Game For a Laugh : The Narcissist and Humour




Where does a sense of humour fit into the make-up of the narcissist?

I am pleased to report I have an excellent sense of humour – when it suits me. As a consequence of being well-read, interested in the world (for the purposes of ensuring my place is firmly recognised within it) and the fact I am quick-witted, I am able to fashion wit out of many situations but only on the basis that is serves my purpose. Like nearly everything else, laughter and humour are tools that some of our kind are able to deploy for the purposes of furthering our aims. They are devices and conduits to achieving what we want and how our sense of humour is fashioned is very much dependent on the circumstances in which we find ourselves and our fuel needs.

Take for instance a Friday evening. I often attend a local bar with a number of my inner circle friends. In some of the bars which I frequent regularly I also know outer circle friends who will often be there at the same time and tertiary sources, people I might say hello to and little else.

This is an environment which allows me to hold court as I regale my eager listeners with my tales of corporate derring ‘do, mock the latest blunder of an intimate primary source, argue about politics in order to keep a secondary source in his place in the pecking order and so on. Humour always plays a part. I am well aware that by demonstrating  a keen sense of humour and drawing giggles, snorts and belly laughs this is all good positive fuel and aids in the maintenance of the façade to demonstrate that I am entertaining company, fun to be around and amusing. I always find my jokes and witty anecdotes amusing, obviously.

I also recognise that for the purposes of continuing to draw fuel and to maintain the façade that it is necessary for me to laugh at the comments and antics of others. This does not come naturally. If someone else is telling a joke, the spotlight is on them. I do not like that. It does not ignite my fury, far from it but I want the laughter to be because of my anecdote not say my friend Paul’s recollection of an incident at work.

I recognise that what he is saying is meant to be amusing and I know that other people will laugh, but I do not find it funny because it is not humour generated by me. Of course, if I see it as appropriate to maintain the façade and I often do, I will laugh and chortle and throw out a compliment such as ‘very funny’ or ‘good one’ before looking to trump it with my own joke or anecdote. I do not however find the comment amusing per se. I feign my amusement for the purposes of fitting in, maintaining the façade and in order to ensure people respond to my comments in a positive manner.

Of course there will be times when I deem it necessary to allow my lack of humour to manifest. This might be done with some cocky newcomer to the group who thinks that he can take centre stage. As he unleashes a joke or fire out some one liners, I remain unmoved. I can see other people may laugh, but I do not. This is not manufactured. I do not find what is said as funny because it is starving me of fuel and starving me of fuel is not a laughing matter.

I want this young turk to know that I am unamused and therefore I shall not laugh and instead comment about how I have heard it before, (if I have not already interrupted him and told the punchline before him) or that it is a sick joke, or it is racist or homophobic so as to gain the moral high ground (who me?!) and cut him down to size. I know that the Lieutenants in this gathering will see that I am unmoved. They will either wait to see if I laugh and follow suit or if they start laughing and see I am not, they will halt their own laughter. They value their positions in the group. Even if others in the group continue to laugh, there is a degree of discomfort since some of us have not laughed and that provides me with the fuel that I want. I have made it about me and wrested the spotlight away from this interloper.

Of course, when I dole out my observations, witty anecdotes and so forth, I am on sparkling form. I will raid the gags which I have heard elsewhere (all part of the trait acquisition) and whilst it is well-recognised that people re-tell other people’s jokes, I will claim to have invented the joke. Often my humour is spur of the moment and is a genuine pithy comment or witty remark which amuses. I truly relish the fuel that arises from doing so. I am able to allow my sparkling repartee and witty badinage to spread its wings so that those with me are howling with laughter.

Similarly, if I am watching a film or a television programme which is a comedy, I do not sit and laugh to myself. What is the point of that? There is no fuel to be gained. Instead, I might remark by text to a friend that there is a good stand-up performance so that he or she replies in a fuelling manner. If I am with somebody and they are laughing at the comedian on the television I am fighting to keep my fury under control.

I do not want their attention focussed on this gagmeister on the goggle box, I want them fuelling me. Thus, I will either, dependent on whether I am seducing or devaluing, sit frowning at the television and heckling the performer so that whoever is with me reacts and suggests watching something else or berates me for interrupting, I do not mind so long as the attention switches to me and I am gaining fuel. If it is seduction, I will allow my laughter to issue forth to show that I am a man of humour and that I enjoy watching the same comedy as you. I will also use it as a platform to tell my own jokes so that you laugh with me as well.

Mentioning the issue of laughing with me, I am of course content for you to do so, but I cannot stand to be laughed at. None of my kind can. If you laugh at me rather than with me then this is an almighty criticism and the fury is ignited immediately. We often struggle to contain our fury in such an instance and you will witness us lashing out, storming off or creating a scene in order to bring your mocking laugher to an abrupt halt and switch to annoyance, concern, fear or such like. Anything to stop the burning criticism arising from your laughing at us. We hate it. We have a complete sense of humour failure at being mocked in this manner and it will result in repercussions for those who are laughing at us.

I of course know when laughter is required and I decide whether I shall join in or not. Some of our kind are not as attuned and it takes them a little while before they realise that they should be laughing because the sense of humour is not there. Instead, they must realise that it would be appropriate to laugh and you will witness a pause before the laughter begins. Listen carefully and you will hear that it is hollow. Look to their eyes and you shall see that the eyes do not twinkle with amusement but remain fixed and hollow. This show of humour and amusement is an artifice and is part of the Mask Carousel which we operate.

Finally there are instances however which truly do amuse me and make me laugh. Whereas the supposed humour of others is either rejected or embraced all as part of the need to generate fuel, be it positive or negative and I make a decision as to what it will be rather than an instinctive response, there are occasions where I will laugh instinctively. Those are occasions where somebody else has suffered a misfortune, especially if it has been caused by me. Schadenfreude is a marvellous device and one which causes me to smile, to laugh and to bellow with laughter.

This accords with my perverted sense of humour which arises from gaining delight in the misfortune of others. Whereas with other people’s attempts at humour I have to decide whether I will remain nonplussed or feign hilarity for the sake of drawing fuel and the maintenance of the façade, when I see someone fail because I have hidden a report they need, I either break out into paroxysms of mirth behind my office door or if I know it would not look good to do so in front of the façade, I stifle my amusement and allow it to erupt when I am in the gent’s bathroom or with a lieutenant at lunch later.

The basis for my humour has been repeatedly touched on in my discussions with the good doctors over the past months and they have been interested to learn of this valve-like approach to exhibiting humour. They entirely understand that I use it as another device for the gathering of fuel.

They also recognise that my revelling in schadenfreude is related to the streak of sadism which runs through me, but we have discussed the origins of why I operate in this almost staccato like manner when it comes to matters of mirth. It appears that my almost completely regulated approach arises from the fact that I learned under the reign of MatriNarc that laughter was viewed as the voice of a fool and best kept silent. Thus like, as I have learnt and I am learning, much of my development has become warped, the creation of my sense of humour has been affected in much the same way, being seen as a product to be used rather than a natural consequence of matters arising, save for those where I witness the manufactured misery of another.

Some say that if they didn’t laugh they would cry.

I wasn’t allowed the luxury of either.

Thus I turned humour into another weapon; either to charm, to withhold or to belittle.

It really is no laughing matter.

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46 thoughts on “Game For a Laugh : The Narcissist and Humour

  1. Asp Emp says:

    James Corben’s Q: “If I eat myself, will I get twice as big or disappear completely?”

    Someone who does not like him, cannot stand the sight of him answers “Fat chance of a probability, never mind a possibility!!! Twice the James Corben?! D’fuck that sky high!!”

  2. Rebecca says:

    Asp Emp,

    The magic touch lol More like the touch of doom when it comes to techie things, they malfunction around me, don’t know why lol My work phone acts out and I have to resist throwing it. I get my co workers laughing because I get a little mad at my phone and start cussing it out,they find my show of temper funny. Lol

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Rebecca, you me had at “start cussing it out”, I can relate to that 😉

      1. Rebecca says:

        Asp Emp,

        My work phone likes to kick me off and I have to go and log back in, the zebra phones like to have a go at me, several times a day. I have to tell myself, I will not throw my work phone, it’s frowned upon here. Don’t do it, breathe, breathe lol

  3. Asp Emp says:

    Fucking hell. Reading a mention of ‘Dumb and Dumber’ film…… those 3 little but powerful words….yes, sticking your tongue out to lick a frozen metal pole is a fucking dumb thing to do. It is even dumber when you do it a second time, for sure…..

    So I decided to search for something ‘dumbest’ on the internet and came across some of the most dumb questions asked online……I laughed myself silly…..and selected some of my favs…..(

    If I eat myself, will I get twice as big or disappear completely?

    Do you think NASA invented thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles?

    I swallowed an ice cube whole. Why haven’t I pooped it out?

    Why are the holes in cats’ fur always in the right places for their eyes?

    If I shave my golden retriever like a lion, will the other dogs respect him more?

    Where do lost socks go when they go missing?

    Is an egg a fruit or a vegetable?

    Is whale sperm the reason why the ocean is so salty?

    What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

    Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

    1. A Victor says:

      Asp Emp, this is great! Thank you for the laughs!!

      1. Asp Emp says:

        AV, I knew you’d laugh at these 😉

        1. A Victor says:

          Haha, Asp Emp, I read them all to my son, he sat there and rolled his eyes at me…it was hilarious, like it was torture!! 😂

    2. k mac says:

      Asp 🤣 The sock one though?

      1. Asp Emp says:

        k mac, have a read (laughing again now!)….

        That will never, ever be forgotten 🙂

      2. WhoCares says:

        k mac – “The sock one though?”

        Blame it on the mischievians.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          WhoCares, laughing……

      3. Rebecca says:

        K Mac,

        My favorite was, are eggs a fruit or vegetable? Lol

      4. Rebecca says:

        K Mac,
        No wait, the ice cube one…I swallowed an ice cube whole, why haven’t I pooped it out yet? Lmao

    3. Wendy says:

      Asp Emp, lol! Thank you. You got me seeking out funny stuff on the internet now. Two cops lead an unfortunate man into a padded cell

      Instantly the men in white coats grab him, wrench his arms behind his back and, when he screams in pain, the psychiatrist tears down his trousers and jags him with a needle.

      As they’re carrying the unconcious body out the younger of the cops, shocked, says:

      “Was that really necessary? He came along gentle as a lamb.”

      The psychiatrist frowns and replies:

      “This place is run rationally, with efficiency, everbody gets exactly what they need: the depressives get prozac, the manic depressives get lithium, the schizophrenics get chlorpromazine and the catatonics get ECT.”

      “And what about people with conditions there’s no treatment for; psychopaths and narcissists?”

      The psychiatrist smiles and says

      “Oh, we get a job.”

      1. WhoCares says:

        Wendy – Hahaha! I hadn’t heard this one.

        1. Wendy says:

          WC, lol! Had to share it. Too funny! 😂

      2. Asp Emp says:

        Wendy, oh Wendy! Laughing. Glad that you are seeking some stuff to laugh at, it is good for you 🙂

        1. Wendy says:

          Asp Emp, yes! I am glad you got my funny bone moving with your post! Since my 10 days off from work did not consist of sitting on a warm sandy beach with a pina colada in hand and the smell of sea salt and tanning oil I can at least feel better laughing at things! 😊

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Wendy, I have absolutely no idea where the funny bone is ‘located’ within the body ;-). Same here, not on a sandy beach somewhere with a cold Pimms without dilution preferred and a slice of lemon or two. However, I can go for a drive to see / smell the sea if I wish to – very rarely but can get the smell of the sea from where I live. Yes, we all need a good dose of laughing material from time to time 🙂

          2. Wendy says:

            Asp Emp, as usual you get my curiosity going so I have looked up Pimm’s.

            -Pimm’s first made an appearance back in the early 19th century when it was served by its creator, James Pimm, as a tonic from a tankard to aid digestion at his oyster bar in east London.

            -The classic Pimm’s ‘No. 1 Cup’ recipe is still a gin liqueur-based tipple featuring a secret recipe of herbs and spices, only now it’s usually served with lemonade, a tonne of ice and half a fruit salad as a light, summer punch.

            Is this correct?

            Apparently, it made its way to New Orleans and is very popular there but most people here don’t know about it.

            Thanks Asp Emp, I will be mixing one this weekend!

            I’m jealous you live so close to the sea! How awesome to be able to smell the sea from your home. I bet it’s beautiful there! 😊

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Wendy, thank you for your reply, I’d have replied sooner (damn technology! ;-)). You may be correct about the original Pimms’ recipe. I actually have served it to friends with chopped mint – that I grow in pots in my garden – into the bottle of sparkling water (shaken and stirred before pouring into glasses that contain the Pimms – you can use a sieve if not want the bits of mint getting, erm, stuck in the ‘wrong’ places, you know ;-)).

            RE: about the sea, yes, there are some nice views in some areas of where I am, it’s nice to take a drive around and park up for a while, maybe with a flask of coffee. And ponder.

            Maybe the next time you go to the beach, a flask of Pimms may be on the cards? Thank you for your words, Wendy 🙂

        2. Wendy says:

          Asp Emp, it’s not giving me an option to respond to your Pimm’s comment below so I’ll respond here.

          Oh and I should have said I’m envious of you living so close to the ocean not jealous, pardon me HG, lol.

          Anyway, I love mint in anything so I think that would be a great addition to the drink. I’m sure I’ve been caught with it between my teeth more than once, haha.

          Sitting near the ocean with a refreshing Pimm’s sounds lovely. One day I will make that happen and send a cheers 🥂 to you Asp Emp!

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Wendy, thank you for your reply. Yes, LOL for pardoning yourself. Well done lass :-). Oops, I am just as ‘guilty’ for using ‘jealousy’ instead of ‘envy’, I’ll have to do better to remember that 😉 Who said anything about teeth? 😉 Thank you for the ‘cheers’, Wendy, nice of you to do so 🙂

          2. Wendy says:

            Asp Emp you’re welcome and haha! Not my teeth?! Oh I see! 😂

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Wendy, laughing 🙂

          4. Asp Emp says:

            RE: “If I eat myself, will I get twice as big or disappear completely?”


    4. WhoCares says:

      Funny Asp Emp! Especially the golden retriever one.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        WhoCares, I liked them all. Yeah, we’ve had poodles prancing around for years in their haircuts LOL.

    5. Rebecca says:

      Asp Emp,

      Seriously was laughing so hard I couldn’t see straight lmao I did a pretty dumb thing today and I laughed at myself for a minute. How does one write an email, send it and the text is gone? Blank…I don’t know either,but I managed to do it and I’m still baffled. Where did it go?? Lmao I sound like the person asking where socks go when they’re missing? Like they go on holiday or something..lmao

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Rebecca, I am trying to understand what you are suggesting here, are you asking me if you are firing off blank emails and they disappear somewhere (laughing), or you are sure you sent it but there is no text appearing when you access the Sent items to re-read it but it’s a blank email? Either way, I do not have the answer to that one 🙂 Laughing about it though.

        1. Rebecca says:

          Asp Emp,
          I wrote it and sent it, but on the receiving end it was blank. I don’t know how I managed to send a blank email and what happened to the text. Lmao only I could do that lol

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Rebecca, sorry for late reply…..(computer said no, hence I did not see it previously ;-)). I can understand your hypocrisy here, it seems you have the magic ‘touch’ (laughing).

    6. Rebecca says:

      Asp Emp,

      The picture of the clown on this article is creepy. Clowns scare me,always have,always will no doubt. I’d go to a fair or amusement park and there’s a clown. No joke, no pun intended about the article there, but when I’d see a clown, I would go clear around him or her. Lol One clown noticed and decided to have fun with me. He went after me with all his balloons trailing behind him. I don’t think I would have run faster if a hellhound was chasing me. Lol I dropped my drink and my prizes. Lol I was like, “fk this, I’m outta here!” Lol

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Rebecca, thank you for your response. I can understand your reaction / response. I do not believe an empath, or a normal would ‘pursue’ someone in that manner because they would see your ‘response’ and back off. I do not have a fear of clowns as such but knowing me, I would respond “accordingly” if they persist in ‘haranguing’ me. It is a different scenario when you and a friend are ‘clowning’ around, having fun. There are some films that I get reminded of whenever I see the image on this article (they are good).

  4. A Victor says:

    This article is so sad to me. Laughter is one of the simple pleasures but one of the best. It is also the way I have known where I’m at sometimes, especially in hindsight. About three years after my ex left, my then 10 year old son convinced me to get a couple of conures. We sat on his bed with them the first night, they were so cute and funny doing their bird thing, and I suddenly realized he was staring at me with a look of delighted wonder on his face. Then I realized I’d been laughing! It had been so long since he’d heard me laugh, he was stunned into silence. It felt so good!! I have made it a point since to not lose my laughter again.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Lovely to read this AV. Yes, humour – if you have it, is great.

  5. Asp Emp says:

    Watching a film called ‘Blue Streak’ (not particularly any good really) yet one of the characters says something like “I’ll cut your tongue off and lick my balls with it” had me laughing for ages…… (laughing again now).

    1. A Victor says:

      That cracked me Asp Emp! Thank you!

      1. A Victor says:

        Up*. Cracked me up…

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Yes, AV. Don’t forget the asterisks now 😉

      2. Asp Emp says:

        Laughing. I guessed you’d have something to say about this one. Laughing. It would crack anyone 😉

        1. A Victor says:

          Still laughing!! “Would crack anyone”?? I wanted so bad to say that movie phrase to someone last night after I read it but the only people available were my son, too young, or my mother—incoming 404 followed by the feigned gasp of horror! So I have been laughing alone until some other unaware comes along…

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Laughing, AV, just blast that movie quote out! Loving the fact you mentioned the 404 – laughing…. “until some other unaware comes along” – brilliant…….. laughing……

  6. Asp Emp says:

    Last summer, I wrote – Your words “I wasn’t allowed the luxury of either”. I have to admit, this made me feel sad for you. A mother is supposed to be a nurturer. Mine wasn’t either.

    I re-read what I wrote in November and laughed at the addendums. Ah, bless, I am just glad that my humour never left me throughout the difficult times in my life.

  7. Liza says:

    Kyah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my favorite psychopath is back !!!

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