The narcissist in your life may have turned to you and said,
“You are the one true constant in my life,” or words to that effect. Of course, when this sentence was said to you with faux sincerity shining in our eyes it was intended as another love bomb that rained down on you from up on high. What we were actually doing was engaging in a rare moment of truth.
We require a constant in our lives for a variety of reasons. To begin with it is because when we are seducing you, you provide us with all that delicious positive fuel and we cannot get enough of it. You are shiny and sparkling and that fuel tastes so glorious. We want to be with you all of the time to drink deep of your fuel but also to ensure that you become addicted to us as we love bomb you. We want you constantly with us so that you are exposed all the time to our charm, our wit and our affection so that as we drink up your fuel, you become addicted to the euphoria you feel by being with someone so wonderful as us. We also want you constantly by our side to isolate you from anyone who may just have the knowledge and temerity to shatter the fantasy world that we have created so you wriggle free from our grip. After expending time and energy in trapping you and clamping our jaws around you, the last thing we want is for you to be able to escape us.
Inevitably you let us down and your supply of positive fuel lessens in quality and quantity. Your dereliction of duty means we must draw fuel from other appliances. A normal and healthy person might think that if a person tires of the other in the relationship one might look at ways of rekindling what first drew those people together. Well, you know what? We do that, only we do it in our skewed manner. We have no interest in working at the relationship, that requires too much effort. We will however rekindle the golden period in order to enable our vacillating between devaluing and idealising to have the maximum effect.
You may also consider that if someone no longer has any interest in the other person in the relationship and especially if that person is looking elsewhere then he or she would do the decent thing and end the relationship and move on. Not us. We need you. You might question why that should be the case since if we are treating you so badly, why on earth would we want to remain with you? If we are committing acts of infidelity with other people, why do we remain in a relationship with you? The answer is because we need a constant appliance. You are that constant appliance.
We have decided that you would supply us with delicious positive fuel and although you would let us down and reduce that supply, we could keep you around as we drew negative fuel from you. You are the mainstay. There is no logic to us in having a relationship then ending it and moving on to another person some time later. That would not provide us with enough fuel, nowhere near enough. We need someone who will always be there so that he or she:-
- Provides positive fuel to being with;
- Provides negative fuel thereafter;
- Represents a good return on our investment (we are not going to throw away such an asset that readily);
- As a constant enables us to use others in our manipulation to draw more fuel from the constant and the other people (triangulation, smear campaigns and so on)
2 thoughts on “Constant Companion”
My comment on : August 8, 2020 – “Sounds absolutely wonderful. BUT…… Neither party wins in any way. Not really. One is always seeking for more. The other gets bled dry. It’s a game for one, soul destroying for the other. That’s why we end up going (if we have the strength to go) or simply given up cos nothing left to give….. it’s life for one, ‘death’ for another”
This may be how it seems to some people (including myself due to the wording of my previous comment) – who have just started on the road of ‘recovery’ in learning to understand and find ways to reduce emotional thinking and increase logical thinking. Finding new ways to ‘think things through’ to make sense of what your ‘interactions’ with narcissists in the past had affected you as a person. You may also ‘discover’ aspects of yourself as an individual as you go along the path of learning, using the resources (HG’s work and other comments on the blog) on KTN site.
Having said that – I do understand the need for a ‘constant companion’ (in my perception) – just knowing that someone is ‘there / here’ for you during a period of difficulty (and / or isolation ie through the Covid-19 lockdowns). Everyone has a need for someone, whether they are a narcissist, an empath, or a normal.