The Empathic Supernova
What is the Empathic Supernova?
In order to detail this phenomenon, it is first necessary to consider when it might appear and what is behind its appearance.
The repeated application of our manipulations is deployed for the purposes of maintaining control over you. This control reinforces our notion of superiority, omnipotence and impregnability and enables us to draw fuel from our appliances and most of all you as our primary source.
I have made mention of the Empathic Group, the group which lies to the left of the empathic-narcissistic spectrum and within this group there are four schools of the empathic individual; the , the Standard Empath, the Co-Dependent, the Super Empath and the Contagion Empath.
The sustained application of the many and varied manipulations produces results for us. It also takes its toll on our victims. The Co-Dependent will cling on, desperate for the self-definition which manifests as a consequence of their ensnarement with us. They will soak up the abuse, the confusion and the control until they reach a point of breakdown. The cumulative effect of the silent treatments, the gas lighting, the physical abuse, the psychological trauma, financial mistreatment and sexual degradation eventually causes the limpet-like Co-Dependent to collapse into numbness, malfunction and potential hospitalisation. They gave and gave until suddenly they fell off the cliff and their fuel provision remained impressive on Monday and by Tuesday it had stopped. No longer capable of pumping out fuel, attending to our requirements and showering us with appropriate traits and residual benefits, this failure to function invariably brings about the discard of this individual. The disengaged from Co-Dependent, although distraught at the loss of the narcissist which they crave, is in no position to try to bring about the resumption of the relationship and thus, whilst we focus on their replacement primary source, they are allowed a period by which they can recover and once the lights switch back on again and the fuel starts to pump, the devaluation of their replacement has begun, so we come looking and hoovering for the Co-Dependent. Unable to resist, because of the nature of the hoovering and their own vulnerability, they are hoovered back in and the narcissistic cycle continues.
Whilst third parties may try to assist the Co-Dependent to see and understand what has happened to them, their own substantial need to connect with a narcissist means it is very hard to make them take notice and stay away from us. Unless physically removed and isolated, the Co-Dependent will drift back to us. If not the original narcissist, a replacement narcissist will invariably be found.
The empathic-narcissistic spectrum is a sliding scale that represents both empathic and narcissistic traits. On the far left the empathic traits are more numerous and stronger whilst the narcissistic traits are fewer and weaker. Move to the right and the empathic traits begin to lessen in number, their effects less evident and the narcissistic traits begin to increase and become more prevalent. Eventually, as one reaches the Narcissistic Group, on the right of this spectrum, the empathic traits have disappeared and all that remain are narcissistic traits which become more numerous and stronger the further right one goes within this Narcissistic Group.
Accordingly, with the Co-Dependent, he or she will have many empathic traits and they are strong in nature. Their devotion to love, their honesty, decency, excellent listening skills, positivity etc are most evident and contribute to create a highly empathic individual. The narcissistic traits are less extensive and the few that exist are generally weaker. Accordingly, this prevalence of empathic traits attracts and is attracted to the prevalence of extensive and strong narcissistic traits. They lock together, complementing one another and consequently the Co-Dependent is inexorably drawn to those within the Narcissistic Group, with next to nothing in terms of their own narcissistic traits to act as some kind of repellant.
The Standard Empath may also find themselves shutting down, but more usually they are prevented from reaching a position of complete numbing though the intervention of a third party. Sure enough the toll exacted on the Standard Empath is considerable and has damaging consequences, but, in general, they manage to avoid more often the fate of the Co-Dependent. Instead, rather than giving and giving until shut down occurs (as is the case with the Co-Dependent) the Standard Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Standard Empath is also disengaged from. Not so damaged as to be unable to function, the Standard Empath will endeavour to re-connect with our kind, having sufficient energy and ability to do so, but they will be shunned as part of this disengagement until it is time to hoover them. Unaware of what they have been ensnared by and with capabilities improved after a period of respite arising from the disengagement the Standard Empath is sucked back in by the narcissist and thus the narcissistic cycle continues.
The Standard Empath however may also realise that something is wrong, or assisted by third parties and more amenable to listening, takes notice of what these third parties are telling him or her. They have a moment of ‘awakening’ and with that realise that they must remain away from our grip, however hurtful and hard it may be and thus they eventually escape, putting distance between them and our kind.
The Standard Empath has numerous empathic traits and they are of strength but they are generally less in scale compared to the Co-Dependent. The Standard Empath will have numerous narcissistic traits but not especially strong in nature, but they will have more narcissistic traits than the Co-Dependent. Their status as a Standard Empath (along with the fact that there are more Standard Empaths than Co-Dependents) means that Standard Empaths become the bread and butter target for our kind. They too are attracted to us, not with the almost hopeless vulnerability of the Co-Dependent, but they remain not only attracted to our kind but a target.
Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect. The Co-Dependent can sustain considerable abuse until suddenly, like a light being extinguished, that is it. The Standard Empath also can sustain our manipulations but their slide is slower and more gradual. The Super Empath, blessed with a vast capacity for empathy and goodness is also somebody who can sustain a lengthy campaign of abuse. There is no slide downwards with this individual like the Standard Empath. There is no sudden collapse like the Co-Dependent. Instead the Super Empath goes in to Supernova mode.
The trait make-up of the Super Empath is different from their cousins in the Empathic Group. Whereas the Co-Dependent has strong and many empathic traits with few and low narcissistic traits and the Standard Empath has a greater number of narcissistic traits and fairly low narcissistic traits but more and quite strong empathic traits, the Super Empath has a different constitution.
The Super Empath has very strong and numerous empathic traits. He or she also has a significant number of narcissistic traits (more than the Co-Dependent and the Standard Empath but not as many as the Narcissistic Group) and they are stronger in nature than those experienced by the Co-Dependent and the Standard Empath.
This arrangement is not problematic. Liken the Super Empath’s narcissistic make-up to the light from a candle and their empathic make-up the light from a spotlight. The intensity of the spotlight is so bright that the candle light is barely noticed. Accordingly, the narcissistic element to the Super Empath does not appear. The Super Empath behaves in an empathic way and thus is a target for our kind.
There comes a time however when the sustained abuse and the awareness of the Super Empath reaches a critical point. Rather than switch off or slide into decline, the Super Empath will decide that enough is enough. In some instances, this means that the Super Empath will escape and follow a similar route to that of the Empath and distance themselves from the narcissist.
On other occasions they enter into Supernova mode. When this happens, the Super Empath will dim their empathic traits. This can only be dimming. The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna. Moreover, this dimming can only continue for a period of time and is not permanent. The naturally strong empathic nature of the Super Empath means that it will blaze bright again.
However, when this dimming takes places, the gap between empathy and narcissism in the Super Empath lessens so that the narcissistic traits are more prevalent. They do not dominate nor do they take over, but they are allowed to ‘shine’. However, whereas in our kind the application of our narcissistic traits is unfettered since we have no empathic traits and thus these traits are directed in a malevolent, harmful and destructive manner, the Super Empath uses these unleashed narcissistic traits for ‘good’.
This means that they will fight back against our kind and remain in the relationship with us. They will shut off the fuel provision, they will engage in manipulation of us, having learned how to effect it form their accompanying journey with out kind. The Super Empath will wound and wound, striking blow upon blow against the narcissist. It is worth pointing out that the Super Empath does not necessarily know that they are with a narcissist (they may only realise this later) but rather they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.
Thus when some people ask the question
“Can you become a narcissist from being with a narcissist?”
“Can I pick up narcissistic traits from my experience of being entangled with a narcissist?”
The answer remains no.
But, if you find that you are exhibiting such traits and you are deploying them against the narcissist, what has happened is that you are allowing your inherent narcissistic traits to have greater prominence. You keep them under control and you are not allowing them to harm or hurt innocent parties, but rather you are applying them against the narcissist in order to strike back. You always had these traits, you have not gained them by being with us, but what you have learned is how to manipulate from being with us and now you are turning those manipulations against us.
The effect against us is varied.
The Lesser Narcissist will discard immediately with a display of ignited fury as he seeks to escape the turning of the tables. He will need to get away from this empowered Super Empath and find a new primary source straight away. He wants to shrink from this blazing supernova of power which is causing him considerable difficulty through the cessation of fuel and the wounding from repeated criticism.
The Mid-Range Narcissist will find himself in a tormented loop as he tries to assert control. He will not comprehend truly what is happening. He will not want to lose the Super Empath owing to the fuel provision, but he is finding that his ability to manipulate and the reasonable degree of calculation that he has, is being sorely tested. He will try to assert his control through passive aggressive means, even pleading with the Super Empath to stop and ‘why can’t you be good to me again’? He will roll out the pity plays and sympathy cards in order to try to achieve superiority again. However, either the Super Empath decides to escape and leaves the Mid-Ranger in a confused and bewildered state or the Mid-Ranger slinks away and discards,unable to sustain the fight and needing a new and far more compliant primary source.
The Greater Narcissist will rail against this insurrection and fight back. He will draw on fuel from alternative sources (usually the IPSS or IPSSs he has in the wings along with fuel form those NISS who are his inner and outer circle friends). He will relish the challenge shown by the Super Empath and a real battle of wills ensues as each combatant deploys manipulation after manipulation against one another. This hammer and tongs clash of the titans sees the Super Empath applying what they have learned, similar to the apprentice turning on his or her master, as the old hand seeks to slap down the irreverent upstart. The Super Empath may withdraw and escape, satisfied that they have made their mark and scarred the Greater. The Greater may ultimately recognise that only a stalemate (for now) can ensue and breaks off, discarding the Super Empath and focusses on the acquisition of a new primary source (or more likely the promotion of an already ensnared IPSS). The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.
Thus the Empathic Supernova is when the Super Empath determines that enough is enough and he or she reduces their empathic traits, allowing the narcissistic traits to come to the fore and in so doing he or she trains their sights on making life difficult, miserable and awkward for the narcissist. This is why our kind proceed with caution with the Super Empath. Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind.
Not for me of course. I relish the challenge and the assertion of hegemonic dominance. Obviously.
23 thoughts on “The Empathic Supernova”
THIS IS IT!
I broke the law and I don´t give a fucking shit!
They have gone too far in my country! Enough is enough!
Wow, Leela! What happened?
How long can the empathic supernova state last for the super empath?
I have ended things with the narcissist over a year ago, went total no contact, and my narcissistic traits still have more prodomience over my empathic traits ever since I had enough. I have been meaner and more assertive to people who are rude to me, I care less about my narcissistic family members, i had enough of family member’s abuse towards me and I am distancing myself from them now and not even caring about their feelings.
So, it just seems that the original supernova hasn’t ended yet.
That is not the empathic supernova.
Why isn’t that a empathic supernova then? I thought those are behaviors and reactions from feeling like you have had enough and are fed up ever since the narcissist’s abuse and they are also being applied to rude people in your life, too. Is it more like a normal who would feel and behave like this after narcissistic abuse then?
Organise a consultation and I will explain in detail to you by reference to your situation and behaviours.
Oh ok. It was just meant to be a general question. But I guess the answer isn’t as simple as I thought it would be. Okay, no worries. Thanks anyway, HG.
I highly recommend a consultation (and your comment reminds me of myself).
I see my narcissistic traits as my defence. If I am hurt by someone, then my narcissistic traits step forward to protect me. For me, this doesn’t show as anger or aggression, more dismissiveness, sarcasm and manipulation. I’ll lead a conversation for example, knowing what the likely responses will be. My intention is only to lead into a dead end or illustrate stupidity or culpability. I have zero remorse for my actions, I don’t feel any guilt at all, and I don’t provide satisfaction by showing any anger or upset. I suppose, I just turn cold. I consciously target just the aggressor, but the narcy traits can spill over a little bit into my dealings with others. There, it’s more a case of being less interested, less willing to help, less patient. An unwillingness to take any crap from anyone haha!
If your narcissistic traits are still lit up Why me, then my view would be, it’s because they need to be. You are still hurt so they are still defending and protecting, just as they should be! We’re all different, it takes time for us to stop hurting. As your hurt and upset start to diminish, so will your narcy traits. They’ll settle down in the background again like a sleepy Alsatian and you’ll feel like you again!
TS, I agree again 🙂
Haha, hello Joa x
Yes, you are very accepting of yourself. I think that’s likely one of your key strengths.
We are here on a blog about narcissism and I think some readers naturally get concerned about their own narcissistic traits. Of course we do, because we self reflect and moderate our own behaviour. This is one of the key differences between us and the narcissist, this self examination.
Some of us might have quite high narcissistic traits but our governing empathic traits are always stronger. If no one ever hurt us, or tried to take advantage of us, our environment wasn’t competitive etc, there would be no real call for our narcy traits to show. Sadly though, people do take advantage and nature isn’t stupid, she furnishes us with a means to defend ourselves. If my spines go up there’s a reason for it and so in my eyes, (and in yours) my response is justified.
I think you cannot really come out of something like narc abuse without it fundamentally changing your personality in some way. This is a good thing. Being (too much of) an empath is not a good thing, especially not a codependent one. Being a normal is probably more ideal, you have learned to take less shit from people, that’s a positive development that should endure. Good for you.
Hi Edward, I agree you can’t come out of something like narc abuse without it fundamentally changing you. It’s painful and destructive, leaving us broken and bruised. I would have to disagree that it fundamentally changes our personality. It certainly changes our perspective. But when it comes down to our natures, I don’t think you can become less of an empath, or change your empathic nature. We can become wiser, hopefully stronger, less easily duped, but we will always retain our empathic traits. HG explains that we exist on a spectrum in terms of being empaths, normals and narcissists. I don’t believe an empath can become a ‘normal’, much like a normal could become a ‘narcissist’. It is preferred to learn to take “less shit”, and being here helps to raise our awareness around how to do that. In that sense, you’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s always good news when that happens.
“Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind”
This is what I experienced. Oh boy, I can take a lot without breaking and I cannot break because before this would happen, there´s a kind of a tipping point in me. It happens automatically. it´s just like: NO! NO MORE! THIS IS IT!
It´s a completely different state of mind. All I can think of is shielding and defending myself, and fight for my own sanity! I don´t care anymore! I feel strong, powerful, invincible! All I know is that I gotta defend myself, that I can´t let that happen, that I must fight against it (the abuse)! No mercy, no empathy! All I feel is defiance, power, pride and burning anger and the desire to fight back!
And here we go: digging up the past, blame shifting, lying, gas lighting, triangulation, insulting, sarcastic comments, mocking, put-downs, sitting and sulking, threatened loss.
It is a completely different state of mind and there is definitely a tipping point. It’s as though a light switch goes on suddenly, and no doubt that’s the flaming of the candle of narcissistic traits which has only burned dimly up to that point. They’re not expecting it and for once you take the narcissist by surprise. And all because you’ve garnered the ability to use their manipulations against them. Mine didn’t know how to handle it and made a valiant effort to regain control before slinking away as the mid range of his kind are inclined to do. He made a further attempt to regain control by hoovering me in a benign fashion more recently. What a mixed bag of emotions that was. But I refuse to give up control again and just left him with a little teaser of what he is missing out on. He may have thought that was playing into his hands, but let him think what he will. I don’t think he has the courage to attempt an all out assault after realizing I have been able to play him at his own game.
PatriNarc (upper mid range somatic) tried again and again to assert control. In a benign as well as in a malign way. He lashed out on me several times, he threatened me with “bad consequences”, or just doing the “merry go round” with circular conversations. My middle mid range narc completely stopped to talk about certain topics. Whatever could have triggered the Supernova, he avoided like hell! 😀
Unfortunately for my mid ranger he couldn’t avoid the Supernova. We had moments previously where he provoked me and obtained fuel due to my lack of awareness. Once I became more aware of what I was dealing with I begin to dial back my empathic traits. He didn’t see that coming, nor the manipulations I began to employ. It threw him into confusion. At that point the “clash of the titans” began as he tried to regain control and I resisted. That involved provocations on both our parts. So the Supernova event was a one off, involving the end of the relationship, which began prior the the end of the relationship and carried on for a short period after the end of the relationship. It was followed by a retreat from the narcissist whereupon I chose to retreat as well. That was my experience of a Supernova event and it happened before I ever got here. Being here has given me an understanding of what actually happened and what I underwent during that experience. Good to know.
Yes, had “clash of the titans” with PatriNarc too. The middle mid ranger was just a coward and easy to fight 😉 But I made my narc-boss lash out 😀 I was not aware what he is, neither was I aware what I am. I just talked back over and over again, because he was clearly wrong and his ideas and concepts were just BS! I brought argument after argument until he totally lashed out on me. 😀 Was probably an upper mid range cerebral – bummer! Have not enough informations for a Narc Detector 🙁
In the context of a narcissist sizing up a potential target, are the narcissistic traits of the Super Empath disguised by their empathic traits, or are they evident but not overriding?
Is it correct to assume that the Lesser and Mid Range don’t realize their chosen target/victim is a Super Empath at the beginning, and possibly, even at the end, they don’t realize who they have been involved with, or why the tables turned like they did?
Does the Greater or Ultra recognize the Super Empath in the beginning and still choose to engage, or does the recognition only come after engagement has begun, or does it only come during Supernova mode?
They will be evident in certain situations and not overriding.
HG, RE: “They will be evident in certain situations and not overriding”, would the unaware narcissist (Lessers / MRNs) instinctively be repelled / attracted when interacting with the SE ie in a supermarket setting? Because they would not know what they are dealing with? Thank you 🙂
A Greater and a Super Empath? Arguing. Hush. Supanova.