Never Enough
I will have told you that I only have eyes for you, that you are the one, that I am completely dedicated to you and that I only ever want to be with you. You make me say these things. It is your expectation of such faithfulness to you and you alone, indoctrinated into you by the world, that causes me to have to say these things. I need to fulfil your expectations in order to capture you and then keep you. It is a ridiculous state of affairs. Since when can a person be sustained on one thing alone? It is impossible. At its most basic, you are given only water to drink and nothing to eat. You will starve. Then if you are given just bread to eat your body will be malnourished as it is not getting the nutrients it needs from fruit, vegetables, meat and so on. One food stuff alone is not sufficient. Take your job. If you had to do the same thing over and over again, the absolute same task you will go out of your mind with boredom. Either that or you would lose your job to mechanisation. One thing is not enough.
Have you only ever had one relationship? Unlikely. How else would you know whether this is right if you have nothing to compare it against? Can one man win a football match? Of course not. He needs his team mates. Where does your stimulation come from? Are you confined to reading just one book repeatedly? No. One film seen countless times? No, you like and prefer a variety of silver-screened entertainment. Do you have just one person you interact with on a social level? Again the answer is no. You draw your social nourishment from different friends, family members, acquaintances and so forth. One is not enough.
I am no different. The thing that sustains me is fuel. I must draw this from several sources. Yet, my necessary actions in acquiring this fuel subject me to moral indignation and disapproval. How is that fair? I do not tell you that you must only eat one kind of breakfast cereal for the rest of your life, why should I be expected to gather my fuel from just one appliance? I need the variety. Not only is this necessary to ensure that I have fuel on tap at all times, it is necessary to provide the catalyst for the provision of fuel from my primary appliance. If I have nothing by which I can provoke a reaction from you, your free-flowing fuel will soon dry up.
The result is that you and I are never alone. There is no singularity despite all of my words asserting that this is the case. When I first ensnare you there will be another who is being subjected to my vitriol. You are most likely warned of this psychotic ex. What I am less likely to tell you about is my ongoing campaign of denigration in order to harvest further fuel from this harlot who has let me down. I will be faithful at first. Yes faithful by your understanding of the concept, namely that I will not physically consort with another. I am not faithful however in just being solely committed to you. I will be reaching out to others in order to bring them into my sphere of influence, most likely whispering the very same things that I have said to you. My lips may not lock with these new opportunities but that is more by accident than design. I have certainly locked with them in order to draw fuel from them. As I walk through the day those invisible fuel lines reach out and attach to most who I interact with.I am sure, judged by your standards, you would not be overly concerned about the methods by which I draw fuel from some. In other instances you would be most concerned. Yet, you must understand that I am only doing what everyone does. I am seeking variety. In your instance you do it because you prefer it that way. It is interesting. Maintaining a variance keeps things fresh and stimulating. In my case I have to do it. There may not yet be any lipstick on my collar but there are scores of fuel lines attached and in ways that you are always going to find distasteful. That is of course if you ever find out.
12 thoughts on “Never Enough”
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HG, I understand the points being put forward here, and what you said makes sense, but what you said about ‘most likely whispering the same things that I have said to you’, I don’t see why you need to do that to gain fuel. Is it not possible to gain enough fuel from lots of people without doing that?
If it ain´t broke, why fix it?
I get that if it works, you don’t want to stop, but why start in the first place? What prompts that? Why not just have lots of different people around you, supplying you with fuel, without cheating on your partner? Does a narcissist have to cheat in order to get the optimum amount and potency of fuel?
We have a primary source for ease. You will do most of your shopping in one place, we gain most of the Prime Aims from one place (the primary source) and when that fails us, then cheating occurs, in essence.
So, if the shop permanently stayed fully stocked, with plenty of variety, and you therefore had no need to go elsewhere, then you wouldn’t? If that is the case, then that would explain my dad remaining faithful to my mum.
HG that picture is kind of scary. I like the movement. I’m the main victim now and it’s completely absorbing, and I don’t like that HG. I don’t want to be consumed. I like to be free. I have a lot going on, it’s peaceful by myself
That picture is creepy. The pile of broken dolls glitching like the broken appliances that they are … it’s a warning that we’re just part of a pile which can be added to endlessly when it comes to the narcissist.
Another take on HGs “if it ain’t broken why fix it” … “if it is broken just replace it”.
I’m sure my narcs have just added me to the pile of broken mannequins, though I’m only occasionally glitching right now.
I think emotional thinking is what’s absorbing you, Whitney. Get on up out of there, girl, so you don’t get consumed. You are free. If you let yourself be <3
Thanks Lickemtomorrow your comments are very wise!
Want to hear some emotional thinking?.. I don’t think they will add me to the mannequin pile because my fuel is astronomical. They can’t replace it or replicate it. He will suffer without me. He wanted to die without me
Anyway I don’t think he’s a Narcissist. He’s only Narcissistic. HG was wrong on the Narc detector. (Emotional T again)
He’s just into bdsm (choking etc) but he’s empathic. He’s an empath. (Emotional T)
I believe all these thoughts but at the same time I know they might be wrong and confused
The good news, Whitney, is that you recognize emotional thinking. The bad news is you know he is a narcissist (according to HG) and you’re letting your ET overtake you. I’m only saying that because you already know it. You’re a smart girl. And ET does make us very confused. I’m glad you told us the thoughts your emotional thinking is generating. They make sense to anyone who has ever been entangled with a narcissist. Deny, deny, deny … that anything is wrong, that they are treating us badly, that we could do better. I know you don’t want to believe any of these things. All I can say right now is that I hope you keep coming back and eventually take hold of HGs advice. Your fuel might be potent now, but if HG is right (and I’m sure he is) it’s potency will wane. Either way, we will be here for you <3
Hey Witney,
If you have done the NDC and HG has confirmed this guy is a narcissist then he’s not an empath, narcissistic or normal. You are with a narcissist.
You could be a supertanker of fuel, the disengagement triggers might never occur but what are you losing in the meantime? What are you giving up for him? What situations are you placing yourself in? It sounds like you are laying down thinking this is all there is and this is what you are designed to do. It isn’t. You deserve better and you can have better.
Emotional Thinking is horrible. It drains and sends us round and round in circles so we can’t think clearly and we don’t react as we should. He’s all around you and your ET has to be sky high. Are you able to stay with a friend, family maybe, just for a week or two to allow yourself some space and time to yourself?
This is awful.
Rereading this, still awful but it fits my ex to a tee, absolutely perfectly. And now I understand more why things were as they were with him.