Does The Narcissist Think About the Disengaged IPPS?
I know that when I have disengaged from you that you will think of me more than anything else. This is all by design – be it instinctive (Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist) or calculated (Greater Narcissist).
Your mind becomes a whirling thought engine as the questions loom and dart about your mind like swooping spirits. Why did he do this? What did I do wrong? Where has he gone? Why won’t he talk to me? Is he with someone else now? How could he treat me like this? These questions and many of a similar nature remain at the forefront of your mind. They are exhausting as you grapple to find the answers, always achieving an unsuccessful outcome because invariably you do not know who has actually disengaged from you.
I cast you to one side, you did not leave me and cause me to apply an Initial Grand Hoover in order to bring you back under my spell. I saw no need for you anymore and therefore I was content to throw you on the scrap heap, broken and spent, a broken appliance left to its own considerations and dwelling heavily on this cruel treatment.
One of the questions which charges around your mind as you try to sleep is does he think about me? Do I ever feature in his thoughts? Does he think about what I am doing? Does he recall the good times? You wonder whether I am lying on my bed in a similar state of anxiety, mulling over what has happening. Your thoughts spill and tumble and whilst you want to dispel these memories you cannot help but want to embrace them, experiencing that bitter sweet sensation of both delight and agony – of course this is being driven by your emotional thinking which is wanting to feed your addiction to me.
You try to get into a comfortable position hoping that slumber will soon drag you into unconsciousness so that the pain will evaporate, if just for a few hours. Yet, even the place you now lie in evokes the image of you and I coupled together, wrapped up in one another as we made love through the night, or at least you felt we made love. Did we actually make love to one another? Did I really love you? You know you loved me, indeed you still do, but what of me?
Yet again a question leaps into your mind. I am everywhere. You consider whether I think about the treatment that you have received and do I feel guilty for behaving that way? Do I have a reason for hurling you to one side so callously and am I wondering whether you are all right? Your truth seeking empathic trait is being seized on and corrupted by your emotional thinking. It drives you to want answers and you are left believing that such a driver is logical and should be addressed. It keeps the thought of me in your head, going round and round, question after question, ensuring that your emotional thinking is alive and surging.
Just as you hold onto the precious memories of the golden period you wonder whether I am similarly replaying them through my mind, recalling the wonderful times, the delicious things we did together. You can summon it all in such detail. The places we went to, the other people there, what day of the week it was, even the exact date. You remember what we wore, what we ate and what was said as the memories tumble through head. As the clock shows it is now closer to morning than it was to the evening, you wonder whether I am thinking about you in a similar fashion?
While you toss and turn in your bed which resembles a place to be endured rather than a place of comfort, I am fast asleep. From the moment my head touched the pillow I fell asleep free from thoughts about you. No imp sits on my shoulder jabbing me with a precious memory and keeping me from sleeping. Whilst you ruminate, cogitate, fathom and review, I am oblivious to everything. During my waking hours you do not invade my consciousness. There is too much to be done, too much fuel to extract as I deal with looking after and nurturing the new primary source of my fuel which replaced you. You have been deleted because you failed me (at least in my mind that is the case) and therefore you have erased from the record. The narcissism demands that. You are of no use to me and therefore you are erased, deleted, removed and wiped away.
Truth be told it was more of an overlap with both you and her supplying me fuel until the old stale trickle was switched off and dumped. In my mind you never existed. My fixation with the new prospect and her golden, delicious, potent fuel means that everything is focussed on her. Her seduction and the maintenance of supply dominates my mind save when I am extracting my fuel from the range of supplementary sources that I interact with throughout the day. I may drink from the mug you once bought me to recognise I support a particular football team but there is no flicker of recognition about you. I do not halt, cup in hand, halfway to my mouth and smile at that trip to the stadium when you insisted on buying half the contents in order to please me. It is just a mug to me but the tea contained in it and prepared by my new prospect is delicious and I tell her so. Her beaming smile provides me with that dollop of fuel as expected. To me it is just a mug bearing the crest of my football team. The link you had to that piece of ceramic has been severed and cast into the abyss. The narcissism demands that must be the case – your replacement governs our thoughts and actions now and therefore there is no need to be reminded of you, that is redundant and as effective and efficient machines, we reject the redundant, jettison the unnecessary and remove the failed.
I may still wear the jumper you bought me but I never consider that weekend away in the highlands when I complained about being cold so you purchased it for me. I may walk past someone who wears the same fragrance as you. I do not remember you as I smell it, not the way you remember me when you smell my cologne and you remember me next to you and that emptiness washes over you once again. I just think that it is a pleasant scent and carry on walking by. It is as if I have pressed delete and you have been erased. You never existed, your thoughts, words and actions all melt away. Your connections to me are severed, your presence eradicated and your memory denied. I have switched off that appliance and everything associated with it has been obliterated. We do not think of you because at this point we have no need to think of you. You serve no purpose to us and therefore remembering you and I is a redundant exercise and a waste of our time and energy. We must not waste anything and thus the instinctive impact of our narcissism ensures you are not thought of.
When we have disengaged from you and we have done so because we have a new Intimate Partner Primary Source we do not think about you. If you enter our spheres of influence by messaging us, ringing us, walking by us or even coming to see us, you can expect at best a cold and polite short moment of recognition before we move on and at worst a malign response to send you away in hurt and pain. You failed us – we no longer want or need you. You have been replaced and therefore you are stricken from our thoughts and should you ever invade our sphere of influences in another way, we maintain this rejection of you.
However, once the new IPPS enters devaluation (and this person will – that is a guarantee – it is just a question of time) well, then you become useful to us once again and our narcissism alters the record once again. This time you will be remembered, although if truth be told you ought to prefer that you remain cast into obscurity because in all likelihood we will be coming back for you in some form of other to draw again on our investment, to seize our property once again but solely for our benefit.
3 thoughts on “Does The Narcissist Think About the Disengaged IPPS?”
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When i finally got rid of my narcissist, he went on to date others in our community; some i was acquainted with, some not, but always knew of via a friend of a friend. As Tudor says, when he was with others I was completely off his sphere of notice. He was not interested in me at all. I was also dating my now husband, who he was aware of and wary of (husband is a alpha male ESTJ personality type) and life was very quiet.
But, it regularly came back to me via these channels that the immediate women after my departure especially, were complaining that he would spend hours talking about me, what you would call devaluing me to them. Of course they would at some point find this unusual and creepy and the information would float back to me e.g ‘ apparently he cant stop talking about you” and ”you are all he talks about its so annoying.”
These women, to my shock, actually tolerated this in spite of not being happy about it. He would also often attempt to use them for character assassination. The worst time being when his then new fuel girlfriend who had only ever seen me in passing, called my workplace and spoke to my manager to tell him how disgusting i was for treating my ex that way and ‘she thought he should know.” Obviously he had given her the number and my managers name. Luckily my manager was also a personal friend who knew about the situation and saw it coming. Thankfully they shut the situation down and immediately told the girlfriend off on the phone for making malicious calls.
Conversely, he also used to use my name against them when he was clearly putting them into devaluation mode. ”Nicole was never like this, why are you? ” ”Nicole was far cleverer than you, you are stupid.” I know because sometimes after he had discarded them, they would seek me out, broken and confused – and tell me. He never knew that would get back to me so i dont think it was a hoover attempt.
So…points to note – i was still in his general sphere of community so it wasn’t like he would never hear my name casually in passing….which may offset his ability to completely eradicate me somewhat – so he used my name was a weapon.
But its very very true to say he most definately did not forget me. I have been split up with him for over 12 years now and my last contact (stroke) from him was his name appeared on my facebook ‘people you may know’ section. This means he had searched and found me ten years later. I immediately blocked the name after checking the page. It was all blank just like him.
So i’m unsure if they never think about us – i think they do. I think they collect our memories like trophies and every now and again engage in some behaviour to trigger that old feeling once more – i think the term is euphoric recall.
I haven’t learned enough on here yet to work out what range he fell into but i know its not low range. Maybe that will give me the answer as to why i feel we are all still dusty trophies in his mind.
Great food for thought.
HG –
With a Mid-Range Somatic who takes sexual pictures of his victims, I would assume he looks at the pictures after disengagement or escape (otherwise what would be the purpose of taking the pictures, I am referring to before the internet, before the ability to humiliate the victim by posting photos, etc.); so, I would also assume that viewing the photos would put the victim in his sphere. Considering his high sexual appetite (appetite for potent fuel through easy means, combined with the physical enjoyment):
Would he likely view the photos on a regular basis and hoover victims although things are going well with the IPPS? Or would he typically only view the photos when problems arise with the IPPS and he is considering a hoover?
In those instances, what would be most important in determining which prior victims he would hoover (perceived potency of fuel, ease of hoover, method or reason for prior disengagement or discard, sexual attraction, etc.)?
Would he likely view the photos on a regular basis to gain fuel from the recollection of sexual acts with the victim (or other acts, such as relishing in his maltreatment of her and her reaction)? And would he likely draw that thought fuel without triggering a hoover?
If viewing the photos, if a particular victim has maintained NC, whilst others are easily contacted (and presumed under control), would the NC victim cause the narcissist anger, frustration, challenge, resentment and perhaps cause him to focus thoughts more on that victim?
Thank you.
Q: ‘Does The Narcissist Think About The Disengaged IPPS?’
A: Alas, no, not necessarily. In my opinion & experience – it depends on the type of ‘fuel’ that is available from someone else that has been ‘untapped’ that makes it so attractive to the narcissist. It also depends whether the existing IPPS provides the ‘differentiating’ types of ‘fuel’ that a narcissist seeks (depending on the school & cadre of the narcissist – whether ‘unconsciously’ or not – ie Lessers / MRNs being the ‘unconscious’ / ‘unaware’ narcissists). Narcissists seek potent fuel – more negative rather than positive as the negative has more ‘effect’ on the narcissist.
The Greaters and The Ultra may ‘target’ people who have the various sources of ‘fuel’ that their higher levels of intelligence (and malice) that require different types of ‘fuel’ and also those that have the ability to ‘challenge’ the narcissist in ways that makes it more interesting for the narcissist to be able to ‘manipulate’ the individual ‘targeted’. Which, in turn, gives more ‘excitement’ to the higher echelons (above MRN level) to have something (a person, an individual) as their ‘play-thing’, a ‘game of chess’; a ‘prey’; something (an individual) that gives them a reason to ‘exercise’ their minds beyond what they view in their ‘perception’ as above what the majority of people they come across – as ‘no game’; ‘no fun’; lacking the ‘intellectual ability’ to ‘keep them on their toes’. That is the type of ‘excitement’ the higher echelons seek and covet to ‘control’.