The Narcissist and Money

Money is one of the most obvious ways in which one can demonstrate one’s power. Money provides options, it reveals opportunities and provides chances where none might have existed previously. Money equates to power and power equates to money. We have a healthy attitude to the question of money. What we create is ours. Yours is ours also. I have written previously how the successful of our kind exhibit our success and our power through the accumulation of money. It may be the creation of a successful business, the climbing of the corporate ladder into well-paid positions of responsibility and it might be the production of items and services that others require. There are of course those of our kind who have not grasped the concept that there is an unique opportunity afforded by the way that we are to be successful and in turn earn substantial amounts of money. Those of our kin who have not harnessed our special attributes in that manner are quite frankly a disappointment and they shall forever remain lesser narcs. Yes they are narcs but quite frankly they are not in my league or that of my high-achieving counterparts. I must admit to having nothing but contempt for those our kind who have failed to apply our abilities in this manner. They are letting the side down. That, however, is a topic for another day. What our less able kind and those of us who have embraced success do have in common is the unfailing ability to drain you of your financial health. How does this manifest? Perhaps some of the following will be familiar to you?
  • Never paying for drinks and meals when out together
  • Never contributing to joint expenses and then spending a small fortune on something for ourselves
  • Borrowing money repeatedly with a convincing tale of woe attached. The money is never re-paid.
  • Taking out loans in your name which you only find about some time later when they are in default
  • Learning the house has been mortgaged to the hilt and the advanced funds have been frittered away
  • Expensive addictions to drink, drugs, prostitutes and/or gambling which we expect you to bail us out of
  • Straight forward theft
  • Failing to honour maintenance and child support arrangements
  • Selling your possessions
Why does this happen? Sometimes it is about instant gratification. We want something and we want it immediately. We have always been used to getting our own way so whyshould it be any different when it comes to the question of money? We do not recogniseany boundary that says we should not have your money. It is in play and up for grabs.We want something and you can pay for it. This of course reinforces our control overyou by seizing your finances and goods we have you beholden to what we want to do.We show that we are in control and of course we anticipate horror, howls or protest andanger when you learn of our activity. All of which is good fuel. There is also an elementof retribution. We may have been denied something and this in turn offends our sense ofentitlement. We feel criticised and we want to get rid of that sensation. One method is to assert our power by taking what belongs to you and using it to our benefit. Sometimeswe do this an expend your financial resource in a totally excessive fashion which justwastes the money. To us however there is no waste in such a step. It underlines ourimportance, it affirms our power and it keeps you under out control.The scale by which our kind engages in this sequestration of the money and assets ofothers can vary hugely in scale, even when perpetrated by the same person. In that veinI am reminded of the late Robert Maxwell. For those of you who are unfamiliar with thename, Maxwell was a Czech born media mogul who operated a publishing empire in the United Kingdom. He fell off his yacht in 1991 and drowned. There is little doubt that hewas one of our kind – plenty has been written about the man and his behaviours whichconfirms that. Maxwell plundered the company pension scheme stealing hundreds ofmillions of pounds from the pensions of the employees leaving thousands of people infinancial difficulty. There was the misappropriation of the money of others on a massivescale. Maxwell was also found on Christmas morning by his wife and childrensurrounded by torn wrapping paper. He had wanted to know what had been bought forthe children. Rather than ask his wife, he went ahead and opened all the wrapped gifts.He did not take the gifts but he certainly trampled over a boundary and appropriated thesurprise that was meant for his children. Nobody is beyond our sense of entitlement when it comes to money or assets.

Money is used as an Assertion of Control

An appliance controlled through money

2 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Money

  1. CandaceMarie says:

    My ex never had any money but for some reason he thought I had lots of money. My dad who was also a N used his money to control me. Sometimes I hate the fact I know about narcissists. I am constantly looking for signs in people. Recently I have been very suspicious of one individual. She is older and apparently has a lot of money. She owns all her kids homes plus she pays for college classes for the young people in her family. She made certain I knew about all of this and the fact that she says she was always successful in the stock market. At first I thought all of this was very generous of her but other indicators have come to light. Including the fact that when her husband was dying she made him get up and walk around the house for exercise.This was on the day he died, of course nobody knew this was the day but it was obvious he wasn’t going to last much longer. I felt bad for him because he could barely make it and had to sit down.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    From HG’s ‘The Empath’s Riposte Grenades’ # 5. (ah, bloody hell, there it is. Again. The Number 5 – laughing).

    “Jim has one only his is better. Useful for when we are crowing about some material possession. “Jim” may be somebody known to us both or you may make him up, the key thing is to point out that whatever we have, then “Jim’s” is better. It may be that his is a nicer colour, or his is larger, faster, more spacious, tougher, more durable. Whatever it is it will wound us. You can even keep rolling out the fictional Jim on repeated occasions and it will soon dent our crowing and have us wounded.”

    “We want something and we want it immediately” – I used the above statement of the empath’s grenades because, there is an element of grandiosity and showing off among people that I know. “Oh, look at my phone, it can do this, and that”. Then someone else always has to do one better, failing that, they may pick another ‘object’ ie “Oh, we are going to the Bahamas this summer and we have rented a villa on a large plot of land…..” – it is about ‘out-doing’ someone else.

    There are one or two people I know who have maxed out credit cards just because they wanted a better quality item than the one the already had (even if it was in really excellent working order & didn’t really need replacing).

    I suppose from my childhood & mother’s irresponsible choice of expensive whiskey over decent food for her children – I’d learned not to ever get in a similar position and I’d refuse to be irresponsible with money, just because it is there.

    Also in previous employment, I was good at book-keeping / accounts / budgeting – one of my ‘latent’ talents. If another employee (the Lesser’s son – go figure) asked for cash to buy this or that, I’d say why do you need that much, you can get this instead and have this much instead – even they knew we (the company) were on a tight budget. Their wages or ridiculously expensive coffee? It’s all about prioritising. And meeting the basic needs of all persons concerned.

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