Regrets
Dr E explained that he wanted to discuss with me the issue of regret.
“Have you ever regretted anything?” he asked.
“No,” I answered promptly.
“I see. What do you understand by regret?”
“It is a feeling of sadness or perhaps disappointment over something that you have done or failed to do.”
“When have you experienced that feeling?” he asked.
“I haven’t.”
“If I tell you that most people have regrets, which ones would you remember?”
“Which of their regrets would I remember?” I asked. He looked up at me over the top of his red and black note pad and raised his eyebrows.
“I haven’t had any,” I repeated.
“Why do you think that is?”
“Let me see. Probably because I have had nothing to express regret about. The absence of something tends to be the reason why you have not something, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Okay. Now in your many explanations to me you have explained some of the things that you have done. Yes,” he noticed I was going to interrupt him but he kept going, “I know you detailed those at my behest and I appreciate you sharing that information with me. Those acts of commission and omission led to people feeling angry with you, hurt and upset. Would you agree?”
I nodded.
“Okay. Now I would suggest that one might feel regret at having caused those people to feel that way. Would you agree?”
“You might feel a sense of regret Dr E but I do not.”
“Why is that?”
“Why to which part? Why you might feel a sense of regret or why I do not?”
If he was irritated by my pedantry he was not showing it.
“The latter.”
“Because I am not at fault. In all those instances it is the other person’s fault.”
“How about some examples?”
“Okay. Kate’s dog went missing. Do you remember me telling you about that?” He nodded. “If she had cared for it properly and given me the attention I deserve it would not have been lost. Christopher who was fired from his position, he was incompetent. Emily kept asking me the wrong questions so that is why she was treated in that way. Sophie kept asking me what I was thinking so that is why I lost my temper and smashed her television. As for Paula, she was late so I walked off and left her to find her own way home. Do you want me to go on?”
“No, that is sufficient.”
“If people tried harder, if they were more thoughtful then this would not happen. I can do it so why not they? I will tell you why. They become weak and complacent. They think that they can not invest any energy into our relationship, whether intimate or not, any longer. If you do not feed something it will wither and die. They brought it on themselves and they are the ones at fault. My reaction was perfectly natural. I was entitled to respond the way I did. They cannot judge me, they have no jurisdiction to do so, certainly not when they let me down every single time. They bring it on themselves with their weakness and their whining, their reluctance to do what is needed, what I need. It sickens me doctor, it truly sickens me. Have you any idea how difficult it is to find someone who retains my interest, someone scintillating enough to match my brilliance? It is impossible. I try Dr E, I bloody well try to I offer them the world in the hope that just this once they will match my expectations and not let me down. It always happens. I am always let down. She did it the first time and then it happened again and now it is repeated. Why? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve being treated like this? I regret nothing doctor because nothing is my fault.”
29 thoughts on “Regrets”
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TS, “Cant imagine them getting away with the debauchery now that they did then. Shame really” – absolutely. It’s all “Health & Safety” related these days 😉
That was such a loaded question, it would irritate me too I think. If it was genuine, the question would be more along the lines of, ‘What’s your greatest regret?’ The assumption being that all people have regrets in some form or another. To word it the other way suggested Dr E already expected the answer in the negative and that would get my back up straight away. Maybe that’s just me but Dr E does seem to bring on the obtuse responses himself.
Regret isn’t just about accepting culpability anyway. Most people can express regret without having to take responsibility for the source of the regret. I regret not having gone on safari before my kids were born. That doesn’t mean that not going on safari was a poor decision. It was a sensible decision. Time done again though I’d have had one of those fancy safari tents with rugs, a chandelier and a gourmet chef. (kidding but you get the general gist)
Dr E is very obvious in his wording I think. HG is not going to accept culpability for anything but that does not necessarily mean that there aren’t amendments he would make to his past decisions or behaviours now that he has the benefit of hindsight. Opportunities he would perhaps like to revisit etc. That would make for a far more interesting conversation.
TS, great comment. This is much easier for me to consider than “regrets”. So much easier. And, I love your example, that was a dream I had also, now, likely not to happen. But, now I’m ok with it. But guess what? Snow is expected here tomorrow!! So I will be thinking about being in Africa on safari!! 🙂
Snow! Wow, that’s late late!
The leaves are all fully back on the trees here and I was walking Ralph last night and smelt cut grass for the first time this year. I absolutely love this time of year.
You’ll laugh at this, but I’ve been retraining Ralph recently. He’s very protective, barks at men quite a lot when we walk. Pulls on the leash too. So I’m consistently working on it. Ralph and I adore each other but he is stubborn like his mama!
There’s a dog trainer called Cesar Millan. He has a YouTube Channel. I love watching him. It isn’t just the training aspect, it’s just the spirit of the guy I totally subscribe to his overall methodology. It’s very transferable to other aspects of life too. I think you might like him if you haven’t seen him already. He did a two parter with Molly Burke. ‘Can You Trust Animals Without Sight?’ If you get some free time, have a look at it. I think you’ll really like his thinking, his overall approach to life. That two parter is a real feel good story.
I’m certain that this guy is an empath. If HG calls narc on him, this might be a fit pitching event! haha.
Hey TS, I used to watch Cesar on TV. There’s a female in UK (i don’t think she does this any more) but I thought she was sassy – Victoria Stilwell – I think you’d like her (laughing). Is she an N or an E?
Laughing at your last sentence….. in my view, I don’t think Cesar is 🙂
TS, yes, very late for snow but we’ve had it in June before, not frequently of course, but not impossible. I remember a couple of summers with hardly any leaves on the trees because of late hard frosts. I just bought flowers for pots two days ago, to plant over this weekend. And then it’s up to 100 sometimes and so humid you think you’ll melt. Rather like living with a narcissist, all over the place. Haha. This is my favorite time of year and my son just put a rope on a tree branch for me so that now I can sit out there in my hammock chair and read/write here on the blog! I’m super excited, but it has to warm up a bit first.
Anyway, I think you’re talking about the dog whisperer? I’m going to check that out! If it is him, he is great! I haven’t known where to find him though for a long time. I did hear some nasty stuff about him, a few years ago, so I think he could be a narc. But still great with dogs. He’s going on my next narc bullet submission now, thank you, I hope he’s not one too!
Ralph is a great name for a dog. I hope your training goes well, our Chihuahuas failed obedience school, haha, but they’re so tiny they can’t pull us.
AV yes, that’s him the dog whisperer. I’m whispering to Ralph quite a lot but he seems to be more interested in where his next dog treat is coming from. Either that or his dinosaur one of the two. Laughing at the rebellious Chihuahuas. Bless your son for sorting you a hammock. Reading outside in summer is perfect.
I need to make a narc bullet list. People pop into my head then I forget. I need to come up with some obscure ones just for giggles. I do have Alexander Skaarsgard (spelt correctly), Oprah, Martin Gore, Hugh Dancy (stand in for Alexander) Mads Mikkelsen and Cesar. Think that’s it just now. Are we allowed to say who is on our list? Guess I’ll find out! If my list turns into all the characters off Rainbow then I’ll know we aren’t haha!
A few of yours are also a few of mine. I think it’d okay to say who we’re putting on as long as we don’t say what HG tells us about them. I’m always trying to come up with obscure ones but they also have to interest me in some way. So in order to get my last list in as I was very excited about a couple of them, I threw a couple of easy ones on the end. Haha! Still interesting though!
Yeah, I can’t wait until it warms up to sit outside and read!
Asp Emp,
I’ll look up Victoria Stilwell. Appropriate surname she has there. Remember Barbara Woodhouse? ‘SiTT!’ Gawd poor Barbara would probably be reported now! Was she a Spitting Image character too? Seem to remember her in puppet form for some reason.
Tell you what I watched the other night, ‘Drop The Dead Donkey’ the guy who reported on tragedies who included the ‘child’s teddy bear’ in all his reports, that tickled me. Should I stop now? Yes I’ll stop now ha ha!
Headed out to the pub to watch City shortly. Team trip. Fingers crossed HG, hoping for a fuel fest for you, and the ability to still stand up for me!
Hey TS, yeah, Victoria was interesting to watch – I did not give you any more details cos I wanted you to look her up, then make comments…… what I will say is, the only thing she is missing, is a whip (laughing). You will get it what I mean…..
Ah, bloody hell, Barbara Woodhouse was scary. I recall her very well – she appeared on Blue Peter and I have never ever forgotten that one scene where she shouts “SITT!!”, with her arm indicating to the dog to sit – that dog sat so bloody quick….. LOL.
Drop The Dead Donkey….. LOL, I used to watch that too.
Hope the night out was good. How many red flags did you collect? 😉 (laughing).
Hey Asp,
Victoria, I recognise her from somewhere, not sure what I’ve seen her in before. I’ll take a wild guess and say she’s definitely not northern. I think Ralph might be a touch rough and ready for Victoria. Ralph’s a dog’s dog, calls a spade a spade haha!
No red flags spotted! We were seated at a table by the screen in a group. I’m pretty much narc proof these days, I have chosen my path and won’t be deviating from it. As long as I stay offline, no private messaging etc, I’ll be next to impossible to get at.
City did a City. If you are a City fan, you know what that means!
TS, you recognise her ?? You’d be surprised…. she’d have your Ralph sorted out pretty quick!
One of the secrets about training dogs is in the voice and the commands. Ok, my dog was pre-trained when I got her but she was still young and still needed continued ‘training’. The placement officer of the organisation (where I got the dog from) said I should consider becoming a dog trainer as I had the voice and the right attitude to train dogs (I am laughing as I type this….LOL).
No red flags – that’s good. Yes, sticking with a positive mind gives better ‘control’ of what you need to do for yourself.
So, what is “City did a City”? I have to admit, it does sound a bit, rude. But that’s me, my mind LOL. They scored?
Asp,
Yes, vaguely. I think I might have seen her on tv when I visited from the US a few years ago. Must have been a dog show I assume.
She reminding you of a Miss Whiplash? I’ll watch her a bit more haha. Could do with dialling up my dominatrix side.
Yes, City did a City means really that we should have hammered them as we are the better team. Sometimes though, we just don’t show up. We didn’t show up on Saturday. Only started playing in the last 15 minutes. We need rid of Sterling and Stones is rubbish. There we are, sorted. Pep, get on with it!
TS, “She reminding you of a Miss Whiplash?” – No!!! When I watched her on tv – she always wore black, black skinny jeans tucked into her knee high boots, hair always tied back in a ponytail, came across as a sassy & bossy dog trainer – not a dog show! Hahah, just reading back those words! LOL. Her tv series was called (wait for it, you’ll love it! LOL). “It’s Me Or The Dog”….. laughing. Having said that she was very effective at the dog training…. as for the dominatrix – you’ll have to her directly 😉
Ah, I get it. Yeah, I’ve seen the same sort of “reluctance” to play properly during the World Cup – some teams play very very dirty – I think it was Panama team – bloody hell, I was so wound up, Refs can be so blind and I end up shouting at the TV (LOL)! I really enjoy the World Cup games.
Asp,
Me too. Absolutely love the World Cup. The office I worked in in Nottingham put screens up in two conference rooms. Everything ground to a halt when England played. They laid on beers after 5 pm and bacon sandwiches before 9 am haha! That place was nuts, in terms of team camaraderie they nailed it. Big drinking culture. Being able to drink all night was part of the job description pretty much. Cant imagine them getting away with the debauchery now that they did then. Shame really.
Lord hg do i av to pay to listen to this regret vid or can i listen to it on ur u tube channel for free man? Great song “regret” to by New Order in 1992, if u like the manchestor band that is.
Great song and great band, I agree.
Their blog i thought i was talking to hg on ere? I’m braindead with technology mind, and I’m Welsh to, so being thick cums natural to me, ha ha ha lol.
Countalexula, I am not sure if there is a specific video on the above article, however HG has done a number of videos in relation to narcissists and regret – below is a couple if links, more can be found on his YouTube channel (if you type ‘regrets’ into Search it brings up a list). Hope this helps 🙂
When Regret Visits The Narcissist
How To Make the Narcissist Regret Losing You
Commenting on this article previously, “It’s about ‘reassurance’. Reassurance that you won’t be ‘let down’. Reassurance is a BIG word. Trust is also a BIG word. People don’t ‘get it’ unless they experience it”
“If you do not feed something it will wither and die” – reminded me of a social media post made in relation to children not given love and care by parents, leading to issues in relationships in later life. Hence narcissism becoming prevalent within some individuals and possibly causing early ‘unaware’ experiences of eroded empathy / dissociation in others (empaths). Some people do NOT deserve to be parents and that is my Logical Thinking. It is also partly why I decided I will not become a parent myself. I do not regret that decision.
Asp Emp, Parenting is a STAGGERING responsibility 😱 I respect your knowing yourself well enough to understand it’s not for you. I was a very young wife & mother and I have so many regrets nothing too serious -but I really wish I had been a more mature person. I feel like I grew up with my children, they got the benefit of a young fun mother , but I wish I had been wiser and more thoughtful. Wouldnt it be nice to have a “do over” for those times ?
Eliza, I would not say that I knew myself when I was 18 years old. It was more instinctual response from the childhood before mentally and voicing my decision based on the LOCE, traumas and then not being at home – too many upheavals. I understand what you mean “do over” for those times – the only knowledge I did not have, was knowing about narcissism, nor about Aspergers – I was just left to my own “resources” and be made to feel there was something “wrong” with me – now I no longer ‘harbour’ as much as I did for a whole life-time.
Asp Emp, I agree, some people don’t deserve to be parents. And shouldn’t be. Thinking of my own parents here of course. Not that I hate my life, not at all, but they really weren’t cut out for parenting. That’s all. They definitely caused the dissociation, the addiction, in at least one of their children. And I have now passed it down to some of mine. I did get one daughter to agree to do the EDC though!! Super excited about that!!
AV, brilliant about your daughter RE: EDC 🙂
apparently us Heyoka Empaths “don’t exist and r a myth” according to His Grace the Lord HG. But i can assure u we do exist, we can reveal ourselves online just like hg does cos u don’t know who we r and can’t hurt us. But in public we rarely reveal ourselves. Saint Anger.
Unaware narcissists.
I would, really, but I have a headache.
Haha, this is funny. I would not, headache or not. 🙂
Sometimes you provide us with a learning lesson you didn’t even have to plan HG. Smh