It´s All Connected
So your break-up was hard and it left you wounded, the injuries both physical but mainly emotional and you have kept yourself locked away for months now. Seeking isolation as a means to address the upset that you have experienced and vowing never to date again. Your resolve has increased, with daily deliverances as to what he did mounting up as you hear about an accumulation of abhorrent actions. You decided to focus on what mattered to you and thus relationships were consigned to the back of your mind. Feeling stronger, the wounds healing yet not healed you face repeated invitations from your well-meaning friends, friends who have supported you through this unpleasant period of your life, to come out of hiding and let yourself shine once more. You agree and after extensive preparation you emáerge,like a hibernating creature and join your friends in that bar that has been refurbished and is a honey pot for all the beautiful creatures.
I see you stood there at the bar. You are stood slightly apart from your friends as if seeking to preserve your personal space. I see conversation is directed your way and recognise that your friends are paying you what I would regard as an excessive level of attention as if they are repeatedly checking that you are okay. Occasionally hands touch your arm by way of reassurance and heads lean in as soft faces radiate kind expressions. I know you are being looked after. I know that you are being protected and that means you have been wounded. I scent the blood that has been spilled in your past and wait until the ‘phones are wielded to take various posed photographs. Time to approach.
I make my way to the bar and slightly turn to observe you and your friends as the photos continue. One catches my eye and I smile. She responds with her own smile and nudges her friend.
“Would you like me to take one of you all?” I ask as I move alongside you. Nods of appreciation follow and I am handed phone after phone as I commit your group photo to a digital memory. I engage in polite yet playful conversation with you all but remain focussed on your reactions. You are hesitant but laughing at my words, seemingly wanting to embrace them yet unsure as to whether you should. I pull out my own phone and take a picture of you all and then alter the focus so the lens homes in on you and you alone as I take a burst of pictures before wishing you an enjoyable evening and withdrawing to my waiting lieutenants.
It is not long before a search of your image has given me your name and I am able to ascertain some of your interests from your Face book profile which include the fact that you are a keen dancer and have won several dance competitions. I do some research into dance competitions for young men and prepare my hook of having been a dancer in my youth although a football injury put paid to my burgeoning progress. I absorb a few key elements of terminology and then make my move towards you. I flick the first domino and it begins to fall into the second.
We talk. We drink. We dance. I learn more about you. I impress judging by your friends’ responses. I secure your number and give you mine. I text courteously the next day. A dinner date is secured. The date goes well. I learn more about you, compiling my dossier about you as a follow-up date is readily agreed to. I surprise you with tickets to a ballet performance. You are delighted. The dominos keep tumbling. Your resistance evaporates. Date three is a pushover and then the dates become more frequent. I am in your house. I am in your bed. I am inside you. Three weeks becomes three months. The dominos keep tumbling as I know all about your past. I know all about your present too from my snooping. I engulf you in my world my lieutenants circling about you. I grab the wool and pull it over your supporters’ eyes, recruiting two of them into my fold. I raise you up. I draw you in. I flatter and charm.
Your time is with me. Your phone full of my love. Your weekends are filled by me. I stay at yours and you at mine. The toothbrush appears and then the overnight bag which remains in place. You wash the clothes for me and then I am there more than I am not. I disconnect those who serve no purpose from your network but you seem not to notice. Your eyes show me how enchanted you are as those dominos continue to tumble. The holidays are booked as I start to invade your future. I check your phone for you and relay messages.
I read your post but you do not mind as I do it when you are busy to help you out. Naturally. The salami slices as I impose my world on you and you readily submit. I know all your friends, I know all about your work, your hobbies and your family. I am regarded as the ideal tonic after ‘him’ who we laugh about and who I know is one of my brethren but I never tell you. Your days are mapped out for you by me and you tell me often how lucky you feel. I do not disagree. I move in but keep my own house as ‘the market is not right to sell just now’. That bolthole is going nowhere. The social circle is established. You are elated. The world is offered to you and as the dominos clack clack clack you accept it all. The ring appears and you say yes. A date is set and plans are made as I give you the future. The tendrils are all around you, the fuel lines in place but of course you do not notice. I am with you, in you and around you. You sit at breakfast admiring the glinting ring on your finger as you remark.
“Do you know it is six months since we met in that bar? Who’d have thought it?”
I send you that special smile and you fail to notice my eyes blacken for an instant because you are still yet to discover that one thing leads to another.
25 thoughts on “It´s All Connected”
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‘ …one thing leads to another …’? No, it won’t. I will make sure I absorb enough of HG Tudor’s work here in the knowledge vault and on YouTube so I can tune up the narcdar. I am in no rush to meet anyone. It has only been since March and besides, as we are still in a pandemic with many cities going back into lockdown for a month or a two at a time to reduce the spread of COVID cases, trying to meet people is not such a good option these days. I have other things to do in the meantime.
HG, I have just watched a programme about Oscar Pistorius. In your opinion would his personality be that of a lesser narcissist. Thank you HG.
Duchessbea
If you put his name in the search function it will lead you to an article HG has written about him
Thank you NarcAngel.
HG, another brilliant article. I tell you they need you in government particularly in the Education sector. The younger people are in knowing and finding out all this information the better. It is vital and very important to know. Thank you HG.
Speaking of connection, will Santa Tudor be offering a pre-Christmas Q&A this year?
That’s on my wish list anyway.
🤗 to all!
Hello Lisk, Santa Tudor is very busy stocking up on coal for all those on the Naughty List, so it remains to be seen whether time will allow for a Q&A.
What about the Nice List? What have you got for those people Santa Tudor.
Who?
(laughing) …cheeky get….
Haha
The nice people?
In this, the ‘victim’ is reeled in and netted…… the ‘hunter’ settles to peruse his prize in peace….
You can say that again Asp Emp.
Maybe, I won’t have to……
Hi HG.
What do you think of Lily James as an actress? Have you seen her performance in the movie “Rebecca”? I have not, yet. I thought she was mesmerizing in “War and Peace”. I’m no performance connoisseur, but she is so visually expressive and lovely to look at. She has a very endearing face.
She does not immediately spring into my consciousness but I suspect I have seen her in films without knowing her name.
I wish I meet people that easy. By the way are you getting married HG?
No, this makes it way too scary to ever leave my safe zone. It’s not going to happen. Nope.
A Victor this shows you how easily we can get ensnared again especially during a vulnerable time. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than go through that torture.
Exactly. I don’t talk to men. It’s just better that way. It was so much fun on the dating site, until it wasn’t anymore. And now this. Going back to the way it was, for now at least.
That ok, sometimes it’s better that way I find. Having time alone makes you really think about everything that has happend in life
A Victor, groups with only Empaths are on Facebook and Instagram. I know in the UK, particularly London their are meet ups every now and again. It’s a Narc free zone (HG, with the greatest of respect, you can order a takeaway and Dine in at home). I know how you feel. I have been on a couple of dates and all jokes aside on one of them, I felt like I was sitting across from someone who was looking at me like I was dinner, and on the other it was like sitting across from Dracula. I spent the whole time raising my shield higher and higher. Don’t shut yourself away. If something feels off about a person or you notice Red Flags, you don’t have to meet up again. Most important thing is to be the best version of yourself and live your best life.
I can guarantee that it is not a narc free zone and there will be Mid Range Narcissists in that group. I would not be surprised if some are run by MRNs.
Hi Duchessbea, thank you for the suggestion, we have meet up groups in the US also. Right now I can’t do it, I don’t know how people meet anymore, it seems like there are no good options. But until I get a better handle on some things here, like even seeing a red flag let alone acting on it, I am best to not think about dating. Maybe down the road, I would like to go on a date, but not until I’m prepared.