That’s Not Important Right Now
Our sense of entitlement, lack of consideration and our failure to recognise and respect boundaries means that we are important and you are not. Our need is an emergency. Your needs are secondary. Our requirements are fundamental. Your wants are irrelevant. If we want something it must be done and you must drop everything else, cancel your plans and ensure we are provided for and catered to otherwise all hell breaks loose.
Fail to do something we want and when we want (even if we haven’t told you what it is) is regarded by us a criticism and our fury is ignited. We may impose a cold furious silent treatment or lambast you with our heated fury but either way we are important and you are not.
We show no appreciation of your situation, no consideration of your position and scant regard for what you might need or have to contend with. It is predictable all about us. Any situation, any time and any moment we will trample all over what you are doing in order to get what we want done.
Whatever you may have organised, planned or whatever you are doing is minutiae and utterly inconsequential to the massively important event, occurrence or happening that we have decreed. Expect interruptions, abrasive treatment and a complete lack of manners and consideration. This mind-set that what you are doing is not important appears often and repeated and is symptomatic of so many of our narcissistic traits. Here are twenty instances you may recognise where what you are doing is not important right now.
- Talking over you.
- Changing channel on the television when you are clearly watching something.
- Switching off music that you are listening to.
- Playing music loudly when you are relaxing.
- Thrusting a newspaper under your nose when you are reading a book and saying “look at this”
- Talking to you when you are on the telephone.
- Calling you at work and raising a trivial matter and demanding that you do something about it.
- Asking you to pass something that is in reach when you are doing some other task.
- Saying la la la when you are trying to explain something.
- Making you late because we needed you to straighten our tie several times first.
- Calling you indoors from an outdoors task just to point out something on the television which is irrelevant.
- Calling you and asking where something is when it is easy to find.
- Calling you when you are socialising and demanding that you return home to deal with an emergency – such as the blinds are stuck or we have run out of peanut butter
- Demanding you prepare our evening meal when you are trying to get ready to go out.
- Feigning a greater illness when you are unwell.
- Waking you up to tell you something pointless.
- Ringing the landline from our mobile (withholding the number) and insisting you answer when you are trying to eat and then hanging up.
- Demanding to be picked up or given a lift irrespective of what you might be doing.
- Using items you need to complete a task.
- Thrusting a tablet under your nose as you are trying to do something and telling you to “watch this” only to see a video of a man falling down some stairs.
It does not matter how trivial, ridiculous or childish the behaviour is as long as it disrupts you and thrusts your attention onto us, even if it is to react in a negative way, we will always behave in such a way.
10 thoughts on “That’s Not Important Right Now”
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hahaha I do No.12 aaaaaaall the time! Open the cupboard and if I can’t see it, call my husband who can always find everything. And same down the gym, everyone has to get involved in my workout, move things from one side of the gym to the other or carry some weights for me.
I don’t do any of the others though
When I was a child I remember a conversation my parents were having with someone about a “narcissist”. As we were leaving I asked what a narcissist was. They responded to me, ironically with quite a bit of disdain, that it was a person who only thought of themselves all the time. That simple but accurate explanation was all I knew of narcissism until I arrived here. Now I see just how true that definition was but it didn’t explain to me how that was any different than anyone else, don’t we all think about ourselves all the time? Now I understand that it is the empathy that keeps it in check.
Also, my ex did not do these things. I don’t remember my parents doing them to each other either though my mother did and, if allowed still will, do similar things to us kids. It was always all about her.
AV, interesting to read that your parents mentioned ‘narcissist’ at one point. I am not someone who ‘thinks about myself all the time’, I have put others first before me (in the past anyhow) – I suppose it’s my natural empath ‘nature’. Since the majority of narcissists are unaware of what they are, they may not necessarily ‘think’ about themselves all the time, it is probably more ‘instinctual’?
Narcissists in my past did some of the things listed as above in the article – sometimes it was to obtain negative ‘fuel’ from me because they knew I would start getting annoyed or upset, yet it would not necessarily be ‘planned’ as such in a methodical way…. grandiosity / entitlement / control. Or pity play….”oh, help me” kind of behaviour / action. My mother even did that, to avoid doing the task herself when she was perfectly capable & had the ability to do it.
Hi Asp Emp, good to hear from you! Yes, they mentioned narcissists once and so did the summer narc, he sent me a link regarding narcissism and my mother, that was very interesting at the time. It actually helped me figure him out a bit! I think unaware narcs probably don’t think about it consciously, as you said, but I have always known my dad thought he was better than almost all other humans, he even stated it once. And my mother just acts on it. I think our mothers were certainly similar in some ways, not the least of which is that they raised awesome empathic daughters! 🙂
AV, there are some narcissists who use ‘Narcspeak’ but don’t always know why they come out with some things they say – just like I have said things that were not necessarily conscious but more rather ‘instinctively’ (my ‘Empath Grenades’ 😉 ).
We may be empaths and I wouldn’t say that my mother ‘raised’ me, yes, she was ‘around’ but not actually ‘there’. Narcissist mothers tend to have similar behaviours, hence the similarity you mentioned.
Yes, we are awesome 🙂
Wow, you hit that on the head really well, they did not “raise” us! Thank you! Also, I no sooner pushed send than I realized I had been referring the issue I have upstairs as…you know, the maternal parental unit…oops. Laughing as I write this!
Empath Grenades always makes me laugh, one day I am going to point my finger at the issues face and say “Haw haw.” I’ll snap a photo of the 404 that will happen and send it to you! Laughing some more!!
From one awesome lady to another!! 🙂
AV, if that thing upstairs has a door to the room they occupy, I reckon you could obtain the numbers 4,0,4 and stick em on the door……. and if Upstairs Issue asks what does it mean – you can come up with your own…… summat like Mind – Zero – F**k……. you should do the pointing and laughing anyway – no need to have a reason not to…..
“maternal parental unit”….. the fact you used the word ‘unit’….. laughing……
AWESOME!
You have helped me discover the new name, MPU. Or maybe mpu. Thank you. It had to be done but it was not easy.
Haha! 404 on her door…hahaha! She’d just shake her head! Hey, maybe I should go with ‘UI’, what do you think?