That’s Not Important Right Now
Our sense of entitlement, lack of consideration and our failure to recognise and respect boundaries means that we are important and you are not. Our need is an emergency. Your needs are secondary. Our requirements are fundamental. Your wants are irrelevant. If we want something it must be done and you must drop everything else, cancel your plans and ensure we are provided for and catered to otherwise all hell breaks loose.
Fail to do something we want and when we want (even if we haven’t told you what it is) is regarded by us a criticism and our fury is ignited. We may impose a cold furious silent treatment or lambast you with our heated fury but either way we are important and you are not.
We show no appreciation of your situation, no consideration of your position and scant regard for what you might need or have to contend with. It is predictable all about us. Any situation, any time and any moment we will trample all over what you are doing in order to get what we want done.
Whatever you may have organised, planned or whatever you are doing is minutiae and utterly inconsequential to the massively important event, occurrence or happening that we have decreed. Expect interruptions, abrasive treatment and a complete lack of manners and consideration. This mind-set that what you are doing is not important appears often and repeated and is symptomatic of so many of our narcissistic traits. Here are twenty instances you may recognise where what you are doing is not important right now.
- Talking over you.
- Changing channel on the television when you are clearly watching something.
- Switching off music that you are listening to.
- Playing music loudly when you are relaxing.
- Thrusting a newspaper under your nose when you are reading a book and saying “look at this”
- Talking to you when you are on the telephone.
- Calling you at work and raising a trivial matter and demanding that you do something about it.
- Asking you to pass something that is in reach when you are doing some other task.
- Saying la la la when you are trying to explain something.
- Making you late because we needed you to straighten our tie several times first.
- Calling you indoors from an outdoors task just to point out something on the television which is irrelevant.
- Calling you and asking where something is when it is easy to find.
- Calling you when you are socialising and demanding that you return home to deal with an emergency – such as the blinds are stuck or we have run out of peanut butter
- Demanding you prepare our evening meal when you are trying to get ready to go out.
- Feigning a greater illness when you are unwell.
- Waking you up to tell you something pointless.
- Ringing the landline from our mobile (withholding the number) and insisting you answer when you are trying to eat and then hanging up.
- Demanding to be picked up or given a lift irrespective of what you might be doing.
- Using items you need to complete a task.
- Thrusting a tablet under your nose as you are trying to do something and telling you to “watch this” only to see a video of a man falling down some stairs.
It does not matter how trivial, ridiculous or childish the behaviour is as long as it disrupts you and thrusts your attention onto us, even if it is to react in a negative way, we will always behave in such a way.
24 thoughts on “That’s Not Important Right Now”
Just listened to the video “No Boundaries”. Between this article and that video I see there is no half way point and the no contact regime takes on a whole new meaning. Ugh. Thank you for making it so black and white HG, even as I rail against it.
Ima need you to get off the internet and set the damn table, you lazy pos. Say bye to your girlfriends and come eat.
Is that narcissistic? I can do it agajn.
No, you’re just a clown Pam but we all knew that.
I’m the one with a purse full of receipts.
“I cooked and slaved over this stove and what thanks do I get? Did you even take out the trash, nope, course not, cause that would be helping and God forbid you help me do anything around the house…”
.. and scene.
I shall make my exit.
Do make it a final exit.
You will be back though. You cannot help yourself.
They just can’t help themselves HG, you taught us that. Btw, I thought you were going to get that window fixed?!
Pam’s mental stability is the equivalent of trying to stand in a hammock.
Laughing…….. *placing an online order for a bible; some holy water and instructions on how to ‘bless’ this house….
This isn’t an airport, no need to announce your departure. ✈️🤣
Emergency Exit Pamela, dont let the door hit you on your way out !
Yeah, excellent suggestion – especially when the aeroplane is still flying in the air……..
Ha ha exactly Asp Emp minus the parachute.
Bloody hell, another one that the aliens missed last night! Fks sake, why are all the damn ‘bugs’ coming out today? (filing claws, again…… – laughing)
They are plenty today!
Indeed Z, indeed.
First Maeve and now Pam. They are crawling out of the woodwork.
As I was reading the first paragraph – I thought to myself – should a narcissist’s fuel levels drop (or it’s not quite the right type of ‘fuel’) or a ‘threat’ to their control – they would start behaving in a way as described in this article. Basically the narcissist is capable of getting themselves into a ‘tizzy’ or ‘tailspin’ because they are trying to stay on top of things, or they cannot quite reach what they want (this is in the perspective of a narcissist).
Having said that, the Lessers and MRNs would be acting on their ‘instincts’ and then would not actually know why they are getting “all worked up”, sometimes they may know – depends if it is, for example, not being able to complete a report on time etc (see HG’s article on ‘The Narcissist’s Reality Gap’).
The way (as I understand) a narcissist’s behaviour being described is a bit like a pack of starving lions and they would trample over each other in order to eat food that is not plentiful in supply. It’s similar to a narcissist’s need for ‘survival’.
A Greater narcissist may have more patience, (definitely compared to the lower narcissist schools). However, even the Greater has their ‘limits’ of being able to remain their ‘cool’, especially when it is something that is almost within their ‘reach’ but not quite in their hands.
It all leads to their need to be the ‘centre’ of attention. It is not always a narcissist that has this ‘need’ – the more vulnerable individuals are, the more their needs may be required to be met.
HG, this was a really good read…… and, well, # 20 had me laughing (not inappropriately, in my eyes)…..
1,2,3,6,7,9,14,15,16,20…I ha e experienced these before very annoying.
HG , why is he playing the music I introduced to him- The music that means the world to me, to the new supply? So much so that she-the new supply , has a Spotify playlist for THEIR music-with MY songs on it, that I introduced to him? It hurts me and makes me feel like he is using my music to impress her. Of all the music he could choose.
1. Why are you checking on what the narcissist is doing? Breach of no contact.
2. If you did not check, you would not know. You would not be hurt by what he is doing.
3. He is doing it to control her. His narcissism recognises that these are good songs to assert control over the new appliance (don’t use supply, awful word – it would be supplier in any event).
4. Your emotional thinking has you believing this is your music (it is not) and causes you to dwell on his use of it to keep you thinking about the narcissist and thus feed your addiction.
You have your answer, now you must impose a total no contact regime. If you require help in understanding what this means and how to do it, organise a consultation with me.