A Stolen Love
Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us.
This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people.
You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness.
That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home.
You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.
We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome.
We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality.
You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love.
Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance.
Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,
“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”
Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom.
We are the love thieves.
We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again.
We steal your love.
We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.
12 thoughts on “A Stolen Love”
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I finally get it.
“We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love.”
And I now get why you haven’t ever changed the image of the magpie on this article.
Hi WhoCares,
This article just makes me so sad. I am having a bit of a meltdown as to why. It will go away again but it is a question for HG. We do give it so freely and easily, it just doesn’t make sense yet. I’m happy for you to have figured it out.
AV, it would be understandable to have a ‘meltdown’ from time to time – you’re still recovering from your experiences. It makes sense then sometimes it doesn’t….. that’s normal too.
Thank you Asp Emp! This was just what I needed today!!
Ah, AV, no worries. Thank you for your words 🙂
A Victor,
“This article just makes me so sad. I am having a bit of a meltdown as to why.”
It has been one revelation after another – once having found HG’s work. Much in the beginning was sad for me too – I grieved over many things.
But the revelations started before I encountered Narcsite…
“We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone.”
This wording of HG’s is most apt. Leading up to my escape I did have moments where I surveyed what was before me (in the relationship and my home) and could not make sense of the extent of the damage – despite what I knew, from my end, where my best intentions. And the downward trajectory of the situation became so clear – even if I did continue to give my all (in terms of love, commitment and determination) – because I already had been giving my all up until that point, and I knew that there wasn’t really anything left to give. Getting out was the only true option for improvement or any real forward movement.
One of the saddest revelations, since initiating my education here, is that – for most of my life – I have been fed a diet of cognitive empathy, cognitive “love”, fake love…AND, for that time, it felt like enough. It is how this brand of love is normalized for us (through culture and our families of origin) that makes me cognizant that we can subsist on a diet of filtered, processed love – but not for the long-term. It is like having a regular diet of over-processed food – it’s kind of real but not good enough and potential very damaging. Unprocessed, whole, authentic food (and love) is more nourishing.
WhoCares, yes, grieving is happening all the time, blended with rejoicing at finally knowing the truth. I so relate to your comment, every single part of it. I feel like my entire life has been wasted, spend, with fake “love”. I keep having to remind myself that the love between myself and my children is not fake and then I know I am capable of knowing how to give and receive real love, this encourages me. Thank you for your comment, it is one I will be rereading.
My revelations began before coming here also but that is coming to me in pieces and I don’t have the full picture yet, a work in progress. But each piece helps me to see things more clearly and to realize that I do have the ability to make different, better choices going forward.
AV,
“grieving is happening all the time, blended with rejoicing at finally knowing the truth”
Yes, emotional ups and downs in the beginning…it gets smoother as the learning and logic take hold.
I really hear you regarding appreciating your relationship with your children all the more – after what we come through and begin to realize.
” I do have the ability to make different, better choices going forward.”
Yes!
Narcissists are better suited to prospering and surviving in the societies they have built.
Do they realize that the environments they have altered, to suit their kind, produces more of their kind and less of ours? Do they understand that they are contributing to the corruption and extinction of the high grade fuel sources they need to survive?
Or is that flawed logic on my part?
On what basis do you see that there is an extinction of “high grade fuel sources”?
Well, first hope, then trust, now love. I’m kind of angry about this right now, but it’s giving me a sense of power over my own destiny so it’s a good thing.