, my taste in music…right before my escape, when I had cut all communication with him but was still on SM, he proceeded to post pictures of him posing exactly the way I did in my pics. He was clearly mirroring me. It was creepy AF, and the story about that guy you described is creepy too. It reminds me of that old movie Single White Female.
Dearest Sweet P,
Your friend sounded very creepy, the weasel became creepier, bit by bit and finally his behaviour didn’t make any sense.
Single White Female …. I remember watching that 😱
Back in the ol days, when I rented, I lived alone and never shared….. there’s the reason !! Haha
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear Mr Tudor,
This meme displays more red flags than a mayday march in Moscow !
Beware of the person who waves this in front of you
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
“Beware of the person who waves this in front of you” – I think, I know what you mean 😉
Dearest Asp Emp,
Just the flag sweet pea, just the flag 😉
😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
(laughing, for ages…… ) Ah, bless you, Bubbles x
I thought to myself, sometimes it is a pity that the majority of narcissists don’t know what they are so that they cannot come out and say “I’m sorry for shouting at you, can I have some fuel, please? I’m needing a top up”. A ‘normal’ or an empath would say “I’ve had a s**t day, can I have a hug please?”. How handy would it to to have a narcspeak deciphering (translation) app designed?
I felt this…
Great thought, @Asp Emp
“I’m sorry for shouting at you, can I have some fuel, please? I’m needing a top up”. A ‘normal’ or an empath would say “I’ve had a s**t day, can I have a hug please?”
I don’t believe that would be fulfilling to any narc – aware or otherwise. The method of extraction and authenticity of our feelings is what makes it fuel, and potent.
Like us buying, wrapping, and unwrapping our own Christmas gift. Totally unfulfilling.
Thank you for your response and I respect your opinion. I would “Like us buying, wrapping, and unwrapping our own Christmas gift.” – as a treat to myself. 😉
” We are Soulmates ” I heard from Middle Midranger narcissists. Can’t remember it from Upper Midrangers.
With some more LT I can nowadays “feel” the problem with saying very deep words like that before having lived with someone for ten years or so. It’s simply a bit intruding.
Oh ya ! I have lots of friends that are non Narcissists Some have crossed my path I have family members that are Narcissist too.
In terms of finding someone I dont think I have never dated an Empath or Normal person. I was married to a MMR for several years. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel and he could be standing there waiting for me who knows I guess
Perhaps we should consider why our concept of “success” in relationships is always tied to the extreme. Soulmates, best friend forever, prince charming and treated like a princess, til death do us part………
Why isn’t finding good people to share the journey with felt to be good enough? Why is there always some pinnacle as the focus?
Expecting people to live up to unrealistic expectation such as the abstract concept of soulmate seems destined for disappointment.
If at the end of our lives we have enjoyed good people with whom we have shared to make the trip a bit easier and more enjoyable, would the peace in that not be preferable to the disappointment of not finding the elusive unicorn that is the forever toe-curling and designed by Disney soulmate?
You are correct, NA. Where does this pinnacle come from? Our kind – the narcissistic perspective of ownership, infatuation, extremeness – forges the Narcissistic Narrative which then becomes the mainstream and thus cons empaths and normals into thinking this is what love is actually about.
I agree, HG, however my view is narcissists only utilize these heart hooks because they are effective in obtaining their prime aims. This then begs the question: Why are these hooks so effective?
I believe this is due to three key human drivers: fear, avoidance of pain and the desire to love/bond. People want to be loved and they do not want to be hurt. They fear entering a relationship that may end. Of course all relationships end. Whether due to either breakup, divorce or death, all relationships end. However the idea that love is eternal and can surmount death is an appealing one. The idea or promise of eternal love mitigates fear. It also bypasses the existential challenge of facing death and loss. In terms of attachment, people compare the loss of an attachment to a death. It is a significantly painful experience. Love brings people together, but attachment is the bond (sometimes unhealthfully) that keeps people together. There are many neural pathways that support this connection (created both chemically and behaviorally). Therefore if someone is told and believes these heart hooks (because they long to have love without fear), they feel safe from fear of pain and if some thing is eternal, the fear of loss. I believe this is why these heart hooks will always be an effective tool for narcissists.
As empaths we must be careful to see that actions and word correspond. Empty heart hooks are like a sweet confection. Delightful in the moment, but can lead to problems if consumed as a steady diet.
NA, If only people could truly appreciate every encounter and relationship for all they offer in this life, more would experience joy and satisfaction. We learn something from every relationship and encounter. That in itself is valuable. If someone goes into a relationship actually believing someone is perfect, where can things go from there? Perfection does not exist (HG excluded, naturally).
“As empaths we must be careful to see that actions and word correspond. Empty heart hooks are like a sweet confection. Delightful in the moment, but can lead to problems if consumed as a steady diet.”
Similar to florist flowers I posted about in another comment. Much too perfect and beautiful to look at, but they have no scent. They may as well be plastic.
Yes, that separation between words and actions is a big problem. It’s like my brain shuts out the action, just hearing the words.
True. Even some of the situations explained by Mr. HG Tudor. I read it but I can’t comprehend it. Maybe I just don’t want to believe it.
True. I suppose many view that as boring, people enjoy the drama more then they lead on. I do believe in soul mates though, not in the traditional sense… but I have a long term friend (a woman, we are both heterosexual) she’s the closest most intimate relationship I’ve ever had. If I had a soulmate … it would be her.
Emotional thinking makes people believe it is boring.
Does addiction play a role in that as well ? Intermittent reinforcement tends to be a powerful driver for most. Whether that be in interpersonal relationships, at the casino or drug use.
Also, I was thinking about your article Love is a Taught Construct, the other day. Love is quite complex… for a narcissist love is about infatuation and control. For a co dependant love is about sacrificing ones own well being for another, and also an attempt at control. For a normal love has a balance of being able to be there for others but also being able to establish healthy boundaries. We are taught how to love. Not all people entangled with narcissits do not feel loved. For example … when I watch the Kardashians… they all have a way of being a family. The fact that many of them are Narcissist’s is almost helpful because they do not view their mother as unloving.
Two Narcissist’s in a relationship do not view each other as unloving either. They understand each other.
I think the best we can hope for is to find someone who matches our own definitions of what love should be. And it is unrealistic to think it’s always going to come from one place.
Love is… simply what we make it. And some people fit into that mould and others don’t.
NA – Just day before yesterday, I was listening to Bowie’s “As the World Falls Down” and post-KTN, it now has an entirely different meaning. If I am ever wistful, I can give it a listen and snap myself out of it.
Yes, once one sees the narcissistic perspective’s affect on much of our culture, it is really creepy actually. But, we have been conditioned to believe that without it we don’t have the real thing. How sad this is. I feel like young people, especially empathic ones, don’t have a chance.
The song “Every Breath You Take” I have always strongly disliked, even leaving a vicinity where it’s playing. It is such a blatant indicator of the dysfunctional thought process we have. The more subtle ones might be even more dangerous though as they don’t cause the revulsion but they still affect the thinking.
I think there must be a bit of the stalker in me, AV … I’ve always loved that song 😛
Some of these dysfunctional thought patterns can go both ways for sure. But, there’s no doubt it is perfectly fitting for the narcissist and “til death do us part”. He’s never letting go.
I sh*t you not, my wedding vows at my first marriage were “For as long as love shall last.” Needless to say, it did not. Haha
Mine were “Somebody” by Depeche Mode. I’ve always been a skeptical and never believed in soul mates. But I believe in having a civil union with a person you really get along with and who can put up with me weirdness, and that’s enough.
Hahaha! That reminds me, my first ex used to creep around outside the house peeking in the windows at me! That’s about the time that song came out, I bet that’s the reason I hate it! Wow, I had not connected that in many years!
Hi AV. RE “my first ex used to creep around outside the house peeking in the windows at me!” – some Lesser did that to me, many times – hence my window “covering” choice – it works – no-one can see in and I can choose to see out. I shouldn’t have to live like that but I do. My private life is mine (and whoever I decide is privy to it). None of my friends have ‘questioned’ it or why.
BC30, I hope it’s okay that I giggled at your comment!!
Oh Asp Emp, I keep my windows covered most of the time, and then, only opening coverings on the ones no one can see into. Pretty sure I can trace it back to that. And the backyard has a tall privacy fence around it, same reason.
‘Wistful’, I love that word BC. I’ve not heard anyone use it for some time.
So many songs seem to take on a different perspective post knowledge. But I love when an empath sings a beautiful song and they really mean the words they’re singing. It’s so powerful.
I can only think of one E popstar. And he’s not around to make any more.
Maroon 5 ‘She will be loved’ springs to mind as an N++++++ song for me. Adam Levine has dead eyes (one for you to check out witchy) and he’s singing about rescuing the woman with a broken smile (tenderised empath) and loving her through his N obsession (white knight). Pre knowledge that would have been such a sexy song. Man rescues woman from abuser but we all know she’s only going to be subjected to more abuse. Bloody hell let’s rescue all the Es everywhere.
I would not have thought that of “She Will Be Loved,” but will have a listen
I was my UMRN’s IPSS, in an affair with him for 2 years. Sometime early on, he told me, “You want to be my soulmate, don’t you? Just like her (other IPSS – not IPPS). You can be, if you work hard at our relationship.”
I had felt a mix of jealousy, a need to try harder for him to like me more than the others, and the overpowering desire to be the only one he loved. He had been holding my hand, in his parked car, when he said it.
Now, I feel like such a fool!! 😀
I used to believe in soulmates when I was younger. Now, not really. Now, if I thought there could be one, it would not necessarily be a romantic partner. It would be a friend.
Yes he called me his soul mate. And I believed him. I’ve always believed in soul mates and I thought he was mine. I was so wrong
Yes, I believe in the concept of soulmates. I think it’s a great image.
Asp Emp, I honestly dont believe in soulmates.
It does exist – it is just very rare x
Really? It only exists in fairytales I dont believe in that either. I strongly believe that there is someone out there for everyone,but it is hard to find and it is rare . I honestly would rather just date other people but not fall in love again. I like my Freedom and have no problem being on my own.
There is 2 sets of friends that I know that remain to have a ‘spark’ that has not dimmed in over 20 odd years. (These are non narcissists). They have very strong relationships. You may change your mind, one day….. it’ll be some hot guy and you never know, so don’t totally dismiss it 🙂
I agree with you Asp. It does exist and it is very rare.
I’ve witnessed it only twice. Possibility for three maybe.
With both couples it actually isn’t crazy romantic. It’s forged more through getting through the hard times and still being together on the other side. It’s forged through a common goal and a real honesty.
One couple, I would estimate both empaths. They adopted a baby from China who they later discovered was disabled. They adopted a second baby who later proved to have ADHD. She admitted part way into their marriage that she was strongly attracted to someone else. ( Narc enters stage left) They talked through it, changes were made and they stayed together. The children now are 16 and 14. I have never seen a couple that is closer. The way he looks at her…. She’s a live wire but occasionally she sends him the same look. A knowing, an understanding, a warmth, a deep seated love and respect.
It definitely exists, always has. The issue is that it is exceptionally rare. Narcissists latched on to a rare concept of which they have no understanding. They mauled it, bent it and twisted it into something they could manufacture and they sold it through with the flourish of gift wrapped, imagined authenticity.
We should be careful to assign too much credit to narcissists in my view. They didn’t invent the concept of the soul mate at all. They did what they always do. They glamourised it, then ruined it.
There are many many people who have long loving relationships without necessarily being soul mates, so it’s crazy to look for or hold out for that. I don’t think that the concept of soulmates in itself should be negated though.
Hello TS, good to read your thoughts. What you said about the ‘looks’ exchanged etc – that is what I’d seen RE: my friends. Narcissists have their view and Empaths have theirs. Nobody ‘invented’ the ‘concept’ of soulmates – it has always existed and it’s not just people that have that ‘connection’.
I agree it exists
No the last narcissist never mentioned anything about soulmates. Do I believe in the concept of soulmates? I think people may have a soulmate, but they may never meet them.
I thought my (in total) three love interests were all my soulmate, DI.
I love the concept, but hate the outcome.
I’m taking a hiatus on trying to find the next one. And I’m not sure I’ll trust the next one who finds me.
Narc detectors all round on this one 🙂
Hahaha @lickemtomorrow!! The narc detectors definitely sound like a good idea!! 😀
HG actually offers a Narc Detector option which helps a lot of people decipher if they are with a narc or entangled by one in their family, workplace, etc. In the fog the narcissist creates it can be hard to determine, and they can also have us thinking we are the narc which is where the Empath Detector option can come in handy. I already had a firm grip on the fact the people who eventually led me here were narcs, but I knew a lot less about what had drawn me to them and them to me. The Narc Detector will be a useful tool for future reference in my case. I never want to become ensnared again. So if/when I think I’ve met my next ‘soulmate’, HG will be the first person I call on 😉
I’d used HG’s narc detector too, to learn that my narc is a UMRN. So much clarity!
I think, @lickemtomorrow, that after all your experience with narcs, they won’t be able to slip through your logic armour anymore.
(but still, call HG just to be sure!!) 😀
Thank you Rising Phoenix x
I see you are a step ahead of me 😉 The Mid Rangers are a piece of work and HGs classifications are certainly helpful in untangling some of the behaviours. Helps you to know what to expect.. As I had escaped all of them before arriving here, I decided to find out more about myself rather than waste more time on any of them. So I took the EDT. That was extremely helpful, just in terms of knowing my weaknesses and my strengths when it comes to narcs. Or in general 🙂
I’m hoping I’m building those logic defenses and that’s another one I checked early on with HG! I had quite a way to go a few months ago.
A call is definitely on the cards to ensure I don’t become ensnared again <3
Mine Narc ex used all those words with me.Rushed me into marriage at the time.And would lie constantly.Likely the ex is out of my life and feels great.Very fake person.